Brad Jones, The Cinema Snob

[Rushy]

For Rushy, or anyone else who wanted a trip down memory lane to watch the first one.

Alrighty, here is Rushy's Cinema Snob double feature experience:
0:03 "Walkaway entertainment"?? Man, I should...
0:17 What's with the shitty Windows Movie Maker font?
3:30 I thought Ryan Mitchelle was supposed to be that one guy who knows what he's doing on the Snob team? This movie looks like a 2-hour long student short. With the same acting quality.
4:12 "You're the writer. I'm the tech guy." Smooth exposition
5:46 Why did Brad Jones make this and not Black Angus?
6:48 THE BOSS!!! HE'S SO BEAUTIFUL!! Oh, I've got tears...
7:20 "Gentlemen... let's talk..." so far, Brad is still the only person who can do realistic line delivery.
9:06 Hey, it's the Nostalgia Critic's guardian angel.
12:10 This movie's editing is shit. Pauses everywhere. Giving me Birdemic vibes.
14:01 The guy playing Dan is just about the worst actor since James Rolfe post giving a shit.
17:21 I swear half of this film's dialogue is pointless references to the most obscure shit ever. "I'm Spadering you. If I was Zabkaing you..." you need a fucking Wiki to watch this
17:56 This movie is crying out for any kind of sound editor.
19:05 Ok the fact that Spoony's just at the bar next to them kind of made me smile. That's 1 smile in 20 minutes.
23:30 And another smile. The writing got so much better when they got drunk and no longer have to seem like normal people.
25:25 Why is there a bendy clock on the wall? It is kind of matching with my theory that Spoony only exists in their imagination though.
32:53 The concept of having Brad pretend to be a cinema snob to finance his movie is admittedly clever. This could be a good film if it was a good film.
33:26 Wow this "snob party" or whatever it is looks like shit. Brad couldn't get more pals or family to hang around as extras?
37:19 Damn, I should find a club like that so I can tell them all about Last Jedi's thematic layers.
39:45 "What are you doing here?" "Obligations." In other words, we need someone for Brad to talk to. Actually, why the fuck isn't Spoony here? He's rich, he could fit in.
49:28 Laura's literally in this movie just so Brad could have sex onscreen, isn't she? That's her entire character "hi, I'm girl who understands you. Sex?"
50:41 Why the fuck is this movie about other snobs' marriage woes now?
51:55 Murder? Nearly an hour in? *cue Jontron I HAVE SEVERAL QUESTIONS gif because I'm too lazy to embed it*
52:14 Who sleeps under a blanket with their phone in their pocket? Brad had no money for a bedside table? Or the floor?
53:22 "So many people here with nothing to do on a Friday night" he says, in a room where you can see or hear a grand total of two people. One being him.
58:56 Criticism of Laura's character aside, she's one of the most competent performers in the film. Ofc, competent in this case meaning "I can sound like I'm not reading off a script".
1:03:15 What was he doing, wanking there? That whole "creep fucker" storyline still seems kinda random aside from an excuse to threaten Brad's secret identity. It's just like the AVGN film, Brad letting what he likes to see in films get ahead of the actual story he's going with.
1:05:50 I've lost hope this movie will ever show daylight again.
1:08:26 how many fucking times are we gonna see that same fucking establishing shot
1:14:23 Now we're doing a detective film. Honestly, like 50% of this movie could be cut, the direction could be a lot better and we could have a pretty swell, witty time. But it feels slow, plodding, most of the actors are shit, there's not nearly enough of Spoony(DON'T. TELL ME. HOW. TO. ACT.) and nothing feels like it's adding up to anything.
1:20:26 We were having a conversation. Now we're randomly having a sex scene aaaand this is the most awkward thing I think I've ever seen. Feels like I'm watching Brad's sex tape. Nice tits though.
1:22:07 Is it just me or did that gun shoot silent without a silencer?
1:25:55 Ohhhh boy that's some... that's some grade A for advertisement greenscreen. Couldn't shoot on any old beach?
1:26:12 So if nearly everyone is dead, why are these meetings still taking place? Is that part of the joke?
1:38:01 I'm convinced Neil is the killer - aside from Spoony(who may or may not exist), he's the only character who's not been associated with the film club. His motive would be his hatred of film snobs and holy shit, I actually got somewhat invested.
1:38:56 SPOONY RETURNS FROM THE RENDER QUEUE TO GRACE US
1:49:34 Wait, Spoony is the killer? Those are the same rolled-up sleeves. I can't wait to hear the answer to that one...
1:53:29 No, it's the cop. The... cop. I don't even care what his motivation is, that is the most lame-ass reveal they could have done.
2:00:37 Brad not knowing how to hold a rifle is a pretty nice touch, I gotta say.

Well, that happened. Two hours of something that seemed to be going somewhere, but really didn't. I'm gonna go take a break and do something productive and satisfying before tackling the sequel. Like mowing the lawn.

[Kojak Norseman]

He lost 1553 subs this month. If it keeps dropping then we may have seen our last Cinema Snob movie...

[Guest]

That's a lotta red. Then again he could make another movie that's Shot on Shitto, you know that long delayed movie for some years ago?

[da PAC Nigguh]

That's a lotta red. Then again he could make another movie that's Shot on Shitto, you know that long delayed movie for some years ago?

That's forever in limbo because of Brad's last bout of friend-losing.

[RedLine]

He lost 1553 subs this month.

Brad-Lupa murder/suicide coming soon.

[Rushy]

Once more unto the breach dear friends, once more...

0:03 Shinier logo. But I've still not learned my lesson.
0:32 Rob is instantly better than rando from the last movie.
0:43 Also Malcolm and Tamara. So it's basically Channel Awesome V Cinema Snob: Dawn of Nothing In Particular
0:55 "It's been a long enough trip already." Brad still hasn't learned to do exposition visually.
1:05 I'll grant Mitchelle this - this movie looks WAY better than the first one. Visually, it looks really good. Props to him. Sound editing is okay too. He at least has honed his craft.
1:23 I don't even get this game. They're just randomly talking about movie cliches just for the sake of it.
3:58 Okay, I'm just gonna desperately hope Brad wanted the fake Youtube to look that shitty.
5:41 Apparently, in-universe Brad is now just the same as normal Brad, except he also made Black Angus(I guess it's the "Porno" of the Snobverse?)
6:05 I want to know, is there actually an interviewer out there with this much contempt for whoever he or she is interviewing? Anybody got any clips of something like that? Would love to see it in real life.
6:20 In-universe Brad is only just now making the Cinema Snob movie, so I have no clue what the other movie he made besides Black Angus is supposed to be.
6:54 I need to know, does anyone on the Channel Awesome team actually have an agent? Why would even in-universe Brad have one?
7:00 FUCK, the sound cut out. Several times. Fucking Mitchelle, I thought you finally got your shit together.
8:10 He's still using that one and only piano tune to transition. I bet it's still the only tune on the soundtrack too. The Cinema Snob movie double feature soundtrack should not cost more than a cent, because that's the only fucking song on it.
8:54 Apparently, Brad literally recast his best buddy with Rob. Which is hilarious. He didn't make up a new character, no, he had to boot out the memory of Jake. I assume it was Jake. I'm not deep into Snob lore.
9:50 It is kind of amusing to recap how ridiculous the first movie's plot was, but he should've done it for somebody who didn't know rather than Rob. Although I guess Rob wasn't technically there.
10:02 I'm kind of disappointed that Malcolm's just an Uber driver. I was hoping he'd be Black Angus this time.
11:29 Okay, I know the Snobverse is hardly realistic, but somehow, even in this movie, the fact that the Q&A-ers are actively ripping into Brad seems kind of dumb.
12:33 I can appreciate Brad and co riffing on how badly made the first one was. Also, they actually fucking got the worst actor of that film back(the only guy from that production who's still friends with him?).
13:12 I can't believe Brad's recast Jake twice. Does it turn him on?
14:01 Heeey, it's the dumb evil cop. In a much more entertaining Cinema Snob movie. Oh my fucking Gawd!
17:28 It's kind of uncomfortable watching Brad fight with fake Jake.
17:33 "It's an internet movie! They all go to outer space!" Tbf, he's not wrong.
18:04 Is this agent dude the replacement for our lord and Boss? Boo.
18:44 These are the reviews for the Atop the Fourth Wall movie, aren't they?
19:17 Ha! That dig at Lupa is worth the movie. "She just sounds like she wants a plug!"
22:42 For a moment, I actually dared to think that was Noah's voice.
23:41 You can practically feel the hatred Brad put into fake Jake. He's a completely different character in this one, and just exists to put Brad down.
23:47 Also, Comic Con looks fucking terrifying.
27:49 I legitimated thought that Twitch gamer was just Malcolm in another disguise.
30:24 So Tamara's the Laura of this movie? Aka the legit entertaining one?
31:58 FYI It's been half an hour and absolutely nothing has happened in this movie. It's just Brad and fake Jake snapping at one another.
33:09 So once again, it's about Brad trying to get a movie made. Only this time, exploitation is passe, he already is the Cinema Snob and there is no Spoony. Fuck. Even their drunkenness isn't entertaining anymore! Brad forgot how to drunk!!
34:47 I fail to understand why they couldn't just film this in a moving car, but had to use a backdrop.
35:07 Wtf was with that fake punch?
38:27 If Barney Walker's not Brad's dad, I'm gonna be so disappointed.
39:01 Hang the fuck on, are they doing a Texas Chainsaw Massacre riff with the gas station and the weird dude showing them a map?
41:26 You know, pointing out the massive use of greenscreen and replaced actors doesn't justify having a helluva lot of greenscreen and turning fake Jake into Satan.
42:42 WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A RACE WITH GUNFIGHTS WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT ON GREENSCREEN
43:10 I wish I watching a Texas Chainsaw Massacre Christmas special now. Silly Brad, always ditching the awesome ideas for this nonsense. And how the fuck do you not remember which way you came from????
44:16 That dude in the background looks like McPervert from the first movie. Cameo?
46:31 I have no idea where this movie is going and why. They're on a road trip because Tamara and Not Malcolm kidnapped them so they could go see Brad's fake dad so they could finance... something?
49:20 Apparently it took three hours for old farmer boy and Tamara to get to that barn. That was some madcap boinking on da way.
51:07 RYAN. MOVE THE CAMERA AWAY FROM THEIR GODDAMN FACES. GIVE ME A FUCKING WIDE SHOT.
51:31 That being said, I could go for some pork chops right about now.
53:03 Oh God, Tamara really is the second coming of Laura. Also, you gotta love how Ryan can only think of one way to build a relationship - SMOKING BREAK. Only this is 2019 and smoking can't be in our movie, I guess.
53:47 "THEY'RE EATING US!" Um, no. You butchered the pig.
54:45 The fact that they're not biting into those ribs onscreen is driving me nuts. Just eat the damn meat already
55:30 So, apparently this movie just gives zero fucks about reality now, because nobody cares about the cannibalism.
58:15 Well, he may not be Brad's dad, but at least Barney got his one shining moment of glory.
59:00 So if the whole town's in on this, why the fuck would they stop at the diner? I can't believe I'm saying this, but at least the first film was somewhat normal. This one is full on anniversary special stupidity.
59:21 You gotta love how they completely omitted the part where the "heroes" escaped from the diner full of savage rednecks and got back to their car. Great filmmaking there, geniuses.
1:00:15 "Lucky for you, me and the whole sheriff's department is in on the thing." The level of stupidity in this script is giving me a headache now. And I still have 48 minutes to go. And I have nothing stronger than beer.
1:00:36 Why is the sheriff's face shot like a reveal? Are we supposed to know who it is? Also, apparently the cannibal shit is done Texas Chainsaw Next Generation style, where there's some shady business behind the shady business.
1:02:18 Did the OG Cinema Snob movie bomb really badly? Because they keep rattling on that idea, that Brad and fake Jake are fucked because their movie sucked so hard, and are trying to move on from that. It feels like there's some kind of real hate behind this, but from what I understand, none of this ever happened even in a metaphorical sense.
1:03:21 Doge enters the picture. That's all. He also has the worst Texan accent I've heard in a while.
1:08:25 Do people let a stranger drive their car just because he knows where someplace they're trying to get to is?
1:10:10 Not gonna lie, this role was made for Doge Walker. Also, this movie just got way better for once.
1:12:35 Is the waterboarding an actress thing a reference to the first film? Cause Black Angus did that, not Jake. Secondly, where the fuck is Black Angus anyway?
1:16:24 Mitchelle's lighting looks really fantastic. Send him to Hollywood, but only let him light films.
1:17:30 "Go find Shelly you guys. I'll handle these freaks." "... okay!" My first smile, once again about 20 min in. Oh, and an HOUR.
1:22:06 BLACK ANGUS
1:23:12 I should ask where the bullet holes are, but I'm tuned out now.
1:23:49 But I am gonna ask how they got their fucking car started given that they only came to the museum for a jumpstart and the car wasn't even there.
1:25:00 The one on-the-nose criticism I'll give Brad is that joke about characters turning on one another for stupid, manipulated reasons. "Fine, I'll buy you a beer at the next stop." "Seems fair." was incredibly satisfying.
1:29:25 I like that Rob just never takes that hat off, no matter what or who he's playing.
1:31:38 I don't even get this Content ID joke. They can't sing or show movies other than Night of the Living Dead because the hospital would get hit? Is the hospital Youtube? What is even happening? This morning my biggest concern was that people couldn't act. Now I don't even what reality I'm in.
1:31:52 Sparkle sparkle sparkle!
1:32:57 I was gonna say "cool, we're in Hollywood", but I'd recognise that EXIT sign any day. This be the Nostalgia Critic crib in Chicago. I don't know why I'm so let down. I guess I've just lost any grasp on the world. I don't know where I am. I don't know why I wanked to a baby tertiary character in My Little Pony or convinced that lesbian that I'm a girl. I drift through existence like piss in a sea.
1:32:46 Alrighty, answer this one mystery and do it justice. Who is Brad's father? Oh wait, I remembered Lloyd Kaufman was in this movie. Fuck.
1:33:19 Holy shit, Lloyd looks like he's aged a century since I saw him on AVGN.
1:37:07 That's a nice speech from Lloyd, but somehow, I don't see Brad growing on a thicker skin. Speaking of which, I feel like this movie would've been a great oppurtunity to comment on how burnt out Brad is(he mentions it) by reflecting more on the events of the previous film. Bring the quarrel of Jake into it and don't recast him. Mention how Gene is shuttered away in his home. Admit that Laura left him.
1:39:48 So, is Brad just fantasising that Lloyd Kaufman is his dad now? Cause all this talk about how Lloyd is gonna fix his life is creeping me out.
1:42:02 And the message of this movie is... get over it? Damn, this really is a CTC critique in disguise.
1:43:29 For some reason, Rob being cranky is the one thing I like about this movie. Like Doge as an over the top maniac, it's the perfect casting.

Well, at least he's honest about this being a vanity project. I have no idea what I just watched. The first film was far too long and poorly made, but it had some imagination and good plotting behind it. This one was just these people doing their thing and asking people an ungodly amount of money to get high as fuck while they were doing it.
And I can respect that.

[pibbs]

Honestly, I'm much more interested in seeing this. Back in the day, the "Suburban Knights Makin of" was the most interesting thing Doge had put out.

[drisko]

Once more unto the breach dear friends, once more...

---

Well, at least he's honest about this being a vanity project. I have no idea what I just watched. The first film was far too long and poorly made, but it had some imagination and good plotting behind it. This one was just these people doing their thing and asking people an ungodly amount of money to get high as fuck while they were doing it.
And I can respect that.

Thanks, now I don't have to do it.

So after finishing this I went back and skimmed through bits of the first movie since that got uploaded and I reckon it works better. As I said earlier, the problem this movie has is that it's too professional with too amateur a script. The first movie actually works better because it was shot on lower quality that matches the script and talent. And I'm pretty sure Brad put more effort in.

Another Cinema Snob Movie... maybe it's because of Voice From the Dark, but I didn't hate this. Don't think I'd say I liked it but it was a lot easier to sit through. It's nothing amazing and Brad really needed to put more effort in and taken out all the shitty "We're just going to call out our cliches instead of fixing them" shit. According to twitter, this is one of the most successful first days they've gotten for a movie, but if they make a third one, I really hope Brad just writes the screen story and lets a pro handle the screenplay next time.

All in all? Meh. I can think of worse movies put out by the CA crew but I can think of better ones too.

[Rushy]

As I said earlier, the problem this movie has is that it's too professional with too amateur a script. The first movie actually works better because it was shot on lower quality that matches the script and talent. And I'm pretty sure Brad put more effort in.

I don't really get this complaint. One of the first movie's issues was the poor direction, and it got fixed here. Cinema Snob 2 just creates new issues to replace this, but I don't feel that having crappier visuals and sound editing would've made the experience any more tolerable.
Honestly, seeing these people partake in a competent production was kind of fun in of itself, and showed off the strengths and weaknesses of their acting abilities based on something that's not a dumb skit for once. Doge could legit star in a horror movie and it would work. Rob's got a good delivery for a sitcom... one made by Chuck Lorre, but still.

[RedLine]

Doge could legit star in a horror movie and it would work.

I might have to actually watch his scenes then. I've never seen Doge pull off anything beyond "spazzy retard".