Spoony the Pussy One: Life is in the Render Queue

[Keith Chegwin]

Everyone knows that Homicide is the superior Baltimore crime show

[pibbs]

I can think of something sadder, NOAH

[Guest]

Speaking of the Farms, does anyone know who the chick in Man Vs Persistent Rat's avatar is?

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Yo momma.

Ah, very good, he had the camera on for a little while

His remaining fans are probably going "He's starting to look just like me :3 !"

[Guest]

Fucking twitter cut me off before spoony, when I tried to tell him about cuckson's gift. I need a burner phone number now, and all the ones I got from online services are already used and cannot be used again. We will never know if/when he blocked me, unless I get a phone number.

He did respond though, bitching to others about the sexist use of "broad" while pretending to be hard.

[Keith Chegwin]

Speaking of the Farms, does anyone know who the chick in Man Vs Persistent Rat's avatar is?

Why don't you ask him? Better yet, why don't you Google it?

[Guest]

Speaking of the Farms, does anyone know who the chick in Man Vs Persistent Rat's avatar is?

Why don't you ask him? Better yet, why don't you Google it?

Or one of you Fury Road niggers could be helpful once in a while.

It's clearly Chris-Chan in a wig anyway.

[Keith Chegwin]

Or one of you Fury Road niggers could be helpful once in a while.

>Asking to be spoonfeed
>On DHI
>Expecting something other than hostility and calls for you to go fuck yourself in return

[rabidtictac]

Ok, I know this comes from KF, but holy shit, read this

https://foxdickfarms.net/threads/the-sp ... st-5785197

Unfortunately for pretty much everyone, that's only a single chapter of Rachel the Autistic Warthog's Spoony Love Quest.™ Our story begins in July 2011 when Rachel Baker, a warthog with confirmed autism (archive), met her idol Spoony at ConBravo. This brief meeting with her beloved had a deep impact on her psyche, which she addressed in an open letter to Spoony roughly a year later (archive):

She ended her letter with a pledge of undying loyalty that would seem cheesy if not for the fact that she's still making good on that promise almost eight years later:

The same day that she posted her open letter, Rachel also posted a Spoony-inspired "poem" that she originally wrote in 2011 (archive). It's illuminating, to say the least:

In the darkness, I hear a sound
It is a sound not unfamiliar to me.
The sound of someone crying out, begging to be loved
To be held and to have their tears washed away
But has the ever constant fear of rejection in their heart
Just like me
I follow the sound of crying and what do I find?
I see a man standing before me
His eyes filled with tears of a broken heart not yet mended
His face with the expression of sadness, loneliness and despair
He looks at me with a look in his eyes as if he is begging me to love him
To hold him as he cries in despair and sadness
To say to him “I’m here and I understand”
I walk over to him, open my arms and took him in an embrace
I hold him as he cries and sobs in my arms
I stroke his hair and kiss him on top of his head like a mother would do to her child
As he continues to cry on my shoulder, I whisper softly in his ear
“Don’t be afraid to love and to be loved. I will always be here with you”.
As I continue to hold the crying man in my arms, I hear him say to me through his tears
“Thank you”.
As tears ran down my own face, I say to him gently
“You’re welcome. Je t’aime, mon ami“.

You might think that sounds more like creepy maternal affection rather than romantic love, and you'd be right, but there's another piece to this autistic puzzle. Consider this opening paragraph from Rachel's godawful fanfiction (archive), as spoken by her self-insert OC donut steel character Danielle Halliwell-Gold:

My father once told me that true love can break even the strongest of walls around a person's heart if you fight hard enough for that person. At the time, I didn't understand what he was telling me, it was as if he had known that I would meet someone who has been through so much suffering that they would close themselves off to the point of not feeling emotions like love, fear, joy and pain like my father once did.

Reading between the lines, it sounds like Rachel believes that her true and honest love will melt Spoony's cold heart if she just keeps trying. She wants to nurse him back to health in hopes that he'll eventually come to appreciate her inner beauty or some equally autistic shit like that.

In case her warthog mating dance was too subtle, Rachel was also kind enough to squeal out a more direct mating call. She says she started watching wrestling in 2011 to "impress a guy [she] had a huge crush on at the time." (archive)

In short, Rachel Baker is a literal autist who's been pining for Spoony since at least 2011. She wasn't just dragged into his orbit by recent events, she's waited years for this chance to nurse her poor wounded senpai back to health so that he'll finally notice her. She pledged her unwavering fealty to him almost eight years ago and she clearly wasn't kidding.

If Spoony isn't too proud to accept her help then he'll almost certainly take advantage of her emotionally and financially. She'll almost certainly tolerate it, too, because she's an unholy chimera of abuse victim risk factors. She's an autistic, depressed, insecure, unattractive hamplanet fangirl with nearly a decade of unrequited love for her senpai. For fuck's sake, she even has daddy issues (archive). If Spoony said he was going to fuck her mother she'd probably offer him a ride and then take him out for dinner afterwards. Hopefully she's more self-aware than I'm giving her credit for, because otherwise she's basically a human juice box for a narcissist like Noah.

And that's all I've got for Rachel's Love Quest so far. Here's some bonus content that I didn't manage to fit in elsewhere:

I'm copypasta'ing this because a) it's really funny and b) I know a lot of you niggers are too lazy to fix the autocorrect and go look at it yourself.

[Guest]

She gonna suck you clean, Sporky, then set you on fire if you try to leave.