What are you playing?

[rabidtictac]

I played a bunch of nes and snes games borrowing someone else's switch recently, and concluded that most of the games on those lists are unplayably bad. Not just hard games. Ninja Gaiden was actually one of the EASIER ones I played from the list of nes games available on switch. Ninja Gaiden, Double Dragon, Mario etc, all totally doable. Even ghost and goblins nes felt more fair.

Why? Because they let you continue playing. You don't die in a single hit, have 3 lives and then forced to restart the ENTIRE FUCKING GAME. The beat em ups and shmups were mostly fine too. I could go down the list on the other games though, and tear them a new asshole based on the short time I played. I play plenty of hard games, so I can spot bullshit when I see it. Projectiles so small and neutral-colored as to be invisible on the nes palette, fired directly at your position at random intervals, in games where you have no hp, under a timer with shit controls etc. Mighty Bomb Jack is a good example of a pile of shit game nobody should play.

[rabidtictac]

Here, I'll copypost a list of the jewtendo nes offerings on switch:

SpoilerShow

Metroid™
Mighty Bomb Jack
TwinBee
Soccer
Tennis
Donkey Kong™
Mario Bros.™
Super Mario Bros.™
Balloon Fight™
Ice Climber™
Dr. Mario™
The Legend of Zelda™
Super Mario Bros.™ 3
Double Dragon
River City Ransom
Ghosts'n Goblins™
Tecmo Bowl
Gradius
Pro Wrestling
Excitebike™
Yoshi™
Ice Hockey
Baseball
Solomon's Key
NES™ Open Tournament Golf
Super Dodge Ball
Wario's Woods™
Ninja Gaiden
ADVENTURES OF LOLO
Blaster Master
Zelda II: The Adventure of Link
Super Mario Bros™ 2
Kirby's Adventure™
Kid Icarus™
StarTropics™
Super Mario Bros.™: The Lost Levels
Punch-Out!!™ Featuring Mr. Dream
Star Soldier
Donkey Kong Jr.™
VS. Excitebike™
Clu Clu Land™
Double Dragon II: The Revenge
Volleyball
City Connection
Wrecking Crew
Donkey Kong 3
Kung-Fu Heroes
Vice: Project Doom
JOURNEY TO SILIUS
Crystalis
Shadow of the Ninja
Eliminator Boat Duel
Rygar
The Immortal
S.C.A.T.: Special Cybernetic Attack Team

The Immortal is an unplayable pile of shit. It runs at about 12 fps and the first tile I stepped on was an instant kill.

Kung Fu Heroes wasn't hard, but it did look and play like utter ass.

Journey to Silius had potential to be a discount mega man, but I found it a little unforgiving even by those standards.

City Connection is fine, even if it looks terrible compared to the arcade.

The shmups can all go in a big pile, titled "good enough." They don't have autofire, so prepare to wreck your buttons mashing. Other than that, they were all fairly impressive for their ages. Twinbee and Star Soldier stand out, along with Gradius of course.

Kid Icarus was atrocious, in my opinion. Not only didn't hold up, but wouldn't have held up well at the time against other jump-shooters like mega man, contra or ghosts and goblins. Even in the first level, the game has a habit of spawning groups of 4 or so homing enemies with large hitboxes who rush you down. Dealing with them successfully is unrewarding, as the game will just spawn more.

Rygar was confusing. The chain weapon deals almost no damage per swing. You can stunlock enemies, but it takes so long that new enemies will spawn behind you and rush you down. The only way I found to progress is to jump on everything like it's super mario. Doing so makes the game much easier, but removes the unique charm of swinging a dumb chain weapon around. The game is extremely poorly translated and gives the vaguest hints about what to do next. I won't say it's a bad game, but it didn't grab me.

The beat em ups were great. Double Dragon 1 and 2 are still fantastic and fun. RCR is my favorite nes game ever and maybe my favorite game.

Blaster Master... This one suffers because I played Blaster Master Zero. Say what you will, but that game plays better, looks better and is less bullshitty than the original.

I didn't bother with the sports or puzzle games, although Super Dodge Ball is and will always be a great 2p experience.

Nigga Gaiden still holds up. More fun and more fair than shit like kid icarus or mighty bomb jack. Even coming in completely green to the nes titles, the difficulty for the first couple levels was entirely reasonable for an nes game. I found this to be somewhat true for CV3 as well, which I played recently in my oldshit travels. Nigga Gaiden is probably easier than CV3 though.

Metroid still has a great soundtrack, even on the NES, but the gameplay has been perfected on later consoles and this one feels extremely primitive.

[Some Sick Fuck]

Been playing the LA Noire remake for PS4. Its been so long that I've forgotten most of the scenarios so I actually have to use my brain. Only weird thing is instead of X to doubt, you play bad cop.

Yeah, that's one mistake they made, it's so dumb. Originally it was "pressure", so suddenly it makes sense why "doubt" means Cole going fucking ballstic, raising hell and all. The game is good, but in my opinion, some cases have really bad reasoning or they make it near impossible to just guess what the right answer is. Or maybe I'm just a terrible detective material. I remember raging at some of the Vice cases.

[Kugelfisch]

It's got the typical adventure game issue where some conclusions will just not make any sense to you.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Can you at least beat people up Jack-Bauer-style?

[Kugelfisch]

Can you at least beat people up Jack-Bauer-style?

Nope. You send a jew to the gas chamber, though.

[Guest]

Can you at least beat people up Jack-Bauer-style?

Nope. You send a jew to the gas chamber, though.

Only one? That barely gets me to half chub.

[mad bum]

The Immortal is an unplayable pile of shit. It runs at about 12 fps and the first tile I stepped on was an instant kill.

The immortal is kino as an idea being some old as fuck wizard stabbing orcs and shit.

[Kugelfisch]

Bayonetta
I've had the Switch double pack for a while but never really got to play it. I'll start with 1, which I haven't played since it's original release.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Excellent choice. May your nostalgia trip be pleasant and joyful.