Brad Jones, The Cinema Snob

[GitGud]

No I’m not reading this shit you fags are worse than Chris Chan. At least he’s legitimately autistic you guys are just fucking retarded.

No. I am fucking nuts.... Coconuts are best, if you drill the holebig enoght. It lubes itself, is nice and wet and smells good. If you stuck some hazelnuts up your peehole you get a nice feeling from the bumps. Plus if you fuck a girl and you mastered the Nut-in-Dick Jitsu she will never want to leave that dick.

[Guest]

....and then Allison awoke from her fevered canabis induced coma. The pitter-patter of a small child on the floor boards over her head creaking and thundering as he learned to take his first steps. The otherwise beloved sight of a child's first mile stone was like a mocking drum beat of everything Allision would never have in life; children, stability, the love of a real man, and the blessings of family and long time friends.

As reality became less hazy, the inevitable weight of everything denied to her came down upon her spirit. Reaching for her xanex bottle she all too willingly popped an extra pill on top of her dose. She paused.

"Fucking.....WALKER!!!!!!"

She shrieked at the top of her lungs, the pill bottle firing from her hand across the room and shattering with a pop, many skittering pills settling on the hard wood floor with the sound subsiding to the constant running of the toddler above.

Allison proceeded to open her Twitter app. Seeking something, any hit of validating dopamine to ease her self inflicted sufferring. Retweeting a BLM here, a Tranny there, culminating in her daily "Fuck Trump" post. Her brave advocacy from the perilous position of behind her phone in bed was made exhausting by ERod's many DMs and retweets.

Allison could only lay there, another day, another month, another year.

Be a writer

No I’m not reading this shit you fags are worse than Chris Chan. At least he’s legitimately autistic you guys are just fucking retarded.

Hairlets get the rope

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

No I’m not reading this shit you fags are worse than Chris Chan. At least he’s legitimately autistic you guys are just fucking retarded.

Go back to your slashfics. This here is real art.

[Newhalf]

Wait, this isn't even the Lupus thread, it is Cinema Brad.

but he's so boring

Yeah, that’s a big problem with CS. His material is mediocre and stale but not worth commenting on, and while he’s a leftist who takes the occasional swing at religious movies or right-wing stuff, for the most part he’s pretty benign and boring. He’s not even super fat so we can’t laugh at his need to use a motorized wheelchair, the worst we can really say is that he should eat some more.

The only thing noteworthy about him is that he married a 7/10 sporting a set of big fucking tits, and also his immortal enemy Crazy Cat Lady Grandma Loopy the Great Saggy Old One still seeks to kill/fuck him for breaking her unbeating heart. Other than that there’s nothing.

Ain't that the truth.
Sometime back when he was still fat and had hair I tried to watch him because he did cover some pretty exceptional movies i.e. porn and I am all for exotic porn but..
Him as the host is just so bland and boring. I assume the "humor" comes from thinking his "Snob" persona is funny but it simply isn't and then there's just.. nothing.

The feeling I got is that he might be some borderline fedora tipping atheist because he also loved to really rip into Christian movies, but didn't want to say even a single word about any other faith because making fun of those would be too unsafe for him.

Yep, boring all-around.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

I got the impression that his main "hook" for his humor is that he keeps referencing Z-list actors and directors.

[TheManWithNoPlan]

When he started he would talk about obscure exploitation which was interesting now he does mainstream movies, porn parodies or religious films which are nowhere near as so bad it’s good as thinks they are.

[Sieg Zeon]

Laura laughed maniacally. She stood over the vanquished gorgon, licking the blood off her diamond-hard nipples.

“Now who’s the queen of the video store, bitch?”

She started walking away, not noticing the horrible wraith rising up behind her.

“It’s still me, slut”.

Laura screamed.

“You might have ruined my mouth, cuntwhore”, croaked Lupa through ruined lips, “but there’s more than one way to eat a tender morsel like yourself”.

She leaped like a tiger onto the screaming girls face. Laura’s shrieks were drowned out as Lupas asshole slowly enveloped her head. With just a grunt and a push, Laura’s head was completely lodged in Lupas ass.

“I hope you like it in there”, Lupa whispered as Laura slapped blindly at Lupa’s legs. “There your pretty face will be slowly digested over a thousand years. Time enough to hear me fuck Brad every night”. With Laura’s naked, squirming body hanging out of her ass like a reverse trophy, Lupa strutted off to claim her man.

Triumphant, Lupa waddles off towards her lair, only to be blindsided by a small flash of fury and claws. Lloyd rips off the human skin that conceals Lupa’s true horrific visage, exposing the serpentine face beneath her false flesh.

“You forgot about me she bitch, did you really think I’d let you devour my master’s divine titty goddess?” The cat asks, shaking blood from his paw. “Lloyd! How did you get past my minions? They were supposed to finish you off!” Lupa shrieks, recalling her explicit orders for Eggcara and Peerod to stuff the feline in a boiler.

“Never sent a manlet to do a man’s job” Lloyd says, reaching into the bushes and tossing an object towards Lupa. A rotund egg shaped head stops and her feet, the bespectacled eyes looking up at her blankly. “Hope you like your cronies soft boiled.”

Lupa fumes, the rest of her skin shredding away to reveal her monstrous form, the reptilian beast unfurling her wings in an act of intimidation. “But what about...” A bullet pings off of her one of her curved horns, and from the shadows steps a man in uniform. “Your beaner is fertilizing a lawn right now, turns out gun beats magic hammer.” Miles Antwiler says, spinning his revolver cockily. “B-but Holly...Linsdsay, Marzgurl?” Lupa asks, the ancient fiend feeling true fear for first time in eons.

“We decided to make amends and donate to her portable bidet fund!” A voice shrieks, Doge and Rob Walker stepping into view. “Turns out her bowel weren’t that only thing that were...explosive!” Doge cackles manically, Rob nodding in agreement. “And don’t worry about NDrunk, we sent Malcom to keep her busy, you wouldn’t believe how fast a moderately successful IN will sell a lesser peon out for a nice thick cock.” Rob explains, Doge chiming in once again. “It looks like she moved from PBS to...BBC!” He screams with a look of madness in his eyes, drawing his handgun and firing into the air wildly.

Lupa hisses and begins to descend upon them, but a blast of energy halts her attack. From the dark sky descends a heavenly light, Vic Mignogna joining the crew. “The Legendary Super Chad!” Lupa shrieks, realizing that Marzcunt is now nothing more than a ki obliterated mess in Compton. “That’s right fiend, now prepare to meet the weapon that will finally end you, modern weaponry!” Lupa begins to gag, forced to vomit out Laura from her primordial gullet, her jugs heaving as she rushes into the ki barrier that Vic has created. “Tawticawl Newk Incowming” A voice lisps into Rob’s earpiece, Mike Michaud finishing the launch sequence from Channel Awesome headquarters.

Lupa screams in agony as she is obliterated in the nuclear blast, naught a particle of the monster remaining as Vic flies the team away from the blast zone. Once back to the safety of CA HQ, the team takes a moment to rest, the head cut off
of the #ctc movement. Vic looks at Laura with a gleam in his eye, unable to take his eyes off of that magnificent rack. “Wanna see why they call me Big Dick Vic?” The Legendary Super Chad asks, Laura nodding and ripping what remains of her clothes off. As the pair descend into passionate lovemaking, Doge and Rob look down at their erections. “We have the spit, now we just need the pig, Tamara!” Rob calls out, Lloyd jumping onto the nearby counter and pouring himself and Miles drinks as the orgy begins. “She may have forever destroyed my brother’s mind with her madness, but now Lupa can harm no one.” Miles says somberly, taking a deep sip of whiskey. “Her videos could spread her influence...” Lloyd says ominously, the pair pausing before bursting into laughter. “Ha! Like anyone will watch them!” Miles chortles, toasting the talking cat, the credits begin rolling over the 30 minute orgy.

....and then Allison awoke from her fevered canabis induced coma. The pitter-patter of a small child on the floor boards over her head creaking and thundering as he learned to take his first steps. The otherwise beloved sight of a child's first mile stone was like a mocking drum beat of everything Allision would never have in life; children, stability, the love of a real man, and the blessings of family and long time friends.

As reality became less hazy, the inevitable weight of everything denied to her came down upon her spirit. Reaching for her xanex bottle she all too willingly popped an extra pill on top of her dose. She paused.

"Fucking.....WALKER!!!!!!"

She shrieked at the top of her lungs, the pill bottle firing from her hand across the room and shattering with a pop, many skittering pills settling on the hard wood floor with the sound subsiding to the constant running of the toddler above.

Allison proceeded to open her Twitter app. Seeking something, any hit of validating dopamine to ease her self inflicted sufferring. Retweeting a BLM here, a Tranny there, culminating in her daily "Fuck Trump" post. Her brave advocacy from the perilous position of behind her phone in bed was made exhausting by ERod's many DMs and retweets.

Allison could only lay there, another day, another month, another year.

You took an absolutely insane scenario and turned it into one of Lupa’s grudge fueled piss and vinegar nightmares, words cannot describe how well that worked. You’re top quality. And knowing Lupa’s twisted sense of reality and how she views those who “wronged” her I seriously wouldn’t be surprised if she had some form of nightmares.

Vaporwear coming in to spoil the fun.

[Moe Bitches]

The world's gone gay!

[Sieg Zeon]

The world's gone gay!

We work hard, we play hard.

[PassTheRemote]

The world's gone gay!

We work hard, we play hard.

Hot Stuff, coming thru!