Spoony the Pussy One: Life is in the Render Queue

[Guest]

I really don't think he's anything more than your garden variety alcoholic. It's legal, it's cheap, it's easy to get ahold of (the supermarket will basically just deliver it to his house) and requires no effort on his part whatsoever.

[Kugelfisch]

I'm going to call total bullshit on coughing so hard that he broke his ribs. I've never heard of that happening to anyone ever. Not unless he had some sort of bone disease.

Funnily enough, sneezing can fuck you up, though.

[Newhalf]

It can, but if his ribs were actually broken, he'd be in such horrible pain that even he, the king of absolute inactivity, would get off his ass and do something, like pester his mom to get him real strong pain meds.
I'm thinking he's just playing this up.

[Guestfag]

You'd be amazed what you can get if you eat nothing but garbage and sit in a sunless basement for years.
Ever heard of space herpes?

Well, I'll give you that his house is basically power vacuum, but not a space one
But you might be right, although I think pneumoconiosis is more plausible.

Also, you can break your ribs from caughing, but it would need to take a long time. Bronchitis wouldn't last 2 years to fuck him up that bad, that's why, if he's really sick, pneumoconiosis sounds as more possible option - he lives in dirt and shit, it must smell like asshole there and untreated by docs it can fuck you up. Add to that him not living his house and not getting any vitamins, weakening his bones and in his case it is even more possible to break ribs.
And considering he doesn't move much, he could have not feel that much pain. From what I remember, broken ribs in hospitals are treated by meds to make pain weaker and just lying on your ass, because it heals by its own. And with him being constantly drunk, he might not even feel that much pain.

But that's all just shitty theory, because we all know he's lying and lazy shithead.

[Newhalf]

I'm almost sad that Spoopy won't leave his den, or that I wouldn't meet him even if he did. In my mind it'd be really funny to be like a bank person or a doctor talking to him and then giving him my "calling card". However when he turns it, it's just a plain white card with the word "Semtex" written on it with sharpie.
Then as he turns to me in bewilderment, I do the fingerguns and shout "BOOM! You're dead, asshole! This is for the Carmarilla!"
Or was it Sabbath.. I remember almost nothing from my high school vampire-wiccan days.

[Guest]

Could be either Camarilla or Sabbat, but it would be funnier if you'd say: this is for all of the gaming sessions you've probably ruined by being an egotistical narc asshole who's so stuck in his ways not even a german submarine can wedge you loose.

[Newhalf]

Ah yeah but then again I don't believe his story really happened.
At most he got humiliated in an event like that and then went home, sulked, and made up the story in his mind as a way of coping.
So there's a good chance he didn't actually ruin anyone else's fun. At least not much beyond just being his usual self as a weird, awkward, unpleasant guy.

[Guest]

That is the going theory, yes. Also the one I support as well. Either way, he gets so butthurt by not being the center of attention in all of the games, he has to make it so *he*, king Spoony himself, is being shown as the one and only 200IQ mastermind player. Always. Unfortunately for him he has shown time and time again that he doesn't know jack shit about, well anything really. 5e went completely over his head, he's the worst fallout player in the world, he doesn't know how Vampire works and even AD&D, which supposedely he *mastered*, he gets countless things wrong, or he just makes stuff up to again make himself look more cool.

[Liar Revealed]

There are all sorts of things that could cause pain that he's describing like pleurisy and bruised ribs. But bruised ribs doesn't sound as dramatic as broken ribs, so he embellishes.

Also, it dawned on me that his shitty diet could be causing acid reflux, which can get into the lungs and cause bronchitis. All he would have to do is change his diet. Also not fall asleep after pigging out.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

There are so many possible causes thanks to his shitty lifestyle and diet. He's like a deathfat without the fat (though he's getting there).

So there's a good chance he didn't actually ruin anyone else's fun. At least not much beyond just being his usual self as a weird, awkward, unpleasant guy.

He was just salty he couldn't charm his way into the upper echelons of this vampire LARP clique, so he decided to get his late revenge via Counter Monkey.