The Angel Armor Saga by Lewis "The Lightbringer" Lovhaug

[wulfenlord]

Indow starts getting obsessed with capeshit comics

This fucking shitbag has no shame to insert every perversion in his stories except for actually fucking his self-insert waifu.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Book 4, Chapter 9 - Missing Things II
(Or: Stuff Happens, Part 2: Stuff Harder)



I'm pretty sure that Thesia will save the day, but how much more cringe will we have to suffer through? And will the actual villains finally make their next move?

"Baddies Never Smile" Count: 21
And always remember: The Great Linkara refuses to accept Buddhism.

RecapShow

I'm starting to feel like Linkara (the author) has been phoning it in more than usual after his self-insert's epic beatdown.

So the "comedy" segment of last chapter centers around Indow throwing a "SONIC'S ARMS ARE NOT BLUE"-tier temper tantrum because magic in Sailor Moon is unrealistic.
I've already catched bits and pieces of that scene long before I started reading Angel Armor, but with proper context it's somehow even dumber.

And just when you thought what little passes for a plot here couldn't come to an even more screeching halt, we are dumped straight into a fucking filler arc because a giant version of the glitch Pokemon MissingNo. is just chilling out in the real world, pixelizing anyone and anything that gets too close (which is apparently a bad thing, but so far the plot hasn't explained WTF happens to you if you get pixelized).

Remember way back in this book's introduction, when Linkara (the author) claimed to have seen the error of his ways with regards to his self-indulgent mind battles? Well turns out he's just porting this nonsense into the real world now, logic be damned.
Shit don't even make sense. The Dorkbringer tries out one spell and suddenly reality glitches out. Varek tries to justify things by claiming that trying out any spell on Earth for the first time is like playing Russian Roulette, but that doesn't mesh with what we've seen so far. Both him and Indow have cast spells with reckless abandon, and they've all worked at least as good as on paper. Indow never even hinted at her having to be more careful now.

I could also swear that Linkara (the author) ripped this two-parter's premise off of some Saturday morning cartoon episode. You know, Starscream tries to prove that he's hot shit, he fucks up, and now the Thundercats have to content with a giant plant monster as a change of pace while Starscream gets reprimanted by Skeletor for being a moron. I'm sure something like that has happened in at least one of these shows.

For whatever reason, this is also a very obvious attempt at a "spotlight episode" for Thesia, where she'll prove her worth to the rest of the team.
Mostly because said rest of the team is suddenly taking their biggest L's since the first book (where they got captured by almost every Dark Knight patrol they ran into).
Oh, and for some reason her (fancy) sword is the only weapon effective against MissingNo. I'm sure the inevitable explanation will be both logical and satisfying

ChapterShow

Louis opened his eyes and sighed in frustration. He slowly picked himself up and looked around, confirming what his eyes had told him when he had first opened them. The area was surrounded in blackness, the only light coming down from some unseen source from high above him. He looked around, trying to see if any of the others were with him. He had been in places like this before and it was never a pleasant experience when he had. Sometimes it would be a mental vision that made him fight off the effects of a disease ravaging his body or it could be some creature attempting to torture him for information, but it always meant fighting something.

As he peered past the light encasing him, he saw the rest of his companions on the ground, sans Thesia. Jordahn was beginning to stir from her own slumber and grumble, so Louis went over to her first to try to help her up.

Jordahn nodded, holding up her hand to indicate she needed no help. Louis nodded and went to Indow next as she beheld the others already beginning to get up. Lithmenar leapt to his feet and pulled a throwing knife from his belt, the adrenaline fueling him and making him recover from his sleep quicker than the others.

“What’s going on?!” he demanded to know.

“I’m not sure, Lithie. Is everyone okay?” Louis asked as he helped Indow to her feet.

“As best as can be expected... where are we? The last thing I remember is being assaulted by the creature...” White Raven said, looking up to try to discover where the light was coming from that covered her own form.

“The same for me. It seems we are captured by this Missing Number.” Indow suggested as an explanation.

“I’ve been in a place like this when I was attacked by that shadow creature with Jordahn.” Louis brought up.

“Where’s Thesia?!” White Raven asked, realizing that she was not along with the group.

The five looked around, trying to see if they could spot their latest companion.

“It seems that the Conqueror has been more fortunate than the rest of us.” Lithmenar said.

“Or she’s dead.” Indow offered.

“Unlikely.” Lithmenar replied. “This creature didn’t seem interested in killing us, just touching us.”

“Perhaps Thesia’s been able to hold it back with her own magicks. She did mention that she had access to very powerful spells.” Jordahn pointed out.

“Let’s not worry about Thesia for the moment. Indow, can you cast some light and give us a better view of what’s going on?” Louis asked.

Indow nodded and held out her hand in front of her. She blinked and tilted her head to the side in confusion as she stared at her hand. Her eyes widened as she continued staring at her hand, her body shaking a little. She then balled her hand into a fist and looked to Louis.

“It seems I cannot cast a spell...” she stated.

Louis turned around to face White Raven and opened his mouth so he could ask her to try to use her meditations, but when Louis had turned completely around, a small boy stood in front of him. Louis gasped in surprise and fell back onto his rear, suddenly realizing that his armor was no longer with him. The boy was short and appeared six years old in age. His hair was black and his skin was pale as he slowly looked from one member of the group to the next, his expression never changing.

The others turned to look at him as Louis got back up. It was then that they noticed the boy’s eyes had two different colors, one on each side. His right was light purple while the left was orange, but the really odd thing about his eyes was the fact that they lacked pupils. Each eye was just the solid color.

You are incomplete.

The boy’s mouth hadn’t moved yet the five could hear his voice. They grouped together in front of the boy as he tilted his head to the ground.

I am also incomplete. We will be good friends.

*

Thesia growled and panted softly as she got on one knee, trying to support her body as she looked back at Missing Number. She had slashed at the being for five minutes, trying to get in close enough to make a killing strike, but her attempts to get closer than four feet from the mass of static were met with nothing but a sharp blow from a tendril that knocked her away. While Missing Number’s touch did not effect her, it still was solid enough to hit her and she had a difficult time trying to deflect any of the tendrils that forced her back. She did admit to herself, though, that she was fortunate that the thing was no longer trying to attack her, instead simply defending itself whenever she came too close.

“All right, standard attacks won’t work. Perhaps this foul beast would prefer the taste of my magicks!”

With that, Thesia put her sword down into the sheath attached to her belt and kneeled down, extending her arms out away from her. Her eyes glowed with a yellow light while her hands became encased in fiery red auras, lightning bolts suddenly forming under her hands and to the ground. After a few seconds of keeping herself still in that position, she stood up and clapped her hands together, the energy bursting out in a harmless shockwave. She curled her fingers apart, keeping her wrists pressing against one another and formed a bowl shape with her fingers, aiming it directly at Missing Number.

“BURNING LIGHTNING!” She screamed.

Red bolts of lightning blasted forth from the palms of her hands and headed straight for Missing Number, moving far too quickly for it to try to swat at it with its tendrils. As the bolts hit its ‘skin,’ the creature shuddered, making its screech as if in pain. However, as the spell subsided, Missing Number returned to simply sitting in the street as if nothing had happened to it.

Thesia bit her lower lip and drew her sword once again. “Well, back at it, I suppose!”

*

“What do you mean we’re ‘incomplete?’ Who are you?”

Lithmenar questioned the child, his throwing knife gripped hard in his hand.

The child tilted its head to the left.

I am-

...Data not retrievable at this time. Error.

“It really is Missing Number.” Louis said, raising an eyebrow in curiosity. “It can’t identify itself because it doesn’t have the list of identification slots.”

“Still, what does he mean when he says we’re incomplete?” Jordahn asked.

I have analyzed your cache data and have discovered you are not complete in several key aspects.

“Okay, it is really disturbing when it does that...” Lithmenar said, referring to the boy’s ‘speaking.’

Subject: Lithmenar is incomplete. He lacks subjects: Analee and Lauralen.

The boy pointed at Lithmenar as it spoke, a smile crossing across his lips.

We are both incomplete. We will make excellent friends.

“Okay now it’s creeping me out...” Louis stated, biting his lower lip.

“What do you mean you’re incomplete?” Indow asked.

I am missing key sectors of information such as my identification. Together we can become a complete entity and complete primary programming.

“I hate to ask, but what’s your primary programming?” Louis requested to know.

The boy paused for a moment, the smile disappearing and returning to his emotionless demeanor.

Battle and attempt victory through every possible strategy. Would you like to begin the integration?

“No!” the group all yelled at the same time.

The boy blinked, one of his eyes twitching.

Error. When shall integration take place?

“It won’t be. We have no desire to ‘integrate’ with you.” White Raven answered.

Desire? Word not recognized. Please restate.

“We’re trying to argue with a computer glitch, it doesn’t understand itself, much less what we’re saying.” Louis said to the others.

When shall integration take place?

“It’s not going to happen. We are unwilling to integrate with you.” Jordahn replied, crossing her arms.

The boy blinked for a moment, then narrowed his eyes, glaring at the group.

Error. Integration MUST take place. Summoning protocols... ERROR. Protocol selection corrupted. Initiating primary programming function. Battle!

The boy quickly brought up its hand and aimed it at Jordahn, a stream of water spontaneously appearing and colliding into her with the power of a fire hose. Jordahn grunted as she was pushed back by the force of the water, the boy not relenting. White Raven charged at the boy in an attempt to stop his burst, but the boy brought his other hand up in her direction, another stream of water colliding into her and forcing her back. Indow instinctively began to ready a fireball, but winced as she realized that her magicks weren’t working. Lithmenar, however, charged forward at the boy, stabbing one of his knives into the boy’s shoulder.

The boy made no outward expression of pain. He merely looked down at the knife and then back at Lithmenar, the water streams ceasing

Hit points reduced by 12. Counter-attack initiated.

The boy brought his hand up right at Lithmenar’s chest and fired the water stream again, blasting him back to the ground like the others. Jordahn growled as she managed to recover from her own assault and dodged out of the way of another water stream aimed her way. She swung her fist at the boy once she was in range... and missed!

The boy had disappeared from sight, but then Jordahn looked up and winced. The boy was floating high in the air, glaring down at the five in contempt.

Error. You are all missing things and yet you do not wish to integrate to make yourselves complete. ERROR. Number not recognized... Integration must take place. Alone...

The boy charged down straight at Louis, but much to the surprise of the entire group, he merely stood his ground and glared right back at the boy. At the point where he would’ve been two feet away from Louis, the boy stopped and blinked, hovering in the air in front of him.

You are not initiating primary function.

“No, I’m not.”

You will become integrated?

“No. I’m not doing anything.”

...ERROR. Primary function or integration – which choice are you initiating?

“Neither. Like I said, I’ve done this sort of thing before – get trapped in a black room, probably a little trip inside my mind, fight off a few bad guys with some materials from books, TV, and movies, and frankly I’m more than a little bored with it. As such, I have decided that I’m not going to do anything. I’m just going to sit here and wait.”

Louis sat down on the ground cross-legged. He rested his hands in his lap and began twiddling his thumbs, ignoring the boy.

...ERROR! Primary function cannot continue until opponent subject: Louis initiates response.

“It can’t, eh? Oh, well. Anyone know a good song?” Louis asked, looking to the others, three of whom were soaking wet.

*

Thesia took in a deep breath as she slowly walked towards Missing Number, having finally thought of a way she might be able to finally defeat it. She had put her sword away and removed her gauntlets, cracking her knuckles as she approached her enemy. The move she had thought of was a risky one, but every other spell or attack plan she had attempted had failed miserably.

“There is nothing to worry about, Thesia... You once conquered an entire city with nothing but two-dozen bandits at your command. Every male who has attempted to usurp your power has met the tip of your blade.” She reassured herself.

The tendrils of Missing Number began to slide out as it sensed Thesia’s approach, but Thesia was counting on that to happen. She brought her hands to bear as she moved within a few feet of the creature, making herself appear as if she were going to pounce upon her enemy.

“This filthy thing is nothing in comparison to your glory. You bested knights, warriors, soldiers... you resurrected Gritsnak and have now even survived death itself at the hands of a ghost. There is nothing that can stop you!” she told herself.

The tendrils lashed out and tried to hit Thesia away, but her hands grabbed onto two of them. The tendrils tried to shake her loose, but her grip maintained. She clenched her teeth and growled as her eyes began to glow a bright white, the spell initiating. The glow spread around her body, eventually reaching her hands. Missing Number slowly began to struggle less as the glow eventually spread into it, as well, the static pixels on its body slowing to a crawl.

“FORCED TRANSFER!” Thesia yelled, completing the spell’s casting.

The effect was swift – much faster than Thesia had predicted. Missing Number shrank, its formless body being sucked into Thesia’s hands. It took only ten seconds for its entire body to be absorbed inside of her. She howled in pain for a moment as she collapsed to her knees, panting as she looked to the others. The static covering them faded within a few seconds and they began taking deep breathes, blinking and looking around as if trying to get their bearings. Thesia took in a few depth breathes as the glow slowly subsided and, to her surprise, she felt no pain at all.

Indow was the first to go over to her and offer her hand to help her up. Thesia smiled and took it, her legs wobbling a little as she got up. She was still a little dizzy from the spell’s completion, but none the worse for wear.

“What did you do?” White Raven asked.

“A Forced Transfer spell.” She answered.

“That’s a Forbidden spell.” Indow said, albeit smiling.

“Indeed it is... and it did the trick.” She replied, giving Louis a ‘thumbs up.’

“What’s a Forced Transfer?” Lithmenar queried as he walked over, recovering the throwing knife that had been initially taken by Missing Number.

“It forces the built-up magicks within the body of one Sorcerer or Sorceress to be pulled into the body of another. It was forbidden because each person’s magical signature is different and trying to absorb another’s can cause irreparable damage to the body. The transfer itself is usually quite painful for the first few days.” Indow explained.

“And I surprisingly feel fine... fantastic, even, albeit slightly woozy from draining so much.” Thesia continued.

“How’d you know that’d work?” Jordahn inquired.

“It was a hunch. I knew that creatures like that were not exactly common on this world, so there must have been some sort of magic influence behind it.” Thesia responded.

Lithmenar winced. “But, wait, the only magical people here are you, Indow, and...”

Louis narrowed his eyes. “...And Varek.”

“Hello again, Linkara.”

Louis twisted his body around and shivered. He had felt it before the last time it had happened, but he hadn’t paid much mind to it, assuming it was just a chill up his spine from seeing the water turn black. But now he knew it was a part of the transition of what was occurring. He brought his blades up and saw the silhouetted form standing on the roof of a small building. He ignored the second figure that stood beside him, since his eyes were focused entirely upon his enemy.

Varek the Destroyer had once again shifted Louis into the magic sub-dimension.

“Ready, boy?” he asked.

Louis glanced to his right and smiled as he blinked twice and Indow stood beside him, her eyes glowing yellow as she completed her own transition into the sub-dimension. He looked to his left and behind him, seeing that Indow had brought the others along. Louis pointed up at Varek and smirked.

“Let’s go!”

RiffingShow

Louis opened his eyes and sighed in frustration.

I feel you, brother.

He slowly picked himself up and looked around, confirming what his eyes had told him when he had first opened them.

That's a weird way to phrase things, but whatever.

The area was surrounded in blackness, the only light coming down from some unseen source from high above him.

This is gonna lead into a mind battle after all, isn't it?

He looked around, trying to see if any of the others were with him. He had been in places like this before and it was never a pleasant experience when he had.

At least for the few minutes it takes you to remember that you are Mind God.

Also why do these mind battle realms apparently all look the same? That's not every imaginative.

Sometimes it would be a mental vision that made him fight off the effects of a disease ravaging his body or it could be some creature attempting to torture him for information, but it always meant fighting something.

And it's always the cringiest nonsense in these books.

I think I'll take up the proper position for these kinds of chapters.

As he peered past the light encasing him, he saw the rest of his companions on the ground, sans Thesia. Jordahn was beginning to stir from her own slumber and grumble, so Louis went over to her first to try to help her up.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

I think her arm is pixels now, so she probably felt better once.

Jordahn nodded, holding up her hand to indicate she needed no help. Louis nodded and went to Indow next as she beheld the others already beginning to get up.

"I beheld the others, as they began to get up LIKE LIGHTNING!"


I needed that one.

Lithmenar leapt to his feet and pulled a throwing knife from his belt, the adrenaline fueling him and making him recover from his sleep quicker than the others.

And he's more agitated than everyone else because...?

“What’s going on?!” he demanded to know.

“I’m not sure, Lithie. Is everyone okay?” Louis asked as he helped Indow to her feet.

Well, I think most of them now look like Minecraft characters, but it should be alright.

“As best as can be expected... where are we? The last thing I remember is being assaulted by the creature...” White Raven said, looking up to try to discover where the light was coming from that covered her own form.

"Her own form"? The fuck is up with the writing in this one? Did you buy a Thesaurus, Linkara (the author)?

“The same for me. It seems we are captured by this Missing Number.” Indow suggested as an explanation.

That might be a nicely suggested explanation, but it's not explaining enough IMO.

“I’ve been in a place like this when I was attacked by that shadow creature with Jordahn.” Louis brought up.

Just turn into Ash again and get this over with already.

“Where’s Thesia?!” White Raven asked, realizing that she was not along with the group.

The five looked around, trying to see if they could spot their latest companion.

“It seems that the Conqueror has been more fortunate than the rest of us.” Lithmenar said.

That's an ominous nickname.

“Or she’s dead.” Indow offered.

“Unlikely.” Lithmenar replied. “This creature didn’t seem interested in killing us, just touching us.”

Well, technically jellyfish also only "touch" you...

“Perhaps Thesia’s been able to hold it back with her own magicks. She did mention that she had access to very powerful spells.” Jordahn pointed out.

Do the spellcasters of this party ever just sit down and explain their magic nonsense to each other?

“Let’s not worry about Thesia for the moment. Indow, can you cast some light and give us a better view of what’s going on?” Louis asked.

I see Indow's doing the heavy lifting again.

Indow nodded and held out her hand in front of her. She blinked and tilted her head to the side in confusion as she stared at her hand. Her eyes widened as she continued staring at her hand, her body shaking a little. She then balled her hand into a fist and looked to Louis.

“It seems I cannot cast a spell...” she stated.

I spoke too soon.
Then again, if this a mind battle it's clear that only the Great Linkara can get anything done, for these medieval peasants aren't don't have that modern entertainment brainrot.

Louis turned around to face White Raven and opened his mouth so he could ask her to try to use her meditations...

Why? That shit never works.

... but when Louis had turned completely around, a small boy stood in front of him.

I bet it's a creppy kid. That would be breaking new ground in this series.

(Though he did mention Slayers Next last chapter, which did have a creepy kid...)

Louis gasped in surprise and fell back onto his rear, suddenly realizing that his armor was no longer with him.

What's with the cartoonish shock reaction? I'm pretty sure people IRL don't get surprised so hard they land on their ass. And why are you only now noticing that your armor is missing?

The boy was short and appeared six years old in age.

Is he short because he's six, or is he short for a six-year-old?

His hair was black and his skin was pale as he slowly looked from one member of the group to the next, his expression never changing.

Oh shit, that's dangeorusly close to not smiling

The others turned to look at him as Louis got back up. It was then that they noticed the boy’s eyes had two different colors, one on each side.

As opposed to having both colors on the same "side"?
Speaking of "side", I've never heard that being used in relation with eyes. People generally just use "eye".

His right was light purple while the left was orange, but the really odd thing about his eyes was the fact that they lacked pupils. Each eye was just the solid color.

Maybe you should start with that one, instead of at first suggesting the eyes were fairly normal besides each one having a different color?
And I guess it's kinda creepy, though the two colors strike me as a bit random.

You are incomplete.

The boy’s mouth hadn’t moved yet the five could hear his voice.

I would've still used quotation marks for the kid, 'cause using italics for actual dialogue is a bit confusing IMO.

They grouped together in front of the boy as he tilted his head to the ground.

I am also incomplete. We will be good friends.

Whatever that means.
And boy, will you regret having Linkara as a homie.

*

Thesia growled and panted softly as she got on one knee, trying to support her body as she looked back at Missing Number.

We can assume that she probably already winced and bit her lower lip.

She had slashed at the being for five minutes, trying to get in close enough to make a killing strike, but her attempts to get closer than four feet from the mass of static were met with nothing but a sharp blow from a tendril that knocked her away.

Do you even know which part of this thing would cause a "killing" blow?

While Missing Number’s touch did not effect her, it still was solid enough to hit her and she had a difficult time trying to deflect any of the tendrils that forced her back.

Oh, so on top of having the only effective weapon against this thing, she also just so happens to be immune against its pixelization effect? That's very convenient.

She did admit to herself, though, that she was fortunate that the thing was no longer trying to attack her, instead simply defending itself whenever she came too close.

I mean, this thing was just relaxing before you all got within two squares of it...

“All right, standard attacks won’t work. Perhaps this foul beast would prefer the taste of my magicks!”

Now here would've been a good excuse for italics. But no, we're back to people talking to themselves.

With that, Thesia put her sword down into the sheath attached to her belt and kneeled down, extending her arms out away from her. Her eyes glowed with a yellow light while her hands became encased in fiery red auras, lightning bolts suddenly forming under her hands and to the ground. After a few seconds of keeping herself still in that position...

A few seconds. For an attack spell. But it's Sailor Moon that has the dumb magic

... she stood up and clapped her hands together, the energy bursting out in a harmless shockwave. She curled her fingers apart, keeping her wrists pressing against one another and formed a bowl shape with her fingers, aiming it directly at Missing Number.

“BURNING LIGHTNING!” She screamed.

How come Linkara (the author) can't come up with spell names that aren't gay and lame?

Red bolts of lightning blasted forth from the palms of her hands and headed straight for Missing Number, moving far too quickly for it to try to swat at it with its tendrils.

This implies that backhanding the magic lightning might potentially be a valid defense.

As the bolts hit its ‘skin,’ the creature shuddered, making its screech as if in pain. However, as the spell subsided, Missing Number returned to simply sitting in the street as if nothing had happened to it.

Thesia bit her lower lip and drew her sword once again. “Well, back at it, I suppose!”

Are you sure you don't wanna zap it 2-3 times before giving up on magic entirely?

*

“What do you mean we’re ‘incomplete?’ Who are you?”

Lithmenar questioned the child, his throwing knife gripped hard in his hand.

When did you steal Gyaru Casca's anger issue shtick?

The child tilted its head to the left.

I am-

...Data not retrievable at this time. Error.

This will be an annoying discussion.

“It really is Missing Number.” Louis said, raising an eyebrow in curiosity. “It can’t identify itself because it doesn’t have the list of identification slots.”

This will be a painful discussion.

“Still, what does he mean when he says we’re incomplete?” Jordahn asked.

I have analyzed your cache data and have discovered you are not complete in several key aspects.

“Okay, it is really disturbing when it does that...” Lithmenar said, referring to the boy’s ‘speaking.’

LMAO. Nigga, like, don't look at the creepy kid.

Subject: Lithmenar is incomplete. He lacks subjects: Analee and Lauralen.

Holy shit, his loli sister has been mentioned.

The boy pointed at Lithmenar as it spoke, a smile crossing across his lips.

We are both incomplete. We will make excellent friends.

“Okay now it’s creeping me out...” Louis stated, biting his lower lip.

That's not a particularly high bar considering you're creeped out by a glitch in a Game Boy game.

“What do you mean you’re incomplete?” Indow asked.

I am missing key sectors of information such as my identification. Together we can become a complete entity and complete primary programming.

I bet Indow will become the Hyper Beam move.

“I hate to ask, but what’s your primary programming?” Louis requested to know.

The boy paused for a moment, the smile disappearing and returning to his emotionless demeanor.

Battle and attempt victory through every possible strategy. Would you like to begin the integration?

This is starting to sound a lot kinkier than I expected.

“No!” the group all yelled at the same time.

That's not even cartoonish. It's just silly.

The boy blinked, one of his eyes twitching.

Error. When shall integration take place?

“It won’t be. We have no desire to ‘integrate’ with you.” White Raven answered.

Fucking TERF bitch.

Desire? Word not recognized. Please restate.

“We’re trying to argue with a computer glitch, it doesn’t understand itself, much less what we’re saying.” Louis said to the others.

I dunno what's more annoying: This helpful reminder of how stupid this whole scenario is, or Linkara once again being the expert in everything who knows exactly WTF is going on.

When shall integration take place?

“It’s not going to happen. We are unwilling to integrate with you.” Jordahn replied, crossing her arms.

Just give her enough booze and she'll "integrate" with anyone, if you catch my drift.

The boy blinked for a moment, then narrowed his eyes, glaring at the group.

Error. Integration MUST take place. Summoning protocols... ERROR. Protocol selection corrupted. Initiating primary programming function. Battle!

The boy quickly brought up its hand and aimed it at Jordahn, a stream of water spontaneously appearing and colliding into her with the power of a fire hose.

OMG it used Water Gun!

Jordahn grunted as she was pushed back by the force of the water, the boy not relenting.

It's gonna Water Gun her hard.

White Raven charged at the boy in an attempt to stop his burst, but the boy brought his other hand up in her direction, another stream of water colliding into her and forcing her back.

Now what will it do when a third person attacks?

Indow instinctively began to ready a fireball, but winced as she realized that her magicks weren’t working.

Well your fireballs would've likely done fuckall - like they always do - so it's not a big loss.

Lithmenar, however, charged forward at the boy, stabbing one of his knives into the boy’s shoulder.

The boy made no outward expression of pain. He merely looked down at the knife and then back at Lithmenar, the water streams ceasing

Hit points reduced by 12. Counter-attack initiated.

Cute.

The boy brought his hand up right at Lithmenar’s chest and fired the water stream again, blasting him back to the ground like the others. Jordahn growled as she managed to recover from her own assault and dodged out of the way of another water stream aimed her way. She swung her fist at the boy once she was in range... and missed!

The boy had disappeared from sight, but then Jordahn looked up and winced. The boy was floating high in the air, glaring down at the five in contempt.

So he just tanks a knife, but will teleport out of the way for a punch?

Error. You are all missing things and yet you do not wish to integrate to make yourselves complete. ERROR. Number not recognized... Integration must take place. Alone...

Don't you wanna FUSE?

The boy charged down straight at Louis, but much to the surprise of the entire group, he merely stood his ground and glared right back at the boy.

Here we go full Linkara I guess

At the point where he would’ve been two feet away from Louis, the boy stopped and blinked, hovering in the air in front of him.

If he stops at two feet, he is two feet away. JFC this prose.

You are not initiating primary function.

“No, I’m not.”

You will become integrated?

“No. I’m not doing anything.”

...ERROR. Primary function or integration – which choice are you initiating?

Bitch you started attacking in the first place because Gyaru Casca told you to fuck yourself. Now Linkara's doing the same thing, but you're just confused instead?

“Neither. Like I said, I’ve done this sort of thing before – get trapped in a black room, probably a little trip inside my mind, fight off a few bad guys with some materials from books, TV, and movies, and frankly I’m more than a little bored with it. As such, I have decided that I’m not going to do anything. I’m just going to sit here and wait.”

You know, it's nice that you admit that these mind battles are shit, but this isn't exactly better.

Louis sat down on the ground cross-legged. He rested his hands in his lap and began twiddling his thumbs, ignoring the boy.

...ERROR! Primary function cannot continue until opponent subject: Louis initiates response.

“It can’t, eh? Oh, well. Anyone know a good song?” Louis asked, looking to the others, three of whom were soaking wet.

And thus the Great Linkara outsmarted the insane machine god by doing nothing

*

Thesia took in a deep breath as she slowly walked towards Missing Number, having finally thought of a way she might be able to finally defeat it. She had put her sword away and removed her gauntlets, cracking her knuckles as she approached her enemy. The move she had thought of was a risky one, but every other spell or attack plan she had attempted had failed miserably.

I don't think bare-knuckle boxing is the way to go here.

“There is nothing to worry about, Thesia... You once conquered an entire city with nothing but two-dozen bandits at your command. Every male who has attempted to usurp your power has met the tip of your blade.” She reassured herself.

Man, you start one short-lived autonomous zone, and suddenly you think your the meanest bitch in town

The tendrils of Missing Number began to slide out as it sensed Thesia’s approach, but Thesia was counting on that to happen. She brought her hands to bear as she moved within a few feet of the creature, making herself appear as if she were going to pounce upon her enemy.

“This filthy thing is nothing in comparison to your glory. You bested knights, warriors, soldiers... you resurrected Gritsnak and have now even survived death itself at the hands of a ghost. There is nothing that can stop you!” she told herself.

I'm getting the distinct impression that she's regretting nothing.

The tendrils lashed out and tried to hit Thesia away, but her hands grabbed onto two of them. The tendrils tried to shake her loose, but her grip maintained. She clenched her teeth and growled as her eyes began to glow a bright white, the spell initiating. The glow spread around her body, eventually reaching her hands. Missing Number slowly began to struggle less as the glow eventually spread into it, as well, the static pixels on its body slowing to a crawl.

How come this spell doesn't require you to awkwardly pause for a couple seconds?

“FORCED TRANSFER!” Thesia yelled, completing the spell’s casting.

These fucking spell names, man.

The effect was swift – much faster than Thesia had predicted. Missing Number shrank, its formless body being sucked into Thesia’s hands. It took only ten seconds for its entire body to be absorbed inside of her.

You sure that's a good idea?
Also motherfucker, if Evil Time Lord Thesia was born because she gobbled up fucking MissingNo. I'm gonna lose it.

She howled in pain for a moment as she collapsed to her knees, panting as she looked to the others. The static covering them faded within a few seconds and they began taking deep breathes [sic], blinking and looking around as if trying to get their bearings. Thesia took in a few depth [sic] breathes [sic] as the glow slowly subsided and, to her surprise, she felt no pain at all.

The deep breathes most deeply.

Indow was the first to go over to her and offer her hand to help her up. Thesia smiled and took it, her legs wobbling a little as she got up. She was still a little dizzy from the spell’s completion, but none the worse for wear.

That sure was anticlimactic.

“What did you do?” White Raven asked.

“A Forced Transfer spell.” She answered.

“That’s a Forbidden spell.” Indow said, albeit smiling.

“Indeed it is... and it did the trick.” She replied, giving Louis a ‘thumbs up.’

“What’s a Forced Transfer?” Lithmenar queried as he walked over, recovering the throwing knife that had been initially taken by Missing Number.

“It forces the built-up magicks within the body of one Sorcerer or Sorceress to be pulled into the body of another. It was forbidden because each person’s magical signature is different and trying to absorb another’s can cause irreparable damage to the body. The transfer itself is usually quite painful for the first few days.” Indow explained.

I'm sure absorbing a living glitch will have no side effects at all.

“And I surprisingly feel fine... fantastic, even, albeit slightly woozy from draining so much.” Thesia continued.

I think you guys might wanna start running before she goes all Zalgo on you.

“How’d you know that’d work?” Jordahn inquired.

“It was a hunch. I knew that creatures like that were not exactly common on this world, so there must have been some sort of magic influence behind it.” Thesia responded.

That's awfully convenient. And couldn't you have at first tried to dispell the thing?

Lithmenar winced. “But, wait, the only magical people here are you, Indow, and...”

Louis narrowed his eyes. “...And Varek.”

How is that a shocking revelation to you?

“Hello again, Linkara.”

Oh hi, Varek.
Did you wait for them to mention your name?

Louis twisted his body around and shivered. He had felt it before the last time it had happened, but he hadn’t paid much mind to it, assuming it was just a chill up his spine from seeing the water turn black. But now he knew it was a part of the transition of what was occurring.

"The transition of what was occuring"?

He brought his blades up and saw the silhouetted form standing on the roof of a small building. He ignored the second figure that stood beside him, since his eyes were focused entirely upon his enemy.

I'm sure the second bad guy deserves no attention.

Varek the Destroyer had once again shifted Louis into the magic sub-dimension.

Oh, so that's the "transition that was occuring". Not it all makes sense!
Didn't the first dimension shift happen so seemlessly you didn't notice anything? Now it always comes with a tingling sensation?

“Ready, boy?” he asked.

Louis glanced to his right and smiled as he blinked twice and Indow stood beside him, her eyes glowing yellow as she completed her own transition into the sub-dimension. He looked to his left and behind him, seeing that Indow had brought the others along. Louis pointed up at Varek and smirked.

“Let’s go!”

I think Varek's fucked as long as Indow cast anything but her worthless fireballs.

(And couldn't Indow bring the rest of the gang with her?)

Next Time: Round 2. Fight!