The Angel Armor Saga by Lewis "The Lightbringer" Lovhaug

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VoiceOfReasonPast
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Re: The Angel Armor Saga by Lewis "The Lightbringer" Lovhaug

Post by VoiceOfReasonPast » Mon Apr 21, 2025 8:51 pm

Book 3, Chapter 14 - The Times Between
(Or: Knight Hunter E)


(I bet you thought this was gonna be that lame John Lennon song.)

So I guess we're already leaving the wonderful Murderland to have peace negotations with the von Peasantkickings. Boy, I sure hope they're reasonable cartoonishly-evil tyrants and won't cause this Plan A to blow up in their faces.

"Remember when Rain got killed?" Count: 13
"Remember when Indow got raped?" Count: 9
"Baddies Never Smile" Count: 17

And always remember: Linkara (the author) considers this his masterpiece.
RecapShow
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(What our heroes should be thinking, but I'm getting a bit ahead of myself.)

I think I'm gonna have to split this up into the general plot and all the other shit, otherwise this will get even more confusing and incoherent.

The Plot
So the fellowship enters Olac, the capitol of Murderland. And for absolutely no reason, we are blessed with a White-Raven-style overexplanation of Hirode's backstory.
Long story short, her literally insane mother performed an abortion with a knife on her because she got preggers from being raped at the tender age of twelve. Funny how Indow never had to deal with pregnancies during her various orgies. I blame magic and/or catgirl DNA.

They meet up with Enrike again, who informs them that the reason Total Thief Death has been enacted in Peasantkicking is because some rookie thief got caught and broke under torture. Somehow our heroes are shocked and amazed at the existence of a Thieves' Guild while standing in the capitol of an entire country run by assassins.
Of course the logical course of action for these even more outlawed outlaws is to join forces with the assassins and plan a hostile takeover of Peasantkicking. They have a problem, however: They can't hope to defeat the enemy on the battlefield because they've spent all their time and resources on training glorified acrobats with knives, instead of dudes who can hold spears and move in formation. But they also can't wait until the apparently inevitable economic collapse of the country because the assassins don't know how to handle anarchies or something. It's a terrible way to create tension, basically.
Instead they plan a revolution involving fifth columnists from Peasantkicking itself, which will somehow result in a different kind of bloody violence than the economic collapse would generate. But their main plan is to have peace negotations first, because those can't possibly go wrong.

Linkara finally returns to a semblance of his previous self and starts giving a shit again about the plot once he finds out that the crystals are in another castle have not been stolen by the assassins after all. We get some classic "Face of an ANGRY GOD" whining from him, which I find a bit baffling because these assassins have literally no reason to give a shit about how bad of a day he's had. Luckily his shocking display of cringe at least convinces them to let him squat in their place I guess. This should probably keep him content for a week or so until he starts bitching about the food again.

His nap is interrupted by some assassin, who somehow manages to put up a decent fight against the guy with superhuman strength and endurance and magical armor that will shock anyone who touches him. I suspect a contrived excuse for him to bring back the fan favorite crotch kick from Book 1.
The assassin turns out to be some teenager who is obviously mind-controlled/possessed by Thesia or one of her Shadow Nazgul. He quickly reminds everyone about the red herring that is this demon overlord and then breaks his own neck or spine.
I'm not entirely sure what Thesia is hoping to get out of this ruse. Linkara continues to not give a shit. In fact he's only mildly annoyed that someone tried to kill him and then committed suicide in a most unnatural way. Fucking sociopath, man.
Though even worse is that no one else gives a shit. As far as they know demons will overrun Sin in a couple of months or so, and their best trump card has decided that it's none of his fucking business. And nobody is worried.

The Subplot

Gyaru Casca is apparently thrilled at the discipline showcased by the assasins, which is rich coming from the chick who thinks it's normal to try and kill your superior any chance you get.
She also dreams about the Kienian army having this kind of discipline. If you ask me their main issue is an image problem, what with the army apparently being a dumping ground for losers and undesirables.

In order to have something to do this book, she meets up with Hirode and challenges her to a sparring match - which on Sin apparently means "They are literally trying to kill each other".
Besides their dumb animu duel, they also have a dumb duel of words were they throw their nonsensical philosophies at each other until they gain a mutual understanding as fellow crazy bitches. I hope they make out eventually.

Also she is shocked and amazed to realize that assassins are kinda like murderers. At least I got a slight chuckle out of that one.

The Murderland Iceberg explained
Holy shit this country is a hot mess. It's like at least 4 mutually exclusive concepts mixed into a blender or something. JFC. WTF, even. I'm pretty sure the editor has abandoned the project before Linkara wrote this chapter, 'cause I can't imagine this getting any kind of seal of approval by someone who is not Linkara (the author).

Even without the worldbuilding issues I'm gonna rant about soon, there's the main issue that the assassins are the third most evil faction so far in this series.
Their entire country revolves around training and managing hired killers.
They apparently have thousands of them. All over the world. Dunno how long an assignment usually takes, but I'd say it's fair to assume that at least one person dies every day because of these guys.
And our heroes think they're cool.
Oh sure, they allegedly only kill important people if it benefits the Greater Good (tm). But they also need the money, assassins are usually not hired by very nice people, and they allegedly can't - or don't want to - tard wrangle their own people. Also Hirode's ramblings about their life philosophy sound like the manifesto of a serial killer.
It's safe to assume their brand of ethical terrorism is bullshit, is what I'm getting at.

The description of their capitol is confusing af. At first it appears to be some kind of military/concentration camp with lots of trees. Then they have trees big enough to carve buildings out of them. And then it turns out the trees are the size of the fucking Mana Tree because they have literal tree houses and branches big enough to have dumb animu duels on them without fear of falling down.
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(A typical assassin building)

And the reason they live in these jumbo trees is because that's easier for them than just building fucking houses - when in fact this only adds more work because now you need an elaborate system of lifts to get anything into those rooms. Or at least anything not directly carved out of those trees.

Having an entire country run on nothing but assassinations is pretty fucking weird, but it gets even dumber when we find out that they literally do nothing but assassinations and have to import everything. And I mean everything. Even food. They can't even grow their own crops because their soil is some very special kind of fucked up in that apparently only shit that can't support human life grows there, like those trees. And they don't herd sheep or similar critters because either they're too cool for dirty peasant work, or the grass is poisonous. Who knows. It's never brought up.
So they have keep the entire country fed using nothing but imports.
Imports who apparently have to come by land, because if they actually bordered on water they could at least try to fish. Unless that's also not cool enough for them.
Imports who have to use an infrastructure that doesn't exist because the assassins don't care about roads.
And then they have those multi-story tree complexes that make storing and distributing those imports extra annyoing.
This shit don't work, and I have no reason why it is even here to begin with. It just makes everything more confusing. I guess Linkara (the author) thought the assassins wouldn't be cool revolutionaries if they still had to rely on farmers - which they still do, just not native ones.

The assassin's government structure is a load of bullshit as well. It's some kind of commie or ancap utopia, where there's no actual people in charge (good luck keeping everyone fed), everyone votes on what to do (what about the thousands of assassins killing people all over the world?), and everyone can do whatever they want.
Except they can't. This is Murderland, where your only jobs are "assassin", "pencil pusher for assassins" and "scientist who has to figure out why the soil makes no sense". Also you're typically trained as an assassin the minute you can walk, so there's probably a lot of indoctrination going on.
There's no way you can tell me that everyone is 100% on board with being an assassin in this grand wonderland where everyone can follow their own path towards personal fulfilment and happiness. People don't work like that.

And then there's the philosophical nonsense between Gyaru Casca and Hirode.
Warriors only care about winning and honor? Who doesn't want to win, especially if the alternative is fleeing at best and dying at worst? Also winning and honor don't necessarily go along, as winning might require some less honorable means.
Assassins only care about killing? No? What you should care about is fulfilling your contract - a sort of winning by killing, if you will.

Worldbuilding tidbits
  • The people of Sin don't know how to preserve meat. I assume Linkara (the author) didn't know how people did it before the invention of freezers.
  • The buildings of Olca employ various kinds of sitting furniture. We don't know how they look like, but I bet they are great places to use your writing devices on.
ChapterShow
Because the assassins didn't trust the Sam Tun Fahl Royal Family to simply allow Louis and his group back into their land without military escort, it was decided that they would not travel from Danab back directly into Sam Tun Fahl. Instead, they would travel to a land that was adjacent to both Danab and Sam Tun Fahl - Lahren. Lahren, although having more surface area than both Danab and Sam Tun Fahl combined, lacked military and technological strength. They were told that they would only encounter difficulties if they went into villages and towns with Indow, since magic-users were forbidden to enter the land. Fortunately, since they didn't plan on stopping in any place where there were lots of people, the group didn't expect any trouble.

The days following the attempted assassination were uneventful. The assassins massed for war in case Louis' negotiations failed. Louis and the others planned their route through Lahren. The capitol city of Sam Tun Fahl had been renamed Lithmenar eighteen years ago by the royal family to honor the birth of their son. However, after two years had passed since his disappearance, they had made the city's name Selmonar again, something that made Lithmenar more than a little pleased. After he had left Sam Tun Fahl, he had opted for a more discreet life of crime without anyone knowing of his heritage. Having an entire city named after you wasn't exactly something inconspicuous.

Halfway to the city, the group had found an inn along the dirt roads for them to stay the night. It was unusually large for such a remote place, possessing two stories and a tavern. However, the party was more than content to sleep there as opposed to the ground, although Lithmenar complained about it at first. The assassins, fortunately, were more than generous in handing out funding to the group for their expedition in case they would need it, and so there was more than enough money for accommodations at the inn.

Louis and Indow shared a room with two beds, something the innkeeper was a little confused about. However, after seeing the amount of money that they were carrying and quickly hushed up, acquiescing to anything they wanted.

Indow looked at her image in the mirror and gently brushed her long hair, smiling at the reflection that she saw.

"We should be in Selmonar in a few days. Are you sure that we won't encounter any difficulties entering Sam Tun Fahl again?" Indow asked him.

Louis nodded and replied, "We sent a message ahead of us through diplomatic courier that we were on our way to attempt to negotiate peace. Right before we left, we got a response saying that they were willing to hear us out. As such, I presume that there will be no difficulty going back into Sam Tun Fahl."

Louis sat on his bed, looking at the history book that Indow had given to him so many months ago.

"Are you sure you don't want to share the same bed? We could have a little fun before we went off tomorrow," Indow suggested, winking at him.

Louis chuckled and shook his head, still looking at the history book and only spotting her wink through peripheral vision. "Indow, as tempting at that offer is for this warm-blooded teenage male, I'm going to have to decline. You know the risks as much as I do at the moment, and after all we've been through, I'd hate to have something like an STD be the reason one of us dies. When we get to Earth, we'll check with some doctors that we can trust and see if it'll be a problem."

Indow paused, her smile fading away as she resumed brushing her hair.

"Yeah, when we get to Earth," she said in a more hushed tone.

Louis kept his eyes firmly in the history book, but he sighed, recognizing the way Indow was speaking. It confirmed his worst fears.

"You're not going back to Earth with me, are you?" he asked her.

Indow stopped brushing her hair and looked over to Louis, her face drooping in sadness. Louis gave a half smile and put down the book.

"I've been suspecting it for awhile. I know you weren't exactly keen on the idea of me leaving in the first place," he stated, his smile only going so far.

"I'm sorry, my love... It's just that I am not ready for the consequences of what would happen if our fears are right and time really is off-balance between our worlds," she explained.

Louis walked over to her and hugged her tightly. "I really do wish you were coming with me, but I understand... Hey, maybe we will consummate our love before I leave, eh?"

The two shared a brief laugh before returning to their embrace.

*

"What about Louis? Didn't he want to play, too?" White Raven asked, pulling up a chair to the table.

"I asked him, but he said he wanted to do some thinking alone for awhile," Lithmenar said as he sat at the table and began dealing the cards out to his compatriots.

Lithmenar, White Raven, Indow, and Jordahn all sat in Lithmenar's room at the table, stacks of their money sitting in front of them along with the cards that were being given to them.

"Why is this game called Poker? There's not a single bit of poking involved in it and there are no sharp edges to anything that would even resemble a poker of any sort," Jordahn pointed out as she pulled her cards up in front of her face.

"No idea. Louis actually told me that the fact that both Earth and Sin have poker is another piece of proof for the idea that we're actually in parallel universes. Ante up," Lithmenar replied as he tossed a gold coin into the center of the table.

Lithmenar looked at his cards and nodded. "Check."

"Check," White Raven announced as she looked over at Lithmenar. "Is there anything else we should know about your parents before we meet them again?"

Lithmenar shrugged. "Not much else to tell. They absolutely despise being told they're wrong. Any negotiations with them will break down right away if you tell them they're wrong about something."

"Duly noted. Check," Indow replied.

"I raise the bet to another gold coin," Jordahn said as she tossed another coin into the pile.

"I'm in for that. So am I still the only one who's accompanying the kid back to his world?" Lithmenar queried, slipping a gold coin over to the pot.

"I still wish to pursue Myrrha when this is all over with. I will also stay with this bet. You might want to consider the possibility that the negotiations will go well, Lithmenar, and that you can have the chance to rejoin your parents," White Raven suggested.

Lithmenar shook his head and gazed at his cards saying, "If Analee would not forgive them for what they did, then why in the pit should I forgive them?"

Indow shrugged her shoulders and put her cards facedown. "I will not continue this hand."

Jordahn smiled and upped the bet once more. "Well, I have changed my mind about trying to get back to the past. Lithmenar, you and I shall both be traveling to Earth. I raise again."

"Really?" Lithmenar asked as he met the bet. "You were the one who felt the most alienated among us. The kid is far away from his own home, Indow is always traveling everywhere and has little time for herself and her interests, especially considering that Louis is going home without her, White Raven hasn't had a home since the Dark Knights disbanded, and I left a life of riches and luxury to be a mangy, vagrant thief. You, however, have been constantly in a state of sorrow over the fact that you left your men in the middle of battle and you no longer are in your own time period. Louis has adjusted by being the leader of a religion. Indow is still a relatively young woman in terms of her social development and will probably get over the kid. White Raven has built a new role for herself outside of the Dark Knights. I could really care less about being a vagrant. However, you don't fit in because the world you knew has long since disappeared. Why the sudden change of heart of returning to your empire for honor and glory?"

White Raven folded, so Jordahn leaned in, grinned, and winked at Lithmenar. "Because I have come to some very simple conclusions, thief. When I was in Danab, I was confronted with what could possibly be considered my antithesis. It is to kill without honor or regard for victory. I wanted to return to my time to win glorious battles and fight an evil enemy. However, the glory of the individual cannot be given through such a war as that, where it has already happened, and the sacrifices of those who have been lost are not truly appreciated by the world. I have looked to the past to try to find myself, but I have forgotten that a Kien warrior always looks ahead for what is to come next. The assassins are caught in limbo, teetering on the edge of honor or death and unable to make a choice as to which they want. Although their methods and training are unparalleled, they do not have the true spirit for combat. Such a sight inspires me to see new things, fight new battles instead of ones in the history books, and seek new ways to improve my people and myself. Are you still in?"

Lithmenar smiled back at her and tossed a new coin into the pot. "Call.

Jordahn smiled and laid out her cards. It was a full house consisting of three jacks and a pair of twos. Lithmenar grumbled at his three eights and Jordahn laughed as she pulled the money towards herself.

*

Louis sat in the tavern section of the inn and looked thoughtfully into the glass of water in his hands. He rolled the glass to and fro in his palms, his head tilting slightly as if he saw something in the reflective liquid that got his attention. However, his thoughts were too convoluted at the moment to say that he was thinking about any one thing. Louis' mind was storing information like mad, analyzing and reanalyzing each new conclusion and fact that entered into the process. All at the same time, he was thinking of Minnesota, Indow, pizza, the assassins, his hair, television, and school. Each little bit made him sink even lower into his seat. However, his attention was diverted from his glass to the appearance of a stranger before him.

The man wore a long black coat with armored shoulder pieces, a black shirt with matching trousers, and a round black hat that covered his face. His boots and gloves were similarly colored and Louis saw that the man had a rather long sword hanging from his belt. As the man approached, Louis smiled and offered the chair in front of him to sit down. The man sat down in the chair and looked at Louis, examining him in a manner Louis had been examining the glass a moment ago.

Taking the initiative, Louis spoke first: "So, I didn't know there was an anime convention at this place. Your 'D' costume is quite convincing; you even have the broody demeanor down."

The man stared at him, confused.

Louis shook his head. "Never mind. It was a joke about the way you're dressed, and not even a particularly funny one, anyway, since nobody gets the punch line."

"Who are you?" the man asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Oh, no, I'm not telling anybody else who I am. Every time I've told someone who I am over the past month, they end up either wanting to worship me or kill me," Louis stated.

"Fair enough. I must admit, you look and sound very... bizzare."

Louis chuckled. "Yeah, I get that a lot. What are you doing in this neck of the woods, smilie?"

The man ignored the comment about the fact that he wasn't smiling.

"I am fleeing an army of religious fanatics who wish to retrieve a mystical object and the witch who stole it from them. I am accompanied by the aforementioned witch and a woman who seems very... average to be a vagabond. What is your business here, if I may ask?"

Louis leaned back in his chair and stared up at the ceiling. "I'm assisting an exiled legion of thieves and a country of assassins in overthrowing a dictatorial empire by sneaking into their capitol and attempting to negotiate with them. If they refuse to give the peasants the rights that the people demand, I'm supposed to lead a violent revolution against the oppressors. I'm accompanied by a priestess, a thief, a mass murderer, and a warrior who's misplaced in time. You know, I just realized that my life has been complete and utter insanity ever since I landed on this planet. Normally, I'd swear loudly at a time like this and utter a few curse words in anger at the fact that I've been drawn into so much when I just want to get home, but I'm just sick of it."

"Do you fancy yourself a hero?" the man questioned.

Louis nodded. "Yep. You?"

The man nodded. "For the most part. I fight evil where I encounter it and oppose the strong who would harm the weak. In fact, if I were not already engaged in my own matters, it is very likely that I would join you in your quest of overthrowing these dictators you spoke of. Do you ever feel like giving up on it? I have grown rather weary lately of the constant battle."

Louis sighed. "All the time. However, I have to remember that there are bigger things at stake than my own personal wants. I, for one, am a romantic about a lot of this. I believe that, although things don't always turn out for the best, I try as hard as I can to make sure that they do. That's why I'm one of these."

"A white hat? I don't understand the reference," he said.

"If you were from where I come from, you would. Essentially it's a marker that I'm a good guy and I intend to remain as such no matter what. I like to think that everybody's got a neat little spark in 'em that wants them to do right and good with the world, no matter how seriously messed up they are. I apologize if I sound like some clichéd movie tag line, by the way."

"You are very optimistic about this profession. You haven't encountered the things that I have. You're... young."

"Darn tootin', baby. A little youthful optimism is something more people should embrace; I personally have found it to be better than the alternative."

"The alternative?"

"A twilight that refuses to accept more light out of fear and anger over things lost or what might be lost. Sure, I like the broody superhero once in awhile, but you can't just live your life in the shadows, otherwise you'll become so attached to them that you won't be able to tell the difference between them and the things you're supposed to be fighting."

"The world is not so simplistic, boy. You have not experienced all of the horrors of it and the mistakes that can arise."

"I defeated a big blob of evil by ramming myself into it like a torpedo, got sent back in time and killed without regard to circumstances in the name of vengeance, got my mind raped by some shadow thing, and have had the distinctive honor of being shot at, stabbed, betrayed, smacked around, hit, and chased around. I'm no stranger to pain or misery, my black-clad friend. I've made plenty of mistakes and ones that I feel deeply sorry about, but sometimes you just have to stick with the plan you had from the start, otherwise you get buried in a bunch of debates that have no end. I'm not saying that you shouldn't change the little things in order to help you out, but the goal should remain constant and your attitude towards it probably should remain the same."

Louis stood and extended his left hand. The man couldn't help but see the gauntlet on his right hand, but didn't think much of it considering Louis' attire at the moment.

"Well, it's been a pleasure waxing philosophical with you, but I need some sleep. I'll see you-"

The door to the tavern burst open. Louis and the man in black turned their heads over to the doorway as the few remaining patrons of the bar either fell asleep from drunkenness or walked away uncaringly. A group of knights were walking in, their leader immediately looking over at the man. Louis clenched his right fist in preparation for a fight against these new intruders. The knights wore silver armor with a mixture of half-spherical helmets and others that covered the entire face. The lead knight, clearly indicated by the small metal wings attached to the sides of his helmet, removed his head armor and glared at the man.

"Friends of yours?" Louis asked, looking over at the man in black.

"We have met, sadly. They are knights of the Hahlo Unification," he responded, reaching for his sword.

"I give you another chance to surrender the girl and the staff. We will track you from one end of the Sin to the other if we have to, but we will have them back," the lead Hahlo Knight proclaimed.

"And I must say 'no' once again," the man replied, looking over at Louis to address him. "They have been imbued with some kind of mystical force that I have not encountered before. They cannot be killed."

"Can they be knocked unconscious and then tied up?" Louis suggested.

The man nodded. "I do believe they can."

Louis looked over at the bartender, who appeared to be shaking with fear as he looked from the two heroes to the Hahlo knights.

"Barkeep, you wouldn't happen to know anybody who'd be interested in taking some Hahlo knights as prisoners or something?" Louis shouted to him.

The barkeep shakily nodded. "I... I know a few people who might be interested."

Louis grinned. "Give us five minutes."

The Hahlo knights drew their swords.

"...Maybe ten!" Louis added on just before leaping forward at the Knights.

The nearest knight tried to slash at Louis as he leapt at him, but Louis landed outside of the range of the sword and extended his arms out, the gauntlet's blade immediately sliding out. He brought the blade forward to slash at the knight's side, but the knight blocked with his sword. Louis pushed against the sword, trying to force it back against the knight. The other knights stepped forward, but when the man in black stepped up, they decided to move back to the outside instead of fighting in the tavern.

Louis pushed himself away from the knight but continued to slash at him in order to force him back outside. The knight quickly fled back, rejoining his comrades as Louis and the man advanced. Louis shivered as he entered the outside, but it wasn't because of the temperature, since it was still relatively warm outside. When the man in black got a look at Louis again, he saw that a new gauntlet had formed on his other arm, as well as some new armor was coming up around his torso. A new set of golden greaves came around Louis' feet.

The Hahlo knights began to spread out to divide their focus between the two. There were six of them total, but instead of going equally, four went against the man in black while the remaining two faced off Louis. The second blade came out of the new gauntlet as he charged at one of the two knights, doing a horizontal slash across the knight's chest to try to distract his guard. It worked, since the knight brought his sword up to block the attack. Louis used his second blade to go down low and stab the knight in the stomach.

As he pushed the knight away, Louis turned and readied himself to fight the other knight. "Does this happen to you often?"

The man in black blocked the sword swipe of one of the knights and dodged two others.

"What do you mean?" he asked in reply.

"Being attacked by obviously inferior swordsmen in a somewhat pointless battle," Louis explained.

The man in black slammed the hilt of his sword into the helmet of a knight. "Lately, it has been happening more and more frequently. It is becoming rather... annoying."

Louis deflected several more attacks from the other knight before slamming the ends of both blades into the side of the knight. The knight gasped before falling back, the pain too much for him to handle.

"Well, these sort of things can happen with our lives, we just have to muddle through them the best that we can," Louis continued.

In one clean swipe, the man in black sent his sword through the torso of another knight, cutting him clean in half.

"I fear that they shall never give up hunting and this shall become too regular an occurrence for me," the man in black replied.

Louis joined the man in black's side to fight off the last few knights. The two slashed and struck at the knights, who could only block and deflect their blows.

"It seems this battle is coming to a quick end," the man pointed out.

Louis rammed his blade through the chest of a knight, blood staining his weapon. "What were you expecting, a glamorous display of fireworks and a heroic ending after a one-liner is spouted off? Sometimes a battle's just a battle, and an ending is just an ending."

The last knight, the leader of the Hahlo knights, sent a throwing knife at the man in black to try to kill him in one fell swoop, but the man dodged to the left and the knife planted itself in a nearby tree.

"The ending doesn't have to be anything special, it just has to be an ending..." Louis continued.

The man charged forward and swept at the lead knight, who nimbly jumped backwards to avoid it. Louis then ran ahead of the man in black and took to the air, jumping higher than the man in black or the lead knight thought possible for a human. He came down quickly and slammed his armor-covered foot into the knight's forehead, sending him onto his back and into unconsciousness.

"...or, better yet, a to-be-continued," Louis finished.

Louis sighed and panted a bit, chuckling as he examined the unconscious knights. He then glanced over at the man in black, who was putting his sword back into his scabbard.

"Perhaps you're right. Would you like to meet tomorrow for breakfast and 'wax philosophical' some more, as you so colorfully put it?" the man in black invited.

Louis grinned as his blades retracted into his gauntlet. "Glad to. What was your name again?"

They call me the Black Master."

"Cheery," Louis said as the two walked back into the tavern to inform the bartender that he could tie up the knights now.

*

"Have all of the arrangements been made?" the King asked.

The servant before him kept his head held low, but nodded in response. It was considered illegal in Sam Tun Fahl for the servants to look into the eyes of their masters. The King hustled him away as he stood and walked over to the Queen, who was standing by the window and overlooking the capitol city. Selmonar was beautiful, but it still possessed the same elements about it that were hitting every town in Sam Tun Fahl. The King put a hand on his wife's shoulder and looked out into the countryside himself.

"It's done now," he said to her.

The Queen did not respond.

"With luck, they'll be bringing Lithmenar with them," he pointed out.

She nodded and looked down at the streets below. "I wonder what he will be like after having spent years among the filthy. We will have to clean him thoroughly."

The King nodded. "I am aware of that, Menarar. Don't worry, we'll have him in royal robes again soon enough."

Queen Menarar's eyes began to water and she went into the King's arms, embracing him tightly. The King closed his eyes and rubbed her back, returning the hug.

"Oh, Lithores, I miss him so much!" she cried, tears quickly flowing down her cheeks.

King Lithores nodded and opened his eyes, looking down into the streets and wondering if Lithmenar was already there, simply waiting and biding his time before he saw them again.

"I wonder if he knows about-" Lithores began to say, but his wife put her finger up to his lips, silencing him.

"If he had known, he would've already come home. For the moment, we are in the times between the important points of our lives. Soon, this time will resolve and we might even have our son again, but for now, just hold me, Lithores... Just hold me..."

And that's what he did.
Next Time: "Shades of Gray". Sounds kinky.
Autism attracts more autism. Sooner or later, an internet nobody will attract the exact kind of fans - and detractors - he deserves.
-Yours Truly

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Re: The Angel Armor Saga by Lewis "The Lightbringer" Lovhaug

Post by VoiceOfReasonPast » Mon Apr 21, 2025 9:06 pm

You know that Evil Empire of Evil that's been hyped up this entire book? Yeah. I hate being right.
RiffingShow
Because the assassins didn't trust the Sam Tun Fahl Royal Family...
You could just give them a surname. Even "Peasantkicking" is a less of a mouthfull.
... to simply allow Louis and his group back into their land without military escort, it was decided that they would not travel from Danab back directly into Sam Tun Fahl.
Hooray for detours. We don't want anything to happen to Lina Fucking Inverse and Stardust the Fucking Super Wizard.
Instead, they would travel to a land that was adjacent to both Danab and Sam Tun Fahl - Lahren.
(This is where Lithmenar's fake backstory took place.)
Lahren, although having more surface area than both Danab and Sam Tun Fahl combined, lacked military and technological strength.
Sounds like a great way to get invaded - especially if one of your neighbors is cartoonishly evil and the other has no arable land.
They were told that they would only encounter difficulties if they went into villages and towns with Indow, since magic-users were forbidden to enter the land.
Put some different clothes on her?
Or how about not bringing her along? Why are you guys on this trip to begin with? Hoping to stumble upon the crystals or something?
Fortunately, since they didn't plan on stopping in any place where there were lots of people, the group didn't expect any trouble.
They will totally run into trouble. And I bet they don't even have a Plan B.
The days following the attempted assassination were uneventful. The assassins massed for war in case Louis' negotiations failed.
Image

Linkara is the negotiator and not just part of the retinue of the actual negotiator? Why?
The capitol city of Sam Tun Fahl had been renamed Lithmenar eighteen years ago by the royal family to honor the birth of their son. However, after two years had passed since his disappearance, they had made the city's name Selmonar again, something that made Lithmenar more than a little pleased.
I hope Selmonar is the name of his evil (twin) brother. Please let me be right on this one, too.
After he had left Sam Tun Fahl, he had opted for a more discreet life of crime without anyone knowing of his heritage. Having an entire city named after you wasn't exactly something inconspicuous.
I have no idea why we're talking about Lithmenar's backstory again, but sure, why not?
And how about giving yourself a differnet name? This is the Middle Ages, allegedly. I don't think the guards in the capitol of Ai can take your fingerprints and find out that you're actually registered as "Lithmenar".
Maybe he's afraid of losing his plot armor.

Also why the fuck is Lithmenar on this trip? That makes two people that will instantly trigger the king into a berserker rage.
Halfway to the city, the group had found an inn along the dirt roads for them to stay the night. It was unusually large for such a remote place, possessing two stories and a tavern. However, the party was more than content to sleep there as opposed to the ground, although Lithmenar complained about it at first.
You do know that tents were a thing in the Middle Ages, right? And will we ever find out what Lithmenar was bitching about?
The assassins, fortunately, were more than generous in handing out funding to the group for their expedition in case they would need it, and so there was more than enough money for accommodations at the inn.
So the atheist assassins cough up more money for Linkara than the world's largest religion whose messiah he is.
Louis and Indow shared a room with two beds, something the innkeeper was a little confused about. However, after seeing the amount of money that they were carrying and quickly hushed up, acquiescing to anything they wanted.
"A boy? And a girl? In the same room?!"
"Here's a little extra. You have seen nothing."
"Yes, M'Lord!"
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What's next? Will the innkeeper ask for your ID when you try to order a beer?
"We should be in Selmonar in a few days. Are you sure that we won't encounter any difficulties entering Sam Tun Fahl again?" Indow asked him.

Louis nodded and replied, "We sent a message ahead of us through diplomatic courier that we were on our way to attempt to negotiate peace. Right before we left, we got a response saying that they were willing to hear us out. As such, I presume that there will be no difficulty going back into Sam Tun Fahl."
Lithmenar's dad after hearing the message.
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"Are you sure you don't want to share the same bed? We could have a little fun before we went off tomorrow," Indow suggested, winking at him.
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Now we will find out if Linkara is ace or not.
Louis chuckled and shook his head, still looking at the history book and only spotting her wink through peripheral vision. "Indow, as tempting at that offer is for this warm-blooded teenage male, I'm going to have to decline. You know the risks as much as I do at the moment, and after all we've been through, I'd hate to have something like an STD be the reason one of us dies. When we get to Earth, we'll check with some doctors that we can trust and see if it'll be a problem."
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Ace it is.
"Yeah, when we get to Earth," she said in a more hushed tone.

Louis kept his eyes firmly in the history book, but he sighed, recognizing the way Indow was speaking. It confirmed his worst fears.

"You're not going back to Earth with me, are you?" he asked her.
"You can't fool me. I'm the one writing this story!"
"I'm sorry, my love... It's just that I am not ready for the consequences of what would happen if our fears are right and time really is off-balance between our worlds," she explained.

Louis walked over to her and hugged her tightly. "I really do wish you were coming with me, but I understand... Hey, maybe we will consummate our love before I leave, eh?"

The two shared a brief laugh before returning to their embrace.
Linkara would continue to never score.

*
"What about Louis? Didn't he want to play, too?" White Raven asked, pulling up a chair to the table.
You guys have games after all?!
"I asked him, but he said he wanted to do some thinking alone for awhile," Lithmenar said as he sat at the table and began dealing the cards out to his compatriots.
(He's crying while jerking off.)

And cool. You guys have cards. That's a start.
"Why is this game called Poker? There's not a single bit of poking involved in it and there are no sharp edges to anything that would even resemble a poker of any sort," Jordahn pointed out as she pulled her cards up in front of her face.
Do all women on Sin take everything literally when it comes to games?
"No idea. Louis actually told me that the fact that both Earth and Sin have poker is another piece of proof for the idea that we're actually in parallel universes. Ante up," Lithmenar replied as he tossed a gold coin into the center of the table.
Ah, so these universes are just far enough apart that they share Poker, but not Chess.
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"Check," White Raven announced as she looked over at Lithmenar. "Is there anything else we should know about your parents before we meet them again?"
"They breed dogs just so they always have puppies to kick."
Lithmenar shrugged. "Not much else to tell. They absolutely despise being told they're wrong. Any negotiations with them will break down right away if you tell them they're wrong about something."
So they're also self-inserts.
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"I'm in for that. So am I still the only one who's accompanying the kid back to his world?" Lithmenar queried, slipping a gold coin over to the pot.
You're the only one who has changed his opinion so far, so I assume we'll just have everyone repeat what we already know.
"I still wish to pursue Myrrha when this is all over with."
See?
"You might want to consider the possibility that the negotiations will go well, Lithmenar, and that you can have the chance to rejoin your parents," White Raven suggested.
I think he'll have more luck with a horde of starved, rabid dogs.
Lithmenar shook his head and gazed at his cards saying, "If Analee would not forgive them for what they did, then why in the pit should I forgive them?"
Think for yourself for one goddamn second, you fucking NPC.
Jordahn smiled and upped the bet once more. "Well, I have changed my mind about trying to get back to the past. Lithmenar, you and I shall both be traveling to Earth. I raise again."
Feeling outclassed by the assassins, eh?
"You were the one who felt the most alienated among us."
"It's like you don't feel like you belong anywhere or something."
"Indow is always traveling everywhere and has little time for herself and her interests, especially considering that Louis is going home without her..."
Stupid questions: What's her actual job like, outside of being in Linkara's party?
"You, however, have been constantly in a state of sorrow over the fact that you left your men in the middle of battle and you no longer are in your own time period."
"It's like you feel like a stranger in your own world."
"Louis has adjusted by being the leader of a religion."
Telling priests to be okay with prostitutes isn't exactly "leading".
"Indow is still a relatively young woman in terms of her social development and will probably get over the kid."
That's one way of saying "She's 150 with the mind of a 15-year-old."
"White Raven has built a new role for herself outside of the Dark Knights."
I have even less of an idea what her job would be outside of Linkara's party.
"However, you don't fit in because the world you knew has long since disappeared."
"Everyone of us has shit to do here except for you. Just why on Earth would you want to leave?"
"Why the sudden change of heart of returning to your empire for honor and glory?"
I seem to recall that being a soldier in Kien kinda sucks.
"Because I have come to some very simple conclusions, thief. When I was in Danab, I was confronted with what could possibly be considered my antithesis."
"She's a crazy bitch who obsesses about weapons and killing people. Truly my opposite in every conceivable way!"
"It is to kill without honor or regard for victory."
Not this shit again.
"I wanted to return to my time to win glorious battles and fight an evil enemy. However, the glory of the individual cannot be given through such a war as that, where it has already happened, and the sacrifices of those who have been lost are not truly appreciated by the world."
Aka "Why should I fight in a war if the people don't even build a statue in my honor?"
"I have looked to the past to try to find myself, but I have forgotten that a Kien warrior always looks ahead for what is to come next."
Like the next superior to kill.
"The assassins are caught in limbo, teetering on the edge of honor or death and unable to make a choice as to which they want."
Whatever that means.
"Such a sight inspires me to see new things, fight new battles instead of ones in the history books, and seek new ways to improve my people and myself."
Ah, she doesn't want to participate in a war she has already spoilered for herself.
Also who are "my people"? You don't even know what the Kien blokes from the present are like.
They probably haven't changed, though.

*
Louis sat in the tavern section of the inn and looked thoughtfully into the glass of water in his hands.
At least it's not milk.
Louis' mind was storing information like mad, analyzing and reanalyzing each new conclusion and fact that entered into the process. All at the same time, he was thinking of Minnesota, Indow, pizza, the assassins, his hair, television, and school. Each little bit made him sink even lower into his seat.
I bet you can't wait to get back to the others to rant incoherently about your shitty life again.
However, his attention was diverted from his glass to the appearance of a stranger before him.

The man wore a long black coat with armored shoulder pieces, a black shirt with matching trousers, and a round black hat that covered his face. His boots and gloves were similarly colored and Louis saw that the man had a rather long sword hanging from his belt.
Would be fun if that was Varek.
And by "fun" I mean "dumb".
As the man approached, Louis smiled and offered the chair in front of him to sit down. The man sat down in the chair and looked at Louis, examining him in a manner Louis had been examining the glass a moment ago.
Great. Another staring contest.
Taking the initiative, Louis spoke first: "So, I didn't know there was an anime convention at this place. Your 'D' costume is quite convincing; you even have the broody demeanor down."
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Have you ever tried not pissing off people you've just met?
The man stared at him, confused.
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Louis shook his head. "Never mind. It was a joke about the way you're dressed, and not even a particularly funny one, anyway, since nobody gets the punch line."
Being self-aware about it doesn't excuse it being here in the first place.
"Who are you?" the man asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Oh, no, I'm not telling anybody else who I am. Every time I've told someone who I am over the past month, they end up either wanting to worship me or kill me," Louis stated.
Just call yourself "Ash Williams". That would raise a lot less eyebrows than your suspicious nonsense here.
"Fair enough. I must admit, you look and sound very... bizzare."

Louis chuckled. "Yeah, I get that a lot. What are you doing in this neck of the woods, smilie?"

The man ignored the comment about the fact that he wasn't smiling.
Varek all but directly confirmed. That counter is so going up once I'm sure.
"I am fleeing an army of religious fanatics who wish to retrieve a mystical object and the witch who stole it from them. I am accompanied by the aforementioned witch and a woman who seems very... average to be a vagabond. What is your business here, if I may ask?"
Does nobody in this book know that you can pretend to be someone else? And that you don't have to tell strangers stories shit they don't need to know?

And yeah, that's definitely Varek. But I'll wait just a little bit longer.
No idea who the ugly vagabond chick is supposed to be, though.
"What is your business here, if I may ask?"

Louis leaned back in his chair and stared up at the ceiling. "I'm assisting an exiled legion of thieves and a country of assassins in overthrowing a dictatorial empire by sneaking into their capitol and attempting to negotiate with them. If they refuse to give the peasants the rights that the people demand, I'm supposed to lead a violent revolution against the oppressors. I'm accompanied by a priestess, a thief, a mass murderer, and a warrior who's misplaced in time. You know, I just realized that my life has been complete and utter insanity ever since I landed on this planet."
ImageImage

"We've been tasked by a wizard to destroy an ancient artifact that belongs to the Dark Lord, by throwing it into the volcano right next to the Dark Lord's fortress. But enough about me. What about you, weird guy in the black cloak?"

>give the peasants the rights that the people demand
Don't people keep bringin up that "the people" are oddly docile and content with their misery? The only ones who have been demanding anything are the thieves.
Speaking of thieves: Will the terms of surrender peace involve allowing the thieves back into the country?
"Normally, I'd swear loudly at a time like this and utter a few curse words in anger at the fact that I've been drawn into so much when I just want to get home, but I'm just sick of it."
You must be reallly down, then. I thought this was your favorite part (aside from killing people).
"I fight evil where I encounter it and oppose the strong who would harm the weak. In fact, if I were not already engaged in my own matters, it is very likely that I would join you in your quest of overthrowing these dictators you spoke of."
Fuck. Now I'm not sure anymore.
"Do you ever feel like giving up on it? I have grown rather weary lately of the constant battle."

Louis sighed. "All the time. However, I have to remember that there are bigger things at stake than my own personal wants. I, for one, am a romantic about a lot of this. I believe that, although things don't always turn out for the best, I try as hard as I can to make sure that they do. That's why I'm one of these."

To emphasize the 'these,' Louis tapped the white cap on his head. The man raised an eyebrow, confused.
"You're Jewish?!"
"If you were from where I come from, you would. Essentially it's a marker that I'm a good guy and I intend to remain as such no matter what."
I think that's a thing from Western movies?
"I like to think that everybody's got a neat little spark in 'em that wants them to do right and good with the world, no matter how seriously messed up they are."
I fear Lithmenar's parents don't have enough nuance for this to be true.
What are you gonna do? Use words and logic to make them finally see the error of their ways? Or more likely, shout death threats at them until they give in to your demands?
"I apologize if I sound like some clichéd movie tag line, by the way."
You sound like an idiot.
"You are very optimistic about this profession."
What profession? Peace negotiator? Why not just "You are very optimistic"?
You haven't encountered the things that I have. You're... young."

"Darn tootin', baby."
"Totally gnarly, dewd."
"A little youthful optimism is something more people should embrace; I personally have found it to be better than the alternative."
Like whining and bitching at least once per book? Or throwing temper tantrums until people give in to your demands?
"The alternative?"

"A twilight that refuses to accept more light out of fear and anger over things lost or what might be lost."
What is this? Kingdom Hearts?
"Sure, I like the broody superhero once in awhile, but you can't just live your life in the shadows, otherwise you'll become so attached to them that you won't be able to tell the difference between them and the things you're supposed to be fighting."
Batman is such a pussy.
"The world is not so simplistic, boy. You have not experienced all of the horrors of it and the mistakes that can arise."

"I defeated a big blob of evil by ramming myself into it like a torpedo, got sent back in time and killed without regard to circumstances in the name of vengeance, got my mind raped by some shadow thing, and have had the distinctive honor of being shot at, stabbed, betrayed, smacked around, hit, and chased around. I'm no stranger to pain or misery, my black-clad friend."
He doesn't want to say that he's the Linkara, but he's gonna tell you all about how he's the Linkara. Makes sense.
"I've made plenty of mistakes and ones that I feel deeply sorry about, but sometimes you just have to stick with the plan you had from the start, otherwise you get buried in a bunch of debates that have no end. I'm not saying that you shouldn't change the little things in order to help you out, but the goal should remain constant and your attitude towards it probably should remain the same."
His At4W business in a nutshell.
Louis stood and extended his left hand. The man couldn't help but see the gauntlet on his right hand, but didn't think much of it considering Louis' attire at the moment.
This guy is not the sharpest too in the shed.
And is there any particular reason why Linkara never puts on any of the native outfits?
"Well, it's been a pleasure waxing philosophical with you, but I need some sleep. I'll see you-"

The door to the tavern burst open.
Time for a random action set piece!
Louis and the man in black turned their heads over to the doorway as the few remaining patrons of the bar either fell asleep from drunkenness or walked away uncaringly.
Falling asleep is a weird reaction to having a door kicked open.
Anything to let us pretend that the room is empty, I guess.
A group of knights were walking in, their leader immediately looking over at the man. Louis clenched his right fist in preparation for a fight against these new intruders.
Would be fun if these were just guards and the man a wanted mass murderer.
The knights wore silver armor with a mixture of half-spherical helmets and others that covered the entire face.
Wow, non-uniform armor.
The lead knight, clearly indicated by the small metal wings attached to the sides of his helmet, removed his head armor and glared at the man.
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Does this guy always have to take off his "head armor" to talk? Sounds a bit impractical.
"Friends of yours?" Louis asked, looking over at the man in black.

"We have met, sadly. They are knights of the Hahlo Unification," he responded, reaching for his sword.
Oh shit, it's the Neo-Terafellas!
The Scourge of Aigol.
The BBEGs so BBE that even the Darkness feared them more than the Linkara himself.
Can't wait for them to turn out to be a bunch of cannon fodder.

And does the king of Laharl also have some 4D chess backstab keikaku going on that involves his sworn enemies being allowed free reign over the country, or does just nobody in Sin give a shit if enemy warbands are sauntering over the border?
"I give you another chance to surrender the girl and the staff. We will track you from one end of the Sin to the other if we have to, but we will have them back," the lead Hahlo Knight proclaimed.
This already sounds somewhat more interesting than whatever the fuck kind of plot we've been actually following in this book.
"And I must say 'no' once again," the man replied, looking over at Louis to address him. "They have been imbued with some kind of mystical force that I have not encountered before. They cannot be killed."

"Can they be knocked unconscious and then tied up?" Louis suggested.

The man nodded. "I do believe they can."
I can almost guarantee this is some plot contrivance to allow Linkara to continue brutalizing minions with reckless abandon and technically not kill anyone. Because I guess it's no longer "optimistic" enough for him to sit on a literal mountain of corpses like he did every other chapter in the previous book.
Personally I would've gone for undead or animated suits of armor long before "Oh and btw, they can't die because magic."
"Barkeep, you wouldn't happen to know anybody who'd be interested in taking some Hahlo knights as prisoners or something?" Louis shouted to him.

The barkeep shakily nodded. "I... I know a few people who might be interested."
This sounds less like "proper authorities" and more like "rape dungeons".
Louis grinned. "Give us five minutes."

The Hahlo knights drew their swords.

"...Maybe ten!" Louis added on just before leaping forward at the Knights.
Was Linkara not expecting them to actually fight or something?
Louis pushed against the sword, trying to force it back against the knight. The other knights stepped forward, but when the man in black stepped up, they decided to move back to the outside instead of fighting in the tavern.
So everyone else involved in this melee leaves Linkara alone with his duel. How convenient.
Louis pushed himself away from the knight but continued to slash at him in order to force him back outside. The knight quickly fled back, rejoining his comrades as Louis and the man advanced.
Oh, or not. Fine by me.
Though why does he insist on moving the fight outside? The more cramped environment would give his arm blades an extra edge.
Louis shivered as he entered the outside, but it wasn't because of the temperature, since it was still relatively warm outside.
Then what was the reason?
When the man in black got a look at Louis again, he saw that a new gauntlet had formed on his other arm, as well as some new armor was coming up around his torso. A new set of golden greaves came around Louis' feet.
I gues shivering his now part of his henshin sequence?
And good thing you didn't tell Probably Varek that you were the Linkara...
"Does this happen to you often?"

The man in black blocked the sword swipe of one of the knights and dodged two others.

"What do you mean?" he asked in reply.

"Being attacked by obviously inferior swordsmen in a somewhat pointless battle," Louis explained.
Does Linkara (the author) not understand fight scenes? If there's no actual tension you better bring something else to the table to make up for it, and I ain't seeing shit here.
The man in black slammed the hilt of his sword into the helmet of a knight. "Lately, it has been happening more and more frequently. It is becoming rather... annoying."
It's becoming more than annoying for me.
"Well, these sort of things can happen with our lives, we just have to muddle through them the best that we can," Louis continued.
Now having to eat soup or stew for a couple days straight, that's a real reason to get pissed off.
In one clean swipe, the man in black sent his sword through the torso of another knight, cutting him clean in half.
Does the guy stay that way, or will he just put himself back together?
"It seems this battle is coming to a quick end," the man pointed out.

Louis rammed his blade through the chest of a knight, blood staining his weapon. "What were you expecting, a glamorous display of fireworks and a heroic ending after a one-liner is spouted off? Sometimes a battle's just a battle, and an ending is just an ending."
He just made an observation. You we're just looking at an excuse to spout some faux-Zen wisdom.
The last knight, the leader of the Hahlo knights, sent a throwing knife at the man in black to try to kill him in one fell swoop, but the man dodged to the left and the knife planted itself in a nearby tree.
Oh shit, that knight has levels in thief.
"The ending doesn't have to be anything special, it just has to be an ending..." Louis continued.
Again, he was just making an observation. He wasn't bemoaning the lack of a Final Fantasy victory fanfare.
The man charged forward and swept at the lead knight, who nimbly jumped backwards to avoid it. Louis then ran ahead of the man in black and took to the air, jumping higher than the man in black or the lead knight thought possible for a human. He came down quickly and slammed his armor-covered foot into the knight's forehead, sending him onto his back and into unconsciousness.

"...or, better yet, a to-be-continued," Louis finished.
Naturally he tries to take the leader alive, despite the fact that these guys are allegedly incapable of dying anyways.
And naturally our philosopher warrior is a bit of a hypocrite.
"Perhaps you're right. Would you like to meet tomorrow for breakfast and 'wax philosophical' some more, as you so colorfully put it?" the man in black invited.
Why the fuck would you want to spend any more time with Linkara than absolutely necessary?
Louis grinned as his blades retracted into his gauntlet. "Glad to. What was your name again?"

They call me the Black Master."
That's a great porn name.
"Cheery," Louis said as the two walked back into the tavern to inform the bartender that he could tie up the knights now.
His clients like their playthings extra durable.
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*
"Have all of the arrangements been made?" the King asked.

The servant before him kept his head held low, but nodded in response. It was considered illegal in Sam Tun Fahl for the servants to look into the eyes of their masters.
This sounds more annoying than anything, especially if it's the kind of servants you have to actually interact with directly.
Selmonar was beautiful, but it still possessed the same elements about it that were hitting every town in Sam Tun Fahl.
(That means shit everywhere.)
The King put a hand on his wife's shoulder and looked out into the countryside himself.

"It's done now," he said to her.

The Queen did not respond.

"With luck, they'll be bringing Lithmenar with them," he pointed out.
Dead or alive?
She nodded and looked down at the streets below. "I wonder what he will be like after having spent years among the filthy. We will have to clean him thoroughly."
They're gonna soap the shit out of him. Literally.
The King nodded. "I am aware of that, Menarar. Don't worry, we'll have him in royal robes again soon enough."
Menarar? Really?
"Oh, Lithores, I miss him so much!" she cried, tears quickly flowing down her cheeks.
Lithmenar = Lith(ores) + Menar(ar).
JFC. Are you for fucking real?

(Should've gone with "Oresar", IMO)

Also shouldn't these names have already been revealed before the dinner with Linkara? Even if you're the messiah you're not visiting the fucking king without some herald announcing his full name and titles.
King Lithores nodded and opened his eyes, looking down into the streets and wondering if Lithmenar was already there, simply waiting and biding his time before he saw them again.
You've basically ordered a city-wide house search at the mere possibility that Lithmenar might be in town. Why are you so chill now?
"I wonder if he knows about-" Lithores began to say, but his wife put her finger up to his lips, silencing him.
This better be about an evil (twin) brother.
"If he had known, he would've already come home. For the moment, we are in the times between the important points of our lives. Soon, this time will resolve and we might even have our son again, but for now, just hold me, Lithores... Just hold me..."

And that's what he did.
And I don't give a shit because these two are hysteric, abusive assholes.
Is this how they're just gonna be from now on? Because Linkara has rambled about how there's always something good in everyone? And Linkara (the author) is too lazy to make their appearances in earlier chapters slightly less cartoonishly evil?
Autism attracts more autism. Sooner or later, an internet nobody will attract the exact kind of fans - and detractors - he deserves.
-Yours Truly

4 wikia: static -> vignette

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VoiceOfReasonPast
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Re: The Angel Armor Saga by Lewis "The Lightbringer" Lovhaug

Post by VoiceOfReasonPast » Fri May 02, 2025 9:01 pm

Book 3, Chapter 15 - Shades of Gray
(Or: Operation Naked Neko)


(This just kinda started playing in my head because I initially read "Black Master" as "Black Man".)

The mission of peace is still going, and we got introduced to an exciting new character: BLACK MASTER, the Master of Color (that is black).
Will he turn out to be an ally, or an enemy? Is he really Varek, or just some weirdo? And will he just disappear from the plot without a trace (much like those cool teenage adventurers who kicked the shit out of Varek)?

Prediction time: The negotiations will blow up in their faces so we get another thrilling chase scene where everyone is oddly afraif of the series least intimidating goons - but not before Linkara destroys the royal family's hateful world view using facts and logic.

"Remember when Rain got killed?" Count: 13
"Remember when Indow got raped?" Count: 9
"Baddies Never Smile" Count: 17

And always remember: Linkara (the author) considers this his masterpiece.
RecapShow
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So the assassins send their negotiators to Peasantkicking, in an attempt to resolve this whole drama peacefully without having to start a righteous revolution (aka a bloody invasion with the help of fifth columnists who are probably just the thieves that haven't been caught and kicked out of the country yet).
Except they don't actually send negotiators. They send Linkara and his fucking fellowship.
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There are several problems with this whole setup, most of which apparently never occured Linkara (the author) because of course our main characters would naturally be doing all the important stuff.
  • Why is Linkara the main negotiator? The assassins and thieves don't give a shit about him, and he already burned plenty of bridges with the royal family.
  • Lithmenar almost makes sense due to his blood ties with the other side, but the mere mention of his name was enough to sent his parents into a killing frenzy that stopped short of burning down the entire city. You probably don't want him anywhere near the negotations.
    • Really it would've made more sense to use Lithmenar as a (fake) hostage, seeing how he's the their only son and heir (afaik).
  • Not to mention that they only planned to get Lithmenar, and the rest just tagged along as uninvited guests. Who were their original negotiators, and why did they ditch all of them in favor of weird strangers who have no obligation to get you a good deal?
  • There is also no representative of either the assassin's or thieves' guild.
    • Lithmenar doesn't count as he only found out about the guild after his sweetheart got shanked, and I don't think he stayed on the continent long enough to become a proper member.
    • Hirode (aka the only real assassin character) is also oddly absent after her stunning introduction. I guess she has served her purpose for now after two pointless filler fights, her rambling like a psychopath, and everyone being told that she got raped when she was twelve.
  • And to make things extra stupid, they decide to enter Peasantkicking through a different border because they suspect the Rohirim might've prepared an ambush or something.
    You'd think this whole endeavour is pointless if they can't even trust their negotation partner to not kill their negotiators on sight, but I guess they are compelled to uphold the sacred laws of parley if they can make it deep enough into their territory.
Anyhow, they make their way through Lahren (more about that shithole nation in the worldbuilding titbits). In an inn, Linkara decides to be a big boy and shares his room with his catgirl girlfriend.
Naturally she wants him to fuck her brains out, but he declines because he fears interdimensional and -species STDs.

I fucking thought this was only shit he brought up in his tumblr, but it's actually in this bloody book.
Really? This bitch fucked herself through at least three of the Five Lands, and she's still alive. You'll be fine.
Also odd that neither Mr. Rational Sex Ed nor his girlfriend ever consider non-penetrative forms of intercourse. Can't get Fantasy AIDS if you give her the old Shocker with your gauntlet, or have her crush your dick between her massive mammaries.

This is also were he finds out that Indow doesn't actually want to leave her own world - and he's fine being friendzoned, because what is even the point of having a catgirl girfriend if you're afraid that your dick will rot off if you stick it in her?

We also get another rare moment of the fellowship getting to gossip without Linkara nearby (as he's too busy drowning his worries in water). Naturally this quickly revolves around "Now who wants to go to Earth?" - because every discussion they have must eventually come back to their Lord and Master.
Long story short: Gyaru Casca has changed her mind and decided to follow him after all. Somehow everyone is shocked and amazed that the chick from the past who's as much an alien as Linkara doesn't have any ties to Sin anymore.

Meanwhile at the bar, Linkara meets a Vampire Hunter D cosplayer (whom I will sperg about in detail later). Linkara at first annoys him with his usual autism, but they eventually bond over their personal hardships and love for spouting pseudo-philosophical nonsense.

In a truly mindboggling turn of events, Linkara is now suddenly deeply paranoid about telling strangers that he's the Linkara, because everyone wants to either "worship or kill" him.
There are several problems with this outlook, and how he applies it:
  • He could just introduce himself as "Louis" or literally any name that is not "Linkara", but instead he has to make a huge and suspicious deal out of not wanting to tell people who he is.
  • Why would he introduce himself as "I'm the Linkara, bitch", anyways? Dude keeps telling his worshippers how he wants to be called "Louis" instead of "Linkara".
  • The time frame is odd. He says he's had this issue this "past month". I'm pretty sure he spent at least one of those on a ship, but I digress.
  • Shit doesn't even make sense if you extend the time frame to the entire series. People who wanted to worship or kill him have never needed his confirmation, and the most common reaction to him saying "I'm the Linkara, bitch" was "I don't believe you".
  • Naturally Mr. Opsec then proceeds to tell this stranger literally everything he can without saying any names. Completely unprompted, no less.
    If this guy knows anything about the Linkara and/or recent happenings on that other continent, he'd be a bigger idiot than Linkara for not being able to put 2 and 2 together. If he's completely clueless, he'd probably think that Linkara is batshit insane.
And all this shit was apparently just a setup for Linkara (the character and author) to embiggen us with his optimistic life philosophy, which basically boils down to "Never give up on your pipe dreams". Working wonderfully for him IRL, I must say.

Then some knights in silver armor crash the party, looking for Linkara's cosplay friend. Turns out they're from the Hahlo Unification (not to be confused with the Hahlo Reach), those big bad evil guys who've been hyped all book as the most evil and mean mofos left on Sin.
Naturally they turn out to be total pushovers for Linkara and his cosplayer friend. In fact they are such pushovers that the two have time musing about the existential nightmare of being level 20 gods who only have level 0 ants to curbstomp, just in case this shit wasn't annoying enough already.
Oh, and apparently the Hahlo Unification uses magic to make it so their knights can't die, all so Linkara can continue to technically not kill anyone in this book (for whatever reason; I blame the editor and/or Linkara (the author) turning into a pussy) and still get to cut people in half.
We also get some 90s comic moment where two tryhard badasses are trying way too hard to be badass - except instead of spouting stupid one-liners we just have Linkara reciting pseudo-philosophical Zen nonsense.

Having disposed of this non-threat (and potentially letting the barkeeper sell the knights to various rape dungeons), the two shake hands and hope they'll see each other again.
This is also where the cosplayer introduces himself as BLACK MASTER. Linkara of course does not come up with a nickname for himself, wich is a bit rude IMO.

Now this BLACK MASTER guy. He's been on his own little adventure involving a witch, some vagabond chick (who they may or may not have kidnapped) and some magical staff they've stolen from the Hahlo Unification. Glad we're not following this story, otherwise shit might get too exciting.
It's possible this guy is just a "cool dude" that serves no other purpose than to make Linkara cooler by association, but there's also a non-zero chance that this guy is Varek, and the "witch" is Myrrha. I'm not 100% certain, however (aka I will facepalm extra hard if this is Varek):
  • I'd be weird if we are kept in the dark about this, considering Linkara (the author) couldn't wait to inform us that the Demon Overlord story is hogwash. I can't believe he could resist the temptation to add a little extra scene where Varek goes back to his room, and he and Myrrha start relishing over their own cleverness and keikaku.
  • Linkara effectively told him a summary of the previous two books. If he truly is Varek and hasn't figured out that he's talking with his mortal enemy, he's the dumbest mofo on the entire planet.
  • It feels odd that they managed to "catch up" with the fellowship like this, considering the journey to Aigol alone takes months.
  • They already have the Ultimate Book of Ultimate Evil. Why would they need a magic stick from a continent that Darkness has never set foot on?
Now what if they are Varek and Myrrha? Who'd the vagabond chick be? I don't think it's Thesia, because she and Varek don't seem to have parted on good terms (plus I suspect she's running the Hahlo Unification).
So fuck it. I'd say it's Analee - because why introduce literal immortality magic if you don't use it for actual plot reasons? Plus we have yet to get a terrible treatment of the "Character thought dead turns out to be alive and well" trope.

We do get a little extra scene after all, though it's about Lithmenar's parents. They do that storytelling thing where the vaguely allude to shit that they know, but we don't (yet) - more specifically some fiendish keikaku that is bound to return Lithmenar to his golden cage, and some shocking news that might change everything for Lithmenar or something.
They also appear a lot more mellow and normal in thie scene. I guess Linkara (the author) wanted so show some nuance so we can have a peaceful happy end or something, but considering their previous over-the-top villain antics it feels more like they've been replaced by completely different characters.
Also we finally get their names: Lithores and Menarar.
  • Now obviously Linkara (the author) decided they needed names and so quickly split up Lithmenar's name (and quickly gave up when he got to Menarar), but the implication is that at least the nobility comes up with names for their kids by "donating" syllables from their own name.
    A bit weird and stupid, but I guess it makes sense for a weird society where your social class determines the exact number of syllables your name has to have.
  • What does not make sense is that Lithmenar got most of his syllables from his mother. He's their only son (afaik), and their zealous followers of the most bigoted and sexist flavor of the Linkaran faith.
  • Also I guess names in Peasantkicking aren't gendered? It's a bit weird that "Lithmenar" is a male name while "Menarar" is female.
  • This naming system (if there really is one) also means you can make educated guesses about someone's parents, which makes it extra stupid that Lithmenar never tried to have his cool thief activist adventures under a false name.
Worldbuilding tidbits
  • The country of Lahren is militarily weaksauce. You'd think they won't stay an independent country for long, what with Aigol being full of asshole countries - at least two of which are neighbors, no less.
  • The people of Lahren also hate the fuck out of wizards. This is never elaborated or explained, and somewhat weird considering that effectiely all non-evil wizard are Linkaran priests.
    Even weirder is that they had to take extra detours so the proud people of Lahren don't notice Indow and I guess kill her? Couldn't they have put her in some shit-covered rags? Does she have to walk around as a sorcerer-priestess 24/7?
  • Poker somehow exists on Sin, apparenty mostly so Linkara's minions could end every sentence with "Check" during their gossip section.
    (And don't ask why poker is a thing here, but chess isn't.)
ChapterShow
The last time Lithmenar had been in the capitol of Sam Tun Fahl, he'd sworn that he'd only see it again when the royal family was overthrown and a government controlled by the peasants was instituted. However, circumstances in his life had forced him to revoke his promise and return back to the city. The royal guards of the city had spotted them coming near only a minute before, but they took no offensive action to their presence. They did, however, notice Lithmenar and offer to help him off of his horse when they arrived. Lithmenar had merely glared at them and told them that it wasn't necessary.

To the others, Lithmenar was a bit of a paradox. Despite his protests to the contrary, the organized thieves of Sam Tun Fahl were truly more interested in gaining personal profit than they were about overthrowing the royal family. Sure, overthrowing the family was certainly one of their goals, but it came second to simply getting enough money to survive and continue stealing so that they, too, could have a life of luxury. Lithmenar knew that and yet practiced the same things even though he despised the rich and everything they had done to his country. Perhaps, in his mind, being the thief was the only way to hang onto the two things he really did desire - wealth and help to the commoners.

The group paraded through the streets of Selmonar, the sight of Lithmenar causing those within the city to look up and stare at their former Prince. There was a bit of hushed chatter among the peasantry as they saw Lithmenar pass, but they quickly fell silent as he moved closer to them. Lithmenar shivered in apparent fear of the people around him, knowing full well that this was what he had wanted to avoid - being on display for the people like so many nobility did in order to flaunt their superiority to the people below them.

If Louis had ever doubted that the people of Sam Tun Fahl were living on meager scraps in comparison to the royalty, the castle in Selmonar certainly didn't help those doubts. It was seven stories high and built of a combination of stone and marble. The arches and statues that adorned it were obviously there simply for aesthetic design judging by the way they were used, but it was blatantly evident that the people who had built it wanted to show off. Just like the statues at Notre Dame in France, the statues decorating the castle displayed religious meaning and purpose about them, showing the various wars between the Linkara and other religions. On top of the religious conflicts depicted the strife with the Darkness, with the Dark Knights represented as angry warriors in barbed armoring charging towards the Linkaran Priests and Priestesses. Leading the Linkarans, however, was a boy who hadn't had a face sculpted in, but wielded a large sword.

"They are expecting you. However, the Sorceress' hands are to be bound as they were before," one of the lead guards said.

Louis narrowed his eyes as he stepped off of his horse. "If you must place the handcuffs on her, I understand, but you will not bound them so thoroughly as you did before. Otherwise these negotiations end here."

The guards exchanged glances. They had their orders and couldn't let the negotiations end where they were. They pulled out a pair of magic-suppressing handcuffs and Indow gladly extended her arms. The handcuffs were placed around her wrists as they began to walk forward towards the main gates. White Raven and Jordahn remained by the horses in case they were needed, but Lithmenar came along with Louis and Indow to see if his presence might help encourage the royal family to give in to their demands.

As they walked through the main gates, Indow spoke up: "Did anyone notice something about the people as we were moving through them?"

"What do you mean?" Lithmenar inquired.

"They were all so... depressed. Not a one of them was even smirking. It almost reminds me of the Dark Knights; the way they were so cold..." Indow explained.

"They've always been like that, Priestess. I suspect it has to do with the way my parents treat them," Lithmenar responded.

Louis shook his head. "No, I noticed it, too. In a situation like this, they should be taking a little joy in whatever they can, but there wasn't even a shred of happiness in anything they did. It's almost as if they were in limbo or something."

"Let's worry about it later. We're approaching the Great Hall," Lithmenar said as he took a deep breath.

Lead by the guards, the three walked into the Great Hall, a massive chamber that had at least five guards at each entranceway. The entranceways were lined with gold and silver, the thrones sitting at the opposite end of the room also made of such material but laced with silk and other cloth to make a comfortable cushion for sitting. King Lithores and Queen Menarar sat upon the thrones, smiling and standing as the three entered. Louis and Indow did a light bow of their heads to the King and Queen and smiled while Lithmenar merely stood tall with a straight face. Lithores and Menarar shifted their gazes over at Lithmenar, their smiles dropping. Tears welled up in their eyes, but they held them back as Lithmenar nodded his head.

"Mother, father, it has been a long time," he said, his fists clenched.

"Far too long, my son. It's wonderful to see you again!" Menarar cried.

"Will you not step closer, Lithmenar, so that your parents might examine how much their child has grown over the past few years?" Lithores requested.

"If you'll forgive me, your majesty, I much prefer where I'm standing currently," Lithmenar replied, his face expressionless.

Menarar bit her lower lip and started fighting back her tears as Lithores merely nodded.

"Very well, if that is what you wish," he said as he led the Queen back to her throne.

When they had sat down again, the King crossed his legs and said, "You may proceed. You have a declaration from the Assassins Guild of Danab?"

Louis nodded and reached into his over shirt, pulling out a rolled up parchment from it. He unrolled it and held it in front of his face. He hadn't had nearly enough practice with it, so he kept his eyes glued onto the paper so that he could read off what the assassins had drafted.

"'To the royal family heading the land of Sam Tun Fahl, the Assassins Guild of Danab has long since been an opponent of the monarchy. However, due to the circumstances of our ancestors, this has been the commonly accepted foreign policy of our nation. Over the past one hundred years, we have grown in our knowledge of the way the world works and understand how monarchies cannot simply be opposed because they are monarchies. As such, we wish to put an immediate end to all hostilities between our lands. The border skirmishes shall end; no assassin shall set foot upon Sam Tun Fahl without the consent of your royal highnesses and likewise for any Sam Tun Fahl soldier or citizen who attempts entry into Danab.

"'We have sent to you a group of messengers to carry this message to you in the hopes that the light of peace shall shine upon our two lands. We humbly apologize for the atrocities carried out by the people of Danab and beg for your forgiveness and mercy. The messengers have been charged to negotiate a mutually acceptable peace treaty between our two nations and hope to help any problems either of our lands is experiencing. If you wish for the messengers to continue with the requirements we currently wish for a lasting peace, please do so now or refuse them, and they shall promptly return to Danab.'"

Louis looked up and smiled, thinking that he had done a fantastic job articulating the words written out for him. He looked forward towards the King and his eyes got wide as his face paled. Sitting beside the King's throne was a naked woman, around the age of twenty, with a chain around her neck that latched her to a side wall. To be more specific, the woman was a naked Anako, her catlike ears and tail low and rarely moving. The Anako looked down to the ground, daring not to look up at anyone in the room. She did little to shield her modesty, what little spirit remained in her had obviously been crushed by the bruises and cuts occupying various parts of her exposed body.

Louis looked over at Lithmenar, who was looking similarly shocked, although he definitely seemed to be more angry than surprised. He had seen the Anako being placed next to the King while Louis had been reading off the treaty. Louis snapped his head to his other side to see Indow's reaction. Indow had her eyes off to the side, not looking at the naked Anako woman. She was clearly not surprised by the sight before her but saddened by it. Louis looked ahead once more at the King and Queen, who were now grinning widely.

Is there a problem, my lord?" Queen Menarar asked, clearly having added the 'my lord' as more of a sneer than as a genuine sign of respect.

Louis looked back down at the treaty and smiled. He crumbled the paper in his hands and tossed it to the side.

"No, thank you, I think we're done here. Sorry to have wasted your time!" he shouted as he immediately turned around and began marching out of the Great Hall.

Indow looked up and quickly moved her head over in Louis' direction, shocked at what he was doing. She began walking after him, trying to catch up. Lithmenar stayed for a moment, staring at the woman next to the throne in all of her shame and humiliation. He then gazed up at his parents and slowly backed away before turning around and running after Louis and Indow. Lithores looked over at Menarar and smiled. She responded in kind.

*

"You knew about this, didn't you?!" Louis growled at Indow as he stormed down the hallways back to the main gate.

"I had heard stories and I certainly believed them. Raiders have come to the Shadae Islands before to kidnap Anakos and sell them as exotic animal slaves," Indow replied as she finally managed to get up to Louis.

"Why in God's name didn't you tell me?! I wouldn't have even hesitated to try to save her or any like her if I had known!" Louis shouted as he turned around and faced Indow, stopping in the middle of the hallway.

"I didn't think it was important! My lord, you must understand, these people have not experienced the same kind of things that we have in the Five Lands. They have certain beliefs about religion, societal roles, and individual rights. Despite what we believe in, we must respect-"

"NO!" Louis roared over Indow's voice, getting right into her face. "DON'T. YOU. START."

Indow stopped and stared at Louis, never having known him to be angry with her like he was now. He glared at her, taking a step back so that he could better explain his point without having to be quite so rude.

"Do NOT give me that 'let's tolerate other cultures' crap, all right? I can respect other religions, I can tolerate other social customs, and I can accept the different opinions of others as their own. However, I do NOT respect, tolerate, or accept it when those differences, religions, or social customs are shoved down the throats of people who don't want them! That is not 'cultural beliefs' nor is it 'a different religion,' it's subjugation and slavery, PLAIN AND SIMPLE! I will not stand for it and I will not do anything that supports it! And maybe it's hypocritical of me to say it, because now I'm shoving my beliefs in your face, but at least through such a realization I can admit that I might be wrong! And THAT'S what makes someone like me different from someone like them - the ability to acknowledge my own imperfection! Now, if you're done preaching your damn Prime Directive, can we get to work on overthrowing these maniacs?!"

Indow stared at Louis, taking a bit of time to take in his words. Lithmenar simply stood behind Indow, a smirk on his face. Indow looked up at Louis, bit her lower lip, and smiled.

"All right, my love. We shall deal with these abominations," she said, a smile coming over her face.

Louis grinned and embraced Indow, giving her a passionate kiss. When he released her, Lithmenar rolled his eyes.

"Oh, she gets a kiss for agreeing with you now, but I agreed with you beforehand and not even a hug? I feel unloved," Lithmenar joked, putting on a fake pouting face.

Louis rolled his eyes and started walking back down the hallway. "Come on; let's get out of here before-"

The three didn't have time to react. Red powder dropped onto them all in the hallway and covered them, the air pushing it in front of their mouths and noses and forcing them to breathe it in. Louis and Indow sneezed from it once before falling to the ground, unconscious. Lithmenar, recognizing the Gethric powder instantly, tried to fight it, but his eyelids became too heavy for him to carry as his limbs went limp. He collapsed to the ground, unconscious, as several knights walked into the hallway with masks covering them. One of them pointed down at the three and the knights quickly understood his meaning and began dragging the unconscious heroes out of the hallway.

*

Lithmenar opened his eyes and cringed. Gethric powder, if potent enough and in enough concentration, was capable of putting a fully-grown man to sleep for an entire day. Lithmenar guessed, judging by the light emanating from the window near him, that he had only slept for about six hours. He leapt to his feet and examined his surroundings, using his training as a thief to start locating as many possible escape routes as he could find. However, his training by Analee had had him prepare for dungeons and prison cells, not the lavish accommodations around him.

The room was about twenty square feet in floor space while extending about ten feet upwards from its surface. The colorful bedspread, the windowsill laden with dust, and the carpeted ground beneath his feet were all clear indications of what his "prison cell" was - his old bedroom. He walked around for a bit, his thoughts returning him to when he used to play with a few toys in between learning about various languages or religious doctrine that he would need to follow. At times, he would lie awake at night, reading by candlelight some of the books he had purchased and learning about heroes of old, some Linkaran and some from the other religions of Sin.

Despite the temptation to continue reminiscing, Lithmenar knew that he had to escape. "Thieves are never captive for long, for they are always seeking freedom" was what Analee had taught him and he understood it well. The obvious escape route was the doors, so he walked to them and twisted the knob to try to open it. The door was locked from the outside, sadly, so that avenue was out of the question. The next obvious exit was the window, so Lithmenar walked over to it and opened it. Luckily, the windowpane opened outward, providing access to the outside air. The problem, however, was the fact that he was five stories up with no trees nearby that could be utilized, so climbing down wasn't an option. He poked his head out of the window and looked up, seeing another ledge above him.

Lithmenar climbed onto the small windowsill and jumped up, grabbing hold of the window ledge above his own room. He pulled himself up onto the ledge, focusing his weight forward towards the window, definitely not wanting to fall down. He scraped his fingernails into the crack between the windows and pressed against them, pulling the windowpane open. He slipped himself inside and grinned. He was in another bedroom, but considering how small it was, he figured it was probably a servant's quarters. Since the servants belonged to the King and Queen, their rooms weren't locked. He walked over to the opposite end of the six-foot space and opened the door, slipping out of it and into a new, L-shaped hallway.

However, the one thing he hadn't expected to find when he opened the door was a little girl. She was about three years old and facing away from the door, long, curly blonde hair flowing past her shoulders. She turned around and saw Lithmenar in the doorway, a stunned look on his face. She was dressed in an adorable collection of robes and had tiny blue eyes that reflected his image in them. She smiled and giggled at seeing him, a small ball in her hands. Lithmenar stared down at her, not sure of what to make of the little girl dressed up in a dress fit for a-

"...Princess..." Lithmenar gasped, his throat going dry.

"Hello. Do you want to play?" the girl asked, bouncing the little ball in her hands.

Lithmenar collapsed to his knees and smiled at the girl, although he didn't respond to her question. The girl seemed to forget about him as she once again became entranced in bouncing her ball against the ground and the wall. Lithmenar felt a hand touch his shoulder and he turned and saw the hand of his mother, covered in a white glove with two rings upon her fingers. Lithmenar looked up and saw her smiling down at him. He then looked back over at the girl, a tear coming down from his eye.

"What's her name?" he asked the Queen, trying to keep his voice as quiet as possible.

"Lauralen. She was born several months after you left. We've told her a few times about you, but obviously not about the circumstances around your absence," Menarar whispered back to him.

Lithmenar breathed carefully as he looked down at the hallway floor.

"I have a sister," he stated as he began to cry.

*

Louis groaned a little as he woke up, his head throbbing in pain. He tried to move his hands while his eyes adjusted to the darkness, but found that they were held firmly against a wall. He moved his head around a little, spotting Indow on the floor near him.

She had already come to, but it didn't appear that she was in a much better situation than him. Her hands had been as firmly secured as they had been when they first met the King and Queen, surrounded by a cloth that kept shavings of the magic-suppressing metals firmly against her skin. Louis looked over at his right arm to see if he could slice through the restraints that now kept his arms firmly planted against the wall, but saw that he couldn't extend the blade down to cut them.

"Indow?" he called out, his voice a little hoarse.

The Priestess looked up at Louis and smiled. "Are you all right?"

"Feeling a bit parched and I have a headache, but otherwise I'm fine," Louis responded, looking down and seeing that his legs had been secured against the wall as his arms were.

Only a single torch on the opposite wall illuminated the dungeon, providing mediocre bits of warmth in the otherwise cool stone prison. Indow adjusted herself, the chains around her arms keeping her from standing up straight. She leaned in and started to chew at the cloth surrounding her hands, trying to gnaw it off of her and get her hands partially free. Louis shook his head, however, trying to get her to stop.

"Don't bother, Indow. Even if you could get them off, I'm sure you've still got the suppressing metals around your wrists," Louis pointed out.

"I know," Indow replied in between her bites at the cloth, "but perhaps I can summon up a spell powerful enough to break free of the chains. My books say that it's happened on a few occasions that a high-level spell can even penetrate the restraints of the metal."

Louis nodded and carefully put his aching head against the wall, closing his eyes and sighing in exhaustion.

"I really just want to go home, Indow. Is that really too much to ask? Why does this sort of stuff always happen to us?" he asked her as he looked at her once again.

"I wish I knew, my love. However, there is one thing I do know: I'm coming with you back to Earth when we get out of here," she responded, smiling as she managed to catch her teeth around some loose threads.

"Really? Why'd you change your mind?"

Indow pulled at the threads, trying to make them looser. When she failed and lost her grasp on the threads, she explained to him:

"Back at the Great Hall, you took offense to the presence of the enslavement of that Anako. I admit, forced slavery is considered a mostly outdated concept in the Five Lands, but its abolition is still recent enough that those lands that exercise it are understood and respected. However, you were sickened by it. You've often spoken of your world and your land, Louis, a place with total freedom over your actions and thoughts... The concept is as ridiculous as it is amazing for people on Sin. People of this world, no matter where they come from, tend to forever be looking to the past to find its answers and insight, but maybe we can find better things in the future. Your world and your ideals, Louis, might very well be the future of Sin and, well, I want to know about them. I want to learn of the world that has shaped the boy that I fell in love with and made him so, pardon the pun, divine. I need to stop looking at what might happen to the people I care about. What will be will be."

Louis smiled. "Indow, that's awesome. I'm going to enjoy showing Earth to you... provided we can get out of here."

At the sound of footsteps approaching, Louis quieted down again. Indow looked past the cell bars as a group of knights walked in front of them. King Lithores followed behind them and smiled as he looked at the imprisoned heroes, nodding to indicate that an order should be complied. The knights opened up the cell and the King walked inside, his hands folded behind his back.

"You know, your majesty, I doubt that the international community is going to appreciate you imprisoning a bunch of diplomats on a mission of peace. The assassins, especially, aren't going to like this. It's bad enough that because of all of the incidents they've had with you that they're going to go to war and probably win, but as soon as this country's economy falls apart, you're going to have a good ol' revolution that forces you out of power. A civil war taking place while you're waging a war against an invading enemy? I doubt these things spell a healthy future for your reign," Louis stated, smirking through it.

Lithores let out a hearty laugh. "There will be no civil war, boy. The people of this land have never and will never rise up against us or any other sovereign rulers of Sam Tun Fahl."

"And why is that? Will they be swayed over to your way of thinking after they hear the glamorous benefits of your slavery-for-food program?" Louis joked.

Lithores walked closer to Louis, narrowing his eyes while still grinning. "They will not rebel against us because they are incapable of rebelling against us in any way, shape or form, even if they wanted to."

Louis demanded to know, "What do you mean ‘incapable?’ All you need is a pointy stick and a good arm and you could wage a war of revolution with just a spear as a weapon."

"You'll soon find out why," Lithores stated as he snapped his fingers.

Two men stepped up past the guards wearing the robes of Linkaran Priests. Louis raised his eyebrow in curiosity as the knights walked over and held Indow steady. They forced her mouth open and did the same to Louis. The two struggled against their grasps while the Linkaran Priests began pouring water out of a kettle they had brought with them into a pair of cups. They each walked over to one of the two prisoners and forced the water that they had poured out into their mouths, forcing them to drink it. Louis tried to spit it out after they released him, but it was too late. Louis realized that he was suddenly getting a bit dizzy as the water circulated through his system.

"You see, deceiver, a true King understands the dangers that exist in his life every day. One of the reasons why you're not the Linkara is that you don't understand all of the things that make a leader a leader, not the least of which is the need for total loyalty from your subjects. As I'm sure you're aware, there is a native flower in Sam Tun Fahl that releases pollen into the air during this time of year and, when inhaled, makes one calm and happy, lacking any real will to do anything other than live a joyous, peaceful existence.

"A long time ago, the plant was experimented on to see if it could be used in suppressing the population, make them so happy with everything around them so that they wouldn't want to rebel. However, we soon discovered that, in a liquid form, the pollen would make one lose most of the willpower to do anything. They wouldn't be very happy, but out of that they'd have no spirit through which to be so angered by my Queen or me. We introduce it into the local life giver well site every week and thanks to the addictive properties of the liquid, the people continue to go back to the life giver to get the chemical even if they don't realize it. We have now completed a batch of super-concentrated liquid and we decided to see if it would benefit us or make things worse."

Louis couldn't hold his eyes open anymore as he drifted into unconsciousness. Indow, in the meantime, was shivering and twitching around as the liquid made its way through her blood. King Lithores looked over at the chained Priestess.

"We've never tried the chemical on a magic-user before. This should be very interesting to see," he said, grinning.

Yesterday,
Love was such an easy game to play.
Now I need a place to hide away.
Oh, I believe in yesterday.


The Beatles - "Yesterday"
Next Time: Hopefully not some stupid mind battle again...
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VoiceOfReasonPast
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Re: The Angel Armor Saga by Lewis "The Lightbringer" Lovhaug

Post by VoiceOfReasonPast » Fri May 02, 2025 9:02 pm

Can I be right in predicting that the negotations will fail if they never started in the first place?
RiffingShow
The last time Lithmenar had been in the capitol of Sam Tun Fahl, he'd sworn that he'd only see it again when the royal family was overthrown and a government controlled by the peasants was instituted.
Goodbye Fantasy North Korea, hello Fantasy Khmer Rouge.
However, circumstances in his life had forced him to revoke his promise and return back to the city.
Don't give up your hopes that easily. There's still a good chance Linkara will cause the state to collapse before sunset.
The royal guards of the city had spotted them coming near only a minute before, but they took no offensive action to their presence.
Wow, the evil people don't attack the negotiators they're expecting on sight? What a twist!
To the others, Lithmenar was a bit of a paradox.
Time for another paragraph in cliffsnotes style, I guess. Don't wanna have too many meaningless dialogue (that doesn't involve Linkara).
Despite his protests to the contrary, the organized thieves of Sam Tun Fahl were truly more interested in gaining personal profit than they were about overthrowing the royal family.
>thieves be thievin'
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Sure, overthrowing the family was certainly one of their goals, but it came second to simply getting enough money to survive and continue stealing so that they, too, could have a life of luxury.
I guess Analee was the only one who actually cared about the glorious revolution.
At least they're not quite as evil as their assassin buddies.
Lithmenar knew that and yet practiced the same things even though he despised the rich and everything they had done to his country.
It's okay when you do it, I'm sure of it.
Perhaps, in his mind, being the thief was the only way to hang onto the two things he really did desire - wealth and help to the commoners.
When did you ever actually do the latter?
Sure, there was that old crone you gave your first stolen money, but that was back when you were still a pampered prince with no need for a bit of extra cash.
The group paraded through the streets of Selmonar
This reminds me, maybe we wouldn't have had to have the first meeting with the royal family in their "country castle" in Palnor if we didn't have this stupid subplot about the actual capitol being potentially named "Lithmenar" on older maps.
Lithmenar shivered in apparent fear of the people around him, knowing full well that this was what he had wanted to avoid - being on display for the people like so many nobility did in order to flaunt their superiority to the people below them.
Put on shit-covered rags, then. Nobody was forcing you to put on your most glittering ball dress.
If Louis had ever doubted that the people of Sam Tun Fahl were living on meager scraps in comparison to the royalty...
When did you ever whine about the social inequality? You were too busy marveling at the cool animu hair colors.
... the castle in Selmonar certainly didn't help those doubts.
the castle in Selmonar certainly didn't help those doubts.
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It was seven stories high and built of a combination of stone and marble. The arches and statues that adorned it were obviously there simply for aesthetic design judging by the way they were used, but it was blatantly evident that the people who had built it wanted to show off.
It's almost like this castle is actually a palace, a confusion we've already had in at least Book 1.
You might want to look up some basic bitch medieval terms if you write a medieval fantasy story. Just sayin'.
Just like the statues at Notre Dame in France, the statues decorating the castle displayed religious meaning and purpose about them, showing the various wars between the Linkara and other religions.
Speaking of Book 1, back then he also used this French cathedral to help visualize a castle (except it's actually a palace). Does he have no other points of reference for "Big Medieval European stone building"?
Also a weird point to casually bring up the jihads enacted by the Linkarans.
On top of the religious conflicts depicted the strife with the Darkness, with the Dark Knights represented as angry warriors in barbed armoring charging towards the Linkaran Priests and Priestesses.
Fuck the good knights, I guess. If you're not a priest you don't count.
Leading the Linkarans, however, was a boy who hadn't had a face sculpted in, but wielded a large sword.
Maybe they would've gotten his signature weapon right if they could actually read their own religious text.
Does the Aigol branch of the faith even have pieces of the OG prophecy? They never made any copies out of paranoia, though maybe Aigol got an exception by virtue of being another continent.
"They are expecting you. However, the Sorceress' hands are to be bound as they were before," one of the lead guards said.

Louis narrowed his eyes as he stepped off of his horse. "If you must place the handcuffs on her, I understand, but you will not bound them so thoroughly as you did before. Otherwise these negotiations end here."
What do you have in mind, exactly? How many ways are there to put on handcuffs?
The guards exchanged glances. They had their orders and couldn't let the negotiations end where they were.
Shouldn't they have been welcomed by some bigwig already? Why does the fate of the negotiations now rest in the hands of random guards?
They pulled out a pair of magic-suppressing handcuffs and Indow gladly extended her arms. The handcuffs were placed around her wrists as they began to walk forward towards the main gates.
Much ado about nothing. Thanks, Linkara.
White Raven and Jordahn remained by the horses in case they were needed...
The horses or the ladies?
... but Lithmenar came along with Louis and Indow to see if his presence might help encourage the royal family to give in to their demands.
Sure. His name alone had such a soothing influence on them before...
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As they walked through the main gates, Indow spoke up: "Did anyone notice something about the people as we were moving through them?"

"What do you mean?" Lithmenar inquired.
"They were covered in shit."
"They were all so... depressed. Not a one of them was even smirking. It almost reminds me of the Dark Knights; the way they were so cold..." Indow explained.
That's not fair. The narration did not point out how much everyone was not smiling.
"They've always been like that, Priestess. I suspect it has to do with the way my parents treat them," Lithmenar responded.
Apparently they only treat the people of the capitol like shit? They didn't notice this in the other places they've been to.
Louis shook his head. "No, I noticed it, too. In a situation like this, they should be taking a little joy in whatever they can, but there wasn't even a shred of happiness in anything they did. It's almost as if they were in limbo or something."
"The oppressed, downtrodden masses are not smiling. That's so weird!"
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"Let's worry about it later. We're approaching the Great Hall," Lithmenar said as he took a deep breath.
I'm sure the "explanation" for the subhuman scums' baffling behavior will be worth the wait.
Lead by the guards, the three walked into the Great Hall, a massive chamber that had at least five guards at each entranceway.
That's a lot of guards. How fucking wide are the doors in this place?
King Lithores and Queen Menarar sat upon the thrones, smiling and standing as the three entered.
You might want to look a bit more intimidating for the negotations.
Especially since they are effectively about your capitulation, and how much you suck at ruling.
Lithores and Menarar shifted their gazes over at Lithmenar, their smiles dropping. Tears welled up in their eyes, but they held them back as Lithmenar nodded his head.
When did these ruthless tyrants turn into overly emotional pussies?
"Mother, father, it has been a long time," he said, his fists clenched.

"Far too long, my son. It's wonderful to see you again!" Menarar cried.
"Have you brought another girlfriend I can stab to death in front of you?!"
Menarar bit her lower lip and started fighting back her tears as Lithores merely nodded.
Killing poor chicks in cold blood just hasn't been the same without her son.
When they had sat down again, the King crossed his legs and said, "You may proceed. You have a declaration from the Assassins Guild of Danab?"
Real rulers manspread.
And doesn't he find it weird that none of the assassins are present?
Louis nodded and reached into his over shirt, pulling out a rolled up parchment from it. He unrolled it and held it in front of his face. He hadn't had nearly enough practice with it, so he kept his eyes glued onto the paper so that he could read off what the assassins had drafted.
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"'To the royal family heading the land of Sam Tun Fahl, the Assassins Guild of Danab has long since been an opponent of the monarchy. However, due to the circumstances of our ancestors, this has been the commonly accepted foreign policy of our nation.'
"They Romanov'd their own royal family and decided it would be cool to export this idea."

Blaming your ancestors for your "business practices". Smooth start.
'Over the past one hundred years, we have grown in our knowledge of the way the world works and understand how monarchies cannot simply be opposed because they are monarchies.'
I wonder how many tyrants they shanked into power before realizing this.
'no assassin shall set foot upon Sam Tun Fahl without the consent of your royal highnesses and likewise for any Sam Tun Fahl soldier or citizen who attempts entry into Danab.'
No more Hirodes, I guess. Peasantkicking can keep its raped lolis.
'We have sent to you a group of messengers to carry this message to you in the hopes that the light of peace shall shine upon our two lands.'
"We used these messengers because we are currently too busy killing people all over Sin."
'The messengers have been charged to negotiate a mutually acceptable peace treaty between our two nations and hope to help any problems either of our lands is experiencing.'
Do they also know what you consider to be "mutually acceptable"?
'If you wish for the messengers to continue with the requirements we currently wish for a lasting peace, please do so now or refuse them, and they shall promptly return to Danab.'
So wait, this is just a glorified non-aggression pact? What about the taxes and the rights of the people?
Louis looked up and smiled, thinking that he had done a fantastic job articulating the words written out for him.
And then everyone stood up and clapped.
He looked forward towards the King and his eyes got wide as his face paled. Sitting beside the King's throne was a naked woman, around the age of twenty, with a chain around her neck that latched her to a side wall. To be more specific, the woman was a naked Anako, her catlike ears and tail low and rarely moving. The Anako looked down to the ground, daring not to look up at anyone in the room. She did little to shield her modesty, what little spirit remained in her had obviously been crushed by the bruises and cuts occupying various parts of her exposed body.
King Lithores: "This declaration is boring me to tears. Fetch me my naked catgirl slave at once!"
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(And is she twenty in human or catgirl years? 'Cause I fear she'd barely be old enough for kindergarten in the latter case.)
Louis looked over at Lithmenar, who was looking similarly shocked, although he definitely seemed to be more angry than surprised.
"This used to be my naked catgirl slave!"
He had seen the Anako being placed next to the King while Louis had been reading off the treaty.
I like the idea that everyone reacted all shocked and offended, and Linkara was too zoned out to notice anything
Louis snapped his head to his other side to see Indow's reaction.
Shouldn't this have been your first reaction? Why were you more interested in Lithmenar?
Indow had her eyes off to the side, not looking at the naked Anako woman. She was clearly not surprised by the sight before her but saddened by it.
She was clearly suffering from an inferiority complex due to having smaller tits than the slave.
And shouldn't she have said something along the line of "Oh, and by the way, the two like to have naked slave girls around them" during her little etiquette lesson?
Louis looked ahead once more at the King and Queen, who were now grinning widely.

Is there a problem, my lord?" Queen Menarar asked, clearly having added the 'my lord' as more of a sneer than as a genuine sign of respect.
These two are bipolar af. I guess they're slowly returning to their old selves?
Next they're gonna order their slaves and servants to fetch them some puppies, so they'll always have something to kick during the negotiations. Or they order some whips because they didn't have time for their daily slave abuse session.
Louis looked back down at the treaty and smiled. He crumbled the paper in his hands and tossed it to the side.

"No, thank you, I think we're done here. Sorry to have wasted your time!" he shouted as he immediately turned around and began marching out of the Great Hall.
So the negotiations never even start because the tyrannical assholes are, in fact, tyrannical assholes. Color me shocked, and perhaps even amazed.

"No, you don't understand. They had a slave, and she was naked!"
Lithores looked over at Menarar and smiled. She responded in kind.
"We sure showed them who has the better pet catgirl!"
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*
"You knew about this, didn't you?!" Louis growled at Indow as he stormed down the hallways back to the main gate.
Naturally our hero blames his girlfriend instead of the slave-mongering assholes.
"I had heard stories and I certainly believed them. Raiders have come to the Shadae Islands before to kidnap Anakos and sell them as exotic animal slaves," Indow replied as she finally managed to get up to Louis.
Well, I can buy them being exotic, what with this slave girl being the only other catgirl ever shown in this series.
"Why in God's name didn't you tell me?! I wouldn't have even hesitated to try to save her or any like her if I had known!" Louis shouted as he turned around and faced Indow, stopping in the middle of the hallway.
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First of all, she couldn't tell you about this before because the concept of a catgirl slave trade (or catgirls that aren't Indow) didn't exist before this chapter.
And what's your excuse, exactly? You can't free slaves unless someone informs you of their existence beforehand? Bitch you could've just freed her then and there, and there would've been nothing these smug royals could've done to stop you.
Sure, you have weird respect for fellow fascists and authoritty figures, but you've flaunted your superiority by brutalizing minions for less - like last book when the king of Kien wasn't impressed by your attitude.
"I didn't think it was important! My lord, you must understand, these people have not experienced the same kind of things that we have in the Five Lands. They have certain beliefs about religion, societal roles, and individual rights. Despite what we believe in, we must respect-"

"NO!" Louis roared over Indow's voice, getting right into her face. "DON'T. YOU. START."
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He glared at her, taking a step back so that he could better explain his point without having to be quite so rude.
Sure, Mr. "Nice Guy" (air quotes by him). Take a few steps back before you continue to screech incoherently at your girlfriend. You don't wanna come across as rude while putting her through a struggle session for crimes against humanity that someone else is committing.
"Do NOT give me that 'let's tolerate other cultures' crap, all right?"
Oooo... kay. Go on.
I can respect other religions, I can tolerate other social customs, and I can accept the different opinions of others as their own. However, I do NOT respect, tolerate, or accept it when those differences, religions, or social customs are shoved down the throats of people who don't want them! That is not 'cultural beliefs' nor is it 'a different religion,' it's subjugation and slavery, PLAIN AND SIMPLE! I will not stand for it and I will not do anything that supports it!"
What's the matter, Linkara? I thought you didn't care about how people live their everyday lives.
Oh, I guess you do care all of a sudden if you personally disagree with it. Too bad your buddy the Linkaran Man never mentioned that exception.
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"And maybe it's hypocritical of me to say it, because now I'm shoving my beliefs in your face, but at least through such a realization I can admit that I might be wrong! And THAT'S what makes someone like me different from someone like them - the ability to acknowledge my own imperfection!"
I don't see that happening. You are the author's self-insert. Your opinions are the objective moral truth in this setting.
Though I'd say your hypocritical for other reasons:
  • You didn't nearly throw as much of a temper tantrum in Book 1 when you found out that the Armies of Good (tm) use slaves as camp follower. Though I guess it was different because the general assured you they're only enslaving "criminals".
  • Why do you even give a shit? As far as you know, everyone on Sin will be skullfucked by demons in a couple months - and your reaction to this continues to be "So long, suckers!"
"Now, if you're done preaching your damn Prime Directive, can we get to work on overthrowing these maniacs?!"
That's not what the Prime Directive is about.
And maybe you want to report back to the assassins before drowning the country in blood and fire?
Indow stared at Louis, taking a bit of time to take in his words. Lithmenar simply stood behind Indow, a smirk on his face.
"You sure showed that bitch who's boss, Linkster!"
Indow looked up at Louis, bit her lower lip, and smiled.

"All right, my love. We shall deal with these abominations," she said, a smile coming over her face.
She forces herself to smile, or else she gets the hose again.
Louis grinned and embraced Indow, giving her a passionate kiss. When he released her, Lithmenar rolled his eyes.

"Oh, she gets a kiss for agreeing with you now, but I agreed with you beforehand and not even a hug? I feel unloved," Lithmenar joked, putting on a fake pouting face.
He's emotionally manipulating her, you dimwit.
Red powder dropped onto them all in the hallway and covered them, the air pushing it in front of their mouths and noses and forcing them to breathe it in. Louis and Indow sneezed from it once before falling to the ground, unconscious. Lithmenar, recognizing the Gethric powder instantly, tried to fight it, but his eyelids became too heavy for him to carry as his limbs went limp.
Hoisted by his own date rape drug. Oh, the delicious irony.
And I guess triggering Linkara was part of the plan? How convenient that he didn't go on a rampage in the throne room.
Also good to know that Linkara's automated armor defenses to fuckall against gas.
He collapsed to the ground, unconscious, as several knights walked into the hallway with masks covering them
How do those masks work? Do they just strap a wet cloth in front of their mouth and nostrils?

*
Lithmenar opened his eyes and cringed.
I feel you, man.
Gethric powder, if potent enough and in enough concentration, was capable of putting a fully-grown man to sleep for an entire day.
I assume it also works like your usual fictional sleeping gas in that it doesn't kill you if you breathe in too much.
Lithmenar guessed, judging by the light emanating from the window near him, that he had only slept for about six hours.
Or thirty.
He leapt to his feet and examined his surroundings, using his training as a thief to start locating as many possible escape routes as he could find.
I don't think you need levels in Thief to notice windows and doors.
However, his training by Analee had had him prepare for dungeons and prison cells, not the lavish accommodations around him.
Why would dungeon and prison cells be brimming with "escape routes" only visible the trained eye?
And what? Your 1337 training is failing you because you're in a normal room?
The colorful bedspread, the windowsill laden with dust, and the carpeted ground beneath his feet were all clear indications of what his "prison cell" was - his old bedroom.
Shouldn't the naked slaves have kept this clean? What's their actual job anyways, besides doing their best Slave Princess Leia impression?
He walked around for a bit, his thoughts returning him to when he used to play with a few toys in between learning about various languages or religious doctrine that he would need to follow.
How many languages still exist on Sin, anyways? We only keep hearing of the dead stuff.
Despite the temptation to continue reminiscing, Lithmenar knew that he had to escape.
What temptation? You miss the days you were a dumb kid that knew fuckall about its own country and parents?
"Thieves are never captive for long, for they are always seeking freedom" was what Analee had taught him and he understood it well.
I don't think Analee was ever put in chains, which is kinda amazing considering her shitty thieving skills.
The obvious escape route was the doors, so he walked to them and twisted the knob to try to open it. The door was locked from the outside, sadly, so that avenue was out of the question.
You telling me you can't pick locks? Are you for fucking real?
The next obvious exit was the window, so Lithmenar walked over to it and opened it. Luckily, the windowpane opened outward, providing access to the outside air.
"If this had opened inward, I would've been so fucked!"
The problem, however, was the fact that he was five stories up with no trees nearby that could be utilized, so climbing down wasn't an option.
Make a makeshift rope and try to reach a different window?
I'm starting to get the distinct impression that Analee wasn't a very good teacher.
He poked his head out of the window and looked up, seeing another ledge above him.

Lithmenar climbed onto the small windowsill and jumped up, grabbing hold of the window ledge above his own room.
I'm pretty sure climbing down would've been less awkward, but I guess real thieves only use certified ropes instead of bedsheets.
He slipped himself inside and grinned. He was in another bedroom, but considering how small it was, he figured it was probably a servant's quarters. Since the servants belonged to the King and Queen, their rooms weren't locked.
You'd think the servants would get locked in their rooms, just to fuck with them.
However, the one thing he hadn't expected to find when he opened the door was a little girl. She was about three years old and facing away from the door, long, curly blonde hair flowing past her shoulders.
Great. More Aryan characters.
She was dressed in an adorable collection of robes and had tiny blue eyes that reflected his image in them.
Robes? Is this kid the loli pope, or has Peasantkicking been Feudal Japan this whole time?
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She smiled and giggled at seeing him, a small ball in her hands.
That's a very dumb reaction to seeing a complete stranger.
Lithmenar stared down at her, not sure of what to make of the little girl dressed up in a dress fit for a-

"...Princess..." Lithmenar gasped, his throat going dry.
Well, their only heir kinda fucked off in a huff, sooo...

(And according to the offical Peasantkicking child naming conventions, she's probably called "Oresar")
"Hello. Do you want to play?" the girl asked, bouncing the little ball in her hands.
This kid needs some serious lessons about stranger danger.
Lithmenar collapsed to his knees and smiled at the girl, although he didn't respond to her question. The girl seemed to forget about him as she once again became entranced in bouncing her ball against the ground and the wall.
I think her parents hit her a bit too hard on the head.
Lithmenar felt a hand touch his shoulder and he turned and saw the hand of his mother, covered in a white glove with two rings upon her fingers. Lithmenar looked up and saw her smiling down at him.
Apparently she doesn't give a fuck that he just escaped from his golden cage.
"What's her name?" he asked the Queen, trying to keep his voice as quiet as possible.

"Lauralen. She was born several months after you left. We've told her a few times about you, but obviously not about the circumstances around your absence," Menarar whispered back to him.
How come she gets a totally original name, while Lithmenar had to make do with your sloppy seconds?
Lithmenar breathed carefully as he looked down at the hallway floor.

"I have a sister," he stated as he began to cry.
She's a complete stranger to you and will be raised to become one of those asshole nobles you hate so much. Calm your fucking tits.

*
Louis groaned a little as he woke up, his head throbbing in pain. He tried to move his hands while his eyes adjusted to the darkness, but found that they were held firmly against a wall. He moved his head around a little, spotting Indow on the floor near him.
Putting the invincible demigod and the catgirl witch in the same cell. What could possibly go wrong?
And I assume the royal family has some delightfully devilish plan for them? Otherwise they could've just bashed their heads in when they were sleeping.
She had already come to, but it didn't appear that she was in a much better situation than him. Her hands had been as firmly secured as they had been when they first met the King and Queen, surrounded by a cloth that kept shavings of the magic-suppressing metals firmly against her skin
You're telling me they don't have proper dungeon chains for wizards? Aren't the von Peasantkickings super paranoid about spellcasters entering their palaces?
Louis looked over at his right arm to see if he could slice through the restraints that now kept his arms firmly planted against the wall, but saw that he couldn't extend the blade down to cut them.
If only you had super-strength or something...
Srsly why do you suck so much in this? Because the plot demands it?
Only a single torch on the opposite wall illuminated the dungeon, providing mediocre bits of warmth in the otherwise cool stone prison.
Must be a tiny-ass dungeon cells if you can feel the warmth from that torch.
She leaned in and started to chew at the cloth surrounding her hands, trying to gnaw it off of her and get her hands partially free. Louis shook his head, however, trying to get her to stop.

"Don't bother, Indow. Even if you could get them off, I'm sure you've still got the suppressing metals around your wrists," Louis pointed out.
You'd think she would be able to feel that she is extra-handcuffed.
Also chomping down on cloth filled with anti-magic metal dust sounds like a great way to accidentally swallow that stuff.
"I know," Indow replied in between her bites at the cloth, "but perhaps I can summon up a spell powerful enough to break free of the chains. My books say that it's happened on a few occasions that a high-level spell can even penetrate the restraints of the metal."
"It's hopeless. You're in anti-magic handcuffs!"
"But what if I magic harder?"
"I really just want to go home, Indow. Is that really too much to ask? Why does this sort of stuff always happen to us?" he asked her as he looked at her once again.
Great, now that Indow has once again been relegated to save the day by doing everything, Linkara thinks he has nothing better to do in this situation than to whine and bitch again.
"I wish I knew, my love. However, there is one thing I do know: I'm coming with you back to Earth when we get out of here," she responded, smiling as she managed to catch her teeth around some loose threads.

"Really? Why'd you change your mind?"
"I turns me on when you scream and shout at me."
"Back at the Great Hall, you took offense to the presence of the enslavement of that Anako. I admit, forced slavery is considered a mostly outdated concept in the Five Lands, but its abolition is still recent enough that those lands that exercise it are understood and respected."
"You know this slavery thing we've abolished (unless it involves 'criminals') and consider evil now? We're totally cool with you guys still doing it!"
"However, you were sickened by it."
Sickened enough to scream at someone about it, but not sickened enough to actually scream at the ones responsible for it.
"You've often spoken of your world and your land, Louis, a place with total freedom over your actions and thoughts..."
Unless it involves having strong opinions about the age of consent, other races, certain religions, and the number of genders.
"People of this world, no matter where they come from, tend to forever be looking to the past to find its answers and insight, but maybe we can find better things in the future."
I'm surprised Linkara hasn't educated her already about how he who forgets the mistakes of the past is bound to repeat them.
"Your world and your ideals, Louis, might very well be the future of Sin and, well, I want to know about them. I want to learn of the world that has shaped the boy that I fell in love with and made him so, pardon the pun, divine."
Boy, is she setting herself up for disappointment.
"I need to stop looking at what might happen to the people I care about. What will be will be."
"You know how I was worried that I wouldn't see my dad again because one day in your world might be a hundred years here on Sin? Yeah, I don't care anymore. Fuck that old fart."
The knights opened up the cell and the King walked inside, his hands folded behind his back.
Time for some gloating.
"You know, your majesty, I doubt that the international community is going to appreciate you imprisoning a bunch of diplomats on a mission of peace."
Well on one hand this is a pretty big faux pas.
On the other hand you're negotiating on behalf of a group of assassins who kill people around the world. I don't think they're very popular. In fact I don't know why everyone has been putting up with them for 100 years.
And didn't you just announce that you're effectively going to war?
"The assassins, especially, aren't going to like this."
Can't be that bad. They aren't going to lose any of their own in this blunder.
"It's bad enough that because of all of the incidents they've had with you that they're going to go to war and probably win, but as soon as this country's economy falls apart, you're going to have a good ol' revolution that forces you out of power. A civil war taking place while you're waging a war against an invading enemy? I doubt these things spell a healthy future for your reign," Louis stated, smirking through it.
I think you're underselling the importance of having a functional economy during wartime.
Lithores let out a hearty laugh. "There will be no civil war, boy. The people of this land have never and will never rise up against us or any other sovereign rulers of Sam Tun Fahl."

"And why is that? Will they be swayed over to your way of thinking after they hear the glamorous benefits of your slavery-for-food program?" Louis joked.
Well, it has been working so far...
Lithores walked closer to Louis, narrowing his eyes while still grinning. "They will not rebel against us because they are incapable of rebelling against us in any way, shape or form, even if they wanted to."

Louis demanded to know, "What do you mean ‘incapable?’ All you need is a pointy stick and a good arm and you could wage a war of revolution with just a spear as a weapon."
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Is this why everyone keeps harping on the oppressed peasants being "weird" in some way? They've been brainwashed or something? Is Peasantkicking a dystopian Young Adult novel where only the thieves are "normal"?
What the fuck is this? Divergent?
"You'll soon find out why," Lithores stated as he snapped his fingers.

Two men stepped up past the guards wearing the robes of Linkaran Priests. Louis raised his eyebrow in curiosity as the knights walked over and held Indow steady. They forced her mouth open and did the same to Louis. The two struggled against their grasps while the Linkaran Priests began pouring water out of a kettle they had brought with them into a pair of cups. They each walked over to one of the two prisoners and forced the water that they had poured out into their mouths, forcing them to drink it. Louis tried to spit it out after they released him, but it was too late. Louis realized that he was suddenly getting a bit dizzy as the water circulated through his system.
Oh, wait. It's just Temple of Doom.
"One of the reasons why you're not the Linkara is that you don't understand all of the things that make a leader a leader, not the least of which is the need for total loyalty from your subjects."
Or he's running some Tropico exploit to ensure 100% loyalty.
"As I'm sure you're aware, there is a native flower in Sam Tun Fahl that releases pollen into the air during this time of year and, when inhaled, makes one calm and happy, lacking any real will to do anything other than live a joyous, peaceful existence."
Ah yes, the weed flowers. They make everyone calm and happy - which is specifically why the docile masses are never smiling.
"A long time ago, the plant was experimented on to see if it could be used in suppressing the population, make them so happy with everything around them so that they wouldn't want to rebel. However, we soon discovered that, in a liquid form, the pollen would make one lose most of the willpower to do anything. They wouldn't be very happy, but out of that they'd have no spirit through which to be so angered by my Queen or me."
Oh, so the weed flower tea gives you a bad trip.
And no wonder your economy is fucked. It's not because of the taxes. It's because your population is borderline lobotomized.

(Pretty sure our heroes would've noticed something's off if they'd ever bother to talk to lowly NPCs)
"We introduce it into the local life giver well site every week and thanks to the addictive properties of the liquid, the people continue to go back to the life giver to get the chemical even if they don't realize it."
I'm pretty sure they continue to go back to the well because they kinda need to drink water, and they have no idea that something's wrong with it.
"We have now completed a batch of super-concentrated liquid and we decided to see if it would benefit us or make things worse."
Considering you want lethargic human cattle for some reason, making things worse would benefit you.
King Lithores looked over at the chained Priestess.

"We've never tried the chemical on a magic-user before. This should be very interesting to see," he said, grinning.
Image
Image

I'm sure she'll be fine.
Yesterday,
Love was such an easy game to play.
Now I need a place to hide away.
Oh, I believe in yesterday.


The Beatles - "Yesterday"
Maybe this would be more tolerable if Linkara (the author) had structured his story around the chapters being vaguely based on the lyrics.
Autism attracts more autism. Sooner or later, an internet nobody will attract the exact kind of fans - and detractors - he deserves.
-Yours Truly

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VoiceOfReasonPast
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Re: The Angel Armor Saga by Lewis "The Lightbringer" Lovhaug

Post by VoiceOfReasonPast » Fri May 02, 2025 10:40 pm

Hang on a fucking second.
Book 2, Chapter 10 wrote:Louis smiled and held up his arms that were chained together. With one quick
movement, he separated his arms, and conveniently, the chains attaching them.
Remember when Linkara was just clowning on the Terafellas for fun? Back then chains were unable to stop him.
Also in this book he's still strong enough to Kool-Aid Man through walls.
Autism attracts more autism. Sooner or later, an internet nobody will attract the exact kind of fans - and detractors - he deserves.
-Yours Truly

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Re: The Angel Armor Saga by Lewis "The Lightbringer" Lovhaug

Post by VoiceOfReasonPast » Mon May 05, 2025 7:51 pm

Book 3, Chapter 16 - Why I hate Cherry Blossoms
(Or: Fuck this fucking Chapter)



Linkara has drunk the Blood of Kali. Just how ogre are things now?
Not very much, I'd say. This is a cliffhanger in an Angel Armor book, after all. Also we already know that this stuff works differently on him thanks to his isekai hero DNA.

"Remember when Rain got killed?" Count: 13
"Remember when Indow got raped?" Count: 9
"Baddies Never Smile" Count: 17

And always remember: Linkara (the author) considers this his masterpiece.
RecapShow
Me reading this shit:
Image

So the fellowship makes it to the capitol of Peasantkicking, where they aren't even greeted by some officials (like the oh-so important Chancellor who I guess is still rotting in some cell or brig), which almost results in an incident when Linkara demands the guards to put on Indow's anti-magic handcuffs slightly differently than last time.

They parade through a crowd of people, where Linkara immediately senses that some weird shit is going on because the dirty peasants who have to pay 70+% taxes and are treated like the scum of the Earth by their lords and masters are not smiling like complete retards 24/7.
Image
Why aren't you smiling?!

This - and various comments in earlier chapters about how weird the lack of peasant uprisings in Peasantkicking is - is of course a very "subtle" clue for the revelation later in the chapter: The von Peasantkickings are keeping the population docile by lacing the water supply with tea brewed from that weed flower that makes you vaguely happy - except in tea form it basically acts like zombie powder, or strong antidepressants, or whatever other drug of your choice can cause effective lethargy/catatonia.
This is kinda dumb:
  • The weed flower still has no name. We have stupid names for the date rape drug and the blackpowder/napalm equivalent, but nothing for this flower with actual story relevance.
  • Really? The royal family is so evil and tyrannical they need to drug people up to the gills to stay in power?
  • The effect of this brew is described as causing one to "lose most of the willpower to do anything". Sounds like a great plan if you want to rule over a country that'll collapse in a matter of weeks at the latest because you've turned your entire workforce into useless methheads.
    • Maybe they're more high-functioning than I'm assuming. We can't know for sure. Our heroes never interact with faceless civilians that aren't offering goods and/or services. The lowly masses on the streets are only ever observed from a distance, like they're in a fucking zoo or something.
  • Instead of going "Something's wrong. The helots aren't smiling", you could've just have scene where Linkara accidentally knocks someone into a puddle of mud, only for that person to just shrug it off and continue on his merry way without a reaction. You know, show, don't tell.
  • How long has this been going on, exactly? The royal family has known of the properties of this brew since "a long time ago", and Lithmenar was puzzled about everyone being so docile even in his flashback.
    • If this has been going on for years, shouldn't the rest of Aigol know that there's something off about people from Peasantkicking? You can't tell me you can have even short interactions with them without noticing that there's something seriously wrong with these people. And that's not even going into people from outside drinking this stuff.
  • Also how far does this operation go? If they're paranoid about an uprising it won't do to just pacify 1-2 cities. On the other hand Linkara and his fellowship haven't started commenting on everyone's weirdness until they reached the capitol.
  • Sedating the entire kingdom would also come with quite a lot of logistical challenges, which would be hard to pull off and even harder to keep secret (*puts on Linkara voice*):
    • Cultivating the weed flower.
    • Harvesting the weed flower.
    • Processing the weed flower.
    • Distributing the brew.
    • Making sure the peasants can't avoid laced water sources.
    • Keeping around clean water sources for you and your loyal minions.
    • Making sure nobody drinks from the wrong water.
  • How do the thieves fit into this mess? They don't know about this. Did this whole operation only start in earnest after they got kicked out, or did they somehow manage to avoid drinking the laced water for years on accident, while also not noticing that everyone else is stoned af?
Lithmenar's parents are also starting to piss me the fuck off. Thanks to the quality writing, they keep flip-flopping between having to hold back tears because their prodigal son still hates them, and doing smug, shit-eating grins as they relish and flaunt the purity of their evil. All within the same scene.

Most of what happened last chapter effectively revolves around the royal family's plan to get Lithmenar back. Near as I can tell they ran into no surprise or anything, so basically this is "all according to keikaku":
  • Greet negotiators
  • Wait until Linkara focuses all his brain cells and attention on reading off some declaration.
    • I can't help put imagine this looking and sounding like some dumb kid badly reading something out loud in front of the entire class.
    • He's also oddly proud of pulling it off, which gets even dumber considering this declaration is nothing more than the diplomatic equivalent of sweet nothings.
  • Give your servants the sign to send in the naked catgirl slave.
  • Have Linkara calmly call off the negotations in suppressed disgust, and go to the designated date rape drug chamber with the rest of his gang.
  • Use the date rape drug to effortlessly take everyone out.
  • Chain up Lithmenar and Indow in your rape dungeon for later experiments.
  • "Imprison" Lithmenar in his old room, where he will have no other escape route than to jump up to a room directly above his.
    • Apparently Legendary Super Thieves only know how to pust out of dungeon cells (famous for not being filled with shit to MacGyver around with), not normal rooms with a normal door.
    • Seriously he didn't even entertain the possibility of trying to find a hair pin or something to use as a makeshift lockpick, or making a rope out of sheets. He just went "Whelp, I guess my 1337 training won't do me any good here".
  • Surprise Lithmenar with his mom and the little sister he never knew he had.
    • Dude just kinda breaks down crying as he is overwhelmed with euphoria. Did he always wanted a little sister or something? Personally I'd be horrified, seeing how there's a pretty good chance she will either grow up to become an asshole, and/or end up being married off to an (abusive) asshole.
  • Gloat at Linkara and Indow, tell them your secret drug plan, and then force-feed them with a new experimental version of the drug.
Now this wouldn't have been a quality Angel Armor chapter without Linkara being a massive idiot and/or asshole, and man did he deliver in spades. You can really tell this self-insert had to bend over backwards to make everything happen like the author intended.

I mean, really? The date rape drug? That's the sure-fire way to defeat the Great Linkara? And it's also one of the few substances that does work on him like everyone else on Sin?
And how did they manage to drag him into the rape dungeon? His armor loves shocking people who touch him without consent, and has even been shown to just hijack his body to defend him.
Linkara is now also incapable of busting out of chains, even though he was so good at it last book he was 110% sure the Terafellas were incapable of restraining him no matter what.
But not this time. Random chains put on by people who don't even know/believe he's an invincible demigod are an insurmountable obstacle now.

And then there's the asshole moment.
So Linkara is sufficiently triggered by the naked catgirl slave that he decides to choose violence and try to overthrow the regime - except first he needs to take the time to put Indow through a struggle session for daring to potentially withold naked catgirl slave intel from him.
Now obviously Linkara (the author) didn't want Linkara (the character) to go on a rampage right then and there in the throne room, since the rest of the plot can't happen when the von Peasantkickings are too busy coughing up blood and shattered teeth - but couldn't he have come up with something less moronic?
I mean, seriously? He could have saved the naked catgirl slave if Indow had told him about it beforehand? Does he need to find time in his schedule for this or something? And since when is he so unspontaneous?
As an added bonus, during his long, incoherent ramblings we also get an important addendum to his religious teaching of "I don't care what you're doing", which is "... except when I do."
And then he gets rewarded for being an abusive asshole, because Indow has changed her mind and wants to go to Earth with him after all. Being screamed at for no reason must be a major turn-on for her.
ChapterShow
"What's happening?!"

"I'm not sure!"

"Her magicks are going wild!"


The voices were distant to Louis as he attempted to regain control of his senses. He was fading in and out of consciousness as a result of the drug that he had drunk, but his mind was slowly slipping towards sleep once again.

What about the restraints?!"

"They're designed to stop magic from the hands, but the magic energy flows throughout all of her body!"

"Kill her! Kill her now!"


Louis could hear a faint heartbeat that began to wake him up. He realized that it was his own as he began to come to, but what struck him as odd was the fact that he was waking up facedown on...

...pavement?

The ground was concrete and gray, like a sidewalk. Louis slowly turned his head away to look up and see that he was within a city. Strangely enough, it wasn't a city of medieval construction on Sin, but a modern Earth city. He was next to the road and aching in several muscles, including his arms and legs. Cars were parked along the street and the buildings were tall, going up as far as the eye could see. He groaned in pain as he moved himself over to a planted tree, leaning against it as he tried to figure out what just happened.

"Last thing I remember was hearing that sicko of a king yapping about how they controlled the populace with the water..." he mumbled to himself.

"Louis!"

Louis looked over in the direction of the voice, seeing Indow lying down against a building's door. She rubbed her head and tried to stand as people walked by, not caring about the two who had just suddenly appeared in their midst. Louis ran over to Indow, putting his hand on her back and hugging her as he helped her up. Indow smiled and returned the embrace, standing up and looking around in awe. She stared at the men and women who walked the streets, some in business suits while others traveled in light jogging gear and still others were dressed in civilian garb.

"What is this place?" she asked.

"It's Earth... I think," Louis responded.

"Earth? How is that possible?" Indow queried.

"It's a secret."

Indow and Louis turned at the sound of the voice, trying to discern where it came from. Amongst the crowds of people, Louis thought that, just for a second, there had been a man standing and grinning at them. He had purple hair and closed eyes as he stood tall amongst the people. He was dressed more in the clothing of a Sorcerer from Sin than of any of the people gathered around him. However, the two strangest things of all were that: one, he was entirely animated, as in an anime or cartoon, and two, Louis recognized him.

"Xellos?" he whispered in astonishment.

"Who?" Indow continued asked, searching for the person who had spoken a moment ago.

"Never mind, Indow. Listen, I think we should get off the streets and find out what's happened."

Indow nodded in compliance. Louis held onto her hand as they ran through the streets, trying to find a place to duck in to. Louis was being over stimulated by the things he was seeing, since everything seemed so right. Every sight, every sound, and every smell were exactly how his senses remembered a city on Earth, particularly St. Paul, Minnesota. Traffic was beginning to increase as cars populated the road, filling the air with exhaust fumes and pinecone scented air-fresheners. Louis shuddered in his steps, needing to get away from the environment he was in and into someplace more manageable. He spotted a bookstore sign next to a downwards-staircase and quickly led Indow to it.

They entered the bookstore and, once again, Louis was calm. He breathed in deeply as Indow rubbed his shoulder, trying to help him.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

Louis nodded. "Just a little overwhelmed. I haven't seen Earth for so long and when I see something like this... Well, it tends to get to a guy."

"I could use a chance to sit down, myself. Here, there are some tables over there," Indow said, pointing to a small reading area in the bookstore.

The two walked over to the nearest table, sitting down and rubbing their heads from the shock of things that had just occurred. Louis looked up at Indow and smiled.

"Well, now that we're here, anyways, is there anything you wanted to know about Earth? I'm sure there are some books in here that I could show you," he suggested.

Indow nodded. "A history book would be fine. Tell me; are all of the buildings in your world great towers and castles?"

Louis chuckled and shook his head. "Nope, just the banks. I'll be right back."

He got up and walked away from the table, giving Indow a peck on the cheek before he left. He wandered through the areas of the store, looking for a good book that would be a starting point for Indow to start studying Earth's history. Of course, there had been millions if not billions of books published for the past thousand years, so Louis had to ask himself where would be the best place to start would be [sic]? He sighed and decided to leave it up to chance as he closed his eyes in the history section and reached out for whatever book he found first. However, as he picked out his selection, a relatively thick, leather- bound tome, he felt someone else's hand grab hold of it, as well. He opened his eyes and looked to his right, where he had felt the hand, in order to apologize and let them have the book. However, when he saw who it was, he was speechless.

It was a girl, but Louis wasn't sure how old she was. She wore a very odd ensemble of a bulky beige coat and a semi-business suit underneath it, along with a tie. She was smiling behind her cute face and square-rimmed glasses, her long black hair coming down around her shoulders. Louis gripped the book tighter, reason and logic beginning to escape him.

"Could I have this book, please?" she asked, a giggle almost coming with her words.

"S-Sure, Yamiko," Louis stuttered.

The woman didn't even bother to ask how Louis knew her name. She merely took the book when Louis let go and dashed off for the front register to purchase it. It took Louis a full ten seconds before he moved again, this time running back to the table in order to grab Indow and get them as far away from the general area as possible. He winced as he suddenly realized that his Linkaran gauntlet was no longer with him, so anything on the defensive angle for the strange things happening around him were no doubt only going to be aided by Indow and her spells. However, Louis knew that physics and chemistry on Sin worked a little differently than they did on Earth, so there wasn't any guarantee that she'd even be able to summon any magic.

"Indow!" he cried out, trying to get her attention as he cleared a stack of books.

Indow was sitting at the table, having pulled out a book herself while she had been waiting for Louis to return. Louis winced again as he saw that the book wasn't even one that worked with text, but instead displayed a holographic image above its pages, leaving Indow totally amazed by the sights before her as she tried to bat at the light like a cat playing with a ball of yarn. Louis reached over and pulled Indow out of her chair, quickly running towards the door and praying to God that he didn't run into the main character of Read or Die again as he exited.

"Louis?! What's gotten into you?!" she gasped.

"We have to get out of here! Something is definitely not right!" he yelled in return as he pushed open the main door and ran up the steps.

When the two reached the top of the steps, they froze and stared up at the sky in amazement of what was happening. Eclipsing the sun was a single vessel, cube-shaped and ominous as it moved quickly towards the city. The people in the streets were panicking and running away from the sight in the sky, but Louis and Indow merely stood frozen. Indow certainly didn't understand what was going on, but Louis further recognized yet another fictional presence now in the flesh. This new occurrence was a Borg cube, an alien vessel deadly and terrifying in its simplicity. Louis searched for logic in the strange developments when a new one hit him.

The Borg ship was being fired upon, but not by the tanks, anti-air guns, and jet planes of the American military, but by energy weapons of varying colors and designs. X-Wing fighters appeared from out of Louis' sight and strafed the Borg cube, firing pulse weaponry at it while a squadron of White Star warships came down from the sky and began letting loose a volley of Minbari/Vorlon weaponry against the enemy of Star Trek myth. As debris fell down from the explosions, Louis really wished that he still had his armor, so he could have the ability to fly or shield Indow in some way from the warped, burned metal that fell from the sky. Instead, all he could do was pull her along the streets and pray that he would be able to get her to safety.

As much as Louis wanted to continue watching the battle between completely unrelated franchises come-to-life, he knew that finding the truth behind his current situation was more important than seeing who would probably win the epic conflict. Indow and Louis stepped into an alleyway as the other bystanders in the streets ran in terror at the sights in the sky. The two panted and tried to get their breath back while they considered their next move. Louis figured that getting as far away from the city as possible was probably the best idea, but wondered what else was happening in this world gone mad.

"Is this how life is like on Earth?! I must say that it's not what I expected," Indow said as her adrenal levels began to go down.

Louis shook his head in disbelief. "Indow, all of the strange things that we've seen or heard are from works of fiction. Something's going on here, and I suspect that we're not even on Earth to begin with! What we need now is a place to go to gather our thoughts, but without a car or my ability to fly, I doubt we're going very far. How are your magicks?"

"Limited, at best. While I was in the bookshop, I attempted to try some simple spells to see how well they worked, but I had only limited success. Fire spells were nonexistent and it took a great deal of effort to create wind or lightning," she explained.

"This means you’d probably be too exhausted to try to levitate us out of this nightmare... Come on, maybe we can find another store or something to crash in to plan our next move, provided we don't have a Battlestar suddenly land on top of us while we're talking..." Louis joked as they began moving again.

They went for the nearest store they could find, ducking inside of it while not bothering to try to read the Japanese text making up its title. When they entered, the room was empty, consisting of beige walls and containing only a long staircase leading down to a set of Japanese doors. As Louis looked around, he couldn't help but think that his surroundings seemed eerily familiar. Indow saw the staircase and started walking down it, curious as to what was behind the sliding doors. Louis followed close behind her, wondering where before he'd seen a staircase like this one, leading down to a cellar and the area smelling like-

...like a pet store.

Louis' eyes got wide and he grabbed Indow's arm as she reached for the handle to slide the door open. "NO! We have to go! We have to go now!"

"Louis, what's the matter?!" Indow demanded to know, shocked at Louis' sudden change in behavior.

"We have to go! It's not safe here!" was his only response as he started pulling Indow back up the stairs to get to the main entrance.

When they reached the top of the stairs again, Louis grabbed the doorknob and twisted and pulled it, but it wouldn't open up. The door was locked, giving no clear escape, especially since the windows to the room had disappeared and been replaced with walls. Louis snapped around as he heard a door sliding open and he immediately jumped in front of Indow to protect her. His eye twitched as he saw a man dressed in a white formal Japanese shirt with a black robe around it walking up the stairs. He was tall and smiling sweetly, his black hair curving around his face to outline it as Louis saw his differently colored eyes, the right eye a bright gold while the left a dark purple. His fingernails were long and white, giving more of the appearance of a claw than that of a hand. Like the two other people that Louis had seen, this man was animated and yet existed in the real world.

"Hello!" the man called up to them as he finished walking up the stairs. "I've been expecting you."

"You stay the hell away, man! Don't come near us!" Louis growled in warning.

"Why? Louis, who is this man?" Indow asked.

"He’s from a manga and he's a friggin' psychopath."

The man laughed and shook his head, turning and walking down the stairs. "Come along, now, Indow, Louis. We have things to talk about and I have some tea for you."

"Knowing you, it's probably laced with acid or something hideously ironic that'll burn our eyes or make us throw up an appendix or two. Thanks, but I'll pass, you nutcase!" Louis yelled back.

Indow rolled her eyes and walked around Louis, following the man down the stairs. Louis sighed and stepped behind Indow as the man reached the end of the stairs and walked into the room behind the sliding doors. Indow and Louis entered the room, seeing a room full of animals of all varieties walking around flying, or slithering up the walls. There were a few chairs, pillows, and plants, but the majorities [sic] of things within the room were animals. On a coffee table in the middle of the room was a tea tray with a hot pot of the drink as well as some cups and saucers.

The man sat down in a chair and picked up the teakettle, pouring it into the cups as Louis and Indow sat down on the opposite couch. Indow reached out to try to pet a small raccoon that was sitting on the armrest, but Louis grabbed her hand and kept it away.

"Don't touch any of the animals. Trust me," he stated, although it seemed more like an order.

Indow nodded in compliance and sniffed the air. "It smells like incense..."

"Yeah, I'm sure it does. Listen, the only reason I trust you not to kill me right away is because in the Pet Shop of Horrors manga, you sometimes manage to do some good things. It's not often, but it happens, so what is it that you want from us, ‘Count?’" Louis said.

The man drank his tea and giggled a little. "So forward in things, aren't you? Aren't you even going to touch your tea?"

Louis shook his head. "It's liable to make some feral Pikachu want to rip out my liver."

"What's a liver?" Indow asked, confused by everything that was happening.

"It's an organ, young Anako... Since you're being more polite than your lover, I shall inform you of what is happening. You see, none of this is real," the man said, still smiling sweetly.

"I could've figured that out on my own. Where are we if not on Earth?" Louis inquired, glaring at the man.

"The King was feeding you and Indow drugged water, Louis. Normally, it's used to suppress the human population of Sam Tun Fahl from rebelling against their royal masters; however, both of you are very different from the normal human. Louis, your physiology isn't used to the altered water and now it's inside of your head, fighting against your white blood cells like a virus. Normally such a battle would just occur while you were unconscious and you would have to wait for the outcome, but then they had this glorious idea of trying it not only on an Anako, but on a Sorceress..." the man explained, trailing off.

"My magicks are causing this, aren't they?" Indow queried, a little embarrassed.

"Pretty much, yes. Your hands were still bound by the magic-suppressors, but your mental spells are still completely capable of being cast. This is the result of a combination of the Telepathy spell and the Mind Recovery spell. In this case, when the drugged water interfered with your Anako blood and mind, you became unable to control yourself or your magicks, so this little reality within Louis' mind is the reason why you're seeing so many things occurring around you that don't make sense. You perceive the things around you as a battle; in this case those things that you consider 'evil' facing off against those whom you consider 'good.' Whichever side wins will probably determine whether the drug destroys your minds or allows you to live. Are you sure you don't want any tea or cake?"

"No thanks, I'm fine. And tell me, Count, just which side of this little conflict are you on?" Louis asked.

The man looked to either side of him and leaned in closer to whisper his response: "As Xellos would say, it's a secret. However, despite your rude attitude, I have no want to have any harm come to you or Indow. Indow, in particular, is someone of great grace and divine spirit. She's an Anako or, as you would call her, a Catgirl. She's a pure form of the mixture of human and animal. I envy you, Indow, for what you are."

Louis narrowed his eyes at him and stood up, Indow doing the same. "Thanks for the information, Count. I do believe we'll be off now. Indow, go upstairs and see if the door's open."

I ndow nodded and began walking up the stairs. Louis turned to look at the man, but also saw the goat standing on the opposite side of the room that was looking at him, seeming to lick his 'lips' at the sight of him. Louis gave the man one final glare as he began to walk out.

"Your man-eating goat is giving me a look, sir. I suggest you tell it to look away before I make it possible for it to be looking up its own rear end."

And with that, Louis ran up the stairs, shutting the sliding doors behind him. When Louis was gone, the man looked over at the goat and at all of his animals, which were no longer in their bestial forms and instead had taken on the visage of anthromorphs, looking human except for a few elements that retained their animal heritage. The man smiled and leaned back in his chair as he drank more tea. The goat walked over and sat by the man's chair, grumbling.

"You should have let me eat him," he said to the man.

"Hush, Tetsu," the man replied.

*

Louis stormed out of the shop with clenched fists and gritted teeth. Indow sighed and merely walked behind him as he walked through the streets. The people were still fleeing in terror from the various explosions and other calamities befalling some section of the 'city.' Louis looked up as he saw Spider-Man slinging across the buildings to reach the disaster area, Ryoko from Tenchi Muyo floating behind him in order to help him. Louis rolled his eyes and kicked the nearest wall in frustration, a light gasp escaping his lips as he felt pain rock through his foot from how hard he had slammed his foot against it. Indow took a step closer to him.

"What's wrong, Louis?" she asked.

"Everything, that's what! I should be glad - this is the chance to meet every anime, comic, TV, and movie character that I've ever admired and would love to team up with, but instead all I feel is sick from what that water's doing to me. In this reality, my gauntlet's gone so I'm powerless. Let's face it, Indow - without the stupid thing I'm just another weak human being. I already feel like lead weights are attached to my feet, so I can't fly, and when I kick something hard, I only hurt myself and not the thing I'm trying to damage. Do I really have such low self-esteem that I need to fall back on others to do my work for me while I just sit on the sidelines?" Louis asked rhetorically.

Indow shook her head. "Of course not, my love! Don't try to read into things like they are. This world is a confused jumble, attempting to make sense of things that are not meant to make sense together. This is not the time for self-doubt or to be confused by the mixed messages that the life giver is doing to your brain. This is the time to fight! We must defeat the drug and free ourselves from the Royal Family's dungeon. Do you want to go home or not?"

“You know that I do-” Louis began.

“Then cease your pointless whining! My love, you are the most stubborn, headstrong, and irritating individual I’ve ever met, but that’s only because you care so much! But even in those situations, you can be the most reserved, cautious, and calming individual at the same time like the paradox that you are! Now, I know I say it often, but I love you. I love you with all my heart and soul because even when the world is on fire, when as though all hope and light have been contaminated with despair, or it seems as if the walls of Sin were to come crashing down and bury us, you’d take it all with a smile on your face and a song in your heart. I’ve never met anyone like you, not even the bravest of heroes that I have ever even glanced at or spoken to have the sheer ability to make the wrong things right like you do!”

Louis grinned and embraced Indow, giving her a passionate kiss. Indow blushed, not having expected her little speech to have such an effect on him. She closed her eyes and returned the kiss in full, savoring the sweet moment. After he broke it off, he grabbed her by the hand and began running towards where the heroes he had seen earlier were going. He saw areas of the sky beginning to turn orange or darken entirely, a sign that whatever was happening to the forces fighting off the drug, they were not winning. Indow winced and broke free of Louis' hold, allowing him to lead her, but still unsure of what he was intending to do.

"Wait a minute, Louis! We should probably have a plan of attack! After all, I meant what I said about how headstrong yet intelligent you are, but my magicks are drained and you are without your armor!" she pointed out.

"I do have a plan of attack! For some reason or another, while I'm here, I have no control of my armor. However, as we've seen, we don't need some armor to be able to fight whatever's attacking us! I'm a teenage geek who's got enough fiction and information hovering around his brain that he hardly thinks about anything else! Indow, this entire place is an arsenal!" he laughed as he found the building he was looking for.

It was nothing more than a dingy warehouse, the windows painted over to hide their true contents. The two came to stop in front of its main doors as Louis cracked his knuckles, hoping that what he had in mind would work. He put his hands on the handles for the doors and squeezed them tightly as he quickly forced the two doors open. Instead of the telltale polluted and disused shed that Indow had expected to see from a building so dilapidated looking, there was an infinite white void that covered all for the eyes to see. Louis walked inside and grinned, Indow following him as the doors closed behind them.

"What is this place?!" Indow gasped, each new event transpiring within Louis' mind giving her pause.

"The Construct. From it, we can summon forth and load everything we'll need. It's from this movie called The Matrix," Louis explained as he looked around, grinning from ear to ear.

"Well, what did you have in mind? Swords, axes, and staffs, perhaps? Or are you going to wield some sort of mystical weapon of legend?" Indow inquired, curious as to what sorts of weapons Louis could possibly be thinking of.

"You might want to take a step towards me," Louis suggested as he winked at her.

Indow shrugged and moved forward, standing right in front of him. As soon as she had stopped moving, aisles and shelves raced past the point where she had just been standing, moving as fast as a locomotive for several seconds until they stopped. The aisles were on either side of the two as Louis calmly walked over to the metal shelves behind him and picked up a tote bag. He nonchalantly began sifting through the first part of the aisles, a collection of various kinds of clothing, particularly of the leather coat variety.

"What do you think, should I go for the 'Matrix-styled-leather- fetish' outfit or the 'whimsical-and-colorful-Doctor-Who' outfit?" he asked her as he started searching the clothing racks for something appropriate to wear.

Indow simply stared at him.

"Never mind. Anyway, if you want to get changed, do it quick, because I intend to just grab what I think'll be useful and then head out to battle," Louis stated as he pulled out a black trench coat and promptly put it on.

"My normal clothes will suffice. Now, what sort of weapons could you possibly have created in this place?" Indow inquired.

Louis began walking past the clothing racks section of the aisles and towards the weapons supplies themselves. "It's important to remember that I didn't create them myself. Everything that's in this place is taken from some piece of literature and doesn't belong to me, originally. It's weird, you know? Fanfiction writers take that sort of liberty all the time as long as they point out that they didn’t create the material. Sometimes, though, it's simply good as free advertising for a company's product if people are allowed to write about the things that made them famous in an entirely new situation. It doesn't have to be canon with the official stuff and no normal, intelligent person is going to think that they created these things. However, in the meantime, they can sit back and enjoy as they get product placement without paying a dime. Of course, at the same time, they also don’t want to see their products get misused in some manner or simply wish to have all creative control over their creations.”

Indow stared at him once more. “You do understand that I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about?”

“Oh, I know, but, as you’ve noticed, I have a hard time shutting up. Now, where shall we begin?"

Now past all of the various clothes that had been made available to the two, Louis and Indow entered the first real groupings of weapons. Louis felt like a kid in a candy store as he looked at the shiny blades or the animated devices that now littered the shelves and could be taken down and held with little or no effort.

"The reason why we have the bag is because we're not going to be able to carry all of this stuff and well, frankly, I have a lot of ideas on what we're going to use. You see those metal things over there that look like crossbows without bows? Grab as many of those as you can and start stuffing them into the bag," Louis instructed."

Indow nodded and began to get to work on collecting whatever she felt might be useful. Louis, in the meantime, had plans of his own on the materials before him. He set off down the aisles, collecting everything he required to make himself into a living weapon, every part of his ensemble serving a purpose or design that could be beneficial in a fight. During some points, the Construct shook as if it was being attacked, but it held steady and the quakes didn't interrupt the two as they grabbed whatever they could. When Indow was finished grabbing every little dagger, sword, and gun that she could put into the bag, she turned to Louis to inform him of her accomplishment, but she simply stared at the boy before her.

Louis stood in front of Indow sporting, of course, the black trench coat, but now his body was littered with devices and trinkets that normally were reserved for an overly obsessed geek at an anime or science fiction convention. Starting from his feet, Louis' converses had been traded in for tight combat boots and his ankles were covered in specially made jewels that Louis recalled as magic-enhancers from Slayers Next (although he couldn't remember if Lina ever really wore any on her ankles). His jeans had been transformed into black leather pants with leg holsters for guns covering each of them. On his right leg, he had a standard gun in the lowest holster, a blaster pistol from Star Wars on the middle holster, and Vash's gun from Trigun on the holster closest to his hip. His left leg was mirrored by an average handgun, a Type II hand phaser from Star Trek, and, to counter Vash's gun, a gun that Louis recalled Spike Spiegel had used on Cowboy Bebop, although his memory didn't seem to be what it once was thanks to having spent so much time on Sin.

His waist was covered by a black utility belt from either Batman or Nightwing, although this one had things that neither comic book character had. For instance, on Louis' right side, six spheres magnetically kept themselves attacked to the belt, colored red on top, white on the bottom, and met in the center with a black line, indicating that they were pokéballs from Pokémon. On his left, there was another gun holster, but this gun was significantly smaller than the guns attached to his legs. It was black and obviously intended for use by smaller hands. Right behind the smallish weapon was a small round tag for the Narutaki Detective Agency, indicating that his weapon was from Steam Detectives. Farther back, behind the gun, was another weapon from Star Wars: a lightsaber. Behind the pokéballs was a similar weapon in principal to a lightsaber, although this one came from an anime. It was almost flat, but shaped like it had been woven together with straw instead of whatever materials had gone into its making. It was the Lighthawk Sword from the anime Tenchi Muyo.

Louis' T-shirt and plaid over shirt had been replaced by a white shirt with frills in the middle and a black vest that was closed above his waist. His arms were covered in the black trench coat that he had grabbed earlier, but that wasn't the only thing that was covering him. Instead of attempting to reform the gauntlet that had so clearly identified him as the Linkara, Louis' right arm was covered by a duel disk from Yu-Gi-Oh, a deck already constructed and ready in the main slot. On his left arm, Louis had taken some elastic band and tied a Digivice from the Digimon anime to his wrist to keep it steady. He knew that without a Digimon partner, the thing was virtually useless, but thanks to his encyclopedic knowledge of the series, he knew that it served other purposes. To finalize his costume for his arms, both hands had fingerless black gloves on them, although the left hand had one other advantage: a power ring from the Green Lantern comic books.

The things covering his back and head were the simplest of the entire outfit. Louis had three holsters on his back, each carrying a wholly unique item. Going past his left hip and extending up to his right shoulder was Sailor Saturn's glaive from the Sailor Moon anime. From his right hip to his left shoulder, Louis had placed a sawed-off shotgun from the Evil Dead movies at the ready. Finally, straight down the center of his back was a large sword, arranged in the shape of a cross and almost longer than Louis himself. It was D's sword from the anime movie Vampire Hunter D. Up on Louis' head, instead of going for strange weapons or other sorts of useful gadgets and designs, Louis had gone for the simplicity of merely wearing a black fedora over his head and a pair of sunglasses over his eyes. However, these sunglasses had been the kind Louis had always wanted: instead of tinted black or any other dark color, they were purely white and he could see through them on his side perfectly.

As Indow took in the sight before her, Louis promptly extended his hands and cracked his knuckles, stretching out a few other parts of his body. He tilted his head down, his glasses falling just enough so Indow could see his eyes. He gave her a wink, crossed his arms, and spoke:

"Groovy."

*

As he charged into the combat zone, Louis couldn't help but wonder what the shape of his enemies would be. He thought that, just as his mind had taken characters from fiction to come and act as his defenses, the attackers might take the form of villains of fiction. He chuckled at the thought of using D's sword to impale Myotismon or let loose a swarm of Pokémon at Deathstroke the Terminator. He recalled the Borg cube that had been fought earlier and grinned at the prospect of simply killing the cybernetic creatures by ripping a tube out of their head. However, instead of being fictional, copyrighted characters that had been used so many times before in fanfiction, Louis' opponents were of an original concoction.

They were varied in size and shape, some more humanoid than others, but for the majority, they were insect-like. The less-than humanoid ones stood on four legs, each ending at a point instead of possessing opposable digits. Their torsos came in what appeared to be skinless muscle that dripped blood in certain areas if they moved a certain way. They had two arms, but they were tough and flexible despite their bulk. At the end of each of the hands was a three-pronged claw, the tips of the claw sharp and serrated along the underside. Their heads were small and seemed to have multiple eyes at the front of their faces. The nose was nonexistent, but there was a single mouth on their face that extended out slightly like a beak. Within the mouth were several rows of sharpened, drooling teeth. They didn't seem to have ears, either, but there was a small hole where their ears were supposed to be. The humanoid insect creatures were built of the same structure, but they only had two legs and a futuristic helmet covering their head. They also possessed some sort of energy rifle in their clawed hands that had been adapted for their use.

Most of the heroes who had come to fight off the insects were dead already, their bodies littered across the desolate and destroyed cityscape. The few that remained were heavily injured as the swarm of insects started running out into the city. Indow and Louis exchanged glances and smiled at one another, grabbing weapons to begin the assault. Indow chose a simple sword, but Louis pulled out his Sailor Saturn glaive and gripped it in his hands. With a mighty roar, the two ran down towards their enemies, getting their attention right away.

The insects let out a gurgled hiss from their mouths and started moving to intercept the two new attackers. Louis ran forward towards the nearest insect and plunged the front of his glaive into the being's chest. The creature grabbed hold of the shaft of the glaive as it roared in pain from having been pierced. Louis lifted the glaive up and tore the insect in half from the chest, surprisingly leaving the glaive relatively intact. Indow, meanwhile, used a Levitation spell to float around the four-legged menaces that came near her, stabbing their heads whenever she was in range.

After three or four more kills using the glaive, one of the insect soldiers managed to grab the staff part of the glaive and ram it against Louis' face, knocking him off balance and releasing his grip on the weapon. Louis grinned as the soldier's gaze turned away from him to throw the glaive back into the crowds of insect creatures and swerved back to Louis only to find a pair of handguns in its face. Louis let loose the weapons, giggling maniacally as he didn't feel an ounce of recoil from the guns. The bullets easily passed through the soldier's helmet and killed it, allowing Louis to resume killing everything else around him. He unloaded the clips at his opponents, shooting wildly in every direction, although primarily aiming for the insects' heads and chests.

Indow didn't worry about her love, knowing that Louis was more than capable of taking care of himself.

However, she was worried about the fact that every time she instinctively attempted to launch a fireball or other medium-leveled combat spell, she was frustrated by failure due to the fact that her hands were still bound. The insect soldiers began to open fire at her with their energy weapons, letting out blue bursts of charged plasma at her. She evaded the blasts and ducked down towards a group of fallen anime characters, seeking cover from the insects' weapons. She winced as she examined the fallen warriors, who dressed in colorful garb that was stained with their blood. However, their tools of war remained, still gripped in their hands as true warriors do when they die. Indow went for the nearest one that she could comprehend - a sword that seemed to be sticking out of a group of rocks. She reached for it and pulled, wincing when she realized that it was only the hilt of the sword.

She grumbled for a moment, wondering where the rest of the sword had possibly gone. Louis laughed as he looked over at her holding the dark blue and black sword hilt. He had just finished firing a few shots of his phaser at a group of insects. Indow glared at him as a plasma blast shot over her head.

"What's so funny?!" she wanted to know.

"That's the Sword of Light, Indow!" he replied.

Indow gave him a confused look. Louis rolled his eyes as he exhausted the last of the phaser's power supplies, promptly tossing it into a soldier's helmet-covered head.

"Just shout out, 'Light, come forth!'" Louis instructed as he unhooked two pokéballs from his utility belt and placed them in each of his hands.

Indow stared at the sword hilt and pointed it away from herself.

"Light, come forth!" she shouted, feeling a little ridiculous doing it.

However, after she had finished saying the words, a beam of white and blue light shot out from the hilt, forming into a the shape of a long sword. Indow stared at the weapon for a moment and shrugged, leaping over the barricade she had hid herself behind and charging at the attacking soldiers. They launched energy blasts from their weapons, but Indow saw each one coming and deflected the fireball- sized bursts away from her. She lunged with her sword, plunging it through a soldier and cutting down the hordes that were attacking.

Louis pressed down on the center button on each of the pokéballs, almost dropping them when they expanded into the size of large baseballs. He tossed them into the air and shouted to them:

"Charizard and Kadabra, I choose you!"

However, just as the pokéballs were about to open and release the energy-converted animals from their containers, a group of soldiers fired at them and vaporized them. Louis winced and looked at the soldiers, glaring at them with wide eyes. The soldiers turned their attentions back to Louis and began firing at him, but Louis' rage was insurmountable at this point. He dodged the blasts and extended his arm out, the Duel Disk on his arm taking position. He drew a single green card from the deck slot and slid it into one of the inner slots, shouting out the spell card's effect.

"Raigeki!" he roared.

A giant yellow thunderbolt came down from the sky and struck the group of soldiers. It fried them and sent electrical surges through their weapons, causing a brief explosion from overloading. Louis turned back towards the other insects attempting to charge at him and aimed the Green Lantern ring at them, a line of green emitting from the glowing jewelry and forming into a giant green fist. It slammed directly into a group of insects and pushed them into a building's wall, crushing them against the marble of the structure in a great display of blood and guts. As the beam disappeared, Louis reached both down and up at the same time, taking hold of Vash's gun on his leg and the Evil Dead shotgun on his back. He fired in two directions at once, making insect soldiers fall left and right from the bullets.

Indow winced as one of the larger insect creatures managed to cut her arm. It wasn't a deep cut, but she was still bleeding from it. She stabbed the light sword through the insect's head and resumed the fight, but she winced as she felt her muscles aching for rest and for the wound on her arm to be tended to. She sliced away at the insects' bodies, desperately trying to make them retreat or die. She looked to Louis for a moment, seeing that he, too, was having difficulty fighting off the insects.

"My love, there are simply too many of them! Perhaps we should retreat and regroup!" she suggested.

"No!" Louis replied.

Having lost all of the guns that he had been holding thanks to empty chambers, he now resorted to dual-wielding blades with the Lighthawk Sword and a lightsaber. "I have another idea!"

After two insects managed to force the weapons from his hands, Louis reached around and grabbed hold of D's sword, swinging it around himself and decapitating the two insects before him. As soon as the creatures were dispatched, Louis held the large sword against the ground with one hand while the other hand busily went to a button on the utility belt, pressing it three times. The button glowed blue then as Louis lifted the sword again and stabbed at another insect. He smiled as the loud sound of an engine filled the skies above the battle zone. Louis looked up, seeing another vision from an anime appear.

It was huge, about 28 meters tall and shaped like a humanoid, but it was clearly a machine Its metallic sections were a mixture of white, blue, red, and gray. The armored legs slowly descended to the ground and crushed a few insects below it as Indow made her way over to Louis in total shock of what had now appeared. The insects, too, had halted for a moment in awe of the giant before them. The chest of the machine, a blue and red metal compartment, opened up the front, revealing a cockpit that could fit two. Louis took hold of Indow around her waist and pulled out Narutaki's gun. He placed a grappling hook attachment to it and aimed at the cockpit. He fired, snagging hold of a part of the metal and retracted the grappling wire. The gun pulled Louis and Indow into the machine while the insects took this opportunity to resume charging at them.

"Armored Slave..." Indow whispered in shock.

"What?" Louis asked as they made it halfway up the rope.

"It is both a legend and a spell, my love... There is a legend that in ancient times, before our recorded histories, great soldiers were encased in mystical armors of gigantic proportions and waged battle across the land for reasons we could never comprehend. There is also a spell that has only been accomplished once - by its creator. It forms a gigantic suit of armor around he who casts it, even giving the armor mystical abilities, as well. However, every individual who has attempted to duplicate the spell has died in the attempt."

"Cheery," Louis said as he looked back down at the insects that were swarming to attack the mech.

Louis raised an eyebrow as he saw pink petals begin to appear in the area, particularly around the mech itself. He let out a groan and rolled his eyes as the two reached the cockpit. When they were both fully inside of it, Louis closed the cockpit door, seeing the various computer consoles within his 'weapon' already lighting up. Indow went to a seat directly behind Louis but out of range of any of the consoles.

"You know how to operate this... machine?" Indow inquired.

"Gundam is the appropriate term, and no, not really. However, since this is my imagination we're talking about, I already know exactly how to pilot it because any button I press will do exactly what I expect it to do," Louis replied with a grin.

Louis sat in the leather chair of the cockpit and looked around at something to grab hold of to begin control of the mech. He looked ahead at the view screen, seeing the petals finally stop falling like snow. Louis rolled his eyes once more and took hold of what appeared to be two handles on either side of the main console.

"I hate cherry blossoms," he stated.

"You hate what?" Indow queried, not sure of what he was talking about.

"Cherry blossoms, they're Japanese flowers that release their petals during the spring or something. In any case, in an anime, whenever something terribly melodramatic or cool occurs, usually there are an infinite number of cherry blossoms that appear from nowhere and fly across the screen. It doesn't make sense and although they're pretty, it's a pretty big cliché and I don't know what they're doing in my vision. In the Japanese culture, it’s a symbolization of the never-ending cycle of death and life. I refuse to accept such a cycle, particularly one that focuses on death so much. I prefer to think of life on its own as a never-ending cycle as opposed to its other half: death. Oh, well, it's stomping time!" Louis laughed.

And with that, Louis pushed the handles forward, forcing the mech to move. Responding to his every action, the giant mechanical soldier began to step on the insects that came near it, squashing them under the totality of its feet. Several of the insect soldiers brought their guns to bear and opened fire on the mech, but Louis only responded to their attacks by bringing out the mech's own handgun, shooting bullets and ammunition as large as their own bodies down towards them. Within minutes, the insect swarms began to lessen in their intensity and became less of a threat. Louis advanced constantly, using every weapon that he could think of with the mech to drive them back or simply crush them into the dirt.

And as the massacre of the insects finally ended, the last insect desperately trying to escape from the Vulcan cannons on the mech's head, Louis and Indow heard a voice different from their own cry out:

"Louis? Indow? Are you all right?"
Next Time: We finally continue with the actual fucking plot. JFC, what a waste of time.

(Does anyone want fan art of Linkara's epic mind combat form?)
Autism attracts more autism. Sooner or later, an internet nobody will attract the exact kind of fans - and detractors - he deserves.
-Yours Truly

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VoiceOfReasonPast
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Re: The Angel Armor Saga by Lewis "The Lightbringer" Lovhaug

Post by VoiceOfReasonPast » Mon May 05, 2025 8:10 pm

As I was slowly going insane, I Just noticed that Linkara (the author) uses two different types of quotation marks, mixed together seemingly at random. How the fuck do even do that? Is this how we can spot dialogue that the editor modified?

Warning: I had to split my riffig into two parts. This chapter is so long and stupid that my autistic sperging could no longer be contained in a single post.
Riffing Part 1Show
"What's happening?!"

"I'm not sure!"

"Her magicks are going wild!"
Image

Boy, who knew that testing a mind-altering drug on a spellcaster for the first time might have undesirable outcomes?
Well, at least the king can't complain about this not being "very interesting to see".
What about the restraints?!"

"They're designed to stop magic from the hands, but the magic energy flows throughout all of her body!"

"Kill her! Kill her now!"
Oh right. Sin magic is channeled through the hands. Like that time last book when Indow couldn't cast out of fear that she might burn her own hands or some nonsense.
Did these wizards never figure out backup spells for occasions like this? Like mind control powers based on eye contact and/or their voice? Nothing? You guys suck.

Oh, wait. There's the catgirl-exclusive telepathy. Well, it still sucks.
Louis could hear a faint heartbeat that began to wake him up. He realized that it was his own as he began to come to, but what struck him as odd was the fact that he was waking up facedown on...

...pavement?
This better not lead to a fucking mind battle...
The ground was concrete and gray, like a sidewalk. Louis slowly turned his head away to look up and see that he was within a city. Strangely enough, it wasn't a city of medieval construction on Sin, but a modern Earth city.
"A city of medieval construction". Fucking clunky-ass writing.
He was next to the road and aching in several muscles, including his arms and legs.
Thanks for the clarification.
I feel like I'm deliberately getting angry at shitty sentences like this, just to delay the inevitable shit show that I fear will happen in this chapter.
Cars were parked along the street and the buildings were tall, going up as far as the eye could see.
Those are some big ass skyscrapers.
He groaned in pain as he moved himself over to a planted tree, leaning against it as he tried to figure out what just happened.

"Last thing I remember was hearing that sicko of a king yapping about how they controlled the populace with the water..." he mumbled to himself.
Yeah, whatever. Just figure out already that this is all in your head so you can use your mind god powers to turn into Ash or Tuxedo Kamen or whatever.
"Louis!"

Louis looked over in the direction of the voice, seeing Indow lying down against a building's door.
Image

The visuals of her shouting for her sweetheart before she can even bother to stand up is a weird one.
She rubbed her head and tried to stand as people walked by, not caring about the two who had just suddenly appeared in their midst.
You should mention shit like this earlier. I had already pictured this place as a fucking ghost town.
She stared at the men and women who walked the streets, some in business suits while others traveled in light jogging gear and still others were dressed in civilian garb.
Looks like it isn't convention season atm.
"What is this place?" she asked.

"It's Earth... I think," Louis responded.

"Earth? How is that possible?" Indow queried.

"It's a secret."
Image
Indow and Louis turned at the sound of the voice, trying to discern where it came from. Amongst the crowds of people, Louis thought that, just for a second, there had been a man standing and grinning at them. He had purple hair and closed eyes as he stood tall amongst the people. He was dressed more in the clothing of a Sorcerer from Sin than of any of the people gathered around him. However, the two strangest things of all were that: one, he was entirely animated, as in an anime or cartoon, and two, Louis recognized him.

"Xellos?" he whispered in astonishment.
Image

Excuse me for a moment.
Image

Moving on.
"Who?" Indow continued asked, searching for the person who had spoken a moment ago.

"Never mind, Indow. Listen, I think we should get off the streets and find out what's happened."
Yeah, just try to create tension before you remember that you are God here.
Louis held onto her hand as they ran through the streets, trying to find a place to duck in to.
Starbucks? A diner? Unless you're in a fucking ghetto it shouldn't take that long to find some kind of place to sit down.
Louis was being over stimulated by the things he was seeing, since everything seemed so right. Every sight, every sound, and every smell were exactly how his senses remembered a city on Earth, particularly St. Paul, Minnesota.
Dude's getting a seizure from too much hyper-realism.
Traffic was beginning to increase as cars populated the road, filling the air with exhaust fumes and pinecone scented air-fresheners.
You can smell the air-fresheners from outside the cars?
He spotted a bookstore sign next to a downwards-staircase and quickly led Indow to it.
10bux there are manga in there.
They entered the bookstore and, once again, Louis was calm. He breathed in deeply as Indow rubbed his shoulder, trying to help him.
What are you, a non-naked catgirl slave?

"Are you all right?" she asked.

Louis nodded. "Just a little overwhelmed. I haven't seen Earth for so long and when I see something like this... Well, it tends to get to a guy."
Shouldn't Indow be the one freaking out here?
The two walked over to the nearest table, sitting down and rubbing their heads from the shock of things that had just occurred.
This prose is just *chef's kiss*
"Well, now that we're here, anyways, is there anything you wanted to know about Earth? I'm sure there are some books in here that I could show you," he suggested.
You do realize this is all fake, right? There are fucking animated characters out there, and I'm pretty sure you'd notice all the people are fake/weird if you ever bothered to talk to a faceless NPC.
Indow nodded. "A history book would be fine. Tell me; are all of the buildings in your world great towers and castles?"

Louis chuckled and shook his head. "Nope, just the banks. I'll be right back."
Linkara does not believe in hospitals or office buildings.
He wandered through the areas of the store, looking for a good book that would be a starting point for Indow to start studying Earth's history. Of course, there had been millions if not billions of books published for the past thousand years, so Louis had to ask himself where would be the best place to start would be [sic]?
Image
He sighed and decided to leave it up to chance as he closed his eyes in the history section and reached out for whatever book he found first.
Image
However, as he picked out his selection, a relatively thick, leather- bound tome, he felt someone else's hand grab hold of it, as well. He opened his eyes and looked to his right, where he had felt the hand, in order to apologize and let them have the book. However, when he saw who it was, he was speechless.
Image

I dare you, motherfucker.
It was a girl, but Louis wasn't sure how old she was. She wore a very odd ensemble of a bulky beige coat and a semi-business suit underneath it, along with a tie. She was smiling behind her cute face and square-rimmed glasses, her long black hair coming down around her shoulders.
Not ringing a bell here.
Louis gripped the book tighter, reason and logic beginning to escape him.
She's just a female, man.
"Could I have this book, please?" she asked, a giggle almost coming with her words.

"S-Sure, Yamiko," Louis stuttered.


I tried finding something, but I found dick. Doesn't help that the name is probably written wrong. And shouldn't she have an animu look like Xello? Make it make sense.
It took Louis a full ten seconds before he moved again, this time running back to the table in order to grab Indow and get them as far away from the general area as possible.
Who the fuck is this chick? Is she gonna do this or something?
Image
He winced as he suddenly realized that his Linkaran gauntlet was no longer with him, so anything on the defensive angle for the strange things happening around him were no doubt only going to be aided by Indow and her spells.
Another thing you should've mentioned earlier. And more proof that none of this is real.
However, Louis knew that physics and chemistry on Sin worked a little differently than they did on Earth, so there wasn't any guarantee that she'd even be able to summon any magic.
Image

How do you know that "physics and chemistry" work differently on Sin? And how do you know how magic on Sin works?
"Indow!" he cried out, trying to get her attention as he cleared a stack of books.
Seriously, Is that chick's head gonna burst open and kill every mofo in the building?
Image
Indow was sitting at the table, having pulled out a book herself while she had been waiting for Louis to return. Louis winced again as he saw that the book wasn't even one that worked with text, but instead displayed a holographic image above its pages...
Oookay, is that also from the manga/animu that this chick is from?
... leaving Indow totally amazed by the sights before her as she tried to bat at the light like a cat playing with a ball of yarn.
Why is the spellcaster amazed by holograms?
Louis reached over and pulled Indow out of her chair, quickly running towards the door and praying to God that he didn't run into the main character of Read or Die again as he exited.
Finally. No I can try to puzzle together WTF that was all about.

Image

So first up she's called Yomiko, and her series is some spy thriller shit with paper magic. She can like make paper bulletproof or something.
Image

Moving on.
"Louis?! What's gotten into you?!" she gasped.

"We have to get out of here! Something is definitely not right!" he yelled in return as he pushed open the main door and ran up the steps.
Image
When the two reached the top of the steps, they froze and stared up at the sky in amazement of what was happening. Eclipsing the sun was a single vessel, cube-shaped and ominous as it moved quickly towards the city.
Image
Indow certainly didn't understand what was going on, but Louis further recognized yet another fictional presence now in the flesh. This new occurrence was a Borg cube, an alien vessel deadly and terrifying in its simplicity.
Called it.
And how come this is the reference you explain immediately?
Louis searched for logic in the strange developments when a new one hit him.
It's a dream.
The Borg ship was being fired upon, but not by the tanks, anti-air guns, and jet planes of the American military, but by energy weapons of varying colors and designs. X-Wing fighters appeared from out of Louis' sight and strafed the Borg cube, firing pulse weaponry at it while a squadron of White Star warships came down from the sky and began letting loose a volley of Minbari/Vorlon weaponry against the enemy of Star Trek myth.
I need another moment.

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Much better. Moving on.

(Also how far up in the sky is this brawl? Aside from the X-Wings every ship is varying degrees of fuckhuge, and never actually entered an atmosphere afaik.)
As debris fell down from the explosions, Louis really wished that he still had his armor, so he could have the ability to fly or shield Indow in some way from the warped, burned metal that fell from the sky. Instead, all he could do was pull her along the streets and pray that he would be able to get her to safety.
Find some parking lot or something.
As much as Louis wanted to continue watching the battle between completely unrelated franchises come-to-life, he knew that finding the truth behind his current situation was more important than seeing who would probably win the epic conflict.
Careful with the gawking. Remember how Rain died on your watch?
Speaking of, it's a shame she hasn't come up in this book at all.
Louis figured that getting as far away from the city as possible was probably the best idea, but wondered what else was happening in this world gone mad.
Good luck getting out of the city during a mass panic.
And don't worry about the rest of the world. I'm sure Lina Inverse and Sailor Moon are keeping the suburbs safe from Sauron's army, while Sachiel and the Megazord are duking it out in the countryside.
"Is this how life is like on Earth?! I must say that it's not what I expected," Indow said as her adrenal levels began to go down.
"That's nothing. You should see what it's like during rush hour!"
Louis shook his head in disbelief. "Indow, all of the strange things that we've seen or heard are from works of fiction. Something's going on here, and I suspect that we're not even on Earth to begin with!"
Nothing gets past you, Linkara :roll:
How much more until this fucking chapter is put out of its misery, anyways?

>15 more pages
>longest chapter in the entire book

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"How are your magicks?"

"Limited, at best. While I was in the bookshop, I attempted to try some simple spells to see how well they worked, but I had only limited success. Fire spells were nonexistent and it took a great deal of effort to create wind or lightning," she explained.

"This means you’d probably be too exhausted to try to levitate us out of this nightmare...
Just run, you lazy fucks.
"Come on, maybe we can find another store or something to crash in to plan our next move"
You're in a city. There's probably a store of some variety right next to you.
They went for the nearest store they could find, ducking inside of it while not bothering to try to read the Japanese text making up its title. When they entered, the room was empty, consisting of beige walls and containing only a long staircase leading down to a set of Japanese doors.
I don't like where this is going.
As Louis looked around, he couldn't help but think that his surroundings seemed eerily familiar.
I don't have enough booze for this shit.
Louis followed close behind her, wondering where before he'd seen a staircase like this one, leading down to a cellar and the area smelling like-

...like a pet store.

Louis' eyes got wide and he grabbed Indow's arm as she reached for the handle to slide the door open. "NO! We have to go! We have to go now!"
What grave danger have you gotten yourself this time? A harem animu?
"We have to go! It's not safe here!" was his only response as he started pulling Indow back up the stairs to get to the main entrance.
Judging by his previous reactions, this could be anything from Elfen Lied to Ojamajo Doremi.
His eye twitched as he saw a man dressed in a white formal Japanese shirt with a black robe around it walking up the stairs. He was tall and smiling sweetly, his black hair curving around his face to outline it as Louis saw his differently colored eyes, the right eye a bright gold while the left a dark purple. His fingernails were long and white, giving more of the appearance of a claw than that of a hand.
Not ringing a bell, either. I dunno if that's better or worse.
Like the two other people that Louis had seen, this man was animated and yet existed in the real world.
Hey, you never said anything about Yamiko Yomiko being animated.
"Hello!" the man called up to them as he finished walking up the stairs. "I've been expecting you."

"You stay the hell away, man! Don't come near us!" Louis growled in warning.

"Why? Louis, who is this man?" Indow asked.

"He’s from a manga and he's a friggin' psychopath."
That sure narrows things down.
The man laughed and shook his head, turning and walking down the stairs. "Come along, now, Indow, Louis. We have things to talk about and I have some tea for you."

"Knowing you, it's probably laced with acid or something hideously ironic that'll burn our eyes or make us throw up an appendix or two. Thanks, but I'll pass, you nutcase!" Louis yelled back.
Seriously, why do you immediately tell us where these spaceships are from, but leave us hanging here for multiple paragraphs? Who the fuck is this guy, and why should I care?
Indow rolled her eyes and walked around Louis, following the man down the stairs.
Even she has had enough of this bullshit.
Louis sighed and stepped behind Indow as the man reached the end of the stairs and walked into the room behind the sliding doors.
Oh, so that's it? You're just gonna give up or something?
Indow and Louis entered the room, seeing a room full of animals of all varieties walking around flying, or slithering up the walls.
That doesn't look like a very good pet shop.
There were a few chairs, pillows, and plants, but the majorities [sic] of things within the room were animals.
*chef's kiss*

(Just trying to preserve my sanity here.)
Indow reached out to try to pet a small raccoon that was sitting on the armrest, but Louis grabbed her hand and kept it away.

"Don't touch any of the animals. Trust me," he stated, although it seemed more like an order.
Better get a flamethrower.
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"Yeah, I'm sure it does. Listen, the only reason I trust you not to kill me right away is because in the Pet Shop of Horrors manga, you sometimes manage to do some good things. It's not often, but it happens, so what is it that you want from us, ‘Count?’" Louis said.
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Thanks for telling me what this shit is about.

Pet Shop of Horrors actually crossed my mind, but I've only read a bit about it, and all the art made me think that the MC is a chick. Fucking bishies, man.
What I do know about though is that the series is about people being hoisted by their own petard when they buy a clearly supernatural pet from him and fail to follow the contract that comes with the pet. It's like Gremlins with a bishie instead of an old dude. How does this translate to a psychopath with serial killer tendencies?
The man drank his tea and giggled a little. "So forward in things, aren't you? Aren't you even going to touch your tea?"

Louis shook his head. "It's liable to make some feral Pikachu want to rip out my liver."
Knowing which manga this is somehow made it more confusing. This is how a typical Pet Shop story goes afaik:
  • Person loses loved one.
  • Person enters pet shop.
  • Shop owner shows him a "pet" which is somehow humanoid and looks exactly like that loved one (neither of which the owner ever acknowledges; dude just acts like it's a normal pet).
  • Person buys the "pet" and gets instructions for what not to do.
  • Person does it anyways (likely due to the "pet" reminding them of their loved one).
  • Person gets eaten by the "pet" for breaking the rules.
  • Shop owner probably sips tea or something, and muses about how humans can't let go of the past or some shit like that.
This is like being scared shitless of Season 0 Yugi, even though all you have to do is not be an asshole, and not agree to play a game with him when he's in Yami mode.
"What's a liver?" Indow asked, confused by everything that was happening.
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"It's an organ, young Anako... Since you're being more polite than your lover, I shall inform you of what is happening. You see, none of this is real," the man said, still smiling sweetly.

"I could've figured that out on my own."
Sure, Linkara :roll:
"Where are we if not on Earth?" Louis inquired, glaring at the man.

"The King was feeding you and Indow drugged water, Louis. Normally, it's used to suppress the human population of Sam Tun Fahl from rebelling against their royal masters; however, both of you are very different from the normal human.
Really? This (likely) figment of your imagination is just gonna explain everything to you?
"Louis, your physiology isn't used to the altered water and now it's inside of your head, fighting against your white blood cells like a virus."
Yeah, that was not very surprising.
Though the way he explains it is weird. The water is in his stomach. It's the shit inside the water that has gone on a cruise through his body.
"Normally such a battle would just occur while you were unconscious and you would have to wait for the outcome, but then they had this glorious idea of trying it not only on an Anako, but on a Sorceress..." the man explained, trailing off.
What happens if you just do it on a catgirl? He had one of those around. Does it give you wet dreams or something?
"My magicks are causing this, aren't they?" Indow queried, a little embarrassed.
If it's any consolation it's Linkara's autistic brain that's conjuring up all of this nonsense.
"Pretty much, yes. Your hands were still bound by the magic-suppressors, but your mental spells are still completely capable of being cast."
Does she have other mental spells besides the telepathy one?
"This is the result of a combination of the Telepathy spell and the Mind Recovery spell. In this case, when the drugged water interfered with your Anako blood and mind, you became unable to control yourself or your magicks, so this little reality within Louis' mind is the reason why you're seeing so many things occurring around you that don't make sense."
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"You perceive the things around you as a battle; in this case those things that you consider 'evil' facing off against those whom you consider 'good.' Whichever side wins will probably determine whether the drug destroys your minds or allows you to live. Are you sure you don't want any tea or cake?"
This is the worst fucking setup for a mind battle yet.
I bet Linkara couldn't even get drunk in this series without having an epic mind battle to decide whether or not he'll wake up with a hangover.
"No thanks, I'm fine. And tell me, Count, just which side of this little conflict are you on?" Louis asked.

The man looked to either side of him and leaned in closer to whisper his response: "As Xellos would say, it's a secret."
You still think he's trying to kill you, but you'll probably still believe everything he says.
"Indow, in particular, is someone of great grace and divine spirit. She's an Anako or, as you would call her, a Catgirl. She's a pure form of the mixture of human and animal. I envy you, Indow, for what you are."
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"Indow, go upstairs and see if the door's open."
Shouldn't you go with her?
Louis turned to look at the man, but also saw the goat standing on the opposite side of the room that was looking at him, seeming to lick his 'lips' at the sight of him. Louis gave the man one final glare as he began to walk out.

"Your man-eating goat is giving me a look, sir. I suggest you tell it to look away before I make it possible for it to be looking up its own rear end."
I'd like to see you try without your celestial suit of super-armor.
The goat walked over and sat by the man's chair, grumbling.

"You should have let me eat him," he said to the man.

"Hush, Tetsu," the man replied
The internet tells me this is a comic relief character.

*
Louis stormed out of the shop with clenched fists and gritted teeth. Indow sighed and merely walked behind him as he walked through the streets.
She so fucking done. Good luck getting her to Earth now.
Louis looked up as he saw Spider-Man slinging across the buildings to reach the disaster area, Ryoko from Tenchi Muyo floating behind him in order to help him.
Starting this book with a big "You can't sue me, these characters are all mind constructs!" was totally worth it.
Louis rolled his eyes and kicked the nearest wall in frustration, a light gasp escaping his lips as he felt pain rock through his foot from how hard he had slammed his foot against it.
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Indow took a step closer to him.

"What's wrong, Louis?" she asked.

"Everything, that's what! I should be glad - this is the chance to meet every anime, comic, TV, and movie character that I've ever admired and would love to team up with..."
Really? So far you've been freaking out like you keep running into Freddy Krugers and Pinheads.
"... but instead all I feel is sick from what that water's doing to me."
That's just you being your usual whiny asshole self.
In this reality, my gauntlet's gone so I'm powerless. Let's face it, Indow - without the stupid thing I'm just another weak human being.
You're just trying to drum up drama before you conveniently "remember" that you are God (tm) here.

"I already feel like lead weights are attached to my feet, so I can't fly, and when I kick something hard, I only hurt myself and not the thing I'm trying to damage."
Try kicking something that isn't harder than your foot?
"Do I really have such low self-esteem that I need to fall back on others to do my work for me while I just sit on the sidelines?" Louis asked rhetorically.
I'm pretty sure Indow has done more in this book than you. In fact she has done more than the rest of the team combined because you keep relying on her saving your asses with some big fuck-off spell.
"We must defeat the drug and free ourselves from the Royal Family's dungeon. Do you want to go home or not?"

“You know that I do-” Louis began.

“Then cease your pointless whining! My love, you are the most stubborn, headstrong, and irritating individual I’ve ever met, but that’s only because you care so much!"
"Care about the Linkara who cares about himself!"

“I’ve never met anyone like you, not even the bravest of heroes that I have ever even glanced at or spoken to have the sheer ability to make the wrong things right like you do!”
What heroes?
Louis grinned and embraced Indow, giving her a passionate kiss. Indow blushed, not having expected her little speech to have such an effect on him.
You need to read up on "simps".
He saw areas of the sky beginning to turn orange or darken entirely, a sign that whatever was happening to the forces fighting off the drug, they were not winning.
And you know that because...?
"For some reason or another, while I'm here, I have no control of my armor."
It's called "Your weird obsession with having mind battles where you steal other characters' powers and equipment."
"However, as we've seen, we don't need some armor to be able to fight whatever's attacking us! I'm a teenage geek who's got enough fiction and information hovering around his brain that he hardly thinks about anything else! Indow, this entire place is an arsenal!" he laughed as he found the building he was looking for.
I fear we haven't even begun to hit peak cringe yet.
It was nothing more than a dingy warehouse, the windows painted over to hide their true contents. The two came to stop in front of its main doors as Louis cracked his knuckles, hoping that what he had in mind would work. He put his hands on the handles for the doors and squeezed them tightly as he quickly forced the two doors open. Instead of the telltale polluted and disused shed that Indow had expected to see from a building so dilapidated looking, there was an infinite white void that covered all for the eyes to see.
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Fucking Matrix, bitches.
And how the fuck did Indow have any idea what to expect inside a modern warehouse (outside of "a room")?
How the fuck did Linkara have any idea what to expect, for that matter? The Construct doesn't really have an outside. Did he like stumble on it by chance, or did he will it into existence? If it's the latter, can't he just skip this thing and just wish for whatever he wants directly?
"What is this place?!" Indow gasped, each new event transpiring within Louis' mind giving her pause.

"The Construct. From it, we can summon forth and load everything we'll need. It's from this movie called The Matrix," Louis explained as he looked around, grinning from ear to ear.
As far as you know, the place can only provide you with modern day firearms. I don't recall Neo grabbing phasers and BFGs from it.
"Well, what did you have in mind? Swords, axes, and staffs, perhaps? Or are you going to wield some sort of mystical weapon of legend?" Indow inquired, curious as to what sorts of weapons Louis could possibly be thinking of.
I'm sure the Master Sword will do wonders against a Borg Cube.
Indow shrugged and moved forward, standing right in front of him. As soon as she had stopped moving, aisles and shelves raced past the point where she had just been standing, moving as fast as a locomotive for several seconds until they stopped. The aisles were on either side of the two as Louis calmly walked over to the metal shelves behind him and picked up a tote bag.
Ah yes. Everyone remembers the iconic moment of Neo picking up a tote bag.
"What do you think, should I go for the 'Matrix-styled-leather- fetish' outfit or the 'whimsical-and-colorful-Doctor-Who' outfit?" he asked her as he started searching the clothing racks for something appropriate to wear.
It's funny because she has no idea WTF you're talking about.
Also I just threw up a little.
"Never mind. Anyway, if you want to get changed, do it quick, because I intend to just grab what I think'll be useful and then head out to battle," Louis stated as he pulled out a black trench coat and promptly put it on.
"Hurry up, woman. I must join the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny at once!"
"My normal clothes will suffice. Now, what sort of weapons could you possibly have created in this place?" Indow inquired.
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"It's important to remember that I didn't create them myself. Everything that's in this place is taken from some piece of literature and doesn't belong to me, originally."
"Please don't sue me."

And why does this franchise have perfect copies of shit from other franchises? That'd be like of that Pet Shop guy had actual Gremlins.
"It's weird, you know? Fanfiction writers take that sort of liberty all the time as long as they point out that they didn’t create the material."
They also don't sell their work on Amazon.
"Sometimes, though, it's simply good as free advertising for a company's product if people are allowed to write about the things that made them famous in an entirely new situation."
"No, really. Please don't sue me."
"It doesn't have to be canon with the official stuff and no normal, intelligent person is going to think that they created these things."
"Pretty please?"

And ah shucks. I thought the Angel Armor series was an official Star Trek product :|
"However, in the meantime, they can sit back and enjoy as they get product placement without paying a dime."
The mangaka of Read or Die should thank you for this wonderful exposure.
"Of course, at the same time, they also don’t want to see their products get misused in some manner or simply wish to have all creative control over their creations."
"But fuck that noise. I want a motherfucking Borg Cube in my motherfucking book!"
Indow stared at him once more. “You do understand that I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about?”
If I ever make a fan edit of this mess, I'll splice this line into every discussion involving Linkara. It's just so perfect.
“Oh, I know, but, as you’ve noticed, I have a hard time shutting up."
"I can't be bothered to come up with in-story justification for lecturing the readers about Fair Use!"
Louis felt like a kid in a candy store as he looked at the shiny blades or the animated devices that now littered the shelves and could be taken down and held with little or no effort.
Have you forgotten that your arms are like pudding without your precious gauntlet?
"The reason why we have the bag is because we're not going to be able to carry all of this stuff and well, frankly, I have a lot of ideas on what we're going to use."
It's a tote bag, not a Bag of Holding.
"You see those metal things over there that look like crossbows without bows? Grab as many of those as you can and start stuffing them into the bag," Louis instructed."
Indow would then blow her brains out, for she as never heard of gun safety.
Indow nodded and began to get to work on collecting whatever she felt might be useful.
She has no idea what this stuff is, or WTF she's gonna be up against. I don't think her female intuition will work out here.
Louis, in the meantime, had plans of his own on the materials before him. He set off down the aisles, collecting everything he required to make himself into a living weapon, every part of his ensemble serving a purpose or design that could be beneficial in a fight.
He's gonna look like he just emerged from a massive cosplayer brawl, isn't he?

Anyhow, time for some motherfucking henshin music. Couldn't settle for one, so pick your poison:

(Say what you will about the Sailor Moon Crystal reboot, but this song is dope af.)


(The main version of this has vocals, but they kinda ruin the sick violin solo IMO.)
When Indow was finished grabbing every little dagger, sword, and gun that she could put into the bag...
Even if she only crammed in one of each (dagger, sword, pistol, rifle) we're probably looking at around 6 kilos, which would probably already be uncomfortable for a dainty catgirl to carry around in a fucking tote bag slung over her shoulder. But it's probably more, so let's say a couple dozen kilos.
And that's not even going into the bulk of that stuff. Just how much depth does this tote bag have?
... she turned to Louis to inform him of her accomplishment, but she simply stared at the boy before her.
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Louis stood in front of Indow sporting, of course, the black trench coat, but now his body was littered with devices and trinkets that normally were reserved for an overly obsessed geek at an anime or science fiction convention.
Called it.
And you are an overly obsessed geek.
Starting from his feet, Louis' converses had been traded in for tight combat boots and his ankles were covered in specially made jewels that Louis recalled as magic-enhancers from Slayers Next (although he couldn't remember if Lina ever really wore any on her ankles).
Why would she have them on her ankles? How's that gonna work? She has to line up the ones on her bracelets with the ones on her cape and belt to activate them.
Also why do you need magic-enhancers if you can't cast any spells? This is like using the Elder Wand from Harry Potter as a hair pin.
His jeans had been transformed into black leather pants with leg holsters for guns covering each of them.
Transformed? I thought you just put on new clothes?
And I know you wanna look like Neo or something, but all I'm picturing is a school shooter.
On his right leg, he had a standard gun in the lowest holster, a blaster pistol from Star Wars on the middle holster, and Vash's gun from Trigun on the holster closest to his hip.
I'm sure the "standard gun" will succeed where the space gun and the non-euclidian nuke gun have failed.
His left leg was mirrored by an average handgun, a Type II hand phaser from Star Trek, and, to counter Vash's gun, a gun that Louis recalled Spike Spiegel had used on Cowboy Bebop, although his memory didn't seem to be what it once was thanks to having spent so much time on Sin.
So you have a normal pistol, a phaser, and another normal pistol. You just wanted to mention another animu, didn't you?
His waist was covered by a black utility belt from either Batman or Nightwing...
Probably Batman. Nightwing doesn't really have a utility belt on most of his costumes.
... although this one had things that neither comic book character had.
So it's not their utility belt.
For instance, on Louis' right side, six spheres magnetically kept themselves attacked to the belt, colored red on top, white on the bottom, and met in the center with a black line, indicating that they were pokéballs from Pokémon.
How's that going to work with official Poke lore? Are Pokemon you just grabbed from a warehouse obligated to follow your commands?
On his left, there was another gun holster, but this gun was significantly smaller than the guns attached to his legs. It was black and obviously intended for use by smaller hands.
Are you gonna enlightened us on where this gun is from? Was I right in bringing up the Noisy Cricket earlier?
Right behind the smallish weapon was a small round tag for the Narutaki Detective Agency, indicating that his weapon was from Steam Detectives.
That's a weird way of referencing your weapons, but sure.
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How many variations of a pistol do you need, man? You only have two hands.
Farther back, behind the gun, was another weapon from Star Wars: a lightsaber.
Of course there's a lightsaber.
Behind the pokéballs was a similar weapon in principal to a lightsaber, although this one came from an anime. It was almost flat, but shaped like it had been woven together with straw instead of whatever materials had gone into its making. It was the Lighthawk Sword from the anime Tenchi Muyo.
Should've used Gourry's Sword of Light instead. If my Tenchi lore is up to snuff then you need the proper Alien Übermensch DNA to use any sort of Lighthawk powers.
Louis' T-shirt and plaid over shirt had been replaced by a white shirt with frills in the middle and a black vest that was closed above his waist.
The fuck is that kind of look? Are you trying to cosplay as a vampire?
His arms were covered in the black trench coat that he had grabbed earlier, but that wasn't the only thing that was covering him.
Oh, you're telling me you have even more shit stapled onto you besides more guns than Blackbeard ever carried?
Instead of attempting to reform the gauntlet that had so clearly identified him as the Linkara, Louis' right arm was covered by a duel disk from Yu-Gi-Oh, a deck already constructed and ready in the main slot.
Unless this deck of yours includes some of those few cards that are actually real Lovecraftian god monsters, I fail to see what good it's gonna do you against the Borg.
Should've picked the Infinity Gauntlet, really.
On his left arm, Louis had taken some elastic band and tied a Digivice from the Digimon anime to his wrist to keep it steady. He knew that without a Digimon partner, the thing was virtually useless, but thanks to his encyclopedic knowledge of the series, he knew that it served other purposes.
Well, I guess it could be useful if you run into corrupted Digimon to purify. Or need a (probably) one-way-trip into the Digital World.
To finalize his costume for his arms, both hands had fingerless black gloves on them, although the left hand had one other advantage: a power ring from the Green Lantern comic books.
This ring is easily more useful than 90% of the shit you're carrying. Just throw the trash away and pick up a lantern for recharging it.
The things covering his back and head were the simplest of the entire outfit.
Fuck me he's still going.
The things covering his back and head were the simplest of the entire outfit. Louis had three holsters on his back, each carrying a wholly unique item.
Three weapons on your back? How fucking wide are you?
Going past his left hip and extending up to his right shoulder was Sailor Saturn's glaive from the Sailor Moon anime.
Careful not to drop that one.
Also I'm pretty sure this glaive alone should make it impossible for you do go down stairs, or sit down.
From his right hip to his left shoulder, Louis had placed a sawed-off shotgun from the Evil Dead movies at the ready.
I was wondering when Evil Dead would show up here.
And why do you treat a glaive and a sawed-off shotgun as being effectively the same size?
Finally, straight down the center of his back was a large sword, arranged in the shape of a cross and almost longer than Louis himself. It was D's sword from the anime movie Vampire Hunter D.
Straight down? Even D himself has to wear that fucker across, and he's over 6 foot tall.
Up on Louis' head, instead of going for strange weapons or other sorts of useful gadgets and designs, Louis had gone for the simplicity of merely wearing a black fedora over his head and a pair of sunglasses over his eyes.
Linkara getting close to his final form.
However, these sunglasses had been the kind Louis had always wanted: instead of tinted black or any other dark color, they were purely white and he could see through them on his side perfectly.
Tacky.
As Indow took in the sight before her, Louis promptly extended his hands and cracked his knuckles, stretching out a few other parts of his body.
I'm surprised you have this much mobility left after you turned yourself into a glorified christmas tree.
He tilted his head down, his glasses falling just enough so Indow could see his eyes. He gave her a wink, crossed his arms, and spoke:

"Groovy."
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Autism attracts more autism. Sooner or later, an internet nobody will attract the exact kind of fans - and detractors - he deserves.
-Yours Truly

4 wikia: static -> vignette

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VoiceOfReasonPast
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Re: The Angel Armor Saga by Lewis "The Lightbringer" Lovhaug

Post by VoiceOfReasonPast » Mon May 05, 2025 8:19 pm

And here's the second part of my riffing. Time for the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny... right?

I'm pretty sure these were the most painful 20 pages I've ever had to suffer through.
At least the most painful I can still remember.
Riffing Part 2Show
As he charged into the combat zone, Louis couldn't help but wonder what the shape of his enemies would be.
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(Yeah, I used Digimon twice. Sue me.)
He thought that, just as his mind had taken characters from fiction to come and act as his defenses, the attackers might take the form of villains of fiction.
Why are you musing about this? You saw the Borg Cube, and that bet shop bishie straight up told you this is going on.
He chuckled at the thought of using D's sword to impale Myotismon or let loose a swarm of Pokémon at Deathstroke the Terminator.
Oh, we're back to him looking forward to delicious violence, with that sort of confidence that got him in trouble so often in Book 1.
Also both of those characters would kick your ass.
He recalled the Borg cube that had been fought earlier and grinned at the prospect of simply killing the cybernetic creatures by ripping a tube out of their head.
Except they are far stronger than you.
And there are way more of them.
And they have a giant fucking spaceship.
However, instead of being fictional, copyrighted characters that had been used so many times before in fanfiction, Louis' opponents were of an original concoction.
The fuck? So actually fighting copyright-infringing characters is a step to far for you?
They were varied in size and shape, some more humanoid than others, but for the majority, they were insect-like. The less-than humanoid ones stood on four legs, each ending at a point instead of possessing opposable digits. Their torsos came in what appeared to be skinless muscle that dripped blood in certain areas if they moved a certain way. They had two arms, but they were tough and flexible despite their bulk. At the end of each of the hands was a three-pronged claw, the tips of the claw sharp and serrated along the underside. Their heads were small and seemed to have multiple eyes at the front of their faces. The nose was nonexistent, but there was a single mouth on their face that extended out slightly like a beak. Within the mouth were several rows of sharpened, drooling teeth. They didn't seem to have ears, either, but there was a small hole where their ears were supposed to be. The humanoid insect creatures were built of the same structure, but they only had two legs and a futuristic helmet covering their head. They also possessed some sort of energy rifle in their clawed hands that had been adapted for their use.
So they're off-brand Tyranids/Zergs? How come you teased the fucking Borg and then went for generic insect critters?
Most of the heroes who had come to fight off the insects were dead already, their bodies littered across the desolate and destroyed cityscape.
You're so fucked, mate.
Indow and Louis exchanged glances and smiled at one another, grabbing weapons to begin the assault.
You're also mental.
Indow chose a simple sword, but Louis pulled out his Sailor Saturn glaive and gripped it in his hands. With a mighty roar, the two ran down towards their enemies, getting their attention right away.
Indow's just straight up fucked. And what's the point of packing all sorts of heat if you're just gonna charge into melee immediately?
Louis ran forward towards the nearest insect and plunged the front of his glaive into the being's chest. The creature grabbed hold of the shaft of the glaive as it roared in pain from having been pierced. Louis lifted the glaive up and tore the insect in half from the chest, surprisingly leaving the glaive relatively intact.
Why did you expect the fucking Silence Glaive to break after one stab? And why is it only "relatively" intact? Is this thing made out of pig iron or something?
Indow, meanwhile, used a Levitation spell to float around the four-legged menaces that came near her, stabbing their heads whenever she was in range.
Then they remembered that they can jump, and proceeded to eat her.
After three or four more kills using the glaive, one of the insect soldiers managed to grab the staff part of the glaive and ram it against Louis' face, knocking him off balance and releasing his grip on the weapon.
Don't these humanoid Not-Tyranids have energy rifles? Why are they brawling with him?
Louis grinned as the soldier's gaze turned away from him to throw the glaive back into the crowds of insect creatures and swerved back to Louis only to find a pair of handguns in its face. Louis let loose the weapons, giggling maniacally as he didn't feel an ounce of recoil from the guns.
Fucking psychopath. And why is there no recoil?
He unloaded the clips at his opponents, shooting wildly in every direction, although primarily aiming for the insects' heads and chests.
And then he blew Indow's brains out.
Indow didn't worry about her love, knowing that Louis was more than capable of taking care of himself.
If you say so...
However, she was worried about the fact that every time she instinctively attempted to launch a fireball or other medium-leveled combat spell, she was frustrated by failure due to the fact that her hands were still bound.
You still have those handcuffs?! Linkara never tried to get them off?!
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The insect soldiers began to open fire at her with their energy weapons, letting out blue bursts of charged plasma at her. She evaded the blasts and ducked down towards a group of fallen anime characters, seeking cover from the insects' weapons.
Now I'm picturing her using the mangled corpses of the Sailor Senshi as cover.
She winced as she examined the fallen warriors, who dressed in colorful garb that was stained with their blood. However, their tools of war remained, still gripped in their hands as true warriors do when they die.
Or the Power Rangers. Same thing, really.
Indow went for the nearest one that she could comprehend - a sword that seemed to be sticking out of a group of rocks. She reached for it and pulled, wincing when she realized that it was only the hilt of the sword.
No, wait. It's the Slayers cast. Gourry is fucking dead.
"That's the Sword of Light, Indow!" he replied.

Indow gave him a confused look.
“You do understand that I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about?”

See? It works in every situation.
"Just shout out, 'Light, come forth!'" Louis instructed as he unhooked two pokéballs from his utility belt and placed them in each of his hands.

Indow stared at the sword hilt and pointed it away from herself.

"Light, come forth!" she shouted, feeling a little ridiculous doing it.
Bitch this is possibly the least stupid incantation you've uttered in this series.
However, after she had finished saying the words, a beam of white and blue light shot out from the hilt, forming into a the shape of a long sword. Indow stared at the weapon for a moment and shrugged, leaping over the barricade she had hid herself behind and charging at the attacking soldiers. They launched energy blasts from their weapons, but Indow saw each one coming and deflected the fireball- sized bursts away from her.
I call bullshit on that Jedi trick.
The lunged with her sword, plunging it through a soldier and cutting down the hordes that were attacking.
How come this spellcaster chick can go all Dynasty Warriors on these Bootleg Tyranids, while Gourry - the second-strongest swordfighter in Slayers - died like a bitch?
Louis pressed down on the center button on each of the pokéballs, almost dropping them when they expanded into the size of large baseballs. He tossed them into the air and shouted to them:

"Charizard and Kadabra, I choose you!"
Kadabra? Aren't Bug-types strong against Psychic-types?
However, just as the pokéballs were about to open and release the energy-converted animals from their containers, a group of soldiers fired at them and vaporized them.
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Louis winced and looked at the soldiers, glaring at them with wide eyes. The soldiers turned their attentions back to Louis and began firing at him, but Louis' rage was insurmountable at this point.
What? You gonna shout the energy beams away like you're fucking Tien in his fight against Tao Pai Pai?
He dodged the blasts and extended his arm out, the Duel Disk on his arm taking position.
How fast are those blasts, exactly?
He drew a single green card from the deck slot and slid it into one of the inner slots, shouting out the spell card's effect.

"Raigeki!" he roared.
>Normal Spell
>Destroy all monsters your opponent controls.


If this actually works Why didn't you open the fight with it?
A giant yellow thunderbolt came down from the sky and struck the group of soldiers.
I'm gonna assume "your opponent" was the squad leader here. Chain of command FTW.
It fried them and sent electrical surges through their weapons, causing a brief explosion from overloading.
Another *chef's kiss*.
Louis turned back towards the other insects attempting to charge at him and aimed the Green Lantern ring at them, a line of green emitting from the glowing jewelry and forming into a giant green fist. It slammed directly into a group of insects and pushed them into a building's wall, crushing them against the marble of the structure in a great display of blood and guts.
It's a building. It is assumed to have walls. In fact a building is basically a collection of walls, if you really get down to it.
As the beam disappeared, Louis reached both down and up at the same time, taking hold of Vash's gun on his leg and the Evil Dead shotgun on his back. He fired in two directions at once, making insect soldiers fall left and right from the bullets.
Then he got shot from the other directions.
Indow winced as one of the larger insect creatures managed to cut her arm. It wasn't a deep cut, but she was still bleeding from it.
That's kinda what cuts do?
She sliced away at the insects' bodies, desperately trying to make them retreat or die. She looked to Louis for a moment, seeing that he, too, was having difficulty fighting off the insects.
It's almost as if two idiots can't succeed where the Justice League of Animu Avengers failed.
"My love, there are simply too many of them! Perhaps we should retreat and regroup!" she suggested.

"No!" Louis replied.
"I must kill, woman! Rip and tear! RIP AND TEAR!"
Having lost all of the guns that he had been holding thanks to empty chambers, he now resorted to dual-wielding blades with the Lighthawk Sword and a lightsaber. "I have another idea!"
I feel like you've been underutilizing a certain gun...
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As soon as the creatures were dispatched, Louis held the large sword against the ground with one hand while the other hand busily went to a button on the utility belt, pressing it three times. The button glowed blue then as Louis lifted the sword again and stabbed at another insect. He smiled as the loud sound of an engine filled the skies above the battle zone. Louis looked up, seeing another vision from an anime appear.
It's gonna be a Gundam. Probably from Gundam Wing because Burgers are fucking nuts about that one.
It was huge, about 28 meters tall and shaped like a humanoid, but it was clearly a machine.
It's like a robot. That is giant. A giant robot, if you will.
An really? You reference obscure shit like Read or Die as if I'm supposed to know WTF that is, and now you think you have to explain the concept of mecha to me?
Its metallic sections were a mixture of white, blue, red, and gray.
Definitely Gundam.
Louis took hold of Indow around her waist and pulled out Narutaki's gun. He placed a grappling hook attachment to it and aimed at the cockpit.
You do know that Batman's utility belt already has a grappling hook?
"Armored Slave..." Indow whispered in shock.
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Wrong mecha series, Indow.
"It is both a legend and a spell, my love... There is a legend that in ancient times, before our recorded histories, great soldiers were encased in mystical armors of gigantic proportions and waged battle across the land for reasons we could never comprehend. There is also a spell that has only been accomplished once - by its creator. It forms a gigantic suit of armor around he who casts it, even giving the armor mystical abilities, as well. However, every individual who has attempted to duplicate the spell has died in the attempt."
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This is even more wrong. And how do you know all of this if this came before your "recorded histories?" Did the spell fragments survive through oral tradition?
Louis raised an eyebrow as he saw pink petals begin to appear in the area, particularly around the mech itself.
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Didn't expect you to go with Awakening of the Trailblazer. Very "man of culture", though.

Wait, that movie came out after this book.
He's never gonna specify which Gundam this is, is he?
Indow went to a seat directly behind Louis but out of range of any of the consoles.
That's how it's done, Linkara. Make sure the female doesn't mess with your toy.

(Should've gone with the Harute.)
"You know how to operate this... machine?" Indow inquired.

"Gundam is the appropriate term, and no, not really. However, since this is my imagination we're talking about, I already know exactly how to pilot it because any button I press will do exactly what I expect it to do," Louis replied with a grin.
Slowly easing us into Mind God Mode, eh?
Louis rolled his eyes once more and took hold of what appeared to be two handles on either side of the main console.

"I hate cherry blossoms," he stated.
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"You hate what?" Indow queried, not sure of what he was talking about.

"Cherry blossoms, they're Japanese flowers that release their petals during the spring or something."
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It's a tree, you dimwit.
"In any case, in an anime, whenever something terribly melodramatic or cool occurs, usually there are an infinite number of cherry blossoms that appear from nowhere and fly across the screen. It doesn't make sense and although they're pretty, it's a pretty big cliché and I don't know what they're doing in my vision."
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You sure you haven't got bigger things to whine and bitch about?
"In the Japanese culture, it’s a symbolization of the never-ending cycle of death and life. I refuse to accept such a cycle, particularly one that focuses on death so much. I prefer to think of life on its own as a never-ending cycle as opposed to its other half: death."
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The Great Linkara refuses to accept Buddhism.
"Oh, well, it's stomping time!" Louis laughed.

And with that, Louis pushed the handles forward, forcing the mech to move. Responding to his every action, the giant mechanical soldier began to step on the insects that came near it, squashing them under the totality of its feet.
>squashing them under the totality of its feet.
*chef's kiss*
Several of the insect soldiers brought their guns to bear and opened fire on the mech, but Louis only responded to their attacks by bringing out the mech's own handgun, shooting bullets and ammunition as large as their own bodies down towards them.
What kind of Gundam with an MC color scheme uses a projectile weapon as its main firearm? Is this the RX-79[G]? Can't be the Barbatos 'cause that one also came after this book.
Louis advanced constantly, using every weapon that he could think of with the mech to drive them back or simply crush them into the dirt.
Thanks for this vivid description.
Are you perhaps trying to hide that you don't actually know a lot about Gundam?
And as the massacre of the insects finally ended, the last insect desperately trying to escape from the Vulcan cannons on the mech's head, Louis and Indow heard a voice different from their own cry out:

"Louis? Indow? Are you all right?"
This is how the mind battle ends
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Autism attracts more autism. Sooner or later, an internet nobody will attract the exact kind of fans - and detractors - he deserves.
-Yours Truly

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Re: The Angel Armor Saga by Lewis "The Lightbringer" Lovhaug

Post by wulfenlord » Tue May 06, 2025 3:45 am

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn! Ph'nglui mglw'nfah Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl muh'fugen bix nood

Whenever you feel down :3
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Re: The Angel Armor Saga by Lewis "The Lightbringer" Lovhaug

Post by VoiceOfReasonPast » Sun May 11, 2025 9:59 pm

Book 3, Chapter 17 - History Lessons III
(Or: Muscle Queen)



"I hate cherry blossoms. They're symbolic and pink and irritating and I refuse to accept what they represent."
- Linkara

So after the overly long filler chapter we're finally back with the actual plot - and fuck me, another "history lessons" chapter? Didn't we waste enough time already?

"Remember when Rain got killed?" Count: 13
"Remember when Indow got raped?" Count: 9
"Baddies Never Smile" Count: 17

And always remember: Linkara (the author) considers this his masterpiece.

(And one new addition, just so this copy-paste actually changes for once in this fucking book:)

The Great Linkara refuses to accept Buddhism.
RecapShow
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The last chapter was below the already low quality standards I have come to expect from this series.

So Linkara and Indow wake up on Earth - except it's obviously not the real Earth, which Linkara doesn't notice (or doesn't want to notice) until a literal 2D anime character talks to him and he freaks the fuck out. The appearance of an actual Borg Cube is then a somewhat less terrifying event. Somehow.
Then they run into another anime character who finally spells out WTF is going on: The concentrated weed flower tea is affecting them differently due to their non-standard physiology, and because Indow's catgirl telepathy powers are going apeshit as a result, the two are in some kind of shared dream representation of the struggle between Linkara's immune system and the drug. Both "sides" of this "conflict" take on the form various heroes and villains from Linkara's rotten consoomer mind, and it's basically the Ultimate Shodown of Ultimate Destiny.
Far from being mere observers, Linkara and Indow can help his immune system by trying to defeat the "bad guys" themselves. Because the catgirl telepath is tripping balls and can smite toxins if she's believing it hard enough.
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Apparently if they lose Linkara will just OD and bite the dust. No idea what exactly is going on with Indow, aside from the real world bad guys pissing their pants at whatever the fuck she's doing. I guess she's either going full Tetsuo, or is just floating and glowing and shit.

Having everything explained to him like the dumb kid that he is, Linkara decides to stop freaking out and kick ass instead.
Aka he goes full Ernest Cline.
He finds The Construct (tm) from The Matrix (tm), which in this twisted world can provide him with any weapon or tool that has ever been conceived in fiction.
He dons a ridiculous outfit that effectively combines Neo's outfit with a frilly shirt and a fedora, proving that Linkara never had a good fashion sense.
He arms himself with whatever Linkara (the author) considered cool at the time (and in part still does).
He orders Indow to fill a fucking tote bag with whatever guns and other weapons she can find (not the smartest move considering she has no idea WTF she's looking at most of the time, but whatever).
He steps outside, fantasizing about the glorious team-ups and battles he shall be having in a moment.
Imagine him, side-by-side with his greatest heroes, battling the most vile foes from comics and animu.
And then...
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A wet fucking fart. That's what.
All the good guys are already dead when they reach the battlefield, and the only bad guys left are just random bugmen and their pets.
We get some disjointed and tryhard fight scenes until Linkara decides to press an instant win button that summons an unspecified Gundam for him to pilot.
He shoots and stomps for a bit, shits on Buddhism for some reason, then it all ends because someone wakes him up IRL. That's it.

Color my mind well and truly boggled. I mean, wow. We have to suffer through all of this self-indulging fucking nonsense, and then you don't even have the balls to take that final step?
He had no issues having his self-insert interact with fictional characters before the grand showdown, but then it's almost like he got too embarassed or something? Except not because he was still fine with Linkara using appropriated weapons with reckless abandon.

Trying to make sense of this mess, I think I've figured out his train of thoughts: It seems to me that he did not want to show fictional characters fighting/getting killed, like some kind of self-imposed limitation that would protect him from the wrath of the IP owners.
I can almost picture him going to several sleepless nights and corresponding with his editor, finally going "No, I better not include the duel with Myotismon. That would be a step too far. I'll content with Linkara being unreasonably rude to an effeminate Japanese man!"
That might also explain why he never mentioned anything about who these dead heroes were, aside from the Sword of Light being an indirect clue for a dead Slayers cast.
And then he figured that It would be more halal for the IP owners to only use weapons and vehicles - aka we can have a Borg Cube, but not the Borg inside. That ought to make all the difference if Paramount were to call, right?
One particular scene also makes a lot more sense when applying this "logic": His Pokemon got shot down before they could even leave their balls because of course he couldn't show actual fictional monsters fighting. It also explains why he used his YGO! deck for a single spell and never even entertained the idea of summoning the Dark Magician Girl Exodia.

Other random observations:
  • This chapter marks the first appearance of a Linkara with a fedora.
  • Somehow Linkara is the one in danger of getting "overstimulated" by his apparent return to Earth, whereas the catgirl priestess from a medieval society is only mildly intrigued by the weird, alien world she has found herself in.
  • I'm pretty sure he equips himself with at least his own bodyweight in weapons.
    • Including three weapons on his back, arranged vertically. And two of them are taller than he is.
  • Despite having literally every fictional gun at his beck and call, he decides to carry about half a dozen generic pistols. And no, they don't become more special or legendary if you think one of them kinda looks like the one Spike Spiegel used.
  • His arsenal includes shit that...
    • ... is literally useless to him (Lina's talismans, a Digivice)
    • ... is only useful to him because it works differently from the source material (his YGO! cards, which for the purposes of this mind battle are effectively magic scrolls)
    • ... is probably useless to him unless it works differently from the source material, but he never actually ends up using it so who the fuck knows (Tenchi's sword)
  • Don't even get me started on how heavy that tote bag must be.
  • For some reason Linkara and Indow split up when the fight starts. They have completely unrelated fights from each other, but are still close enough for casual conversations.
  • They also open the fight by charging into melee, instead of starting with the couple dozen pounds worth of guns they're carrying.
  • Naturally Linkara goes through his arsenal way too quickly, just so Linkara (the author) can cram more "cool" and "awesome" moments of "badassery" into this chapter.
    • Seriously that Green Lantern ring and the YGO! deck alone would've likely been all he needed.
  • Trying to make sense of the battlefield is a fool's errant. For all intends and purposes they should've been swarmed by an off-brand Zerg Rush, but the enemy effectively just spawns in one group at a time (half of which forget they have guns).
  • Despite their paranoia about being useless without their magic and gauntlet, both Indow and Linkara start to bust out sick Dynasty Warriors and Devil May Cry combos. Has probably something to do with this just being a mind battle, but the mood whiplash is a bit jarring, and the only real hint is him going "I just have to press the buttons I think are the right ones, and the machine will act like I expect it to!" once inside the Gundam.
  • The anti-magic handcuffs apparently still affect her in this mind battle, except for the levitation spell, which works fine apparently.
  • I'm all but certain that Linkara (the author) only had cursory knowledge of Gundam.
    • He never specifies the model, which in and of itself is a huge red flag.
    • It has the main Gundam color scheme, but it also has a passenger seat, and the man firearm fires solid projectiles.
    • He never mentions any other weapon and attack aside from the vulcans. No beam saber, and certainly no hyper bazooka.
  • He starts incoherently rambling on about cherry blossoms, and how they represent the endless cycle of life and death which he refuses to accept because it's just so negative. Fuck Buddhism I guess, the only endless cycle worth accepting has life and nothing but life.
    • Except it's not a cycle if there's only a one state of being. What you get then is stagnation, without change or improvement.
      Much like his online career.
      Image
    • Cherry blossoms also represent a lot more - like the transition from one fleeting stage of your life to the next. They don't show up in slice-of-life just because they coincide with the beginning of a new school year.
  • He reminds us (quite literally; he was clearly speaking more to the reader than Indow here) multiple times how this is different from a fanfic - because you see, fanfics feature the real characters and weapons, while this only uses mind constructs!
    • Bitch these characters and weapons aren't real to begin with. I don't think a court would let you off the hook because your brand of intellectual appropriation is one layer more fictional than usual.
  • And worst of all none of this fucking chapter mattered. It just exists for its own sake.
Worldbuilding tidbits:
  • Books on Linkara's Earth can display holographic images. He didn't find that odd when Indow played around with it, so it is canon.
  • Linkara is convinced that "physics and chemistry" work "a little differently" on Earth than they work on Sin, which may or may not impact Indow's spellcasting abilities.
    • Of course he never explained how he came to this conclusion, or what the differences are. Is the speed of light slower? Is hydrogen heavier? Is pi just 3.14?
  • According to legend, people used to duke it out in magical mecha in Sin's forgotten past. Allegedly there's a spell that summons one of these bad boys, but everyone who tried their luck has just died.
    • I like to imagine this is all bullshit, and that the alleged Summon Mecha spell is just a suicide spell left by a troll.
    • What's probably happening though is that this is oh-so elegant foreshadowing for Linkara getting his own giant robot.
ChapterShow
Louis groggily lifted his head up, finding that he couldn't move his arms or legs. He remembered that the position was a familiar one, seeing as that was what he had been in before the intense anime dream that he and Indow had experienced only a few moments ago. As his eyes fluttered open, he smiled as he saw that Indow and he were not alone in the cell, but the unrestrained forms of Jordahn and White Raven shared the prison with them. White Raven was standing before Louis, looking him over and seeing if he had any bruises on his face.

"I said are you all right? We don't know how long you've been unconscious," she said to him.

"I- I'm fine... sort of. What are you two doing here?" he asked as White Raven began to slip a key into his leg restraints.

"Rescuing you," Jordahn answered as she cut open the magic-suppressing coverings that had been over Indow's hands. "That's two you owe me now, by the way."

Louis smiled as White Raven finished unlocking the restraints, freeing him from the wall. He dropped down and put his arms down, shaking them a bit to get the blood flowing into his limbs once more. He took a quick look around, seeing that King Lithores, the two Linkaran Priests, and the guards were all unconscious. Louis looked back over to Indow, who was standing up and tossing away the chains that had bound her. Jordahn gave her some water to wash away any remaining metal dust from her hands.

"Your doing?" Louis asked.

White Raven shook her head. "They were like this when we found them. It appears that they were knocked unconscious by some sort of burst of magic, as evident by the marks on the wall."

Indow blushed. "Yeah, I believe that I might have had something to do with that..."

"Any luck finding Lithmenar? They probably put him somewhere else," Louis pointed out.

"No such luck as of yet. We focused on infiltrating the dungeon when we realized something had gone wrong. What happened, anyway?" White Raven queried.

"Long story short: the Royal Family is a bunch of dicks. Let's find Lithmenar and the jewels so we can get out of this place," Louis said as they began walking out of the dungeon cell.

"What about starting the resistance among the people?" Jordahn inquired as they walked along, getting one of her smaller axes ready in case she needed to use it against any guards along the way.

"That's not going to be as easy as we originally thought it would be. It seems that the Royal Family puts some drug into the water supply that breaks everyone's will to rebel. They tried to use it against us, but I think we're different enough from the normal human population here. It didn't affect us more than cause some headaches and nausea. Frankly, as pissed off as I am about the Royal Family, I'm sick of acting as the Messiah to people, and I just want to go home," Louis stated as they cleared the dungeon, walked up a flight of stairs, and were back in the castle itself.

The four made their way through the castle, avoiding guards or areas that had people in them. After telling them the long version of what had happened, Louis constantly checked the ceilings to make sure that no more Gethric powder fell down and brought them back to where they had been before. Fortunately, there was none as they made their way higher, Indow using the Seeking Spell to track down Lithmenar. They made it to the fifth floor and readied their weapons for whatever awaited them. Indow pinpointed Lithmenar's location within a room down the corridor, so the four hurriedly sneaked over to it and got ready. Louis went in first and quickly kicked the door in, breaking off the lock.

The four rushed into Lithmenar's bedroom, weapons raised and ready. Lithmenar sat on his bed, staring out the window that was across the room from him. The others went around, searching parts of the room for hidden guards as Louis approached Lithmenar, who had yet to acknowledge the presence of the others.

"Lithie?" Louis questioned, putting his hand in front of Lithmenar's eyes and snapping his fingers twice.

"Is he all right?" Jordahn asked as she stood guard inside the doorway, listening for anyone who might be coming down the hallway.

"I'm not sure... it's almost like he's in a catatonic state," Louis observed.

Lithmenar slowly looked over at Louis and shook his head.

"No," he said, "I'm fine, guys. I've just been thinking a great deal."

"Well, you can think later! We have to get out of here now before the Royal Family closes this place down!" Louis stated.

Lithmenar shook his head once more. "You guys can leave, but I'm staying."

"What madness is this, thief?! Have you been drinking the life giver?!" Jordahn exclaimed.

Lithmenar once again shook his head to indicate a 'no.' "I have a sister."

The four stared at him, surprised by the revelation.

"I- I have a sister that I never knew about. I can't just leave her here to be shaped into what my parents want her to become. However, she's too young to leave. I survived outside of this place through a lot of pain and hardship... She's innocent from all of that. I can't allow her to have to endure the things I had to. However, if I'm here, I can teach her behind closed doors. I can let her know the truth about this place and the world. Three years away from me has softened the hearts of my parents... I may even be able to convince them of the merits of reform. They also do not have many years ahead of them. Even if I'm unable to convince them, I will need to assume responsibility for my land and do the changes that should have been made long ago."

Lithmenar smiled and looked up at them. "I can do such good here, you guys. Not just for myself, but for my sister, as well. She'll be happier here, and maybe I'll be happier here, too. I hope you understand."

Louis half-smiled and put his hand on Lithmenar's shoulder.

"Lithie..."

He then promptly used his other hand to smack Lithmenar across the face. The three women gasped as Lithmenar fell back on his bed and sat up, clutching his reddened cheek and staring at the angered face of Louis.

"That has got to be the dumbest thing I have EVER HEARD!" Louis shouted. "Where in the hell have you been these past few years?! You called them monsters before, demons that will never change and never relent! Now you're saying that you can play your little magic flute and assume they'll fall in line?! Lithmenar, nothing of what I've seen shows that they're going to change! If anything, things are going to get worse! If you truly love your sister and want to protect her, you'll get her out of this place and bring her to a place where she'll be raised right! Of course, if you want to let her stay here in comfort and free from the horrors of the world, that's fine, too, but you can't be seriously buying into the bullshit you're spewing out. Now, in case you haven't noticed, we're standing around in the stronghold of the enemy and I want my way home! If you'll kindly get off your ass, we can get moving and actually do something useful for a change!"

Louis sighed and panted a little, his throat getting a little dry from the rant he had directed at Lithmenar. The thief blinked and looked around himself for a moment, shrugging. He grabbed his throwing knives from the table beside the bed and placed them in their holsters as the five began to walk out. However, before they had fully made it out of the room, the sound of a faraway explosion caught their attentions. They ran over to the window and looked off into the city, seeing a huge pillar of fire rise up not half a mile away. The fire gave way to smoke, but the building itself was still obviously flaming.

"I think it came from the Well Distributor, where all the life giver comes in from the nearby river and is distributed to the peasants..." Lithmenar pointed out.

"Oh, dear..." White Raven said, raising an eyebrow in curiosity.

"What?" Louis asked.

"I believe we have been deceived," White Raven said, narrowing her eyes and glaring at the rising smoke from the city.

"What do you mean?" Jordahn queried.

"Louis, what if you weren't the first outsider to learn of the effect the life giver had on the people? What if, in fact, the assassins have known all along, but haven't had an opportunity before to do anything about it?" White Raven suggested.

Louis glared, as well. "I think I see where you're going with this."

"The assassins tricked us. They made us risk our lives to distract the Royal Family's eye away from protecting their assets to their returned son. Hirode did assure us that they never take hostages," Jordahn growled.

"Why take hostages, anyway? It's easier to manipulate people to do what you want. This was never a mission of peace. Ha! This wasn't even a mission to form a rebellion against the Royal Family. This was all their way of striking at the Royal Family's hold on Sam Tun Fahl," Lithmenar laughed, realizing what had happened.

Louis sighed and shook his head, turning away from the window. "Come on, let's get what we came for, provided the assassins didn't lie about that, too."

*

The five made their way through the weaving corridors of the castle, following Lithmenar's instructions for the location of the Royal jewels. They were kept in a hidden chamber of the castle along with the various other physical forms of currency that made up the economy of the land of Sam Tun Fahl. Lithmenar had been shown the chamber only once when he was young, but he had always remembered where it was in case he ever felt the need to stare at the shining brilliance of all of the pieces of metal.

They were met with very little resistance, surprisingly enough. Occasionally, they'd run into some cleaner or slave, but they were so engaged with the task before them that they didn't pay any notice to the five people running [sic] their hallways. The five figured that the majority of the guards had been sent to the Well Distributor to deal with the attack, but considering all of the things that had happened to them over the past month, the five weren't expecting things to be very easy, particularly when it came to their escape, which required first to escape from the castle, then escape from the city, followed by escape from the land, and finally escape to safe ground where the ritual could be performed without interruption.

And all of that, of course, first required that the Netersao jewels were where they were supposed to be.

The chamber's entrance was located in one of the various hallways of the castle that resembled any other similar one. There was a portrait of some figure in the history of Sam Tun Fahl or someone with religious influence in the Linkaran order on one wall while the opposite wall consisted of a series of torches that illuminated the hallway. Lithmenar smiled as he found the correct portrait that indicated the hallway was where the chamber was. He began by counting off three stones away from the middle of the portrait and then another three down, pressing against the piece of stone that was a part of the wall. The stone moved in only slightly, but Lithmenar smiled, nonetheless.

"You know, I once spent a few days doing this to as many hallways as I could to see if there were any other secret passages. Fortunately, the designers of this castle were not fools to simply place hidden entrances wherever they saw fit and only put one in. If I had to guess, the original intent of the room was to act as a final line of defense if the Royal Family couldn't escape, a place to hide and wait out help. However, seeing as that the only major conflicts that Sam Tun Fahl has had over the past few centuries have been with the assassins, who never gave enough time for one to escape to the room, anyway, they decided to convert it into the place to store their most cherished possession: their wealth."

Lithmenar proceeded to walk over to the torch nearest to the hallway they had come from and pulled it to the right, the torch suddenly going out. He then counted down another three bricks down from the torch and pressed in, moving the brick a minor centimeter again. To finish off the combination, Lithmenar approached the painting and pulled it off of the wall, tossing it away without a second thought to the damage he probably caused to it. He found the middle brick, the one that was in the dead center of the wall and promptly pressed in on the brick three to the right of it. This brick moved in entirely as the wall opposite of it opened up, the stone shifting up into the ceiling, to make a door-sized entryway to appear.

The five stepped into a small hallway, walking in about five feet before entering the main chamber. Piles of gold coins littered the floor, covering everything with a distinctive shine. The room was entirely made of stone, used because if the candles that lit the room ever fell over, it would not cause a fire that would engulf the riches. Besides the standard gold coins used as currency in the land, various gemstones were mixed throughout the moderately sized room. Rubies and emeralds were mixed with amethyst and topaz, glittering brightly in reflection of the five candles occupying the room. Although the piles of money covered almost every square inch of the floor, a path had been cleared to navigate around the mounds of cash and reach the back, where, on a single metallic column, was a set of jewelry.

The jewelry was in multiple pieces, split between the King and Queen's. Some pieces of jewelry were obviously missing from the collection, since the Royal Family was wearing some of them. However, what remained was exactly what the group needed. The Queen's side of the jewelry contained a pair of golden bracelets that had a single piece of sapphire jewelry in their center with a ring of emeralds studded around the center sapphire. Indow approached the column and looked at the bracelets, smiling at the jewel in their center.

"I recognize the jewel from the descriptions given in Netersao's journals," Indow identified.

"Take as many as you can. We might need a few in case we screw it up the first time," Louis suggested.

The group complied with the logic and took any piece of jewelry that seemed to have any of the Netersao jewels on them, finding a total of seven jewels for their purposes. They packed the jewels away into their bags and ran back to the hallway, not even bothering to close the chamber behind them as they made their escape. Lithmenar, however, stayed behind to take as much of the gold of the Royal family as he could carry, hoping that it might come in handy later if they needed to make arrangements to go back to Ai before they could perform the spell. After he caught up with the others, the five weaved their way through the corridors, wincing when Lithmenar told them that the quickest route out of the castle would be through the Great Hall.

The five reluctantly decided to take the quickest route, hoping the chaos from the assassin attack would give them a wide enough exit for them all to escape. As they finally arrived at the Hall where the King and Queen normally governed Sam Tun Fahl, there was an increase in the amount of guards in their way. However, the five that were protecting the Great Hall were dispatched with ease thanks to the superior archery skills of White Raven and the flashing glint of Louis' blades. When the guards were out of the way, the five stormed through the doors into the Hall and quickly turned to the left to simply escape through the other doors into the Hall. However, the King and Queen were already ready for them.

King Lithores stood beside his wife and in front of a contingent of two-dozen guards, his right hand clutching his head in pain. The guards on the far right and left were archers and had already taken aim at the five as they stopped and examined their situation. Louis knew that they wouldn't listen to what he had to say, but he hoped he could buy time for the others to think of a plan, so he stepped forward to speak to the King and Queen.

"Your majesties, if you would kindly step aside, we will take our leave of you and I give my word that you'll never see us again!" he promised.

"The word of a lying, scheming toad like you means very little to me. I hope that someday the Linkara will find you and cut out your throat for daring to even speak his name!" Menarar growled.

"You people really are stupid, you know that?" Louis grumbled in response.

"Lithmenar, you still choose to associate with this filth?! Have you no decency left in you?!" Lithores wanted to know.

"I could ask the same of you! Even when you thought that the kid was the Linkara, the one chosen savior whom you claim to worship, you lied about the location of the jewels he needed so you could push your own agenda! You are hypocrites to your very faith and you are terrible leaders for this land! The Netersao jewels will enable Louis to go home, so I showed him where they were," Lithmenar responded.

Lithores and Menarar exchanged glances, and then looked back at Lithmenar.

"So be it, my son. We had hoped that the years wallowing in the dirt of the world would have shown you the error of your ways, but it seems it has seeped into your blood and corrupted you! We wanted to do this as a last resort, but you have forced our hand. Prince Lithmenar, for aiding and associating with thieves, threatening the life of the King and Queen, and for aiding, abetting, and associating with criminal imposters, you are hereby sentenced to exile from this land! If you attempt to enter it again, you will be summarily executed! Never return to Sam Tun Fahl!" Lithores commanded.

Lithmenar stared at his parents, a blank look on his face. Suddenly and without warning, his face began to twist into a smile and giggles escaped his lips. He then quickly burst out laughing, everyone staring at him in confusion because of his reaction. He looked back to his parents and smiled, his laughter subsiding.

"You fools! That's what I've always wanted! I never want to come back to this place ever again! All I've ever wanted ever since you murdered Analee was to be free of you and your sadistic monarchy!"

Lithmenar took a bow. "Now, if you'll kindly step aside so that my companions and I can leave-"

"We shall part with you today, Lithmenar, but not the imposter or his accomplices! They have committed acts of aggression against the Royal Order of Sam Tun Fahl and we will not tolerate their presence any more!" Menarar stated.

"What about the assassins? I'd say you have your hands full right now trying to clean up the mess they caused at your Aquafina factory," Louis reminded them.

"We have no need for worry there... We have already caught one of the perpetrators of the act!" Lithores replied.

The King snapped his fingers, signaling the guards behind him. The King and Queen stepped to the side as a group of guards walked up and tossed Enrike, beaten and bleeding, out onto the ground in front of them. His hands and feet were bound together, his face a mixture of cuts and swollen, purple bruises. Despite the pain the injuries were causing him, he looked up and smiled at the group.

Hey, guys. It seems I've gotten into trouble with authority figures once again," he laughed.

"He was hiding in a corner when we found him. The cowardly thief will pay for his crimes, but he revealed to our interrogators very quickly where the assassins are hiding. The attempted attack on our great city has failed and I promise that you will pay for your transgressions, fools!" Lithores proclaimed.

Enrike rolled over and looked up at the King. "Tell me, your highness, do you ever get flustered with the thought of death?"

The King glared down at Enrike and spat at his face, not replying. Enrike smiled and closed his eyes.

"I suppose not, then," he whispered.

And with that, Enrike suddenly leapt to his feet, the bounds on his wrists cut free thanks to a throwing knife in his hands. The archers released their arrows at their target, but it was too late. Enrike tossed the knife at the King before flipping backwards and evading the arrows. The assembled group of soldiers and Louis' party gasped audibly as the knife flew through the air. However, just as the knife was about to him, the King brought up his hands and caught the weapon's blade between them masterfully as he was glaring at the thief. Enrike, for a change, stopped smiling and stared expressionless at the ruler.

"I did not survive as the King of Sam Tun Fahl for this long without reason, thief!" he roared as he tossed the knife back at Enrike.

Enrike dodged to the left, the knife barely coming near him as it embedded itself in the floor. Just as Enrike was about to make another quip, several arrows shot down from the ceiling and planted themselves into the chests and heads of guards. Looking up, the assembled group saw five assassins, all female, leap down from the glass ceiling of the Great Hall and land in front of the guards. They attacked quickly, slicing away at their opponents before the guards had time to react. And so the disjointed battle began, the assassins making their way towards the King and Queen while Louis and the others tried to force their way through the guards in order to reach the exits.

When an assassin finally made it to the Queen, Menarar simply grabbed the assassin by the throat and squeezed for dear life. The assassin tried to use her blades and flailing limbs to repel her attacker, but the Queen dodged every attempt made on her life while still keeping her grasp on the assassin's throat. Another assassin tried to aid her compatriot, but when she tossed a dagger at Menarar, Menarar responded by putting the assassin's backside into the path of the dagger, forcing the weapon down into her back. The assassin in her hand wheezed and went limp, dying as the blade pierced her lung.

The Queen tossed away the assassin and looked to her husband, who was busy combating Louis. Louis honestly didn't want to kill the man, even in spite of all the things he knew he had done. Louis was simply sick and tired of the constant battles and wanted to get him out of the way so he could get to the exit and get to safety.

"Impudent whelp!" King Lithores growled at Louis, clashing his sword with Louis' blades. "Do you feel proud that you have assisted these murderous vermin?! I hope you're happy!"

Louis rolled his eyes and went down to the ground, trying a sweeping kick to the King, but the man simply jumped up to avoid it.

"You know, for a guy who managed to gain the power of a land and rule over it for so long, you're as dumb as toast." Louis replied.

"How pathetic for the worm to-"

The King failed to finish his sentence as Louis rammed his fist into Lithores' belly, pushing all the air out of him. Louis then proceeded to slam his knee between the man's legs. As the King cried out in pain, Louis pushed him by the shoulders so that he was lying on his back.

"Would you just shut up for once in your life?! My God, you claim to be so superior to me, insulting me at every opportunity you have! I've got news for you, pal - things are falling apart around you. If you royalty folks are so perfect, then how come one of you could get so corrupted in the first place, like Lithmenar supposedly did?"

The King rolled to the side and jumped up, tossing away his robes and reclaiming his sword. He swung at Louis, but Louis grabbed hold of the blade with his gauntlet and smiled.

Louis crushed the metal of the blade easily thanks to the enhanced strength of the armor.

"Why don't you just mel-"

Louis released the blade and swung his right fist across Lithores' face, punching him.

"-low-"

He punched him again, this time with his left fist.

"-OUT!"

There was one final punch, again with the right fist, that finally brought the King down and panting as blood trickled down from his nose and lip. By this time, three more of the original five assassins had been killed, although they hadn't fallen easily. Sixteen soldiers lay dead with them, leaving only a few to contend with Louis and his companions. The Queen also still stood, getting ready to assault the final assassin. However, the assassin instead managed to dodge her away around the remaining soldiers and kicked Louis in the side, knocking him away. The female assassin reached down and pulled the King up, putting his back to her as she brought a knife to his throat.

"Surrender immediately or I shall cut him from ear to ear!" she threatened.

The soldiers looked to the Queen for guidance. Menarar nodded and the soldiers lowered their swords and bows. The assassin grinned and slowly began walking towards the doorway, dragging the King along with her. Louis narrowed his eyes at the assassin as he got up, his blades retracted into his gauntlets.

"This was your plan all along, wasn't it? To use us as a distraction to both sabotage the water system and assassinate the Royal Family at the same time?" Louis inquired.

The assassin nodded. "You played your part very well."

"Were you going to assassinate the entire Royal Family? Including the daughter?" Louis asked, raising an eyebrow in curiosity.

"Only the son could remain because of his allegiance to the Thieves," the assassin answered.

The instant that the assassin had finished her words, Lithmenar moved faster than one would think possible. He pulled from his pocket a small metallic ball and tossed it with perfect accuracy at the assassin's mouth. The ball swept past her lips and teeth and lodged itself in her throat. The assassin gagged and momentarily released her grip on the King, but the moment was all he needed. The King brought his hand up and moved the dagger at his throat out of the way, allowing him enough room to escape her grasp. Lithmenar leapt onto the choking assassin and pinned her to the ground, the other soldiers raising their weapons again to protect their leader.

The assassin gagged and desperately tried to either swallow the ball or throw it up out of her throat, but it wasn't moving. Lithmenar growled and tapped the front of her throat, an action that caused the sphere to come flying out of her mouth and away from the two. Lithmenar then put his hand at her throat and held it there, his other hand keeping a knife against her belly. His face could not have looked any more angered or enraged if he tried. Any hints of the fun loving, carefree Lithmenar he had been when Louis and Indow had first met him were gone, replaced only by the protective instincts he felt for his sister.

"Stop struggling for a moment, Assassin! You will not die here today. You are here to carry on a warning back to your entire people. I still have plenty of contacts within this land, people who will inform me of events occurring in it. There are those who owe me great enough favors that they would tell me anything I wanted to know and they'd do it very quickly. It would not take months to reach me; it would be a matter of hours or days. I will only say this once, so be sure to remember it."

Lithmenar narrowed his eyes into a glare at the woman, his knife poking a little bit more against her stomach.

"If I hear that my sister, the one whom the angels of heaven have named Lauralen, has suffered anything so much as a scraped knee or a pulled muscle, I will hunt down every last assassin in your Guild and kill them. I will not deviate from my task nor will I fail in it. Do you understand?"

The assassin looked into Lithmenar's eyes. She saw the seriousness, the determination, and the brutal honesty that showed her that he was not exaggerating his point and would certainly make good on the threat if the conditions were met. She slowly nodded, for the first time in her life quite frightened of death.

Lithmenar leapt off of her and pointed his knife at Lithores.

"The same goes for you, as well, father..."

And then he aimed it at Menarar. "...and you, mother."

The assassin saw her opportunity to escape and winced, conflicted for a moment as to whether she should try to finish her mission or simply escape. However, she knew that doing such a thing would put her own life at risk, so she opted for survival over accomplishment. As such, she jumped up, took hold of a high candle post, swung up and grabbed onto the edge of the shattered glass ceiling with her legs. She pulled herself up onto the roof of the Great Hall and disappeared. Lithores and Menarar looked over to Louis and the others and smiled, each of them still in relatively perfect fighting condition. They saw that they only had a limited number of guards still remaining alongside them and there weren't nearly enough to pose a threat to their enemy.

Lithores said," You have saved our lives, Lithmenar. We are grateful for such a thing. We shall not halt your exile, but you and your friends may leave the land immediately, provided that we never see you-"

"You won't," Louis interrupted.

And with that, the five slowly made their way out of the palace and of Sam Tun Fahl, dragging an unconscious Enrike along with them.
Next Time: The second-to-last chapter, homies. Let's goooo~
Autism attracts more autism. Sooner or later, an internet nobody will attract the exact kind of fans - and detractors - he deserves.
-Yours Truly

4 wikia: static -> vignette

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