Spoony the Pussy One: Life is in the Render Queue

[Keith Chegwin]

Do they even have to take him to court?

Yes
Spoony lives in Illinois, right? That's a judicial foreclosure state. It basically means the bank has to sue him. Most cases they typically get summary judgment anyway because most people losing their house don't have the money to afford a lawyer. But they have to drag him to court nonetheless.

[RedLine]

Do they even have to take him to court?

Unfortunately they do. Getting a foreclosure and eviction order is a huge pain in the ass in almost the entire US. Most mortgage lenders will try to work something out with the resident rather than go through the entire legal thing, but I'm guessing Spoony is just ignoring those attempts.

https://www.illinoislegalaid.org/legal- ... e-timeline

Even if Spoony does nothing it would have been a 9-12 month process before he was actually out of the house and the China Flu shutdowns will extend that by probably 5-8 months. It is also really easy to sandbag and delay the process in general, but Spoony is too busy with the dark times and wrestling to do any of that.

[Guest]

He's probably planning to kill himself before he gets kicked out, but he'll chicken out and have to go live in Miles' garage.

[Guest]

Do they even have to take him to court?

Unfortunately they do. Getting a foreclosure and eviction order is a huge pain in the ass in almost the entire US. Most mortgage lenders will try to work something out with the resident rather than go through the entire legal thing, but I'm guessing Spoony is just ignoring those attempts.

https://www.illinoislegalaid.org/legal- ... e-timeline

Even if Spoony does nothing it would have been a 9-12 month process before he was actually out of the house and the China Flu shutdowns will extend that by probably 5-8 months. It is also really easy to sandbag and delay the process in general, but Spoony is too busy with the dark times and wrestling to do any of that.

"If" Spoony does nothing? What else would happen? Spoony does something that is not consuming media or bitching on twitter?

The elders speak of such events, aeons ago, but the age of Spoony doing stuff is long past.

[casual pleb]

He's probably planning to kill himself before he gets kicked out, but he'll chicken out and have to go live in Miles' garage.

Yeah, he'll most likely never kill himself, because that would involve doing something.

[Guest]

Spoony might be keeping his house if my theory is correct. If Coronavirus kills his parents, each Antwiler sibling would be getting anywhere from 75-100K in inheritance. That would wipe out Spoony's debt right there.

He's probably planning to kill himself before he gets kicked out, but he'll chicken out and have to go live in Miles' garage.

He is never going to kill himself. He suicide baits for attention and sympathy but that's it. He's a very manipulative person and moocher.

[Guest]

Spoony needs a rice cooker, crock pot, a blender. It's pathetic he is near 40 yet can't cook at all and eats fast food or ramen or soda. No wonder he has nutritional deficiencies.

[Guest]

Spoony needs a rice cooker, crock pot, a blender. It's pathetic he is near 40 yet can't cook at all and eats fast food or ramen or soda. No wonder he has nutritional deficiencies.

So that’s why he looks like he emerged from a grease trap.

And you’re all wrong, when he loses the house Erod is gonna lure him into a Misery style situation where he tortures Spoony in order to force him to make content to piggyback off of.

He’s gonna tie him to the radiator and love him his way.

An emaciated Spoony lies on the dirty mattress in the basement he now calls home, staring up at the flickering bare bulb overhead. “Just kill me.” He mutters weakly, looking over at the bag of McDonald’s just out of reach, then over to the recording equipment next to his bed.

“I’m sorry Spoony, but I can’t let you die on me, you’re far too valuable to let go to waste.” A voice says, Spoony looks up and sees a tall shadow cross the basement wall. The diminutive Erod steps into view, a mere quarter of the height of his ominous shadow.

“I don’t want to live, I have nothing left to live for.” Spoony mutters weakly, reminiscing of the woman who left him, the house he had, and his beloved dog. After the foreclosure and his mysterious disappearance they all eventually stopped looking for him, even Miles gave up after a few months.

“You’ve wasted your life Spoony.” Erod says with a menacing grin, Spoony now noticing the metal object gripped tightly in his hand. “Just hit the record button, and then you can have your tendies.”

Spoony’s stomach growls, and the intense hunger almost overwhelms his eternal laziness, but only for a moment. “N-no! Fuck you you crazy fucking taco bender! I’m not gonna be a part of your sick game!” Spoony struggles against his restraints. If only he could free himself, but the radiator was locked down tighter than his nemesis Trump when Neil Breen is in town.

A flash of anger burns in the short man’s eyes, and Erod grabs Spoony’s leg and begins to repeatedly smash it it with his magic hammer. “You goddamned sadistic spic! You fucking Angry Joe Funko Pop! I swear to god when I get out of these restraints I’ll...” Spoony falters, the idea of doing something overriding the intense pain of the crushing blows being delivered to his legs. “Do what Spoony?” Erod asks tauntingly, recovering from his moment of anger and standing back up. “Go outside? Be a better person?” Erod begins laughing hysterically, tucking his hammer back into his pocket. “Doge failed me...Lupa failed me...they all failed me...” He mutters, walking over to the wall opposite of Spoony’s bed. He flips on a light, revealing a sight that causes the bile to rise in Spoony’s throat.

“Oh...oh god...you sick fucking fence jumper...” Spoony mutters, realizing that maybe his mortal enemy may have been right about immigration. In Erod’s basement, no one could hear him be PC, it didn’t matter anymore, all that virtue signaling for nothing. Lupa’s cold dead eyes stared back at him, the lifeless corpse preserved in her Wonder Woman costume, her dead inside expression now much more fitting. “She betrayed me Spoony, you know about betrayal...I did you a favor by killing her.” Erod says soothingly, stroking Lupa’s perpetually embarrassed face.

Spoony begins to cry, his sanity slipping further into darkness. Erod coos soothingly, picking up the bag of McDonalds and bringing it to him. “There there Spoonster, it’ll all be better. Here, have some lunch.” He hands Spoony the bag, the greasy one greedily ripping into it, relieved to find a box of nuggets, fries, and a bottle of Jack Daniels. He begins devouring the nuggets, having chewed and swallowed at least five before realizing something is wrong. He looks at the contents of the box carefully before vomiting violently, tears and sweat running down his face.

“That’s the problem with fast food Spoony, so much fat”. Erod says in that eerily calm voice, looking down at the box. Catching LordKat off guard and slicing his throat had been easy enough, but moving the body was the hard part. “He told you to eat a gun once, and now you’re eating him.” Erod says, glad he’d stocked up on cooking oil before the outbreak. “You...you’re fucking not right man...” Spoony sobs, contemplating whether the demented dwarf was real, or some mere dark reflection of himself created by years of vitriol and contempt.

“I’m just giving you what you always wanted Spoony. Once you learn to accept my gifts then you will be ready to finally achieve your dreams.” Erod walks over to the basement’s workbench, retrieving a set of wicked looking tools and a bag, Spoony’s mouth gaping in horror when he spots the familiar pair of spiral lensed goggles hanging out. “Let’s get crazy....or should I say insane?” Erod asks as he straddles the defeated Spoony, tracing a line of flesh searing chemicals across the broken man’s face, forming a perfect outline for where the glasses would soon be fused to his face forever...

Continued in Chapter 2

[Guest]

Chapter 2 better have rape or I'm out.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

I can tell you what he wants:

He's probably planning to kill himself before he gets kicked out, but he'll chicken out and have to go live in Miles' garage.

He'll never an hero. He'll just keep sitting in his former house until the cops drag him out, and after that he'll keep sitting wherever they drop him. Then he'll keep tweeting until his battery runs out, at which time he'll just keep staring at his dead phone's black screen.