Basements & Beards- Analogue Gaming Thread

Talk about the life consuming, celibacy inducing hobby that is all the rage these days.
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VoiceOfReasonPast
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Re: Basements & Beards- Analogue Gaming Thread

Post by VoiceOfReasonPast » Wed Sep 27, 2023 4:25 pm

This time on "You get what you fucking deserve":
Sins of the Adventurers aka Cripple Fetish Game No. 1384 appears to be vaporware
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Don't be fooled by the Street Shark.
Despite being funded by nearly 200% over a year ago, the creators of this little woke project have effectively gone radio silent since January of this year, with nothing more than a quick "I'm stressed, guys" and a roadmap that was never followed up on due to the whole radio silence bit.

Could be a scam. Could be sheer incompetence or laziness. Though judging by how he apparently needed less than $2k (which sounds a bit low considering all the art, book printing & shipping), I suspect he might've tried and failed at gaming the Kickstarter system.
You see, many Kickstarter projects use a funding goal that actually below what they actually need. There are multiple reason for this which ideally all result in getting more cash from idiots:
  • Your lower (fake) goal is obviously easier to achieve
  • Kickstarter actively promotes projects that have achieved their goal (since successful projects is where they get their money from)
  • You get to brag about how fast your project was funded, and/or how much your over your initial goal. Many projects (not this one, strangely enough) even slap badges onto their main project image to commemorate these achievements.
  • Many potential backers don't like wasting time backing shit that might not reach its goal, so instead they focus on shit that has already funded and ideally has reached its first couple milestones
The end result is that you can end up with more cash if you lie about how much you actually need.

So with that shit out of the way, what is the actual game - or at least its premise - like?

>community copies
Hey look, the only good feature on itch.io. The general idea is to offer a certain amount of free copies on a first-come-first-serve basis. This is generally done so you can brag about how your offering free copies of your lesbian troon wheelchair RPG for marginalized and/or poor people.
Unfortunately this system is based entirely on the honor system, so instead you get assholes like me who snatch this shit up for the lulz.

>A level-less tabletop RPG
Oh boy. You know the writer has never really touched anything outside of D&D if he thinks "level-less" is the first innovative thing about your product.

>A level-less tabletop RPG about accomplishing dreams, accepting responsibility, and earning redemption.
That's oddly high concept for a Cripple Fetish RPG.
Basically this is set in some kind of high fantasy utopia after what one might call "The Era of Dungeon-Crawls". Adventurers (aka the PCs) are know considered "problematic" because magic is dangerous af and monsters have been the real victims all along.
I guess the idea is to still be discrimminated and marginalized, but not for the triggering reasons like gender and race? Very odd.
The safe spaces we created became havens but soon became fortresses, and later, cages. With nowhere else to go, we decorate the bars.
I think you're projecting ;)

Let's ditch this lore nonsense and get to the real heart of the game: cripplepunk!
Active representation means showcasing the wide range of possibilities that put marginalized groups at the forefront.
Aka all the art will show a cripple and/or some non-white (monstrous) humanoid freak. Great.
Of course you're not required to be a cripple, but I have a feeling at least 80% of your character customization options are cripple-related.
SOTA is ensuring that people with conditions or disabilities can immediately showcase iterations of relatable experiences in the game without having to settle or do extra work by homebrewing.
>showcase iterations of relatable experiences in the game
Dafuq does that even mean?
And why would I worry about having to homebrew crippleshit in a RPG designed to be all about crippleshit?
Purposeful inclusion means that characters with underlying conditions or disabilities are NOT used as props. You will encounter deities with disabilities
Isn't going "... and this god is sitting in a wheelchair" very prop-y?
And you think cripple gods is breaking new ground? Just off the top of my hat I can think of...
  • Odin (visually impaired due to having lost an eye)
  • Hephaistos and many other gods of smithing (traditionally described/portrayed as being at least somewhat mangled/deformed, to honor the fact that playing around with molten metal is not the safest of occupations)
  • Osiris (a literal eunuch after that one time he got chopped up into pieces, though I bet the people of Current Year would interpret him as the first post-op troon)
  • A shitload of Hindu gods (their various, often conflicting aspects are basically "headmates", as the young kids would say)
There are no penalties for playing characters with disabilities. A magical world has even more resources than our real world so there is no reason not to showcase a wide array of people living life as they normally would or want to.
And here's where we hit the peak cringe: Using convoluted magic solutions to make disabilities irrelevant without just straight-up fixing the disability with fucking magic.
Anosmia - When a person cannot detect odor at all.
That's... pretty weaksauce in terms of cripple privilege. The only time smell ever comes up in a fantasy RPG is when the GM is describing how much the dungeon/sewer reeks.
So, what's the "solution" here?
Model 1 Canary Callers- Earrings that are fashioned to look like miniature birdcages with bird-like drones inside. These earrings have certain smells preprogrammed and will notify the user with a chime once those smells have been detected.
Or you could just hope that at least one yokel in the rest of your party can actually smell shit. Whatever floats your boat.
Blindness - The property of being unable to see anything, sometimes including light.
Oh boy, I wonder how they're gonna pull off the "no penalties for being a cripple" gimmick here.
Model 1 White Cane - A white cane with a horizontal slot near the handle that interprets what the tip of the cane is touching and creates a self-moving Braille description across the handle. This item is imbued with permanent Divination magic and can catalog past substances it has identified. Many users carry their white cane to auctions or other places of fast-paced business to discern whether something being sold is a fake.
I guess a pair of magical glasses that just let you see through fucking magic would be too "unrealistic".
Congenital Limb Loss - A condition at birth where the upper or lower limb does not form.
You might be wondering why they didn't go for a general "Limb Loss" condition here. You see, these cripple fetish need the "But what if I was born without an arm ;) ?" card as a gotcha to people asking "Why don't you get a new arm from the nearest Cleric?".
The solution is of course a prosthetic. A solar-powered one no less. Or you just pick up a hook hand, except instead of a hook it can have just about any weapon you want.
Gastrointestinal Diseases - Any condition that affects the digestive system. Symptoms include but are not limited to nausea, vomiting, and pain in the abdomen.
Woe is me, for I am... lactose intolerant?
Model 1 Inflammation Helper - An Inflammation helper is a mechanical device with the ability to locate specific roots, spices, antivenoms, and other important potion ingredients once they have been loaded into its magical database. This model is shaped like a miniature truffle pig that can be comfortably tucked into a small pocket or worn as a necklace.
I don't think fantasy food is industrialized enough to have traces of all sorts of shit.
Paraplegia - Paralysis of the legs and lower body. People with paraplegia may not be able to voluntarily move their legs or abdomen, and in some cases, incomplete paraplegia affects only one leg.
Ah, the golden goose of cripple fetish RPGs. You want a combat wheelchair?! We have all sorts of them! Whether it's moving through wheels, tracks or a fucking Gelatinous Cube, we've got you covered!
The only downside to this model [the slimechair] is that they are not particularly fast
Don't penalize meeeeeeeeeee~ :evil:
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Re: Basements & Beards- Analogue Gaming Thread

Post by VoiceOfReasonPast » Sun Oct 01, 2023 5:23 pm

You know we're reaching new levels of autism when Netflix, Zack Snyder and fucking tabletop RPGs converge:
Nobody Tabletop company sues Netflix for terminating their license agreement

So, what is everyone's deal here, and who the fuck is "Evil Genius"?

Zack Snyder: Decided to turn his rejected pitch for a more "mature" Star Wars movie into a Netflix movie instead. Can't imagine that ever sucking, but that doesn't really matter in this drama.

Evil Genius: Released something called "Everyday Heroes" which afaik is some D&D 5e fork for action-movie-style stuff, and they've released a bunch of licensed shit using this fork, including Rambo and fucking The Crow. I've barely heard anyone talk about Everyday Heroes, and I had to go to their website to find out that they have these bunch of licenses.

Netflix: Terminated the whole deal because apparently Evil Genius got too excited and promoted the deal a bit too early. Also they're calling dibs on the massive setting bible Evil Genius has apparently written for the RPG.

I fucking hate licensed tabletopshit (except the old Marvel capeshit RPG; that one is okay).
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Re: Basements & Beards- Analogue Gaming Thread

Post by Kugelfisch » Mon Oct 02, 2023 8:14 pm

Imagine being into pinball then. All they make is licenced shit these days.
A crying shame when you check out the absolutely amazing tables that were made between the 60s and 90s.
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Re: Basements & Beards- Analogue Gaming Thread

Post by Complicity » Tue Oct 03, 2023 11:03 am

Kugelfisch wrote:
Mon Oct 02, 2023 8:14 pm
Imagine being into pinball then. All they make is licenced shit these days.
A crying shame when you check out the absolutely amazing tables that were made between the 60s and 90s.
They should make Synthwave based tables, something like this but not a vidya:


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Re: Basements & Beards- Analogue Gaming Thread

Post by VoiceOfReasonPast » Thu Oct 05, 2023 5:20 pm

Ah crap, turns out the Radiant Citadel wasn't enough. Now we're gonna get a proper 5e version of Planescape.
WTF is Planescape?Show
So Planescape is all about a city called Sigil, which sits at the center of D&D default multiverse and features various doors that lead to just about any other place in the multiverse.
You might think that makes it a swell place to conquer, but unfortunately the place is protected by a waifu known as The Lady of Pain. It's not entirely clear if she's a god (she seems to hate being worshipped), but she handily murdered the fuck out of the last god who tried to take over the place, so it's probably close enough.
If you piss her off enough, she will painfully murder you if you're lucky. If you're not lucky you'll end up getting mazed, aka trapped in your own little pocket maze dimension from which there is no escape, no matter what kind of bullshit tricks you might pull.

Aside from being one of the most exotic D&D cities that lets you do crossovers with the various D&D settings (and having what effectively boils down to Asshole One-Punch Man as the city's main tard wrangler), one major appeal of the setting are the factions, philosophical groups that each have their own view of how reality works. Actual faction warfare is generally avoided since that might just result in the Lady murdering everyone.
Naturally this is Current Year, so the article has to draw parallels with Marvel's (failing) multiverse nonsense, which is already a "great" start.
Now what the writers of Current Year will probably "fix" are the factions. In the original 2e version they were all treated respectfully, but as I've already mentioned way too much this is Current Year, and we can't have a funny elfgame where multiple factions can have wildly different beliefs and none of them are objectively "good" and "evil".
But don't you worry, 'cause 5e will introduce a new faction in the form of The Hands of Havoc - aka literal fantasy Antifa, complete with a lust for setting shit on fire :lol:
[The Hands of Havoc] believe in pulling down the old and building something new
Good luck with pulling this down:
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EDIT: In other news, starting next year Wizards of the Coast will no longer distribute its books through Penguin Random House, which I'm sure is part of their grand keikaku to go digital-only in the future.
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Re: Basements & Beards- Analogue Gaming Thread

Post by VoiceOfReasonPast » Sun Oct 08, 2023 1:14 pm

Been to the Spiel convention in Essen. Pretty cool overall. Had some BattleTech and Warhammer stuff I've been looking for, and you can never have too many dice.
Also got a sensible chuckle out of Dungeon & Dragon's rather small presence. Guess they still haven't recovered from that time during the beginnings of 4e when they shanked their German distributor (leaving the 3 core books the only 4e books to ever be translated).

Spotted some triggering content, though:
  • Had a series of flags outside for the various guest nations. Of course this lineup included half a dozen pride flags (though not the most up-to-date flag that also honors black and intersex people; how racist of them)
  • Spotted some bearded guy in a goth-y dress. No idea if it was a troon or just a transvestite. At least he still looked hotter than PUR ever will.
  • One of the entries to the convention proper had a sizable queue for some reason. Turns out that was the special entrance to Disney's Lorcana CCG. Sad.
  • The only normal playing cards I found were obviously SJW-branded. I didn't look carefully enough as to not attract their attention, but I'm pretty sure it was those Spielköpfe faggots from several pages back, who make "diverse" sets of playing cards because they problematic regular sets are too white and/or heteronormative. They do shit like this and this.
I looked further into what our good friends of Spielköpfe also had in store, and I found what could be the greatest card game of all time: Queer Allyship.
In case your German isn't up to standards, this is a card game with particular hideous artwork where the players prove their worth as queer allies by "defeating" trolls aka strawmen. This has got to be one of the most terminally online thing I have seen in physical form.

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Defeat the mean anti-gender trolls with words!
The game also tries to embiggen itself with cards that ask a question related to the card, no doubt in a fruitless attempt to trigger intellectual conversations between the players. In this case it's "How would you counter the troll?". The answer is probably a variation of "*incoherent screeching*".

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Cancel your comrades for literal wrongthink. Strangely enough the "I'm sorry" move actually works.

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Judging by those two cards, there is a literal "Check your privilege" card/action in the game. You can't make this shit up.
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Re: Basements & Beards- Analogue Gaming Thread

Post by wulfenlord » Sun Oct 08, 2023 3:35 pm

Missed my chance at visiting Spiel, though a boardgame geek companion of mine shared with me several abominations with planned publications in Krautland.

Here's a select few:

Drags 2 riches
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Die CO2-freie Stadt
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Gay Sauna
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Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn! Ph'nglui mglw'nfah Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl muh'fugen bix nood

Whenever you feel down :3
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Re: Basements & Beards- Analogue Gaming Thread

Post by VoiceOfReasonPast » Sun Oct 08, 2023 3:41 pm

>reusing the same art for different characters
Is this gay sauna game even trying? And where are the FTMs with zipper tits?
Autism attracts more autism. Sooner or later, an internet nobody will attract the exact kind of fans - and detractors - he deserves.
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Re: Basements & Beards- Analogue Gaming Thread

Post by Le Redditeur » Fri Oct 20, 2023 2:04 am

I purchased some proper cardboard analog nonsense - Gloomhaven and its two expansions. Have been playing every weekend with my brothers and a friend, and the game itself has been pretty fun so far. It really incentivizes you to permanently change the town map with decals, though - which is annoying if you want to restart the campaign to play with different people or attempt a different route. I'm going around that by keeping the proper achievements registered on a separate sheet because fuck permanent alterations.

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Re: Basements & Beards- Analogue Gaming Thread

Post by wulfenlord » Fri Oct 20, 2023 4:16 am

Why didn't you get the 20$ decal sheet which is easily removable? :3
Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn! Ph'nglui mglw'nfah Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl muh'fugen bix nood

Whenever you feel down :3
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