Spoony the Pussy One: Life is in the Render Queue

[rabidtictac]

Rating your own products. Just sad. No morality whatsoever. This is exactly what the SpawnSeats scammers did.

[Guest]

Anyway he also claims to be an "author"



I bet the only questions that were asked to him were from the barista at Starbucks where he's on his laptop, typing up his "novel".

I found his author page on Goodreads. He rated his own stuff 5 stars. That's just sad.

Did anyone else rate any of his books?

[Some Sick Fuck]

Hardly seems worth it, even if you are the biggest sperg. Nobody even knows about his "books", DHi is giving this loser the biggest exposure he has seen in years. He should send Poonoo royalities from his books when they become incredibly succesful.

[Guest]

Hardly seems worth it, even if you are the biggest sperg. Nobody even knows about his "books", DHi is giving this loser the biggest exposure he has seen in years. He should send Poonoo royalities from his books when they become incredibly succesful.

I wasn't asking if anyone here wanted to rate his books. I wanted to know if anyone besides himself had actually read and bothered to rate them.

[Guest]

Hardly seems worth it, even if you are the biggest sperg. Nobody even knows about his "books", DHi is giving this loser the biggest exposure he has seen in years. He should send Poonoo royalities from his books when they become incredibly succesful.

I wasn't asking if anyone here wanted to rate his books. I wanted to know if anyone besides himself had actually read and bothered to rate them.

Its impressive someone looked at them in the first placer at all

[Gunner445]

It seems Spoony is up to part 4 of Persona let's play, wonder how much he made?

[Some Sick Fuck]

I wasn't asking if anyone here wanted to rate his books. I wanted to know if anyone besides himself had actually read and bothered to rate them.

And before you do something, you have to want to do it, unless you're so insane that you don't have control over your actions anymore. That's what I was pointing out, I would like to think that even here, nobody is going to waste time on some actual nobody that pulls 1-5 views per shitty videos. Guestfags these days...

[veris leta facies]

This is possibly the last person whose advices I would like to have.

[Boogie's Panniculus]

It seems Spoony is up to part 4 of Persona let's play, wonder how much he made?

You can just say it...


What the hell is the holdup Tony?!

[Tony Schiavone]

[[[Continuing from Part Three!]]]

Will Spoony make up the cash difference he so desperately needs? Has Cuckson convinced Boss to just take a break and hand him the controller for a while? Will they ever make passionate love together on Skype? Can Spoony deal with the emotional toil of having to be led through puzzles AND banning people?

Once again, boys and girls, it appears to be time...for...

Spoony's Panhandling Stream Roundup

[PERSONAS DON'T HAVE TO SHAVE AND CAN EAT ALL THE BURRITOS THEY WANT Edition]

I tally it so you don't have to. All dollar amounts in USD, because burgerland = #1. Convert as necessary for your country.

Vital Statistics (Part Four):

• Total time: 2:53:52
  Total haul: $97.35
  Begging Efficiency Per Hour (BEPH): $33.59. [Has he just given up on trying to panhandle at this point? Maybe he's actually deluded himself into thinking that he just survive on the revenue from the views in his terrible streams. If these are truly the End Days of Noah Antwiler, that is surely one of the seven signs.]
  
  Cuckson Sightings: Acid_Attack_Andy is nowhere to be found. This is before the forums went down, so he should be there to do his job for his idol. Without any Privileged Purples, the chat turns lawless and anarchic. Spoony slowly sinks into a mire of totally real game depression, ready to quit after about an hour.
  
  Sheriff Cuckson is away shattering collarbones and dispensing powerful game advice, when he senses an awful feeling. Boss!... he thinks to himself. B-Boss neeeds me!... Worse! He's about to give up on my favorite game of all time! It's the mistress to my waifu, Spoony!
  Despite those distressed damsels and helpless men who need to know about how to play Transformers, Cuckson bravely mounts his horse, cracks his whip, and with a hearty Hi-Ho Silver charges in to save the stream and make LOADS OF CASH.
  • Says that he was working in SFM and practicing stuff. Is very sorry he was clearly needed here.
  • Encourages him to get Rank 5 with the doc because he respects women. "trust me...that slut's GOOD"
  • Declares that any game made by Atlas--like Trauma Center--is 'hilarious'
  • "Someone came for a fight, but ... They were not prepared for the hammer"
  • Mentions the cat turning into a bus is a My Neighbor Totoro reference, like five times, to sound smart.
  • Makes excuses for Boss when JRPGs have too much dialogue for poor old Noah.

Quotes and Other Items of Note
[Best snippets, in chronological time order.]

• We are once again coming LIVE from SPOONY'S BASEMENT!
  He looks like he's been taking diet and hygiene tips from Irritated Iago.

• Spoony fumbles a minute with the chat getting it to work. He blames bad Ethernet connection dongles, and if it doesn't work, he'll go back to his old method, which was apparently working just fine. "I'm not happy until I break things, you know."

• Spoony recaps his streaming adventure so far. "No I'm not sporting a beard," he then replies to chat. "I'm just too lazy to shave. Big difference!"

• Mini-rant about how he hates cats in real life. Then at 2:09 you can see his Playstation games menu pop briefly into view. (Looks like he's been putting time into Metal Gear Solid 5, Yakuza 0, Transistor, and Sniper Elite 3).
  "Oops," he mumbles quickly. "You didn't see that! You didn't see all the porn that was there."

• Once again, Spoony addresses that he not, repeat not on Twitter. Whoever is on Twitter claiming to be me is an imposter who should be reported at once." Maybe someday he thinks he'll return but for now "it's for the best that I focus on other things. You know, the important things. Like playing video games in front of thousands of people."

• He pleads once more to report his clone on Twitter, "for all the good that it does…I don't think there's anyone human at Twitter handling support requests…like appeals" He says he tried four times and every time he tries there's no recourse or upper level for him to appeal. "It's so incredibly frustrating...that no point I can ever talk to any one human." (Withdrawl must be a bitch)

• Chat acts like they're North Korea and he's Kim Jong-un. Spoony grumbles one more time about the robots taking over. And then, at four minutes in ... we finally begin.

• Spoony's strategy this session is to read books so he'll not be stupid and pass the midterms. No Cuckson present to give him a better option.
  Spoony continues speculating that while robots didn't report him, robots are definitely keeping him off. "Im sure I get reported all the time. But there's nobody I can explain the situation to." Dindu nuffin, etc.

• $2.00 quote from 'The Free Man'--"Back at it I see. Who you gonna waifu?" (Spoony says his choice has to meet very high standards. "She has to be smokin' hot for one, that's just a given...let's be honest here." Minds are admired but come secondary.) Spoony is afraid to try the dating, though, because it reminds of 'To Catch a Predator.'

• After about 18 minutes of hearing Spoony's low effort comments about relationship advice and fake gold medals, infiltrators appear!, trying to butthurt the chat. It works spectactularly--some of them want to kill the chat--but Spoony, of course, doesn't even notice.

• Spoony finally gets off his lazy ass to ban the obvious 'Nigerian Spammer.' (There's an art to trolling folks) Tries putting himself on the high road: "I really wondered that people have this much time on their hands just to type naughty words in the chat rooms."

• Chat still butthurt over those that make "15 fake accounts" just to interrupt their incredibly lame good time. Spoony calmly bans another one, but more keep slipping through. Some asking if he smokes weed. Another asks if their patreon went towards Mountain Dew.
  Obligatory 'Vote for Joe Apaio' post. Spoony deletes both of them with a half smile on his face, without comment. Still, there are too many people asking him questions, mostly about reviews and review requests.

• $10.00 quote from 'Chris Holder'--"Have a 12 pack of Mt Dew on me" (Spoony thanks him for ennabling his caffeine addiction. Doesn't say anything about his sugar addiction.)
  Meanwhile, a chatman is basically offering to write Spoony's review for him if he'll perform it.

• With the lack of Sherrif Cuckson or Subway_Bombing_Andy, Spoony is having to do more of his own banhammering. You can see him slowly start to get more annoyed about it as time goes on.

• Quote from Missle Lawnchair': "Spoony used to be great, then he got money for doing nothing." (Spoony reads it, but doesn't delete it. Just kind of passively sighs to himself and resumes playing) A few seconds later he gets mad at the cat for leaving him trapped in the room.

• A couple guys in chat ask if they can start being a moderator. Another asks when he's gonna play Tekken. Spoony just keeps talking about pancakes and beans. Infiltrators keep coming.

• Spoony starts getting tired of the dinner party in game not advancing story, "tempted to just start hammering through them." Gets mad at chat who tries to explain its rich people looking down on kids. "I get it…it's hammering it home." (Uh oh! He's close to another tantrum!)

• A pissed looking Spoony says the buffet is a microcosm of the game "It shows us all this great stuff that we could be enjoying but the game won't let us." (Yup, hes defnitely getting mad).
  Finally discovers the fast forward button to start skipping dialogue.

• 45:23. Spoony does his best Stevie Wonder impression.

• Calls a bald man in game Moby; someone in chat calls him Cinema Snob. (OK, that was funny)
  Still, Spoony is ready to tap out. "Somebody pick a different game," he moans, holding his head. Chat floods with game suggestions (and a few insults).

• $5.00 quote from ]Ian Part-Time DM'--About to go to work. Wanted to throw some money at you to say thank you for being one of the inspirations to do Youtube, for better or worse." (Love how completely un-self-aware these people are)

• Spoony acts like he's being put thgrough electroshock torture ... then throws down the headphones. (THERE IT IS!! THE TANTRUM!!)
  Hates these people, hates the best friend the game gives him, etc.

• Chat tries to Cuckson him to take a break. "Been under a little stress lately…yeah, sure, we'll manage...right."
  'Accidentally' passive aggressively fast forwards to where he has to name the group. (We're not even an hour in yet, folks).

• 50:28. "Oh…I don't have it in me to be witty right now."
  Wastes no time in shooting down name suggestions from chat. Finally settles on 'Windjammers.' (He explains it's a botchamania reference.)

• Spoony still in malaise. "Oh good," he continues, "and now I get to deal with anonymous posts that criticize me on the video game - that's great"

• 'T Gore' donates $12.36. Spoony asks him to please send help. This game is too much reading for him.

• Chatman wants Spoony to take his shirt off. Spoony just keeps yamering about Martin Shkreli and what rape is or isn't. (Still no headphones on btw)

• 1:07:29. Spoony starts spinning around, becomes Turl, and gets his greasy hair stuck to his face. A couple folks in chat think Spoony's finally lost it.

• Spoony says he really can't take it and needs to pick a new game.
  But right on cue, riding in to save Boss in his hour of need!
  It's the mounted hero!
  It's…Sheriff Cuckson!

• Spoony says his servant missed all the people who had "dozens of sock puppet accounts just so they could get into random chat rooms and post the N word all over again." (Pretty sure there was nothing random about it, buddy).
  Cuckson says the game has a weird pace, where you are stuck in dialogue or trying to 'blaze' through gameplay.

• Chat quote form 'geryainate'--"Seriously, I have money, what'll it be for a Dream daddy playthrough?"

• $20.00 quote from 'AngellusRavenix'--"Here's hoping things start to look up for you, man. But try out Nier Automata for some faster paces action." (Spoony says he's heard of the name, but that's all).

• $6.99 quote from 'evertoaster'--"Thanks for all the cool videos" (Spoony plays the lotto, and loses)

• $10.00 quote from 'Suggestively Ninja'--"A small thank you for the content you've put out over the years. Much love, dude. Also, happy Rusev Day."

• Spoony's mood has improved quite a bit since Cuckson has arrived to tell him to play the game.

• 'Gotrek' in chat dares to speak the truth of Spoony's hypocrisy.
  Cuckson tell him to "Oh, shush." Spoony agrees, says that someone woke up with a lot of sand in their vaginal cavity and he should get a Snickers bar. Chat mocks him, tells him to take a nap.
  Spoony applauds Jinson's swooping of the BANHAMMER. Chat cheers the home run hammer.

• 1:33:58. Bug crawls up Spoony's nose. Chat gets horny for a video game teacher.

• Spoony keeps scrunching his nose, gets skeptical at the thought of gameplay even happening. Cuckson checks in to make his best friend/care patient is still holding up OK.

• 1:41:25. Spoony flips the headphones again, flippers his hands in the air, and GETS UP OUT OF HIS CHAIR! (By gawd, you know things are serious now!)
  Comes back in time a minute later to see the catbus.

• Spoony looks much more punch drunk (probably from the glass of booze he downed off camera). Cuckson: "There there, Spoony. If ya need a break, then save after this, and all's well."

• $2.00 quote from 'MangaKamen'--"I remember when I asked bout this game months ago."

• Spoony says renegotiating with a demon makes no sense. Cuckson corrects him by stating you can get more money and items from them, "ABSURD CASH."

• $20.00 quote from 'Jak Sewell'--"Ayy finally catching one of these live!" (Spoony sarcastically replies that he's "so excited to be facing monsters well below my level")

• Cuckson tries again to indirectly talk Spoony into choosing a Persona with a high Luck. Spoony ignores, fights a guy that he says is bad for some reason he doesn't know.
  Someone in chat pips in: "Actually, that's a fairly good reason to be mean to people. They started it."

• Cuckson approves of Spoony's random battle selection choices: "MONEY. Lots and lots of money." He then goes off on a side tangent to himself, talking how to farm money.

• Spoony hilariously thinks he's doing the opposite of what Cuckson is explaining
  (Cuckson: 'We can change them after we talk to them!' Spoony: 'Oh so we're just assassinating them? That doesn't seem nice.')

• 'Jak Sewell' gives more money to help Spoony define the term vigilante justice.

• Spoony says the game is just playing itself at this point. Jinson observes that Spoony doesn't use Direct Commands, just like in Persona 4. (Must be nice to have someone that knows all about you and your habits)

• Cuckson keeps awkwardly trying to convince Boss he should really use those luck Personas.
  Meanwhile, the dialogues are running Spoony out of patience. He does more scenes with Mishima because Cuckson tells him to. (It's like watching a bored kid being dragged around a museum by his parents).

• 'Loxagu' in chat: "I hear Persona 5 gets really good 20 hours in."
  Cuckson is upset that 'we' missed our Sunday smoothies. Spoony is upset because he didn't get to make coffee, keeps worrying about midterms. Cuckson tells him to just make it to Rank 2 intelligence and not worry about it. (He has other plans for Spoony)

• "And my popularity continues to sink. Oh, and in the game as well." He thanks the game for giving him shitty ratings.
  "There's not enough dirty words in this to be actual Reddit posts." He admits he's so done with this.

• Cuckson cannot wait to get with the doc. "After exams...We are prepared" (Living vicariously through his son, I see)
  Spoony isn't happy getting one Knowledge point, decides to save scum. Everyone celebrates when he earns the point.

• 2:30:33. Spoony impresses with his knowledge of the 'magistrate's patronage.' (Its' from a pervious game).
  Even he gets a little bit weirded out by Cuckson's obsessive of the doc. FINALLY Jinson swears "on my honor" to shut up about it.

• $5.00 quote from 'Anthony Bitonti' WINNER OF THIS STREAM'S 'MOST DELUSIONAL DONOR' AWARD--"Glad to see you are back and getting things on track. Your stream and videos have helped me through some dark things in my life. Thanks for everything."

• "My opinion ratings continue to plummet. My webmaster is doing a terrible job." Later cheers on a subway stalker and rocks himself back and forth. Some in chat wise up to the fact: "IT'S LITERALLY A DAY BY DAY RECOUNT OF THE YEAR!"

• Spoonys gets frustrated that he'll never get to play (although with Cuckson around, are you even really?).
  Then...ANOTHER TANTRUM!! He starts ranting about how the game won't let him make his own decisions as leader of the group. Then he gets snippy because he could just go up and take a piss during a livestream and nothing would change.

• Noah starts giggling like an insane person. And…that's it(?)

Yup...the stream just cuts off from there. Good thing it did, too. There's only so much absorbing and cataloging of this man's pathetic life I can take all at once.
Hope a takes a long break from reality this time until he realizes his rent is due.

TOTAL EARNINGS (1-4): $377.78
TOTAL BEPH (1-4): $42.22


FINAL RANK
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