Basements & Beards- Analogue Gaming Thread

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Timezones are on a spectrum. And they're all valid.

On a more lighter note, I present to you what might just be the greatest tabletop RPG cover in all of history:

Feast your eyesShow

It's the GURPS adaptation of Bunnies & Burrows, which is literally Watership Down: Numbers Filed Off Edition.
Fun fact: The original edition is so old (1976) that it's probably the first tabletop RPG with rules for skills and martial arts. Not that the latter helps you much against a fucking bear.
Fuck, I don't think it helps much against dogs for that matter, unless you're overleveled af.

[Complicity]

I'd rather play that than thirsty dykes' swords or whatever the fuck it was called.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

It's certainly more sure of what it is.

The virgin Thirsty Sword Lesbians assures you that every single part of the title is purely optional (just to make sure not to offend the ace pacifist pansexuals).

The chad Bunnies & Burrows makes damn sure it is about fucking bunnies trying to get the fucking lettuce into their fucking burrows before the fucking fox can catch them.

(Though 3rd edition gives non-bunnie options with critters like chipmunks or racoons.)

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

I had to delay my plans for actual tabletop peak, because I found some interesting stinkers.

Mad as Hell (aka Fuck You Elon, The Roleplaying Game)
[Archive]

The evils of capitalism have torn holes in the fabric of the world, allowing demons to hunt the vulnerable and make life hell. As Radicals in Mad as Hell, you'll work with a Community to hunt these monsters down and bring an end to the quiet violence that brought them into existence.

The book cover, btw:


Boy, I sure am glad that Elon Musk is an otherworldy entity made out of meat and metal instead of an actual person

The only way to kill demons is to understand what quiet violence created them in the first place, work out how to solve that problem, and turn it into a weapon. You might kill a demon of mouldy water with a purifier, a demon of poison-laced diet drugs with its own reflection, or a demon of bigotry with a pride flag.

I mean, that demon might just die laughing if you wave around a pride flag like it's a fucking crucifix.

Unless you address the root cause of the problem, the wound in the world will continue to fester, and the demon will be reborn, free to wreak havoc. To defeat the demon truly, you need to make meaningful social change in your communities and help those around you.

"Allow men in women's bathrooms, or else the demons will eat us all!"

You can play Mad as Hell right now using the free quickstart available on the SoulMuppet website. It gives you a taste of the game, including six pre-generated characters and a grimy, waterlogged starter adventure - Something in the Water.

You better not want me to make an account or subscribe to any shit for that. Otherwise I'll have to wait to grab a free community copy on itch.io.

EDIT: Of course they want my contact informations. At least it's also on itch.io...

The layout of Mad as Hell is bold, bright and radical, drawing from revolutionary manifestos, political pamphlets and protest signs.

Oh boy.

This game is unapologetically left-wing, anti-fascist and anti-capitalist.

Which is why you are creating it with the help of capitalism.

Mad as Hell is for people that are mad at the way things are but don’t know where to start. For people that know the world is fucked, who might not have one unified answer, but know they have to do SOMETHING.

Killing imaginary demons doesn't sound like a healthy outlet for your impotent rage.

The game is intended to create a safe, lightly fictionalised environment for aspiring and current activists to become familiar with the methods used in community organisation and direct action. It helps provide a structure that mimics the real-world approaches to tackling injustice through a radical lens, and take action against capitalism.

Oh yes. It's one of those autistic activist RPGs that thinks it's teaching your real activism/revolutionary skills that totally work. Those always make me rock hard.

Mad As Hell uses the base mechanical chassis shared by many other SoulMuppet games, like “Orbital Blues”, “Paint The Town Red” and “Best Left Buried”, and adds on a swathe of new rules and toolkits to fit the genre.

Hey, I heard about Orbital Blues. It's like Cowboy Bebop, except anti-capitalist and commie-friendly like everything these weirdoes apparently shit out.

The Team

A bunch of "they/thems" and even a "xe". Color me surprised. Sadly no pictures of them.

Defy the Gods (aka Mesopotamian Mace Ma'ams)
[Archive]

Defy the Gods is a tabletop role-playing game of daring adventure, passionate romance and cursed power, set in fantasy ancient Mesopotamia. Inspired by Conan, Clash of the Titans and Princess Mononoke, it brings queer love and resistance to sword & sorcery role-play.

What do "resistance" and "Princess Mononoke" have to do with sword & sorcery?

Also the cover is a fucking lie:


(I think the Egyptian fella is a FtM with masectomy scars, but the scars are too small and professional-looking for a trans-related butcher job. Not to mention that this is the fucking Bronze Age. I think this artist is not a true ally.)

Not looking too bad, eh? Except the interior art looks more like this:

What is WRONG with your FACE?

Defy the Gods is a sword & sorcery story game about love and might. It's equal parts romance and adventure, using a version of the Powered by the Apocalypse engine. The game's opinionated mechanics point your story in exciting directions. Like Thirsty Sword Lesbians, you get to flirt with and tempt other characters.

And into the trash it goes.

Sword & sorcery is marked by propulsive action, gritty urban life, cosmic horror, protean wonder, and the drama of street-level heroes taking on overwhelming odds. Like many recent sword & sorcery works, Defy the Gods focuses on these elements, unburdened by loyalty to yesteryear's writers for their own sake. The late Howard Andrew Jones dubbed this movement "new edge" sword & sorcery.

Friendly reminder that all of your favorite sword & sorcery authors who created this genre in the first place are evil people who hopefully rot in Hell :3
And "new edge"? More like "no edge".

Defy the Gods is a game of universal, visceral attraction. You may win anyone's interest. Spend others' hearts to aid or thwart them, throw them off-balance, or tempt them to do what you want. In Defy the Gods, love has no rules.

Also, the world is against you. The Pantheon of gods hates you, and the City's rulers want to push you to the margins. While your adventurer has tremendous talents, they are—at first—nothing compared to the forces arrayed against you.

Sword & sorcery is about underdog heroes battling civilization and unstoppable supernatural forces. This is queer life in a nutshell.

Fun fact: Mesopotamian society was surprisingly tolerant for its time. Cripples and other freaks are like that because the gods made them that way, and who are you to question the gods?

Another fun fact: Mesopotamian temples had holy twink crossdressers.

The Playbooks

Oh yeah, time for some motherfucking playbooks - aka overly restrictive classes / borderline premade characters:


Yeah, that Egyptian fella is definitely a FtM. You can tell that this artist is deeper in the SocJus circles.
Also what in Ba'al's holy name is this giant baby doing here?!

A mortal recently escaped from the Underworld, pursued by demons. Call on the power of death while exploring your new life. Inspired by Inanna, Eurydice and Persephone.

2 of those 3 inspirations are gods aka The Enemy (tm).
And the only reason Inanna aka Ishtar ended up in the underworld was because she tried - and failed - to take over the place (colonizing bitch that she is).

A wide-traveled, mischievous trickster with a plan and a network of exes. Draw the map of the world, one destination or obstacle at a time. Inspired by Sindbad and Odysseus.

Let me guess: this one has a variant of the "A Lover in every Port" Move from Sandy Falx Bimbos?

A scholar of the forbidden art, with unpredictable spells and an ever-warping body. Roll a bunch of dice and look for patterns in them. If you match a pattern to a spell you have, you can cast it. Otherwise, chaos burns you. Inspired by Thoth-Amon and everyone who's usually a villain in other sword & sorcery stories.

That spell system sounds like a retarded version of the Kamigakari combat system.
And of course they're usually villains. They dabble in the dark arts, and are generally the most evil motherfuckers you can find in sword & sorcery. They should not be lovable, queer resistance fighters.

A big-hearted, deadly person who refuses to bow to anyone. If combat hasn't started, kill a mortal within arm's reach, without rolling. Inspired by Conan and Jirel of Joiry.

Why is most of this a description of what I assume to be a "Sneak Attack" move?
And what about Gilgamesh? You know, the OG tough hero?

The devoted, submissive servant of an exiled god, suffering willingly in exchange for transcendent power. Perform miracles through your wounds. Inspired by Elric of Melniboné.

This has Yaoi/Omegaverse vibes all over.

A human raised by animals, curious about civilization, and belonging to neither world. Hunt your prey and destroy ugly human contraptions. Inspired by Princess Mononoke.

"Curious about civilization"? San had nothing but contempt for her fellow humans.
And what about Enkidu? You know, the OG wild child who got tamed by civilization?

Build your own antagonists at the start of the game:

The Pantheon: The gods, goddesses and demons who rule the cosmos and hate you. Give them domains like "Law," "War" and "Sex," but also "Abyss," "Hate" and "Searing Knowledge."

I'd love to hear the elevator pitch of the priests of the God of Hate.

The City: Your home. Choose its location, its rulers, and its one unique thing. Sketch in its oppressive laws and informal communities.

I wonder if the writers of this know that the Mesopotamians had to build most of their buildings out of shitty clay bricks that crumbled all the fucking time.

The Legacy of Atlantis: Before humans were the Atlanteans. They lived without fear of the gods or fate. Then they discovered sorcery, and the Pantheon destroyed them. Find their blasted ruins in wild places and unlock their secrets.

I assume the Atlanteans were colonizers if they have left ruins everywhere?

In between adventures, you flip the script: Play out a single scene as members of one of the World Forces, devising future trouble for your own adventurers. Fire up the Game Master's imagination and indicate where you want the story to go.

I wonder if my fellow queer gamers will kick me out of the campaign if I play the bigoted head of the pantheon as Trump.

"I think we should do another flood - but not just any flood. I promise you the greatest flood that any god has ever done!"

The Team

More "she/hers" this time around, but at least we got pictures:


This explains so much. Also why is his name written with a "y" here, but a "i" on the cover? Is the fucking book deadnaming him?

[wulfenlord]

work with a Community to hunt these monsters down and bring an end to the quiet violence that brought them into existence.

Aight, retard hatemongering 101. Declare the opponent to be a monster to strip them of their human rights. Or just cue the lobotomized wisdom of It's our doody to not tolerate intolerance. Also good to know you have the moral superiority to judge whose fault your problems are. Reminfs me of certain solarpunks...

kill a demon of bigotry with a pride flag

Oh, you are serious? Let me laugh even harder.

"Allow men in women's bathrooms, or else the demons will eat us all!"

They are called Xenophages, and they won't stand for this xenophobia!

Sadly no pictures of them.

I got you fam

SpoilerShow

Can I just say that most of the Queertards are sticking to Kickscammer, even if Gamefound would attract a larger TTRPG crowd? I suspect it's with Kickstarter not giving a shit if a project isn't fulfilled.

smoldering queer sword & sorcery

WTH does it mean to be smolderingly queer? Also what does Conan have to do with Mesopotamia?

Like Thirsty Sword Lesbians

Oh good, we've reached the age where it's not onlypowered by a horrible system, but also inspired by other troons brainrot.

tempt them to do what you want. In Defy the Gods, love has no rules

"Why do you assume there's a hidden agenda, bigot?"

what in Ba'al's holy name is this giant baby doing here?!

See the quote above - age is a spectrum, shitlord!

A wide-traveled, mischievous trickster with a plan and a network of exes

I dunno guise, feels an awful lot like a CIS male power fantasy :3

SpoilerShow

Inspired by Thoth-Amon and everyone who's usually a villain in other sword & sorcery stories

Sounds more like a fleshwarping Tzimisce mixed with a Skaven Grey Seer trying to get a roll of 13 on 2D6.

Inspired by Elric of Melniboné.

Fail. The White Wolf didn't flail himself for Arioch, he had to use enhancing drugs because of his weak albino bloodline

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Sadly no pictures of them.

I got you fam

SpoilerShow

I can see why they were missing on the actual project.

Can I just say that most of the Queertards are sticking to Kickscammer, even if Gamefound would attract a larger TTRPG crowd? I suspect it's with Kickstarter not giving a shit if a project isn't fulfilled.

Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

WTH does it mean to be smolderingly queer? Also what does Conan have to do with Mesopotamia?

I guess they wanted to emphasize the hot and steamy queer adventures you can have in Ea-nasir's Starbucks Emporium.
And I guess they went with a Mesopotamian flair because it is more exotic and less "eurocentric".

Oh good, we've reached the age where it's not onlypowered by a horrible system, but also inspired by other troons brainrot.

Well, the typical way to make your own original PbtA game is to steal rules and mechanics from other PbtA games and then maybe cite your "inspirations". These people have no original bone in their body.
There might also be some overlap with some of the artists.

See the quote above - age is a spectrum, shitlord!

I'm all for playing a session or two of Rugrats & Reptars, but why is this a literal manbaby?

[wulfenlord]

The creator responded to me on Instagram and said she would post an update this week. Then said she was blocking me for finding and contacting her on Instagram about it. I don't care, she can block me if she wants, but I didn't find anything. All her socials are listed on the Creator section on this very page.

@motherlandsrpg.bsky.social‬
We've seen some comments online that we just took everyone's money, spent it and the game is never coming out. Untrue, so very untrue. So here's our balance after a lot of things have been paid out.

The game is just massively delayed but it's still happening.

Yes, we're real aware of how Tariff's will affect all industries, but especially the TTRPG and Board Game industries. Once we have an idea of how this will affect getting our game into your hands, as well as other rewards, we'll do an update over on the Kickstarter page.

Yes, a cropped balance proves everything.

Also the creator negress is whining about her meds junk food costing 1700$ per month, yet, still going to PAX and telling attendees to wear a mask.
https://www.patreon.com/posts/smol-upda ... -127941797

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

It's convenient they delayed this long enough for tarrifs to become an issue (aka a perfect excuse for more delays).

EDIT: Got the anti-capitalist quickstart. Of course the example adventure is about a demon that sprung into existence because the landlord is an asshole.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Looked up the sensitivity readers for Mad as Hell. I wish I hadn't.

Hipólita (she/her) is a trans TTRPG designer, translator, editor, writer and consultant from Argentina. She has created the GMless diceless witch academy game Cantrip, as well as its aesthetic polar opposite RAD, in which post-apocalyptic delvers loot the ruins of the Central Asian Soviet wasteland. She is currently working on From Midgard To Eternity, a solo game about seeking a fitting death after a song-inspiring life.

Also made Spy x Family with the numbers filed off - based on Lasers & Feelings of course, an effective party game so barebones it should be a punishable by death to demand 5 dollars for this little hack.

Basil Wright (he/they/xe) is a Game Designer and Cultural Consultant who loves puns, fantasy novels, and more bananas and cheese than one person should consume in a lifetime. His game design philosophy is to create games that promote community and have the lowest barrier of entry, so that everyone can enjoy playing games together!

Also working on translating the Odyssey into Ebonics.

EnjoyShow

Holla at me Muse, of a man who so turnt he dun wrecked the holy city called Troy, who then bounced: he peeped all dem cities of all dose people and came to know them, he took all them Ls in his soul and his life and his homies.

But even tho he wished he could save all his bros, they were a bunch of fools who wrecked themselves, who strolled up into the fields of Helios and completely grubbed on his cows. You know Helios was mad, so he snatched their homecoming from dem when they came to his place from some place or other. Now c’mon sis, Athena the Wise, daughter of Zeus, spill that tea, hunty!

All the rest of them Greeks fled a complete death and they were chilling at home, having said “forget war and forget Poseidon!” Getting fed by they wives and whatnot. Man, you know Odie got up in his feelings about this. He wanted to take himself home and see his wife, but the sea kept him from it. Not to mention poor girl Calypso, that glowing goddess who longed for Odie to be her husband.

A whole year went by, and the gods got together to finally decide to let Odie go home. Well, all of dem ‘cept Poseidon. Poseidon could not stand Odysseus and he was mad for days, and since he is basically the ocean, that meant Odie ain’t going home, natch.

But wait, there's another free preview!

Odie vs dem SirensShow

As dogged out as I was, I kept it straight with the crew: “Fam, you best believe Imma share this news with you and not just keep quiet back in the cut like some people would do. Bae told me some real shit just a minute ago, and now I’m telling you, since we either gon die together or ride together, feel me? Check it: she dun told us not to listen to them fine ass Sirens, and the meadow they chill in. Imma be real, I think shawty is still mad at me, because she told me I should listen to the Sirens, but hey, I ain’t mad at her; I finessed her good after all. Still, she told me to tell y’all to lock me up tighter than a mug to the mast. Also, if I start hollering to be let go, just ignore my trifling ass; matta fact, put more ropes on me.

I was saying all this shit to myself before I said it to the homies, and once I felt ready, I told them what was up. Meanwhile the ship ran up on the isle of the Sirens, for a peaceful wind moved the ship. Then the wind cut out, things were chill, and a god put the waves to sleep. But my crew got up, furled the sail and stowed it in the ship, and then got busy rowing. They was rowing so hard and fast, the waters turned white with their fir oars!

While they was doing that, I took my sword and cut a round thing of wax into smaller pieces and began working it over. Once the wax was warmed by hands and that glistening god Helios Hyperion, I put the wax into the ears of my crew. Once the wax was in, they tied me up to the mast like I dun told them, and then tied the ropes to the end of the mast. After which they sat their asses back down and mollywhopped the grey sea with their oars.

But once we were far enough out that you could hear a guy hollering down the way, the Sirens peeped our journey and began laying down some sweet ass bars:

Ooh, Odysseus, come slide into our DMs, great glory of the Achaeans; hold up a minute and really vibe with our sound. Ain’t no man alive or dead that’s gone past our island without hearing our bomb ass music. Every single man to hear our song fucks with us heavily and you gon learn a thing or two. You best believe we know all the tea from that Trojan ish, and we know all that gon happen, too.

Their song was straight fire, and they was right: I fucks with it heavily. I began hollering at my crew to get these ropes up off me, even trying to communicate with my brows and shit, but their trifling ass ignored my clownery and kept rowing. And then! Two of my crew, Perimedes and Eurylochus got they ass up and put more ropes on me and drew them tighter! Like, damn, why you gotta do a brother like that?

But when we got past the Sirens, and those sweet bars left our ears, my crew removed the wax and the ropes with the quickness.

I unironically hope this will be the basis for the next Odyssey adaptation.

[wulfenlord]

Hi! I'm Hipólita, a trans lesbian

Of course.

SpoilerShow

has created the GMless diceless witch academy game

Hold the patty, tomato and lettuce on that burger, just give me the bun with catsup and mostard.

Lasers & Feelings

Do I even want to know?

he/they/xeShow

Sure Jen, your Patreon profile still has you as Britanny.

Also working on translating the Odyssey into Ebonics.

I quite liked the nigger on board the Pequod telling the sharks eating the towed whale off to stop dem smackin ob de lips so loud that Ahab can't enjoy his meal.