Basements & Beards- Analogue Gaming Thread

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Oh, they let you pay in "favors"...

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

WotC parasites getting sacked

With the core 5.5e books out to a resounding "meh", it is dime to downsize the D&D team for some artifical profit!
The next people on the chopping block are Jess Lanzillo (a senior at the D&D department who made it up to vice-president last year) and Todd Kenreck (who uploaded some D&D-related videos or something). And nothing of value was lost.

But wait, there's more! two 5.x devs have moved over to Darrington Press of Critical Role fame, which released such cash grabs as Candela Obscura (aka I Can't Believe It's Not Blades In The Dark) and the recent Daggerheart (aka 13th Age with Combat Wheelchairs).
The two turncoats in question are Chris Perkins and Jeremy Crawford.
Perkins is a real SJW ally who among other things implemented a shadow cabal of "sensitivity editors" that has to approve ever bit of art of text before it can get printed. He also said a lot of cringy shit, like how he wants D&D elves to be the "elfiest elves".
Crawford is a hack designer whose answers to rules questions are often so worthless you're better off doing the opposite of what he suggested. He also erased half-races from 5.5 on the basis of them being too "racist".

Why did Darrington Press hire these yokels, especially after they've just released a new game? Either they're hoping to drum up interest for Daggerheart supplements, or they're already dreaming of making their next game, probably an attempt to make yet another true-and-honest 5e successor

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

A double post for great lulz.

What would you say is the ideal Star Wars tabletop RPG?

• The D6 version by West End Games, the most long-running one which actually helped shape the old Extended Universe, with a dedicated fan community that has kept it up-to-date to support stuff like the Clone Wars and Old Republic eras that didn't even exist when the RPG line ended?
• The various d20 versions by WotC, which required like three attempts before it actually got decent?
• The one by Fantasy Flight Games with the weird proprietary dice?
• The always reliable Savage Worlds, especially with the Sci-Fi Companion that does most of the work for you?
• Or how about a fork of an Apocalypse World fork?!

Galactic & Going Rouge
[Archive]

Who's your favorite character? I'm kinda torn between the green-haired Steven Universe character next to Black Leia, and the tanned Lupin III on the far right.

So this is a third edition for two different RPGs which are no mashed into one - because they're effectively the same game, but because the dum Powered by the Apocalypse are so autistically focused on telling one type of story they were split in two before:

• Galactic is just Star Wars, except shit.
• Going Rogue is also Star Wars - but it's based on Rogue One so the PCs are effectively doomed to die for the Greater Good. Okay.

The lawyer-friendly replacement terms for various Star Wars concepts are pretty anemic: You are brave freedom fighters of The Liberation, resisting against the fascist regime of The Mandate, and maybe one of you guys is one with The Space Between. Color me underwhelmed.

The Playbooks aka classes are, in true narrative nonsense fashion, effectively premade characters directly ripped from the source material the game is ripping off. I remember fuck all about Rogue One, so let's just check the Playbooks for the more generic Not-Star-Wars:

• THE ACE, a skilled pilot. Their power comes from their agility, conviction, and nerve.
• THE NOVA, attuned to the Space Between. Their power comes from their emotion, focus, and intuition.
• THE DEFECTOR, who used to work for The Mandate, but got out. Their power comes from their compassion, determination, and will to change.
• THE DIPLOMAT, who has a position of power or influence in the galaxy. Their power comes from their leadership, negotiation, and strategy.
• THE SCOUNDREL, a member of the underbelly of the galaxy. Their power comes from their connections, recklessness, and criminal history.
• THE MECHANIC, a fixer. Their power comes from their mechanical knowledge, drive, and insight.

So we have Luke/Han/Poe, Another Luke, Finn, Leia, Another Hand and Chewie. Cool.

Then there's a separate duelling mini-game, because anything even remotely based on Apocalypse World sucks balls at combat.

I can't help but wonder if this is some reference to Dueling Blades, a popular D6 hack originally written to allow for more cinematic lightsaber duels.

We are also blessed with an "Inspirations" list in the form of a coordinate system, which honestly just serves to confuse the fuck out of me:

No, I have no idea what most of this shit is.

But I'm sure you're all here for a glimpse at the star-studded production team.

How about a Jewish lesbian marxist of unclear gender who will gladly admit to be obsessed about lesbians, and that that her very existence is perpetuating the imperialism suffered by the American indigenous people?


Or a quirky goth who is not PUR?


Or an unfortunate Asian brainrotted by Western culture?


Or someone claiming to be "multiple-marginalized", for when you need to point out that you are more marginalized than other marginalized people?


Or the newest attempt at a gender-natural term for "Latino/Latina"?


Or a cripple/retard (I can never quite tell with these people) who has already made a bunch of dumb narrative bullshit games?


Or my personal favorite: mirror pronouns!

Mirrored pronouns, or mirrorpronomial, refers to someone who identifies with the pronouns of the individual referring to them.

That doesn't sound obnoxious at all.
Also what does happen when two mirror-pronoun-fags have to talk about each other?

[Old Black Man]

You can find them all at nazi free sky! One is such a troon that they only have an avatar and not a real photo!

[Complicity]

>dusty is a latine ttrpg performer, designer and

Child molester.

>nala j. wu is a proud multiple-marginalized art director

She was banned by several fast food chains, after the way she eats was legally recognized as indecent exposure.

>jess levine is an author, ttrpg designer, kindergarten teacher and communist organizer

Lock her up.

>aki is a queer, 1st generation asian-Cucknadian ennie winning writer

You are as Asian as Holly BrownBag, bitch.
And i assume "ENNIE" is a hot dog eating competition.

>satah is a goth alien cyborg

You are a femcel who smells of cat piss.

[wulfenlord]

>lesbian marxist Kindergarten teacher
Might just look up which Kindergarten later.


I think of myself very fluent in english, but this? Piloting the Animal? Music-adjacent sounds? What pills do I need to pop to understand any of this garbage?

And i assume "ENNIE" is a cock eating competition.

>nala j. wu is a proud multiple-marginalized art director

She was banned by several fast food chains, after the way she eats was legally recognized as indecent exposure.

Pure poetry. And I can tell how she has multiple marginalizations along multiple extra chromosomes, no need to spell it out.

>Itaewon by night
Great, a Vampire LARPer, The original red flags of the gaming community.



I can certainly see the horror. Into the folder of You literally can't tell it goes.



Mother of God, the creepy stare makes me think she will crawl out of my mirror and drain my privilege like Sadako.

Also what does happen when two mirror-pronoun-fags have to talk about each other?

They have to cross the streams then.



Fuck! I thought SJ Games were free from the curse, time to adjust my boycott chart. And I don't trust anyone with a Gorillaz artstyle (maybe Midna uwu).



>with his wife
Sure. Either """she""" has an adam's apple, or I want his hard drives searched.

"If you'll excuse me, I'll be in my lab". *wink wonk*

I don't feel safe. I DON'T FEEL SAFE!


Found the best nugget last:

Jess & Riley are both Jewish creators with a deep commitment to solidarity with Palestinians, and as such ardent supporters of the Palestinian-led Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions movement against Israeli genocide. We take inspiration from many Star Wars properties in our games, and while we do not use any actual Disney or Star Wars IP, we still feel it would be irresponsible not to note that the Disney+ platform upon which many Star Wars movies and television shows are hosted was recently placed the BDS priority boycott targets list. While we share excitement for many Star Wars shows, Jess & Riley do not support or condone subscribing to Disney+ to watch this season of Andor or any other Star Wars properties.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

How the fuck did I miss the kindergarten bit ?

>Jess & Riley do not support or condone subscribing to Disney+ to watch this season of Andor or any other Star Wars properties.
It sure sucks when the owners of the IP you're blatantly ripping off does wrongthink. This is almost as embarrassing as making Not-Harry-Potter.

Fuck! I thought SJ Games were free from the curse, time to adjust my boycott chart. And I don't trust anyone with a Gorillaz artstyle (maybe Midna uwu).

If anything it's getting worse. I think recently they went full Trump Derangement Syndrome, making post after post whining about tariffs

And i assume "ENNIE" is a hot dog eating competition.

It's just about the biggest tabletop RPG award around - by virtue of being pretty much the only one.
It's pretty forgettable, not just because no one gives a shit about awards anymore, but also because the whole gig is about awarding woketards for being woketards.

But hey, it's been a while since I've sperged about the ENNIE. Let's see if there are new horrors to facepalm over!

The ENNIE spectacular

I think the last time I covered this was for 2022, and they only had the nominations for that year. But fuck it, let's look at the most recent group of winners. I might tackle the winners for 2022 and 2023 later but if I do it now this post will never end.

(I'm only gonna cover the Gold winners, unless the Silver one is particularly notable.)

2024 WinnersShow

Best Adventure - Long Form: Delta Green: God's Teeth
Hey, it's that awkward af Delta Green campaign about busting an occult pedophile ring - where the book goes out of its way to censor itself to the point that nothing is ever properly described (up to including having to guess the pedophilia from context).

GM: "So you find a laptop full of videos."
Player: "What kind of videos?"
GM: "I can't tell you."
Player: "Really?"
GM: "If you want I could give you an accurate description of the cultists shown in the videos, but I literally can't tell you what these videos are actually about."

This is what happens if you play this as written.
JFC, I know they couldn't give you a blow-by-blow of every video, but would it kill them to just say "It's cheese pizza"?

Best Adventure: Eat The Reich


Best Aid/Accessory - Digital: LegendKeeper
It's one of those campaign manager sites that are quite popular. Looks kinda nice, actually.

Best Aid/Accessory - Non-Digital: Arkham Investigator’s Wallet


100 dollars. I hope you love physical props.

Best Art, Cover: Eat The Reich


Bullshit.

Best Art, Interior: Eat The Reich


Bullshit.

Best Cartography: Dragonbane Core Set

Only cartography? This game deserves the Best Art awards a lot more than Eat The Fucking Reich:



Best Community Content: Call of Cthulhu: Los Hobos and the Wolves of Carcosa

February of 1935 – It's the height of the Great Depression, and a group of hobos agree to transport a mysterious package from the US to Mexico, unaware that they're being hunted by a horde of preternatural wolves, a tenacious detective, a maniacal luchador, sinister fishmen, a fanatical carny, and a seductive snake woman cultist, each with their own deadly intentions.

I love how these awards can never avoid Cthulhushit.

Best Family Game / Product: BREAK!! Tabletop RPG


Oh, this game. Basically a modern fantasy heartbreaker. The art is all over the fucking place. You'd think it'd be all uwu animu art, but the actual art for the actual playable races can get Uncanny Valley af. I mean, just look at this Slenderelf on the right:

(The dwarves also kinda look like the witches from Spirited Away for some reason. Fucking disgusting.)

I also wouldn't call it a family game because the combat is surprisingly gruesome and gritty. They even list Berserk as one of the influences, and a very good - and funny - way to summarize this game's tonal dissonance is "Berserk starring Donald Duck".

Who won Silver, anyways?

If I Were a Lich, Man is a trilogy of funny Jewish roleplaying games about creative resistance against authoritarianism. The villains in the stories of our oppressors become the heroes in our play.

Ooookay...

Rivers of London: The Domestic: The Domestic - Rivers of London RPG Solo
What the fuck is Rivers of London? Since when does Chaosium do some milquetoast CoC alternative?

Best Game: Shadowdark RPG
It's that OSR game where torches burn in real-time. Amazing.

Best Layout and Design: Shadowdark RPG
You can tell everyone as crazy about Basic D&D clone #9374 that year.

Best Monster/Adversary: Tie!
It's a tie between MONSTROUS and Warhammer 40,000 Wrath / Glory Threat Assessment Xenos.
Personally I would've given Gold to the Warhammer book because it isn't system-agnostic and has actual statblocks for the monsters.

Best Online Content: Alexandrian
Actually The Alexandrian. It's a rather neat site about RPG sperging, usually about D&D. Not sure why it's getting an award now since the site has been up for decades.

Best Production Values: Arkham Investigator’s Wallet
It's that 100 dollar wallet again.

Best RPG Related Product: So You Want to Be a Game Master: Everything You Need to Start Your Tabletop Adventure for Dungeons and Dragons, Pathfinder, and Other Systems
I'm pretty sure the title is supposed to be just "So You Want to Be a Game Master", but sure, go and make it a Light Novel title.
It's by The Alexandrian dude btw, so it might just be worth checking out.

Best Rules: Shadowdark RPG


I dunno what's funnier: That the real-time torches won Gold here, or that Pathfinder's 2.5 core book has to content with 2nd place.

Best Setting: Pathfinder Lost Omens: Tian Xia World Guide
No you might think you can't go wrong with putting Not-Asia in your D&D setting, but this is the cover they've chosen:

(What's with the giraffe neck in the lower left?)

Best Streaming Content: The Party
I think it's some Actual Play shit? They do that Critical Role thing where every thumbnail has them pose like soyfaced tryhards, so I'll pass.

Best Supplement: ALIEN RPG – Building Better Worlds
Free League Publishing might not actually own 90+% of the IPs they publish, but they sure make nice books for them.

Best Writing: Call of Cthulhu: Alone Against the Static
Lovecraft wins once again - but really? This is a solo adventure. It's like one step removed from just reading a bloody book.

Product of the Year: Shadowdark RPG
Yeah yeah, I get it. Shadowdark was the hottest thing since the last hottest thing (which was Old-School Essentials I think).

Publisher of the Year: Free League Publishing
Refer to me sperging about the Alien RPG.
Though I might add they will be kinda fucked once they lose their various licenses.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

BREAKING NEWS
Woke Raider is cancelled!

Sad news: we are canceling the Tomb Raider RPG project. Due to creative differences we couldn’t get our vision to gel with the licensor’s, so we’ve chosen to part ways.

Even Square-Enix thought your take is fucking retarded

The stellar team designing this game put their hearts into making this an exciting, dynamic RPG of adventure and exploration.

We’re proud of the work they’ve done and we plan to retool the project as a standalone game with a fresh, original setting. You haven’t seen the last of it.

Figured you'd try to pull this off. Just make a new Kickstarter for your totally original idea and say it is merely inspired by Tomb Raider. And probably Uncharted.
Also Ghibli. Tumblr RPGs are always inspired by Ghibli for some fucking reason.

[Complicity]

Aren't these the same clowns behind Thirsty Scissoring Paper Cutters, aka the grifters who pretty much admitted they don't make money with sales, but by fleecing troons on KickScammer?

[wulfenlord]

>Creative differences == we hate each others guts (someone in our polycule has comitted wrongthink, or a very minor minor-aggression at the gaming table)
>The stellar team is proud of the work and will retool == We're schizos with the hopes that Squeenix won't sue if we file off enough numbers

The ENNIE craptacular

Further proof that those mongoloids have no grounds calling any criticism obsessed with them. I also forgot they existed.