The Angel Armor Saga by Lewis "The Lightbringer" Lovhaug

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Book 1, Epilogue
(Or: Free at Last?)



I hope this book's climax has been most climaxing for you all. I know it hasn't for me.

RecapShow

The Dorkness turned into a Pretty Cure crossover movie monster (aka some black kaiju-sized blob-thing), and Linkara defeated it by completing his Gold Cloth and tackling the Dorkness really, really hard.
Seems he perished with it, but of course we know the story doesn't end that well.

Also Indow's betrayal was quickly forgotten and ultimately completely pointless. I doubt it'll ever be brought up again.
She als performed an ancient ritual so she and the other nakama could lend Linkara their strength Genkidama-style, but I have absolutely no clue if this had any impact on anything, so I'll file it under "I'm helping!"

ChapterShow

Louis opened his eyes and looked around, confused. He was lying on his face and felt blistering heat pouring down on his back. Sand covered certain parts of his body, and it slightly burned him from how hot it was. He got up from where he was, wincing in pain a little. He looked in a few directions, realizing that moving his neck felt quite painful at that moment. Spanning the directions he saw was an endless desert expanse, filled with golden sand that never seemed to stop glistening in the light of the hot sun over his head. He felt his armor still covering his body, and the sand had already dissipated in favor of a gleaming reflective light on the golden metal. Although most of his armor was still there, Louis didn't feel the wings that had been on him the last time he had been conscious.

All of a sudden, Louis turned around from the noise of metal clattering against metal rapidly. He saw a group of men running in retreat from something over a hill. The men wore loose outfits with limited armoring around the arms and legs, but the torsos were perfectly exposed as they continued running with swords and axes in their hands. However, as confusing as this fact was, the stranger fact was what was pursuing the dozen men.

The creature that was following them appeared to be some type of dragon. It flew up into the air, roaring loudly from a mouth that could've easily consumed Louis in one gulp. Its scaly skin was a deep crimson, and it had three yellow horns emerging from its head and snout. It had two bat-like wings flapping and pushing sand from the area beneath it as it hovered above the group of men, toying with them. Louis noticed a figure sitting upon the back of the dragon, holding reigns around the dragon's neck like a horse. The being that was sitting was humanoid and wore blood red robes, gloves, and boots. The red helmet upon the being's head had two slits cut out for eyes and nothing more.

Louis growled as he looked up at the dragon. He didn't care that he didn't know the circumstances behind the dragon's pursuit of the men, he didn't care that these men could've been fugitives, and he didn't care if he had just defeated a huge blob of evil by ramming it full speed and attacking it from the inside by electrifying his entire body. In this situation, he was Bruce Campbell and that dragon was a Deadite.

Louis began running at the dragon, growling as his blades unsheathed themselves from the gauntlets. The men didn't even seem to notice or pay any mind to him until he leapt into the air and wings spread out from his back, enabling him flight. They stopped and looked up at the boy who roared with fury, pointing his blade at the dragon's snout. The man on the dragon was especially surprised by this turn of events, since he remained perfectly still and just stared at Louis in shock.

"I HATE THIS SHITHOLE PLANET!" Louis shouted.

And with that, he rammed the end of his blade into the dragon's nose. He didn't stop there, however. He focused his mind on frying the winged creature, and the Linkaran armor he wore sparkled and electrified. The dragon cried out in pain and futilely tried to shake Louis from it's head as millions of volts of electricity flowed from Louis' armor into the beast. After about thirty seconds of shock treatment, the dragon and it's rider fell to the ground, back first. The man in red yelped as he fell headfirst into the ground, being crushed a second later by the dragon that he had been riding not five minutes before. Louis landed gracefully on the ground and turned to face the other men, who exchanged glances with one another. Louis retracted his blades into his gauntlet as one of the men turned and faced the others.

"Hail he who has flown through the skies and delivered us from the axe of the Terafell Arbiters!" the man shouted.

And as the men began to chant 'hail' over and over, Louis could only stand and gape at the parallels he was experiencing between this moment and the end of the movie Evil Dead 2. Louis groaned, realizing he did not want to do the same line that Bruce Campbell had done at the end of the movie, a very dignified and repeated, 'No!' And so, Louis responded to his new situation with the enthusiasm he had shown throughout the past few weeks.

"Oh, GOD DAMN IT!"

To Be Continued...

RiffingShow

Spanning the directions he saw was an endless desert expanse, filled with golden sand that never seemed to stop glistening in the light of the hot sun over his head.

Great. He either ended up on Tatooine, or Arrakis.

All of a sudden, Louis turned around from the noise of metal clattering against metal rapidly. He saw a group of men running in retreat from something over a hill. The men wore loose outfits with limited armoring around the arms and legs, but the torsos were perfectly exposed as they continued running with swords and axes in their hands.

What metal exactly is clattering against other metal here? They barely have any armor.

However, as confusing as this fact was, the stranger fact was what was pursuing the dozen men.

If only.

The creature that was following them appeared to be some type of dragon. It flew up into the air, roaring loudly from a mouth that could've easily consumed Louis in one gulp.

Dragons are a thing now.
Come to think of it, there weren't really a lot of monsters in this story, were they?
I guess it's because you can't just kick them in the balls.

Louis growled as he looked up at the dragon. He didn't care that he didn't know the circumstances behind the dragon's pursuit of the men, he didn't care that these men could've been fugitives, and he didn't care if he had just defeated a huge blob of evil by ramming it full speed and attacking it from the inside by electrifying his entire body. In this situation, he was Bruce Campbell and that dragon was a Deadite.

It would be funny af if that dragon rider was a good guy.

The man on the dragon was especially surprised by this turn of events, since he remained perfectly still and just stared at Louis in shock.

It's not like sitting on a fucking dragon gives you a wide range of motion.

"I HATE THIS SHITHOLE PLANET!" Louis shouted.

Just as Indow said, he never stopped believing in this world.
Because he never believed in it in the first place.

And with that, he rammed the end of his blade into the dragon's nose. He didn't stop there, however. He focused his mind on frying the winged creature, and the Linkaran armor he wore sparkled and electrified.

So he can just fry anyone with one stab, no matter the size.
Can't wait for that to get nerfed. Or conveniently forgotten later.

Speaking of nerf, this cool trick of stabbing the dragon in the snout would've gone a lot differently if that dragon had breathed fire.
Really, it's pretty convenient the giant dragon did absolutely nothing while some weird winged dude swooped in front of its face and started shouting incoherently.

"Hail he who has flown through the skies and delivered us from the axe of the Terafell Arbiters!" the man shouted.

That can't be good. Those guys have only ever been mentioned in the past tense, with their big invasion being like what, a thousand years ago?

Louis could only stand and gape at the parallels he was experiencing between this moment and the end of the movie Evil Dead 2.

Ol' Linkster ended up in the past. Somehow.

(This is my flimsy excuse for using a Kamen Rider Deno-O song as the ending theme, btw.)

"Oh, GOD DAMN IT!"

To Be Continued...

Next Time: A final verdict of the book. How bad is it, and just how does this stack up with the likes of At4W and Killjoy?

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Book 1: Final Verdict



That was certainly a mess and a half, wasn't it? Sure you can argue it was written by a dumb kid, but it already had a few Linkaraisms in it (mostly because of the insufferable protagonist). But let's break it down a bit, shall we?

WorldbuildingShow

"Half-baked" would be an apt description. There are quite a few ideas and bits and pieces of lore that aren't really fleshed out all that well. I guess coming up with new terms for "year" and "water" had a higher priority.

Speaking of water, that one's probably the elephant in the room. So one of the most common and important substances in nature can perfectly identify if someone is sufficiently corrupted by evil - but the ramifications of this were apparently never really considered. At least primarly Linkaran cities should have shit like ponds, mini-aqueducts or basically fishbowls everywhere so evil has no chance of remaining undetected. Sure there are "tests" made in the story, but they never amount to anything. Water is never used to find evil, only to confirm that someone is evil, as like a stronger version of "[character] did, in fact, not smile".

Religion is another thing. There a few ones in this setting, but not even the actually important one is really fleshed out. The Linkaran faith only serves a single prophecy - that no one actually knows in its entirety.
I suspect this was some storytelling compromise, as a grand fetch quest with drip-fed prophecy goodies can't really happen if the first Linkaran priest our hero comes across can just hand him over a full copy of the prophecy. Too bad that made the entire religion somewhat ridiculous.

Also where are the Gods, HMMM? This book keeps going on about muh angels, but whom are they serving? Is the Sinnian heaven an anarcho-syndicalist commune?

Our Linkara (the author) tries to introduce some implied assumptions by having Linkara (the character) repeatedly go "I know what time period this is like!" - except there are some issues:

• He never actually specifies this time period. I assume it's somewhere in the Middle Ages due to context, but that's like a fucking millenium, and 500 AD is a whole different beast than 1500 AD.
• He makes assumptions that aren't actually backed up by the narrative. At least twice did he complain about muh women's rights, but there isn't a single example in the entire book of women being lower-class citizens.
• Other assumptions could be considered a given, but are actually very much not a thing on Sin. Like at least the kingdom of Ai is secular af despite being the center of the Linkaran faith. The king can just tell the head priest to go fuck himself, and nothing will happen to him.
  That's not how things went down in [Unspecified Medieval Time Period]. Nobles and clergy have always teamed up to enable and validate each other, and to put the dirty peasants in their place.
  Sure, there's that bit about how the king of a hypothetically freed Jilad will be elected by the priests, but Linkara (the author and character) see this as some great example of democracy, instead of one part of the ruling elite deciding who should become part of the other part of the ruling elite.

The historical worldbuilding sometimes also goes on weird tangents. Like we get multiple tales of the terror of Terafell Arbiters - even though that was like a thousand years ago and not actually connected in any way with the Darkness stuff. Seems to mostly be there so Linkara can go "Shit, I'm in the past!" in the epilogue.
I now fantasy settings have a thing for big epic events that are a shitload of years ago, but if you were to give some alien a rundown on WTF the deal with Earth is, would you keep bringing up shit from 1025?

StorytellingShow

It's not good.

Aside from pretty much everyone having to be a complet nimrod in order to make Linkara the smartest mofo in any room, the story's also pretty darn juveline (crotch kicks, anyone?). The juveline stuff does admittedly get better in the later parts of the book, but that's also where the sleeze and failed attempts at being deep pop up.

After our brave hero almost kills himself by having the worst sense of direction ever, a semblance of an actual plot starts to happen.
You'd think it wouldn't be too hard to come up with a serviceable fantasy story quest to defeat an evil overlord, but our dear author somehow managed to fuck it up.
So Linkara is send on a weird fetch quest because nobody in all the Linkaran faith has a complete copy of their fucking Bible. On his way he runs into a few side quests like a traitor king (who was only pretending to be retarded a traitor) or some grand battle of dubious importance (which was really only an issue because the supposed tactical mastermind king is a fucking idiot).
These side quests are more or less filler-y. I mean, I could cut out this battle arc, and you'd be hard pressed to realize it.

Eventually Linkara goes "Fuck this stupid fetch quest", which I kinda agree with - but his alternative quest is "Let's walk right into Mordor!".
He and his fellowship get curbstomped by the first troop of bad guys they encounter. A new character is introduced to save their asses.
Then he continues on his new quest.
He and his fellowship get curbstomped by the first troop of bad guys they encounter once again. Another new character is introduced to save their asses.
And yet he still would've continued on his new quest, if that new character didn't finally talk some sense into him.
Dude is really fortunate that the Dark Knights have a weird policy of capturing everyone unharmed and then deciding on who they want to keep alive. That first curbstomp could've easily ended with half of his fellowship dead and the other half crippled.
It's really convenient that the plot goes out of its way to throw him a bone. Like how Sinnian plate armor conveniently doesn't cover the crotch - except when our dear author wanted to raise the stakes for that champion duel, so he introduced the only mofo on the planet with crotch protection.

Then there is the almighty prophecy, which eventually turns out infallible and therefore makes the story gay and lame. Fate itself tells us that Linkara will triumph.
Fate also makes a lot of weird bullshit. Like the sky being set on fire and raining down blood. Why did the Darkness do this, and why isn't it doing this more often? Dunno. The prophecy said it would happen, so it did.

Speaking of shit happening. The later chapters have a weird fetish for cliffhangers that never go anywhere:

• The sky is bleeding? Turns it it eventually just stopped. You could cut this shit out, and nothing would change
• Indow got struggle-snuggled? Don't worry, she had worse.
• Indow literally betrays Linkara? She said she was sorry, so it's all forgiven and forgotten.

The story also has a weird dislike for mysteries:

• The group meets a new character (Raven)? Indow already knows her and spouts her entire backstory.
• We meet the main villain for the first time? Linkara's already figured him out, and he will let you know.

Towards the end things kinda break apart, with a bunch of weird revelations about the Dark Knights (aka they're a hive mind) that isn't really reflected at all in the story. I suspect that was some late decision on the author's part, and he couldn't be arsed to rewrite the early chapters to make it fit the new canon.

Finally there's a whole lot of shit centered around the story's "protagonist morality" and various individual character, but I'll reserve that for the respective sections.

LinkaraShow

Linkara is a self-insert of the worst sort. He's a sanctimonious jerk who thinks he's literally Jesus because he's been a Christian for like 4 years - and that's before he became literally Jesus.

He's a sadist. Not only does he literally strike his foes where it hurts the most, but he doesn't even hesitate for a second before his first kill.
And boy did he love taking a life. Dude would eventually starting hooting and hollering at the prospect of more bloodshed, and the only reason he'd leave someone alive was so that guy could tell the others that Linkara's coming for them.

He sure likes to be seen as a selfless hero, but he's really just thick-headed to the point of being suicidal. I don't think this mofo learned any kind of lesson during his journey.

He has no respect for anything, making encounter and discussions needlessly weird and awkward because he's like a D&D player who can't stay in-character to save his life.
He's also conveniently unfamiliar with basic medieval etiquette when it helps make things more awkward, despite being a know-it-all.

He's also arrogant, thinking he's already figured everything out because he's watched TV - but if he doesn't know something you better explain it ASAP, lest he rages.
And boy does he like raging. At least when being the literal messiah or channeling the power of the Holocaust doesn't help him win arguments. As the ultimate universal authority on objective morality, he will let you know if you're wrong.
I'd almost say he has some kind of savior complex, but he's not exactly a savior.

Dude doesn't have friends. He has pets at best - and you better not try too be too high-maintenance (aka "being angsty"), lest he'll verbally and emotionally abuse you with every trick in the book.
That's not to say that he can't be merciful to pets that have learned to behave:

• Your pet catgirl doesn't like your pet thief because she doesn't like criminals in general? Call her a nazi for having such crazy ideas.
• Your pet catgirl also doesn't approve of a former Champion of Khorne? Point out that her opinions are invalid because she's a slut.
• Someone else calls your pet catgirl a slut? Take over and rewrite their religion, and threaten any dissenters with death.

It probably goes without saying that he has a very subjective view on morality.

Also FFS making pop culture references is extra unfunny when you are the only mofo on the entire planet who can understand them.
And for the love of God, stop turning into fucking Ash.

IndowShow

Being Indow is suffering.

TBF she's easily the most useful member of Linkara's fellowship, able to end encounters with a single spell.
That is when she can remember that she's a spellcaster. She becomes a damsel in distress all too easily, and apparently never figured out how to use magic to earn money.
She's also the one to suffer the most, but I guess Linkara (the author and character) has a weird fetish for "broken" waifus.

Also she's a terminal nymphomaniac, but her messiah said that's A-Ok, so who am I to judge?

I also can't help but feel like her relationship with Linkara is kind a creepy. Dude's literally her Jesus. You just know that any argument they have will eventually end with "You are right, my lord". In fact, that has already happened plenty of times in this book.

LithmenarShow

Dude's fucking weird.

So he joins Linkara's fellowship out of some kind of mutually-beneficial deal, with him hoping to get his hands on some riches (which never happens), and Linkara hoping that he might be "useful" (which never happens).
Seriously, you have a Rogue in the party who never gets to do anything Rogue-ish. Even when given the opportunity (aka opening a locked door) Linkara will just do it instead.

Personality-wise, he started out has some kind of fanboy, as he was the only person in the group to be amused by Linkara's antics. Then he just started bitching and moaning about everything while not actually knowing why he's still hanging out with these loser, but apparently he was just tsundere for Linkara all along?

There was also the vague idea of a subplot of him apparently secretly being some kind of noble, but this is like the only mystery in the book that wasn't immediately explained - even though his buddies had plenty of time to go "WTF was that about? Why did this soldier know you?"
These hints are also solely confined to the battle arc, so who the fuck knows if and when this will ever be relevant again.

White RavenShow

A literal not-a-person.

For some reason Linkara (the author) seemed to have lost interest in this character partway through her introduction arc, resulting in her not really having any role in taking down her evil side.
After that she's really just a side character, only occasionally going "I'm a good girl now!" whenever the real characters are talking with a bad guy.

MyrrhaShow

She probably wished she'd be a dude, so she had a mustache to twirl.

Can't say much about her. She's evil and sadistic, and she's apparently a big deal within the army of darkness, but really she's just the only Dark Knight with a name.
Apparently she pops up in every bloody book, so who knows if she'll ever get fleshed out.

The DarknessShow

It probably wished it had a cat, so it could stroke that pussy.

Why couldn't the Darkness be a simple evil overlord? Instead our dear author tried to have its motivations be "deeper" or something, which just resulted in it rambling incoherently about war, progress and emotions.

It's also doesn't come across as very threatening. It's oddly obsessed with winning over Linkara with its lame non-arguments, and when it comes to actually choking a bitch the worst it ever does is toss Linkara around a bit, and cut him a little on the arm. Once it realizes it can't convince Linkara and starts hulking out it never actually does anything beyond destroying its own castle (which was already a ruin because fuck maintenance). Linkara just wipes it out with the first attack.

Angel Armor vs At4WShow

I'd say At4W is better, but not by much?

The two Linkara's are similar-ish, but Linkara (the comic reviewer) one is less sociopathic and kill-crazy. He also mostly limits his hypocritical tirades for the comics he reviews - unless of course it's the movie, where he has a verbal abuse session with his "friends" eerily similar to when Linkara (the isekai hero) has one of his patented temper tantrums.

The At4W villains tend to be similar nonsense than the Darkness, but I dare say they are more threatening? At least Linkara (the comic reviewer) tends to actually get his ass kicked every now and then.

Angel Armor vs Kassandra KilljoyShow

Kinda better?

I'd say the worldbuilding is very similar in its incompetence, which is pretty funny considernig one book was written by a kid and the other by a supposed adult.
Killjoy is a similar insufferable jerk benefiting from being the author's favorite, but at least ERod actually tried to make his story "family-friendly", so she never goes full raging psycho like the Linkster is wont to do.

In terms of "power level" I'd say Linkara makes more sense? He was like chosen by... the angels I guess. Meanwhile Killjoy is just some half-blood witch who can somehow curbstomp the upper echelons of monster society.

Semantics for SemitesShow

As a well buck-broken German, I also can't help but notice that Linkara (the author) seems to have had a very conflicted relationship with God's Chosen People. Linkara (the character) loves bringing up the Holocaust to win arguments with people who have no idea what the Holocaust even is ("Did you know that your attitude caused the death of millions on my world, HMMM?!"), but he suspiciously avoids actually naming them properly - going so far as calling them "Christians" when rambling about the story of Jesus, or having the Dorkness suddenly go "some religious group I guess" when it didn't have any issues naming Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan in the same sentence.

What did the author mean by this?

tl;drShow

Next Time: Book 2 I guess. I'm actually kinda scared, because I have absolutely no idea about happens in that one.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Book 2: Predictions

You know, it occured to me that I should make my predictions now, before I actually open Der Tragödie zweiter Teil and fill my head with dark truths and forbidden secrets.
So enjoy:

Content Warning: Autistic SpergingShow

• I presume those Terafellas are more formidable foes than the Dorkness. Dragons are just a little bit more impressive than super soldiers that aren't actually all that super outside of "Don't laugh!" challenges.
• The named Terafellas will probably still be lame, especially their main leader.
• Linkara will still be an asshole.
• As he's stuck in a time before the Linkaran faith, he can no longer bank on people having been indoctrinated to suck his dick. I expect him doing more showboating and raging to get what he wants.
• Linkara might end up getting depowered or nerfed, to make fights at least somewhat interesting now that he can one-shot pretty much anything.
• Magic might not be a thing in this era. At least the magic shown in book 1 has been "invented" by the Linkarans.
• I don't expect the world of Sin from a thousand years ago to be noticeably less advanced than the one in the present - though admittedly greater writers have also been guilty of this "medieval stasis".
• As it might fit the time period, Linkara might either meet the famous Linkaran man, or end up becoming him. Either way I hate the guy already for splitting up his stupid prophecy.
• Just like how we got unprompted history lessons on the Terafell Arbiters so Linkara could know that he ended up the past, there's a chance that he might actually meet at leats one of those ancient strategists we also got an unprompted history lesson about.
• I fear we might see his old fellowship sooner rather than later. Mabye Linkara doesn't actually end up spending much time in the past (wouldn't be the first cliffhanger to go nowhere). Or the others follow him. Or he just learns how to time travel. We might get chapters of them hanging out in the present without Linkara, but I can't see the book having many chapters without the main attraction.
• I'm not entirely sure if this is a closed time loop or not. It's certainly weird that the history books apparently didn't mention the armored angel that swore like a sailor, but on the other hand it would be just like the prophecy from last book - aka everything is already set in stone, and free will is a lie.
  Either way, I'm sure Mr. "I know this shit from watching TV" will regale us with what he considers to be the definitive and universal laws of time travel.

(Note that all of this might get invalidated by hack writing. I'm just trying to make sense of things.)

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

The DHI Autistic Book Club

Angel Armor: The Cassandra Conflict
by Lewis Lovhaug.
Prologue
(Or: Where's YOUR slut, HMMM?!)
protected by Fair Use, bitch

This book's gonna an exciting one for me. I have some rough ideas over at least some things that happen in book 3 and 4, but I have no clue whatsoever what happens in this one. I just now from last book that the Linkster is now stuck in the past, dealing with people called the Terafell Arbiters (who I will likely call "Terafellas" because I find it funny).

Let's start with the cover. It actually seems to depict something from the books for once - more specifically the iconic scene in last book's epilogue, where our hero(?) fought a dragon because he felt like it.
Except the cover doesn't show him in full Linkara Cloth, so he just looks likes a dork with a mall ninja weapon.
And the dragon doesn't actually look nearly as big as the text made it out to be.
Oh well, I'm sure this won't even be in the top 20 of his worst Angel Armor fuck-ups.

The Unofficial Season 2 Opening SongShow

What? It's about time travel.

The PrologueShow

My name is Louis Williamson.

And I am in hell.

All right, maybe hell is too strong a word for this sort of situation, but it's rather unpleasant. Okay, unpleasant is also too strong a word, so let me put it this way: as hells go, this one ain't so bad. Currently, I am somewhere within the land of Kien and being catered to my every whim and desire. Of course, with the heat and humidity in this desert country, the thing I want most of all is water and food. Don't see Kien on a map? Well, you shouldn't considering that Kien isn't on earth, it's located on a planet called Sin. Yeah, I know, really dirty name for a planet. However, if you'll let me start from the beginning, you'll understand the predicament I'm in.

It began about two or three months ago in Shoreview, Minnesota. Now if you can't find Minnesota on a map, you must be a total idiot. Any who, I was a high school freshman at Hillside High School, and we had just finished our second trimester of school. I wasn't your average high school student, but not because of the fact that there was actually a religion based around me along with a golden armor that identified me as the 'Linkara.' That happened later. I wasn't your average high school student because I wasn't some angst-ridden moron who didn't pay attention in class and groaned about oh how horrible the world is and how America is so lame.

That's right: I was an Optimist.

So, as I was saying, I had just gotten home from high school, and I had just started to relax when I heard this voice in my head. No, I'm not schizophrenic, although I do sometimes question my own sanity. Anyway, the voice told me to go to this antique shop that I had seen earlier, and naturally of course I followed it's lead and went there. I found this old gauntlet that I thought would be nice as a souvenir, and put it on to see if it fit, and was instantly transported to a new place.

The world that the gauntlet had brought me to was called Sin, as I said before. Apparently, some old guy a thousand years ago had come up with some mystical visions or some weird shit like that and made some prophecies. The prophecies foretold of a big blob of evil that would come to Sin and cause great suffering on the planet, and that a fourteen year-old that matched my description would suddenly appear and destroy it. Unlike the typical whiny superhero who would start moaning and bitching about oh how he wasn't ready for the responsibility and that he just wished he could go home, I took it upon myself to go out and kick some ass.

My journey throughout this strange land has been a long and adventurous one. I met with kings, fought alongside an army of light against an army of darkness, and even fell in love with a nice priestess girl who liked sleeping around. However, when it finally came time to fight the Big Bad evil dude, I had to sacrifice myself in order to save all of the planet and blah, blah, blah.

And so, whatever happened to finally destroy the evil Darkness thing has brought me here. I am in Kien, and although I'm being treated like I was royalty, with scantily clad women feeding me grapes and people on weird instruments playing funky music, I am no doubt in some deep layer of hell.

Well, not really.

The RiffingShow

My name is Louis Williamson.

"I used to go by 'Louis Woodstein', aber after accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior I didn't want to be associated with God's forsaken people."

And I am in hell.

as hells go, this one ain't so bad

Care to elaborate?

Currently, I am somewhere within the land of Kien and being catered to my every whim and desire

My God, not even I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream was this sadistic. The fiends!

You just thought "I am in hell" sounded cool, didn't you?

Don't see Kien on a map? Well, you shouldn't considering that Kien isn't on earth

Actually, there's a Kien in Switzerland, and another one in Burkina Faso.
Also why the fuck is "earth" not capitalized? You capitalize almost every other fucking noun like you're a fellow Kraut or something.

Well, you shouldn't considering that Kien isn't on earth, it's located on a planet called Sin.

Is anyone else slightly annoyed by him using "planet" instead of "world"? I know it's technically a planet, but he makes it sound too sci-fi for a fantasy isekai story.

I wasn't your average high school student, but not because of the fact that there was actually a religion based around me along with a golden armor that identified me as the 'Linkara.' That happened later.

I wasn't your average high school student because I wasn't some angst-ridden moron who didn't pay attention in class and groaned about oh how horrible the world is and how America is so lame.

I'd take that over what we actually got any day.
Also didn't you have an extended scene where you groaned about oh how horrible other Christians are?

That's right: I was an Optimist.

That's one way to describe a human lemming who would've died thrice over if the narrative didn't bend over backwards to keep you alive by any means necessary.

The prophecies foretold of a big blob of evil that would come to Sin and cause great suffering on the planet

Actually, the prophecy never specified what the fuck "the Darkness" is. It just hulked out into a blob when it finally got your message.

Unlike the typical whiny superhero who would start moaning and bitching about oh how he wasn't ready for the responsibility and that he just wished he could go home, I took it upon myself to go out and kick some ass.

You did moan and bitch about that, just not in front of living people.
You also bitched and moaned about a lot of other stuff.
And the first thing you did when you "went out" was to almost die because you somehow missed the largest trading hub in the kingdom despite the fact you already went there once.

I met with kings, fought alongside an army of light against an army of darkness, and even fell in love with a nice priestess girl who liked sleeping around.

I dunno what's funnier. That he found it important to remind everyone that Indow is a slut, or that he seems to think it's some kind of flex.

However, when it finally came time to fight the Big Bad evil dude, I had to sacrifice myself in order to save all of the planet and blah, blah, blah.

I had a hunch you were half-assing it towards the end, but you don't have to be this blatant about it.

And so, whatever happened to finally destroy the evil Darkness thing has brought me here.

Either this will never be explained, or I will cringe in disgust at the explanation. There is no middle ground with this kind of book.

I am in Kien, and although I'm being treated like I was royalty, with scantily clad women feeding me grapes and people on weird instruments playing funky music, I am no doubt in some deep layer of hell.

Truly, this poor boy must be suffering horrors beyond our imagination.
Or he's just slowly going insane because it has been months since he had a chicken tendie.

Next Time: The first actual chapter. Just WTF is actually going on here?

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Book 2, Chapter 1 - After the Fire
(Or: You will respect my Authoritah)

RecapShow

Linkara seemingly perished to take down the ultimate letdown that was the Dorkness. Unfortunately for his nakama, he's actually alive and well - just a thousand years in the past.

Also the most important thing to remember is that Indow is a slut.

ChapterShow

Indow Chyprea dragged herself through the celebration in the city of Soyah with sorrow and contempt. Earlier, she had made a rousing speech just after the destruction of the Darkness stating that it didn't matter that Louis had died in the battle; that his spirit lived on in their hearts. Unfortunately, her own heart was breaking. Indow had fallen in love with the fourteen year-old, as he had with her. Unfortunately, thanks to the fact that Louis had been killed in the battle, all of her hopes of a future with Louis had been ripped to shreds.

Although Louis had died in the final battle with the greatest enemy that Sin had ever known, everyone else celebrated! Within hours of the destruction of the Darkness, troops that originally had been gathered to face the Darkness (should Louis fail in his battle) had arrived in Soyah to hear of the good news. For three hundred years, the Darkness and its army of Dark Knights had plagued Sin, killing thousands in their goal of purifying the world and removing it of individuality and happiness. And now, the Darkness had fallen and it's army and Assault Squads had been scattered throughout the continent. One of the main worries was that the Dark Knights would gather together to launch a counteroffensive in retaliation for the destruction of their former master, so the armies were readying themselves for redeployment along their borders.

Indow sighed as she opened up the door to the abandoned home that she was staying in. Since all the citizens of Soyah had been wiped out three hundred years ago, she wasn't exactly doing anything illegal or unethical by staying at the house. She walked down the hallway to the single bedroom of the house and when she entered she collapsed onto the bed. She had attempted to be strong for the people around her who were trying to have a good time in celebration of the end of the Darkness, but she realized she could not. To make matters worse about the fact that Louis was gone, all of his baggage and supplies that he had brought with him since the first day they met were gone. No one had any idea where they had disappeared to, but they had simply vanished along with any trace that Louis had even existed.

"'Tis never easy to lose someone, young Priestess."

Indow turned around and saw the man standing in the doorway. He was a tall and well-built man with a pristine orange beard and long orange hair running down the back of his head. His skin was slightly tanned because he was originally a citizen of Kien, but now he served as General of the Third Ai Division.

"It's good to see you, General J'Vok." Indow stated, still lying upon the bed.

"And you, young one. Tell me, how are you doing?" he asked.

"All right, I suppose. I admit, there is a void in my heart from the loss of the Linkara, but I believe it shall be filled in time." Indow replied.

"I certainly hope so, my young friend. Come! I have brought the finest bottle of Geest in my possession. We shall drink to the Linkara!" J'Vok roared, trying to raise Indow's spirits.

"I'm not thirsty." Indow replied, turning away once more.

"Then I shall drink for you. But still, come. If we do not talk of the Linkara, he shall truly be gone forever. He shall remain forever with us if we remember him and sing songs of praise in his honor."

*

"Okay, maybe this place isn't so much of a shithole planet as I thought it was."

Louis lied back against a fur skin bed as two women stood on either side of him, waving leaf fans around him. He chuckled as he ate some grapes sitting next to his bed and continued to just relax. He felt completely exhausted from all the activity of the previous day. After he had waged a mind war with the Darkness on a mental battlefield, Louis had rescued Indow and then fought in a full-fledged physical battle the entity. The explosion, or implosion, as it were, sent him to somewhere in Kien, where he had encountered a group of soldiers being chased by a large dragon with a man in red flying atop it. Louis, in his highly peeved state, killed the dragon with ease, much to the surprise of the soldiers. They exclaimed that Louis had delivered them from the 'axe of the Terafell Arbiters.'

After that, Louis had discovered where he was. When he was with Indow Chyprea and Rain Vendre, they had both spoken of a war that had occurred deep in the past of Sin called the Hundred Year War. In it, all the forces on Sin had waged battle with a military and religious cult identifying itself as the Terafell Arbiters. The forces of light had defeated the Arbiters after a very long and bloody war that had cost the lives of hundreds of thousands. Louis, using the deductive skills that he had acquired after watching thousands of hours of television and movies, theorized that the destruction of the Darkness had somehow sent him back in time to the Hundred Year War against the Arbiters. Louis' suspicions were confirmed when one of the men who he had saved located some of his bags nearby in the sand. How they had gotten there was something that no one, especially Louis, knew.

Indow had given Louis a history book that she had bought while in L'Sol, capitol of the land of Ünaré. The book was located within a bag that Louis had carried since first setting off from Rain Vendre's house a few months earlier. When the men had found the bag, Louis looked into it and located a picture of a Terafell Arbiter. The Arbiter looked tall and frightening, with no skin being visible. They wore long red robes with black writing around the back of the cape and collar. Their hands were covered with red gloves, and they carried Executioner's axes. Their helmets were shaped around the head and went outwards from the neck near the bottom. The only exposed section of the outfits was two slits that had been carved out as eyeholes.

Louis sighed, remembering once more that the person who had been riding upon the dragon had worn an outfit matching the one in the history book.

So I've traveled back in time. Heh, I wonder if there are any prophecies that talk about this... Louis pondered.

Louis chuckled and leaned back against the comfortable pillows and cushions surrounding him.

"See, if I had known that you guys truly appreciate the slaying of dragons, I would've been more prepared when killing it instead of just ramming my blade through it's nose. I mean, I'm sure you all would get a good kick out of seeing a huge-ass battle between me and the dragon." Louis stated.

All of a sudden, a small trumpet-like instrument sounded, eliciting everyone's attention towards the door. A small man stood near the doorway, standing tall and ready.

"All rise for the great King Leaonedis!" the man shouted.

Everyone except Louis raised their left hand and proclaimed, "HAIL!"

The King smiled and nodded, looking around the room. He finally came upon Louis, who was standing in front of two scantily clad women with grass fans and was grinning happily. He slowly approached Louis, his smile fading as he saw the boy wearing some very loose-fitting clothes given to him by the other soldiers while his normal dress of a plaid flannel shirt, T-shirt, and blue jeans were washed someplace else due to the fact that they were quite filthy. Louis continued smiling up at the King for another thirty seconds before extending his hand to him.

"'Sup, G?" Louis asked, chuckling right after saying the Ghetto line.

Leaonedis stared at Louis, confused even further by the last words to escape his lips. He then narrowed his eyes at the fourteen year-old, glaring at him. Louis continued to smile back at him, not caring about what the King thought. The King finally placed his chin up as a sign of disrespect towards Louis.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"Me? I'm Louis. I'm also a great many other things, but that's the title I go by. Although I have also known to be called 'Linkara.'" Louis replied.

Leaonedis narrowed his eyes. "You are NOT the Linkara."

"There are many who would disagree with you on that one, your highness." Louis chuckled.

"Nevertheless, your presence complicates matters for me. Tell me, do you claim to be the one who successfully slew a Dragonrider?" Leaonedis inquired.

"Well, everyone else seems to think so, so I guess I am." Louis said, grinning as he sat back down and lied back against the cushions and pillows.

"I find that highly unlikely. In the past sixteen years and during the first war with the Terafell Arbiters, no one ever successfully slew a Dragonrider." Leaonedis stated.

"Like most optimists, I try to do three impossible things before breakfast." Louis laughed.

"I find your disposition most insulting, boy! You are arrogant and rude towards one of my position." Leaonedis growled.

"Well, you show a lack of trust in my abilities! I mean come on, you can't tell me you've never seen someone sprout wings from the back of a golden armor and ram a blade through a dragon's nose, can you?" Louis joked.

Leaonedis clenched his fists tightly. "I know not who you are or where you come from, boy, but I'm sure that some time in one of my more unpleasant of chambers in Col shall get me the answers I seek. GUARDS!"

Two of Leaonedis' royal guards walked forward and drew their swords.

"Accompany us peacefully or suffer the consequences." they stated.

Louis just smiled and slowly stood up, placing his hands in the air as the two guards approached him to take hold of his arms. However, just as one grabbed one of his wrists, Louis twisted his arm around, grabbing the guard's wrist instead and, using the strength granted to him by the Linkaran armor, lifted the guard into the air and let go of him. This caused the guard to be flung from Louis towards an opposite wall of the room. The other guard tried to bring his sword down on Louis, but Louis responded by blocking with his gauntlet. The sword bounced back from the armor, much to the surprise of the guard and the spectators of the brawl. Louis flipped backwards, feeling something cold run through his chest, back, and head. The feeling dissipated quickly as golden liquid suddenly seemed to come forth from his skin and wrap around his torso and forehead. The liquid solidified quickly, forming into a golden breastplate, back plate, and crown.

When Louis landed on the ground once more, the full armor had appeared around his body. The two guards quickly regained their composure and stared at Louis, wondering how the armor had come onto him so quickly. Louis cracked his knuckles and flexed his arm and back muscles a bit before balling his hands into fists. He thought up a command to his gauntlets, which obeyed his orders mentally. A blade for each gauntlet slid out of an opening just above the upper part of the wrist armor of the gauntlet and stopped after about a foot of metal was shown. The katars, the primary weapon of the Linkaran armor, had formed.

Louis took one step back and leaned back onto his back foot to go into a kung fu like pose. He aimed the blades at the two guards.

"Come get some." he said.

The guards, although not understanding the words, got the general idea of what Louis had said to them. By now, Louis had grown far used to the idea that half of the time, no one knew just what the hell was coming out of his mouth. However, he relished in the fact that his smug, superior attitude had actually gotten him this far along the journey, and it might as well keep working if he doesn't screw up royally. And thanks to that, he was in no way surprised when the guards roared and moved forward with their swords, ready to slice up the boy and take the 'enemy' of the king down. Louis countered each blow that the guards tried to inflict, dodged every swipe, and anticipated every maneuver they tried. He finally decided to end the 'fun' he was having with the guards and spare them any more misery. Louis struck back hard enough to slice through the weapons of the two guards, leaving them with shards and a handle. The guards stared at their former blades only to be met by two new ones that slammed, flat side first, into the sides of their heads, knocking them together. The two fell to the ground, unconscious.

Louis' armor quickly flowed back into his skin, disintegrating as if it had never been there. He crossed his arms and shook his head, staring down at the two unconscious guards.

"If these are the guys who are fighting the Terafell Arbiters, no wonder no one's ever slain a Dragonrider!" Louis exclaimed.

Leaonedis glared at him.

*

Indow held her legs against her chin, scurrying just a tiny bit closer to the fire that she stared into. The partying was still going off in the distance, but Indow tried her hardest to shut off the celebrations from her mind. She couldn't deny herself of her feelings and the bitter and cold sensations running through her heart. Her eyes reflected the bright light that the dancing flames emitted, the brightness somehow giving her a much larger sensation of peace than all the attempts at cheering up that most everyone else at the camp had been trying to instill.

No matter what positive thoughts or emotions that she tried to rise up in herself, she could not bring herself from the harrowing depression that plagued her day and night. She had fallen in love with the Linkara while she had traveled with him. They had done many things, including fight off a disease, expose a plot to kill the King of Ai, go on a mental quest to save White Raven, destroy an army of Dark Knights, see the skies themselves light aflame and rain blood, and finally, defeat an evil that had plagued Sin for 300 years. Through all of that, Indow had fallen in love with the kind warrior of light, so much so that she had betrayed him to the Darkness at one point. And even through that, Louis returned the love. Unfortunately, what hurt Indow most of all was a promise by Louis to kiss her after he defeated the Darkness.

"You are troubled, Priestess?"

Indow tightened her grip around her legs when she heard the voice. It was that of White Raven, one of the many traveling companions that Louis had picked up on their journey across the lands to reach Soyah. Indow had not hid her disdain for the woman since she first joined them a few months ago. White Raven was not the first name for this woman who clad herself now in loose white clothing as opposed to heavy white armor. She had been previously known as Blood Raven, a servant of the Darkness for over a century who drank the blood of her victims, until she broke the cardinal rule of being a Dark Knight: no smiling. After she had experienced one moment of glee from her hellish and destructive practices, she was cast out of the Darkness, forever forbidden from returning. And since she was already established as an enemy of good, she had found little help from others after the expulsion.

Louis, Indow, and Lithmenar had been traveling on their way to the capitol of the land of Ünaré when they had been ambushed by a legion of Dark Knights. Before Indow and Lithmenar could be killed for their uselessness to the Darkness, White Raven had launched a barrage of arrows from her bow that killed the aggressors. Louis, upon hearing the story of White Raven, invited the woman to join with him on his quest to destroy the Darkness once and for all. White Raven hastily accepted, much to the dismay of Indow.

"Go away. I have nothing to speak with you about." Indow stated.

"I should disagree, Indow. We have much to discuss. The primary topic is, of course, the Linkara." White Raven replied.

Indow clenched her teeth, wondering how much more of White Raven's voice she could tolerate before she tried to claw her ears out.

"Now, I understand your feelings. You were greatly in love with the Linkara. He rescued you on more than one occasion and freed you from the shame of some of your past actions. I feel very similarly about it. He... touched my soul, in a way. I mourn his passing just as much as you, but the time has come to move on! There is much work to be done now! Jilad will soon be reunited, remaining Dark Knights need to be found and imprisoned, and you must return home to your Church and relax for the first time in your life!" White Raven exclaimed.

Indow growled and stood up, facing White Raven. Her long hair was cast over her eyes, hiding them from White Raven's sight as she clenched her fists and ground her teeth together.

"Listen to me, grishna: you know nothing about me. You know not my feelings, you know not my loves, and you know not my priorities! I want nothing to do with a filthy animal such as you. You say we must round up former Dark Knights? I see one before me. You deserve death for your crimes, blasphemer!" Indow shouted.

White Raven bit her bottom lip. "What must I do to convince you that I am not who I was?"

"What you are now is irrelevant. It changes not what you did. I can never forgive you for what you did, Blood Raven. You are the Butcher of Vahn!" Indow cried out.

Indow came closer to White Raven, getting right in her face, showing her eyes to her. Indow's eyes were glowing a deep red, and burning with a fire that White Raven had not seen before.

"You killed my grandparents at Vahn, murderer!" Indow shouted.

White Raven stood there, her mouth open and her face an expression of shock. All of a sudden, White Raven narrowed her eyes and pushed her hands against Indow. The surprise of it and the increased physical strength sent Indow to the ground. White Raven stepped forward, glaring down at Indow, who was now the one in shock.

"Thou call me a villain?! I spit upon your words, Priestess! I neither need nor want your forgiveness for my past wrongs. I am not what I was so many years ago, but you would have me pierced through the heart if only to satisfy your primitive need for revenge! I can assure you, Indow, that that shall not come to pass for a very long time. I was attempting to console you through a difficult time that has been trying on not only you, but also the rest of us who traveled alongside the Linkara. And although you claim to be upon a higher moral standpoint than everyone else upon Sin, I remind thee that there was only one person on this world that actually forgave me for my past wrongdoings."

White Raven turned and began to walk away.

"And that person is now dead." She finished.

RiffingShow

Earlier, she had made a rousing speech just after the destruction of the Darkness stating that it didn't matter that Louis had died in the battle; that his spirit lived on in their hearts. Unfortunately, her own heart was breaking. Indow had fallen in love with the fourteen year-old, as he had with her.

Either another thing from last chapter that got quickly cast aside, or Linkara (the author) didn't want Indow to actually be happy without Linkara (the character) around.

Although Louis had died in the final battle with the greatest enemy that Sin had ever known...

If he's the worst, then Linkara has nothing to fear in the past.

... everyone else celebrated!

How is that weird? I'm sure the people of Sin love not getting slaughtered by Dark Knights a lot more than they mourn the loss of some weird asshole.

Within hours of the destruction of the Darkness, troops that originally had been gathered to face the Darkness (should Louis fail in his battle) had arrived in Soyah to hear of the good news.

Oh, right. The great alliance of good kingdoms turned out to be completely useless.

Indow sighed as she opened up the door to the abandoned home that she was staying in. Since all the citizens of Soyah had been wiped out three hundred years ago, she wasn't exactly doing anything illegal or unethical by staying at the house.

Right, Soyah was that ruined ghost town.
Why the fuck are you celebrating here? Can this place even support that many people?

"'Tis never easy to lose someone, young Priestess."

Indow turned around and saw the man standing in the doorway.

Does nobody ever knock on the door in this world?

"It's good to see you, General J'Vok." Indow stated, still lying upon the bed.

Ah, it's the great Vulcan general.

"All right, I suppose. I admit, there is a void in my heart from the loss of the Linkara, but I believe it shall be filled in time." Indow replied.

"Enough cocks shall make me forget him. I better start with yours, General."

*

Louis lied back against a fur skin bed as two women stood on either side of him, waving leaf fans around him. He chuckled as he ate some grapes sitting next to his bed and continued to just relax.

I see the prologue was not overselling shit. Not even the most deranged medieval artists could conjure up such a grisly depiction of hell.

After he had waged a mind war with the Darkness on a mental battlefield, Louis had rescued Indow and then fought in a full-fledged physical battle the entity.

Don't make it sound exciting. You just one-shotted the guy before he could even do anything.

When he was with Indow Chyprea and Rain Vendre, they had both spoken of a war that had occurred deep in the past of Sin called the Hundred Year War.

It's good that they educated you more about past events that had nothing to do with anything relevant than they educated you about the actual Linkaran faith.
I mean, imagine he had no clue where the fuck he is. He might have to actually ask someone!

In it all the forces on Sin had waged battle with a military and religious cult identifying itself as the Terafell Arbiters

Fucking transcults. You will never be a Terafella.

Louis, using the deductive skills that he had acquired after watching thousands of hours of television and movies, theorized that the destruction of the Darkness had somehow sent him back in time to the Hundred Year War against the Arbiters.

I guess the one guy identifying the dragon rider as a Terrafella - which you know only exist in the past - might've been a subtle clue, too.

Their hands were covered with red gloves, and they carried Executioner's axes.

Fun fact: Weapons used by executioner's would be terrible on the battlefield. They're meant for beheading an immobile target with one clean hit, so the blade tends to be heavier for starters.

The only exposed section of the outfits was two slits that had been carved out as eyeholes.

"Carved out"? Are they wearing pumpkins for helmets?

So I've traveled back in time. Heh, I wonder if there are any prophecies that talk about this... Louis pondered.

Oh, I hope there is. Heaven forbid events in these bloody books aren't set in stone since before any of the characters were even born.

"See, if I had known that you guys truly appreciate the slaying of dragons, I would've been more prepared when killing it instead of just ramming my blade through it's nose. I mean, I'm sure you all would get a good kick out of seeing a huge-ass battle between me and the dragon." Louis stated.

You better not bring Dragon Heart into this mess.

"All rise for the great King Leaonedis!" the man shouted.

Hey, look. It's Leonidas with the vowels all fucked up.
How the fuck are you even supposed to pronounce this mess of name?

Everyone except Louis raised their left hand and proclaimed, "HAIL!"

So the people of the past Not-Greco-Romans or something?

Louis continued smiling up at the King for another thirty seconds before extending his hand to him.

"'Sup, G?" Louis asked, chuckling right after saying the Ghetto line.

Why does this keep happening in these books? People just freeze when meeting Linkara for the first time and always expect him to do the first move, like fucking NPCs waiting for the player to make his dialogue choice. And he always picks the retard option.
This guy is a king. He's not gonna put up with you smiling like a retard for 30 seconds.
And what kind of "ghetto line" is that? You didn't even say "nigga".

Also could you stop trying to piss people off for no reason?

The King finally placed his chin up as a sign of disrespect towards Louis.

This one's a feisty one. I don't think Linkara can get out of this with dumb references alone.

"Me? I'm Louis. I'm also a great many other things, but that's the title I go by. Although I have also known to be called 'Linkara.'" Louis replied.

Leaonedis narrowed his eyes. "You are NOT the Linkara."

Fuck me, the Linkarans are already a thing?

"Nevertheless, your presence complicates matters for me. Tell me, do you claim to be the one who successfully slew a Dragonrider?" Leaonedis inquired.

"Well, everyone else seems to think so, so I guess I am." Louis said, grinning as he sat back down and lied back against the cushions and pillows.

My nigga...

"I find that highly unlikely. In the past sixteen years and during the first war with the Terafell Arbiters, no one ever successfully slew a Dragonrider." Leaonedis stated.

"Like most optimists, I try to do three impossible things before breakfast." Louis laughed.

... could you, like, cool it with this shit?

"I find your disposition most insulting, boy! You are arrogant and rude towards one of my position." Leaonedis growled.

Now you've done it.

"Well, you show a lack of trust in my abilities! I mean come on, you can't tell me you've never seen someone sprout wings from the back of a golden armor and ram a blade through a dragon's nose, can you?" Louis joked.

Louis took one step back and leaned back onto his back foot to go into a kung fu like pose. He aimed the blades at the two guards.

"Come get some." he said.

Naturally our great and benevolent hero decides to show the king that he can handily beat up his guards.

"If these are the guys who are fighting the Terafell Arbiters, no wonder no one's ever slain a Dragonrider!" Louis exclaimed.

Leaonedis glared at him.

Linkara would later die from poisoned food.

*

The partying was still going off in the distance, but Indow tried her hardest to shut off the celebrations from her mind. She couldn't deny herself of her feelings and the bitter and cold sensations running through her heart.

Didn't we just have this shit at the start of this chapter? Will every Indow section be a repeat of the last one?

"You are troubled, Priestess?"

Indow tightened her grip around her legs when she heard the voice.

Fuck me, it is a repeat.
Just with a different character.

It was that of White Raven

Fuck. This is gonna be about how Indow doesn't like Raven, right? That's the only relationship these two ever had.

After she had experienced one moment of glee from her hellish and destructive practices, she was cast out of the Darkness, forever forbidden from returning.

I'm pretty sure I made a joke last book about how Raven became "good" by virtue of enjoying slaughtering people too much. Seems I was correct

Louis, upon hearing the story of White Raven, invited the woman to join with him on his quest to destroy the Darkness once and for all. White Raven hastily accepted, much to the dismay of Indow.

If anything it's your fault. You told the story, remember?

Indow growled and stood up, facing White Raven. Her long hair was cast over her eyes, hiding them from White Raven's sight as she clenched her fists and ground her teeth together.

White Raven bit her bottom lip. "What must I do to convince you that I am not who I was?"

"What you are now is irrelevant. It changes not what you did. I can never forgive you for what you did, Blood Raven. You are the Butcher of Vahn!" Indow cried out.

Now I know we are supposed to side with Raven and Linkara (especially Linkara, for he is always right), but this highlights an interesting dilemma, which our dear author was probably not smart enough to catch.
You see, hack writers in all forms of media have a very bad habit of having their protagonists forgive and forget all the nasty shit a reformed villain has done in the past - as if becoming their nakama cleans them of all of their sins.

"You killed my grandparents at Vahn, murderer!" Indow shouted.

(Probably the position that the narrative will support.)

Once again the author didn't catch this shit.
Forgiving your brand new nakama kinda spits in the face of all the other people who have suffered under the ex-villain, doesn't it?

"I neither need nor want your forgiveness for my past wrongs. I am not what I was so many years ago, but you would have me pierced through the heart if only to satisfy your primitive need for revenge!"

Kinda called it.

And although you claim to be upon a higher moral standpoint than everyone else upon Sin, I remind thee that there was only one person on this world that actually forgave me for my past wrongdoings."

White Raven turned and began to walk away.

"And that person is now dead." She finished.

I'm pretty sure Linkara primarily forgave you because he's a narcissist and doesn't give a shit how many people you've killed.
Also did you forget the part where he screamed at you and told you to kill yourself if you ever even think about bothering him with your pesky personal problems?

Next Time: More of Linkara terrorizing a king for no fucking reason. What an utter delight!

[wulfenlord]

Goddammit, this is just a retarded power fantasy for him, like when you quicksave to bitchslap NPCs in a game. Except in this world it's not a what-if-scenario but the real deal. In any other setting Linkara would have been killed by either his stupidity or hostility thrice over. At least he doesn't get any action up til now.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

You'd think he would've learned back when he annoyed that orc for no reason, only for that orc to decide to play baseball with him as the ball.
Now that I think about it, this was the only time in the first book where he actually got a proper ass-kicking. All the Dark Knights - and the Darkness itself - that showed up later were positively mollycoddling him in comparison.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Book 2, Chapter 2 - Penumbra
(Or: Great Captain Williamson)

RecapShow

So Linkara was wining and dining at what I assume to be the court of a king called Leonidas.
Okay, it's "Laeonedis", but I ain't gonna type or even copy-paste this abortion of a mangled name any more than necessary.

Anyhow, once the king actually showed up to meet Linkara in person, the latter indulged in an annoying af running gag from the previous book. I like to call it "How do you do, fellow human with the standard amount of chromosomes?", and it goes a little bit like this:

• A new character meets Linkara for the first time
• The character usually doesn't introduce himself (or lets himself get introduced, depending on the social status), and never asks Linkara to introduce himself
• Instead the character just silently walks up to Linkara and just stares
• Linkara meanwhile just serenely smiles like Chris-chan thinking about ponies
• This goes on for several seconds
• Finally Linkara decides to break the ice - by either sticking out his tongue (or a similar mongo moment), or (more commonly) by putting on a bad dudebro/wigga impression like "'Sup, dewd?"

I suspect Linkara (the author) has seen this in some movie or episode, and thought it was the funniest shit ever.
It's not. It makes your "hero" character come across as an insufferable prick who tries to piss of allies for no reason.

Surprisingly, the king was not charmed by Linkara's blatant display of disrespect and lack of etiquette. Even worse for Linkara's ego, he did not immediately buy that the special needs kid in front of him is the first person in history to slay a Dragonrider.
Linkara was of course just getting more and more uppity (as tards without a wrangler are wont to do), until the king finally had had enough and called the guards.
Linkara is of course always happy to indulge in senseless violence, and used this opportunity to show the king that his magical power armor makes him pretty much untouchable and unbeatable.

So now the king has to put up with the world's worst - and most violent - jester - who will no doubt eventually start ordering him around, for Linkara knows better about everything.

Linkara (hopefully only the character) is a fucking Cluster B nightmare.

It appears to me that Linkara (the author and character) is not away of the various delightfully devilish ways a noble can "dispose" an annoying af nimrod without direct combat. I'd certainly be more careful what I'd eat if I were him.

The B plot in the present day was a somewhat odd repetition of the same scene: Indow's sad because Linkara's dead, everyone's partying because the Darkness is also dead, then some other character shows up for a short discussion where Indow literally does this:


The only halfways interesting version of this scene was the second one, because she ends up talking with Raven. As you know, Indow's shtick with regards to Raven is that she's the only person in all of Sin to not trust a former mass-murdering psychopath.
Linkara (the author) accidentally wrote a discussion about the annoying trope of protagonists conveniently forgetting a former villain's crimes right after they became their nakama. We obviously know Linkara (the author) is in full support of this trope, so we know that Indow will once again have to relent.
In fact, Raven's greatest flex in this debate is "Linkara is the only person to ever forgive me".
I don't think that means very much, considering Linkara never had to suffer under her Khornate Champion days, and he's a bit of a sociopath and probably doesn't give a fuck about the misery of people who aren't part of his immediate circle of loyal pets.

We also find out that her grandparents were actually among the victims of Raven's most famous butcher tour. I highly suspect this is a retcon, because you'd think she would've brought this up during the numerous times in the last book where she tried - and failed - to change Linkara's mind.

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"You have got to be the most idiotic fucking person that I have ever met! And trust me, that's saying a lot because there's a kid at my school who thinks that Pi has an ending number because he read it on the Internet!"

Leaonedis rolled his eyes as he continued to walk through the corridors of his castle. After Louis had successfully defeated an entire assault brigade that had been the King's personal guard, Leaonedis had decided that he could better analyze this boy by bringing him back to his castle in Col. The instant that they arrived, Louis immediately began telling Leaonedis about things that were to come in the Hundred Year War. Unfortunately, none of his attempts to get through to Leaonedis seemed to be working, because the King was out and out refusing to believe anything that Louis told him.

"The Arbiters have finally succeeded in crushing what remained of the Ai military after ten years of occupation in Walsz and Ai. With the guerilla tactics gone, the Arbiters are free to once again go out and launch full-scale assaults on any of the remaining three countries that still oppose them! Our only option is to send reinforcements to Terlough and seek aid not only from the Elves on Aigol, but also the Anakos that live in the Shadae Islands!" Louis shouted.

"Nonsense! The Arbiters are in no position to invade anyone else at the current moment. Our brave troops have them contained. The next thing that should be done is consolidating our forces and healing the wounded." Leaonedis stated, entering his throne room.

"You're underestimating the Terafell Arbiters!" Louis growled, his fists balled up.

"And you're overestimating them! It has been fifteen years since this war began. While the Arbiters grow fatigued of it, the Sand Warriors of Kien never tire of war! We shall crush the infidels and stand atop their dead bodies, proclaiming to the entire world that the glory for the victory belongs to Kien! I almost envy my troops that go forth into the battle; they actually get to slay those bagradeks." Leaonedis responded.

"Are you really that naive? The Arbiters have been regrouping, preparing themselves for invasions of Kien and Terlough! Terlough right now is isolated from the rest of the continent thanks to the Sondok Mountains and it's borders with Ünaré and Ai! Without some sort of direct military aid, the country will fall before they know what hit them! Think of how many lives could be saved by sending them reinforcements!" Louis yelled.

"And what about the lives of the brave warriors who would go on such a suicide mission? Do you really believe that they could make it to Terlough in time to 'save it' before Arbiters found them and slaughtered them?"

"We should at least-"

"ENOUGH!"

Louis stopped. Leaonedis turned to him and glared down at him.

"Perhaps where you come from it is customary for young people to be disrespectful towards Kings, but we operate under different principles here. I do not believe your story about being from the future any more than I believe that you are the Linkara that was prophesized forty years ago. Let me make this very clear: I am responsible for the lives of all the citizens of Kien. I cannot simply take your words as truth simply because you have a very advanced armor and advanced experience in military tactics. Now, if you wish to join my army, your victory over my personal guards grants you a field commission as Captain of a Unit. However, if you think that I should believe some wild story about you being from the future and being the prophesized savior of Sin, you must be more foolish than I ever thought possible!" Leaonedis exclaimed.

"But, your majesty-"

Leaonedis interrupted, "My decision is made! Now, do you wish to travel alongside my warriors, into the heat of battle, or are you just as much a coward as I believe you to be."

Louis narrowed his eyes. "I will fight any battle anywhere. Give me troops and I shall lead them into combat."

"I never doubted it. Now, come along. I have a very special unit for you." Leaonedis laughed.

*

"Let us now salute Rédrok of Ai for his valiant efforts in fighting off five Dark Knights with only a hatchet and a wooden shield!" Lithmenar yelled.

The other patrons in the bar let out an exuberant 'Hail!' for the warrior who sat at the bar, smiling and drinking ale. After the troops arrived to find that the Darkness had been destroyed, it was decided that such an occasion could only be met with a week's worth of celebration. And so, the warriors quickly took to searching the desiccated city of Soyah for bars and inns where they could find some 300 year-old alcohols. Many of the storehouses had been plundered by the Darkness and the Dark Knights years before, but there were many bars still untouched. Lithmenar and an assemblage of three dozens warriors from across the five lands had gathered at this one to sing songs and speak tales of the dead and/or the valiant.

"The Dark Knight came at me with a knife. The blade was serrated like the teeth of a wild Emertet, something I believe the resident thief would enjoy as a weapon!" one warrior spoke, referring to Lithmenar.

Lithmenar chuckled and pulled out one of his own throwing knives from the many holsters that lined his belt and trousers. He inspected it quickly, then let out a boisterous laugh once again. The warrior continued with his story.

"And so, with the mad soldier diving at me, I fell backwards and let my legs fly up! They connected directly with the Dark Knight's face, sending the Ackjahvis over my head and into a barrel of life giver! He fell down, dazed for a moment but still ready to slice my throat with his blade. I got back up, pulled forth my sword and swung it right at the Dark Knight's head! He tried to block with his knife, but all that he ended up doing was allow me to cut off both his arm AND his head in one clean swipe!"

The warriors in the tavern let out another triumphant 'Hail!' and downed more ale. Lithmenar stood upon the bar counter and shouted for the warriors to become quiet for a moment.

"My friends, it has come to my attention that although we salute one another for our valiant deeds and our many battles, we have paid little attention to the tales of those that fell alongside us in battle! And so, I would like us to raise our glasses and salute one great warrior: Louis Williamson. Many of you knew him more commonly as the Linkara." he spoke.

Many of the warriors nodded in recognition.

"Now, I'm not a follower of the Linkaran prophecies, but with or without them, the boy proved to be one of the greatest heroes of our time. He died finally defeating that demonic entity called the Darkness, and I believe that before we tell any more tales, we should salute the fallen Linkara!"

Lithmenar raised his glass into the air, as did the rest of the warriors gathered.

"Kid, wherever you are now, I hope you're downing as much ale as we are." Lithmenar stated.

And with that, Lithmenar drank down the entire pint of Soohlet Ale and grinned widely. The warriors of the bar roared and shoved the liquid down their own throats and swallowed it all in one gulp, once again getting riled up by the alcohol in their systems.

"A story!"

"Yes, thief! Tell us a tale of the Linkara!"

Lithmenar grinned. "Very well, I shall once again tell a tale of my companion! Let's see... Ah! Remember the story I was telling you all earlier about entering White Raven's mind? Good! Now, here's how it ends. There we were, the three of us - the Kid, White Raven, and myself, fighting off Blood Raven in the inner courtyard of White Raven's mind. We had taken cover behind some yellow debris, the stones looking as if part of some ancient temple. Louis got up, not in the least bit frightened by the menacing appearance of Blood Raven. But Blood Raven is not one to underestimate! Before Louis could move in to fight the beast, Blood Raven used her own imagination of all things to make Louis' Linkaran armor disappear! But did Louis surrender? Did he retreat? Never! Louis smiled, said something I couldn't hear, and then he seemed to change! Louis' hand became a living sword, a blade that spun as if it were a wheel! His other hand created some type of large pole that..."

Indow stared up at the sun as she sat down upon the roof of the cottage that she slept in. She had stopped crying from the loss of Louis, and now had been thinking about the past few days. She was so deep in thought that she did not notice General J'Vok climbing up the ladder that Indow had created to reach the roof of the cottage.

"Greetings, Priestess. I was hoping to find you up here. I heard of the incident with the Raven girl..." J'Vok said.

"You're a soldier, General. You know that there are certain rules that govern all forms of combat. What that... thing did breaks [sic] every rule of war that exists." Indow stated.

"You are correct that there are rules of war. However, you are incorrect in assuming that it was White Raven who committed those atrocities." J'Vok said, sitting down next to Indow.

"By body, heart, and soul, she is Blood Raven." Indow growled.

"By body, yes. Heart and soul are a different matter entirely. She grieves for her mistakes. She cries herself to sleep each night! If you don't believe me, ask any of my troops who rest in a cottage near her's. The simple fact of the matter, Indow, is that you refuse to believe in redemption, even though you yourself have sought redemption after your... encounters with Warriors' Rests!" J'Vok exclaimed.

Indow snapped her head in the direction of J'Vok. "How did you know about that?!"

"Your father informed me of them a few days ago. He wanted me to assist you in any way I could." J'Vok explained.

"Speaking of which, where is my father? I haven't seen him in days..." Indow stated.

"He left in quite a hurry back to the First Church. He said he needed to get something he had left there. However, that is not the situation at the moment. The situation is that you are still grieving for the Linkara, and you're now taking your grief out on everyone around you." J'Vok replied.

Indow narrowed her eyes at him. "Who are you to judge my actions towards Blood- I mean, White Raven?!"

"There you are again! You can't even think of her as White Raven! You've been sitting around, not eating or engaging in any activity simply because you grieve for your fallen friend. Back at the Elana River, I saw you and White Raven together. You two were actually working together! I remember that she made a joke and you both laughed together while preparing for the Dark Knight invasion. The only thing that matters right now is getting over the Linkara's death, which you cannot accept." J'Vok said.

Indow turned her head back towards the sunset. She sighed and closed her eyes.

"He promised to kiss me."

"I beg your pardon?" J'Vok asked.

"Louis... The Linkara. He promised to kiss me when we finally defeated the Darkness. I shall never know the kiss of an angel, J'Vok. All I shall know or have ever known is pain." Indow said.

"Ball shet!" J'Vok yelled.

Indow looked at J'Vok, staring at him. "You sounded like him for a moment there."

"He taught me a few of the words from his native land when I asked him about them. The point is, Priestess, that it's time you just accepted the fact that the Linkara had to die to save millions of lives on this world. You may have loved him, but there were plenty of others who loved him, as well. You're not the only one who feels this way, and it's time you finally got up and did something now that the evil has been defeated. Do you think that the Linkara would want you to be simply sitting here, feeling nothing but remorse? The one thing I always noted about the Linkara was that he had a great love for life. Even when he was forced to kill, he had a great appreciation for the sanctity of all things living. Perhaps you should actually live instead of just dying here by wasting away. Goodbye, Priestess. I'll be in the tavern down the street if you wish to join me." J'Vok said.

And with that, General J'Vok turned and climbed back down the ladder, leaving Indow alone with her thoughts. She stared back at the sun that was casting a slightly orange and red streak across the evening sky. The sun was casting a penumbra from Indow's form, and she half-smiled, thinking about the current situation. Upon hearing the sound of galloping horses, Indow looked down at the entrance to the city. A group of men upon horses was entering the city. Indow recognized the patterns and colors of the outfits to be those worn by the Jilad city of Snome, considered by many to be the second capitol of the land. Of course, to say that Jilad was a land at this point was an overstatement. After the Darkness first took Soyah, the country fell into chaos and collapse, each city and village looking after their own instead of trying to unite as one like it had been before.

The lead horseman of this group was named Jeremis. Although he did not appear to be physically imposing, he was a charismatic speaker and a great leader. He had devised many military strategies when the state militia of Snome that had outwitted and defeated Dark Knights when he had engaged them in combat. There were many who were saying it was Jeremis who would be the next King of Jilad should the monarchy be reestablished. It had already been revealed that leaders from each city and village were now coming to Soyah to meet, discuss the situation, and look at the possibility of reuniting Jilad as one land.

And at that moment, Indow realized something. She began thinking of all the time she had spent with Louis; all the hard and easy times. She thought of the embrace she had received from him after she had pulled off a massive Teleportation Vortex spell. She thought of his heroic rescue of her after Myrrha had held her captive for four days. She then remembered of how she had betrayed him to the Darkness, and how Louis had said that he forgave her automatically for it. And then she remembered the Lokmanwo spell, where she had transferred some of her spirit and the spirits of White Raven, Garik, and Lithmenar into him to aid him in his final fight against the Darkness. Indow smiled and stood up.

"I owe Raven an apology... She did help us against the Darkness in the end. Not to mention she didn't even judge or scold me for my work in Warrior's Rests. She even helped Louis track me down after Myrrha kidnapped me!" Indow exclaimed.

People who had been walking along the street stared at her for a moment, but then walked on, forgetting it right afterwards. Indow turned and walked over to the ladder.

"General!" she cried out.

General J'Vok turned at the sound, despite being a good distance away from Indow at this point. He smiled when he realized that Indow was running at him with a big smile on her face.

"Lead the way, General! I drink to the Linkara tonight!" she exclaimed.

*

"They aren't exactly what I had been expecting."

"I did tell you that they were... special."

Louis and Leaonedis stood in the observation room within Leaonedis' castle. The room was basically a daybed and a giant window overlooking a large oasis in front of the castle, but it was a perfect spot for Louis to see the Unit that he would be commanding. There was a total of nineteen Kien soldiers all lying amongst the oasis. Many of them were swimming in the oasis' pools or lounging about, laughing at jokes their friends told. Many passer byes [sic] would be scared off by comments that the Unit made towards them. Louis smiled as he looked at them all.

"And what happened to their previous Captain?" Louis inquired.

"The Leftant [sic] continually challenged him for authority in the Unit. She did the same for the Captain before him, and before that one, and so forth." Leaonedis explained.

"So she wants my job?" Louis asked.

"Jordahn does not like to accept the fact that she is not at the top of the chain of command. She is constantly seeking out ways to advance in rank, and one of those ways is by challenging the authority of her superior officer. With someone such as you... Well, she won't even wait a few days for new orders. She'll challenge you down in the oasis as soon as you introduce yourself." Leaonedis said.

"She can challenge me all she likes. She won't defeat me." Louis stated.

"You sound rather overconfident with your abilities, boy. Don't underestimate your opponent."

"I have no intention of doing so. I'm more worried about how I first grab their attention."

"Well, I leave that up to you. And by the way, we've transferred the corpse of the Arbiter and dragon that you slew to the castle. We intend to stuff both and display them as a symbol of victory. You may wish to attend the ceremony."

Louis looked up at him and smiled. "Say, do you think I could go get something from it real quick? I just had a thought about grabbing their attention."

*

"A boy?! They assign a child to lead my Unit?!" Jordahn exclaimed.

The other men in the group nodded. Jordahn had a deep tanned skin, which also somehow managed to stay smooth despite years of battle and hardship in a desert. She stood about 5'9, and her hair was long and a mixture of blond and brown. Her clothes were that of a standard Kien military outfit, consisting of loose cloth underneath a hard leather/steel hybrid chest plate, light, leather gauntlets, and metallic ankle armor. Most of the skin on her legs and arms was exposed, which was similar to the current fashion of the others.

Jordahn growled, her hands using a crude file to sharpen a large axe that she held in her arms. The others in the Unit were lying down, sharpening the weapons as Jordahn was, or swimming in their undergarments in the oasis pools.

"Worry not, Jordahn: we still stand beside you should you challenge this fool." one of the men who was sharpening his weapon stated.

"There shall be no need for that. I intend to kill the impudent boy the moment he arrives." Jordahn said, throwing the file away from her and gripping the handle of her axe.

"Ha! Then we shall have a good show for us before we-"

But before the soldier could continue, the group was shocked to see a pummeled mass of red scales and blood suddenly land in the middle of them all. They all gasped and retreated from the object, those close enough to their weapons grabbing them instantly. The black horns protruding from the bloody carcass made the Unit realize what this thing was.

It was the head of a dragon.

"For those of you who are still so retarded that they think I'm not serious about my job, allow me to introduce you to my little friend here."

Those words had come from Louis, who was now approaching the group. They all gasped and turned, seeing him walk towards them. He walked past a shocked Jordahn and stood next to the dragon's head. He looked down at it briefly, then used his gauntlet-covered arm to pick it up and show it to the Unit once more.

"This is a dragon. The Terafell Arbiters don't have an unlimited supply of dragons, but frankly one is enough to slay a hundred Units! And therein lies the problem: if the Arbiters were to send a hundred Dragonriders into Kien, not even the armies of Jilad and Kien combined would be able to stop them. Fortunately, we're catching a break! The Arbiters, after realizing from the last war how they moved too quickly in their attempt to seize new lands, are adopting a policy of slow conquest. They fight for yards instead of miles. Because of that, the bulk of their forces are not focused on Kien and Jilad. They are, however, taking this time to also plan out a full invasion of Kien. And what are you dickheads doing instead of planning for a war to end all wars? YOU'RE FUCKING SWIMMING!" Louis exclaimed.

The soldiers in the pools exchanged glances, then quickly exited the water to get their armors. Jordahn narrowed her eyes and stepped forward towards Louis.

"How dare thee! This Unit is one of the most battle-hardened in all of Sin! What gives you the right to-"

"Shut up, Leftant [sic]!" Louis growled.

Jordahn's eyes got wide and she took a step back. For a brief moment, she saw a fire in Louis' eyes that frightened her. However, she quickly regained her composure and took another step forward.

"I shall not, Captain! You come here, criticize the brave men that I have fought beside, then assume superiority over us simply because the King has awarded you a field commission! You are a child! You should be in the training centers, readying yourself to be an Anniciate, not commanding an entire Unit! I challenge the validity of your command and your supposed superiority!" Jordahn yelled, pointing at Louis.

Louis grinned, raised his right arm, and proceeded to give Jordahn the finger. Jordahn blinked, not sure of what that meant.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I keep forgetting that that little hand signal is only known on my planet. It's the universal symbol for 'fuck you.'"

Jordahn rolled her eyes, still not understanding just what the Louis was going on about. Instead, she merely swung her axe around a few times and readied herself in a battle position. Louis sighed and rolled his eyes. He shrugged once, then turned to face Jordahn.

"Oh, very well. It would appear that I am destined once again to face stupid people whether it be the past or the present." he said.

Jordahn roared and charged at Louis, axe above her head. Louis smiled, keeping his arms behind his back until he saw when Jordahn was going to bring her axe down on him. At that moment, Louis brought his right hand up at the axe. His gauntlet still covered that hand, and the axe came down at the hand quickly. Jordahn had not expected this maneuver, but was certain that she would not cut the boy's arm in half instead of just his skull.

She was wrong.

Instead, the metal coverings protected Louis so greatly that he managed to grab onto the axe blade with his hand, much to the surprise of all the soldiers. He winked at her, then proceeded to shove the axe back, throwing Jordahn off-balance. She fell down onto her back, but she rolled to the side and got back up, readying her axe once again. Louis was still smiling, but now he extended his arm at Jordahn, the blade sliding out of the gauntlet. He grinned and winked at her once more.

Jordahn decided to wait for the attack from Louis, which came immediately. Louis leapt off the ground, jumping higher than Jordahn had ever seen someone go. While in midair, Louis' other gauntlet formed up and the second blade slid out. Louis came down at Jordahn, one blade going in first and knocking the axe away from her while he used the flat side of the other to slam against her face and send her flying to the side. She landed in a shallow pool, groaning in pain and anger. She tried to get up, but the injuries she had now sustained to her legs and back made the pain too much to fight. She sighed in frustration and lay back, clenching her teeth together.

Louis turned back towards the others, who had shocked looks upon their faces.

"Okay," he said, "Who's next in line to be my biotch?"

*

"Such progress in merely one day... I had no idea such a thing could be done!" Indow said out loud to herself.

What she was referring to was the conference that had just begun in Soyah. Representatives from all the cities and villages of Jilad had united in the ruins of the castle and, within only three hours, hammered out a tentative rough draft of what a united Jilad would be like. The basic outline so far was that they were not ready to return to a monarchy, especially since there hadn't been a royal family in 300 years, so to make any one Noble Family in charge would only make the other Noble Families angry. And so, they decided that perhaps a ruling council made up of one representative from each city and village would dictate laws and decisions. These representatives would be duly appointed by the people in Democratic elections, and the council itself would be overseen by either a neutral observer from another country or by one of the council members. Although in the case of one of the council members overseeing it all, it would be rotated every year to ensure one city or village wouldn't have supreme power over the others.

And now, the day was coming to an end. The sun was setting in the sky, Indow was smiling, and quite a few of the soldiers were returning to sleep in their cabins. Indow sighed, thinking to herself about the reunification of Jilad. Although there would be many benefits to it, Indow wondered if they outweighed the costs and problems of it. The first was if Jilad was truly ready to be reunified. For 300 years the land had been separated and divided. Were they simply ready to just join together as one nation again? And even a democracy posed many problems for the citizenry. Even without kings, Noble Families and overlords controlled the remaining cities and villages. They could use their power to restrict the ability of the citizenry to vote and take their opinions to the new council.

Indow just shrugged, hoping that it would indeed be wiser minds that controlled this divided country when all would be said and done. When she reached her cabin, she yawned and pulled the door to the cabin open. What she saw before her made her stop in her tracks and the blood drain from her face. A woman stood in the doorway, wearing black armor like that of a Dark Knight, but this had several sections covered with black veils and chains over certain areas. Menacing blades emerged from the shoulders, arms, and ankles. She had a black sword sheathed at her side, and long black hair flowing down her back.

It was Myrrha, former Potent First Class of the 28th Dark Knight Assault Squad.

"Hello, my whore!" she laughed. "How are things for you?"

RiffingShow

"You have got to be the most idiotic fucking person that I have ever met! And trust me, that's saying a lot because there's a kid at my school who thinks that Pi has an ending number because he read it on the Internet!"

(I have a feeling I will get a lot of mileage out of this one in these Linkara segments.)

Leaonedis rolled his eyes

Most natural reaction to Linkara's antics so far.

The instant that they arrived, Louis immediately began telling Leaonedis about things that were to come in the Hundred Year War. Unfortunately, none of his attempts to get through to Leaonedis seemed to be working, because the King was out and out refusing to believe anything that Louis told him.

Nice that this discussion only got this little summary. Will we ever find out if Linkara actually told the king that he's from the future?

"You're underestimating the Terafell Arbiters!" Louis growled, his fists balled up.

"And you're overestimating them!"

I can't help but feel that they have their roles reversed. Linkara can take out a dragon no problem, but the king just said last chapter that no one has ever managed to defeat a Dragonrider before.

"We shall crush the infidels and stand atop their dead bodies"

What religion do the these "Sand Warriors of Kien" follow, anyways?

"ENOUGH!"

Louis stopped. Leaonedis turned to him and glared down at him.

"Perhaps where you come from it is customary for young people to be disrespectful towards Kings, but we operate under different principles here."

This king ain't gonna take Linkara's bullshit.
He's gonna get killed by some Terafella as karmic punishment, isn't he?

"I do not believe your story about being from the future any more than I believe that you are the Linkara that was prophesized forty years ago."

Noyce, useful exposition for once. So he did tell him that he's from the future, and the fabled Linkaran man has already left his mark on the world.

"I am responsible for the lives of all the citizens of Kien. I cannot simply take your words as truth simply because you have a very advanced armor and advanced experience in military tactics."

Get fucked, Linkara.
Also I don't think that having a rough knowledge of the past events counts as "advanced experience in military tactics".

"Now, if you wish to join my army, your victory over my personal guards grants you a field commission as Captain of a Unit. However, if you think that I should believe some wild story about you being from the future and being the prophesized savior of Sin, you must be more foolish than I ever thought possible!" Leaonedis exclaimed.

LMAO. This is the best character in this series so far.
A shame his name has to be so retarded.

"But, your majesty-"

Leaonedis interrupted, "My decision is made! Now, do you wish to travel alongside my warriors, into the heat of battle, or are you just as much a coward as I believe you to be."

And with that, the King of Based finally got the world's most insufferable person out of his sight.

*

"Let us now salute Rédrok of Ai for his valiant efforts in fighting off five Dark Knights with only a hatchet and a wooden shield!" Lithmenar yelled.

Not quite Chreydo-level badass, but still better than what Linkara could pull off without his literal plot armor.

And so, the warriors quickly took to searching the desiccated city of Soyah for bars and inns where they could find some 300 year-old alcohols.

I don't think some ruins in a desolate wasteland have good storages for spirits. Also not every booze can last forever.

"The Dark Knight came at me with a knife. The blade was serrated like the teeth of a wild Emertet, something I believe the resident thief would enjoy as a weapon!" one warrior spoke, referring to Lithmenar.

Lithmenar chuckled and pulled out one of his own throwing knives from the many holsters that lined his belt and trousers. He inspected it quickly, then let out a boisterous laugh once again. The warrior continued with his story.

So he has serrated throwing knives? How's that gonna help with anything?

"Kid, wherever you are now, I hope you're downing as much ale as we are." Lithmenar stated.

He's not, but I fear everyone he meets will become an alcoholic.

And with that, Lithmenar drank down the entire pint of Soohlet Ale and grinned widely.

Ah, right. They're drinking ale, which is really just some flavor of beer.
There's no way in hell you can still drink that shit after 300 years.

"A story!"

"Yes, thief! Tell us a tale of the Linkara!"

I wonder if Lithmenar will use this opportunity to reveal the dark and horrifying power of the Crotch Kick.

Let's see... Ah! Remember the story I was telling you all earlier about entering White Raven's mind? Good! Now, here's how it ends.

Of course. Any excuse to bring up the Ash cosplay, right?

"Louis smiled, said something I couldn't hear, and then he seemed to change! Louis' hand became a living sword, a blade that spun as if it were a wheel! His other hand created some type of large pole that..."

Called it.

"By body, heart, and soul, she is Blood Raven." Indow growled.

"By body, yes. Heart and soul are a different matter entirely. She grieves for her mistakes. She cries herself to sleep each night!"

Seems that Linkara's single struggle session wasn't enough to shout the angst away.

The simple fact of the matter, Indow, is that you refuse to believe in redemption, even though you yourself have sought redemption after your... encounters with Warriors' Rests!" J'Vok exclaimed.

I'm getting the distinct impression that every case of Indow trying to stand her ground for once will eventually end with "But you're a slut!"

Indow snapped her head in the direction of J'Vok. "How did you know about that?!"

"Your father informed me of them a few days ago. He wanted me to assist you in any way I could." J'Vok explained.

I wonder what kind of "assistance" her father had in mind here...

"Louis... The Linkara. He promised to kiss me when we finally defeated the Darkness. I shall never know the kiss of an angel, J'Vok. All I shall know or have ever known is pain." Indow said.

"Ball shet!" J'Vok yelled.

Indow looked at J'Vok, staring at him. "You sounded like him for a moment there."

Why do these characters always get shit wrong when they try to copy Linkara's slurs? Does he have a speech impediment, or thick Southern drawl or something?

"You may have loved him, but there were plenty of others who loved him, as well."

I'm gonna press X on that one.

"Do you think that the Linkara would want you to be simply sitting here, feeling nothing but remorse?

"He would want you to get all of your holes stuffed all day long!"

"The one thing I always noted about the Linkara was that he had a great love for life."

Which is why he laughed like a lunatic at the prospect of slaughtering more Dark Knights.

Even when he was forced to kill, he had a great appreciation for the sanctity of all things living.

That sanctity apparently ended at the crotch.

The lead horseman of this group was named Jeremis. Although he did not appear to be physically imposing, he was a charismatic speaker and a great leader. He had devised many military strategies...

Hey, look. A new character is introduced, and we're getting a massive infodump about him. Never seen that before in this series.

And at that moment, Indow realized something. She began thinking of all the time she had spent with Louis; all the hard and easy times.

Mostly hard. Like those rock dildos.

She thought of his heroic rescue of her after Myrrha had held her captive for four days.

Trying to downplay the sleaze already, eh?

She then remembered of how she had betrayed him to the Darkness, and how Louis had said that he forgave her automatically for it.

It really only served as a cheap cliffhanger, and he never took it seriously, anyways.

"I owe Raven an apology... She did help us against the Darkness in the end. Not to mention she didn't even judge or scold me for my work in Warrior's Rests. She even helped Louis track me down after Myrrha kidnapped me!" Indow exclaimed.

She's kinda just Linkara's hireling, so of course she does as she's told.
Also why are you talking to yourself? Why do character in these books keep forgetting that they can think?

People who had been walking along the street stared at her for a moment, but then walked on, forgetting it right afterwards.

See? You're making things weird.

"Lead the way, General! I drink to the Linkara tonight!" she exclaimed.

And thus, Indow drowned her broken heart in alcohol.

*

"They aren't exactly what I had been expecting."

"I did tell you that they were... special."

There was a total of nineteen Kien soldiers all lying amongst the oasis. Many of them were swimming in the oasis' pools or lounging about, laughing at jokes their friends told. Many passer byes [sic] would be scared off by comments that the Unit made towards them.

Soldiers that are uncouth and lazy? What a brand new concept!

And I know the Romans had the 10 man contubernium, but that wasn't a real military unit in the sense that they operated on their own. It just served to organize the 100 members of a centuria. Anything smaller didn't really cut it on the archaic battlefield.
Meanwhile, I'm predicting these people will end up acting more like Navy SEALS or Green Berets.

"And what happened to their previous Captain?" Louis inquired.

"The Leftant [sic] continually challenged him for authority in the Unit. She did the same for the Captain before him, and before that one, and so forth." Leaonedis explained.

And she has never been caned, whipped or thrown in chains for her insubordination because...?

I'm also gonna assume that Linkara (the author) meant "Leftenant", which is how Brits spell out "lieutenant" - though they still write it as "lieutenant". Was he trying to make extra sure that these Creco-Romans are also British?

"So she wants my job?" Louis asked.

"Jordahn does not like to accept the fact that she is not at the top of the chain of command. She is constantly seeking out ways to advance in rank, and one of those ways is by challenging the authority of her superior officer. With someone such as you... Well, she won't even wait a few days for new orders. She'll challenge you down in the oasis as soon as you introduce yourself." Leaonedis said.

That makes two new characters who have been overexplained in their introduction in a single chapter. Masterful storytelling there.
Also why does she keep thinking this will help her advance in rank when she's still stuck as lieutenant? Is there a minimum number of superiors you have to kill before you qualify for a promotion?

"She can challenge me all she likes. She won't defeat me." Louis stated.

"You sound rather overconfident with your abilities, boy. Don't underestimate your opponent."

It's a bad habit of his.

"Well, I leave that up to you. And by the way, we've transferred the corpse of the Arbiter and dragon that you slew to the castle. We intend to stuff both and display them as a symbol of victory. You may wish to attend the ceremony."

You're stuffing the dude as well? Your taxidermists are fucked up.
Any chance these Terafellas have a good reason to hide their faces, and we won't end up seeing it in this case?

Jordahn had a deep tanned skin, which also somehow managed to stay smooth despite years of battle and hardship in a desert.

So she's Casca.

She stood about 5'9, and her hair was long and a mixture of blond and brown.

So she's Giantess Gyaru Casca, the best possible Casca.

Her clothes were that of a standard Kien military outfit, consisting of loose cloth underneath a hard leather/steel hybrid chest plate, light, leather gauntlets, and metallic ankle armor.

Hardened leather cuirasses were an actual thing, but why not cough up the extra coin for a full metal one?
And "ankle armor"? Do you mean greaves?

Most of the skin on her legs and arms was exposed, which was similar to the current fashion of the others.

It's not really out of fashion. If this is still supposed to be more Greco-Roman, then the weather is likely too hot too cover too much of the body.
Plus if you're fighting in a shield wall you don't really need too much armor, because the shield is your main armor. Even many Greek hoplites really only had helmets and greaves, to protect the bits that are more annoying to protect with the shield (plus you can never have enough head protection).

"Worry not, Jordahn: we still stand beside you should you challenge this fool." one of the men who was sharpening his weapon stated.

So the entire unit is on her side? What are they, a bunch of delin...
Wait.
>group of delinquents
>managed to drive off every superior they had before
>in comes the new guy with unorthodox methods
Motherfucker

"There shall be no need for that. I intend to kill the impudent boy the moment he arrives."

How the fuck does this unit get anything done?

But before the soldier could continue, the group was shocked to see a pummeled mass of red scales and blood suddenly land in the middle of them all. They all gasped and retreated from the object, those close enough to their weapons grabbing them instantly. The black horns protruding from the bloody carcass made the Unit realize what this thing was.

It was the head of a dragon.

I guess it's a bit cooler than the stupid laser light show and acrobatics number he did in the previous book.

"For those of you who are still so retarded that they think I'm not serious about my job, allow me to introduce you to my little friend here."

He sure knows his way into anyone's heart.

He looked down at it briefly, then used his gauntlet-covered arm to pick it up and show it to the Unit once more.

The annoying thing is that this book doesn't actually tell you how big this dragon is supposed to be. From last book's epilogue you know it's supposed to be big enough to swallow him in one gulp.
So depending on whether you have read (and remembered) the first book, you will have widely different ideas about his magical super-strength.

"This is a dragon."

They've been fighting the Terafellas for over a decade. I'm sure they are aware of the flying lizards.

The Terafell Arbiters don't have an unlimited supply of dragons...

I mean, the Darkness never seemed to run out of Dark Knights either for some reason...

The Arbiters, after realizing from the last war how they moved too quickly in their attempt to seize new lands, are adopting a policy of slow conquest.

I guess that makes sense - but dragons can fly. You know how much of a game changer that is for medieval warfare? Just have your invincible Dragonriders disrupt the enemies' logistics and morale, and your main force won't even meet serious resistence on their way.

"And what are you dickheads doing instead of planning for a war to end all wars? YOU'RE FUCKING SWIMMING!"

They're currently stationed near the king's castle, and don't have a captain to boot. If this isn't R&R, I don't know what is.

"How dare thee! This Unit is one of the most battle-hardened in all of Sin!"

How? You keep killing your captain all the time.

"You come here, criticize the brave men that I have fought beside, then assume superiority over us simply because the King has awarded you a field commission!"

Welcome to the military, Giantess Gyaru Casca.

Louis grinned, raised his right arm, and proceeded to give Jordahn the finger. Jordahn blinked, not sure of what that meant.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I keep forgetting that that little hand signal is only known on my planet. It's the universal symbol for 'fuck you.'"

Jordahn rolled her eyes, still not understanding just what the Louis was going on about.

Everyone else when Linkara does one of his anachronisms:

"Oh, very well. It would appear that I am destined once again to face stupid people whether it be the past or the present." he said.

You only have to look in the mirror...

While in midair, Louis' other gauntlet formed up and the second blade slid out. Louis came down at Jordahn, one blade going in first and knocking the axe away from her while he used the flat side of the other to slam against her face and send her flying to the side. She landed in a shallow pool, groaning in pain and anger.

You know, if you hit someone with blunt metal so hard they end up flying, you've probably broken the skull or spine.
And what shallow pool? They're at an oasis. There aren't too many potential bodies of water here.

Louis turned back towards the others, who had shocked looks upon their faces.

"Okay," he said, "Who's next in line to be my biotch?"

Later that day, during Linkara's his first night with his new unit:

(They're probably gonna use clubs or knives, though.)

*

The basic outline so far was that they were not ready to return to a monarchy, especially since there hadn't been a royal family in 300 years, so to make any one Noble Family in charge would only make the other Noble Families angry. And so, they decided that perhaps a ruling council made up of one representative from each city and village would dictate laws and decisions.

The people of Jilad invent democracy because their king has been dead for too long. Can't see that go up in flames in the power vacuum left by the Darkness.

Indow sighed, thinking to herself about the reunification of Jilad. Although there would be many benefits to it, Indow wondered if they outweighed the costs and problems of it. The first was if Jilad was truly ready to be reunified. For 300 years the land had been separated and divided. Were they simply ready to just join together as one nation again?

Just make it a bunch of city states then. You can figure out the rest once things have stabilized.

And even a democracy posed many problems for the citizenry. Even without kings, Noble Families and overlords controlled the remaining cities and villages. They could use their power to restrict the ability of the citizenry to vote and take their opinions to the new council.

Of course they'll use their power and influence. You think they're gonna just give up their power? Who do you think made up this conference? Certainly not the dirty peasants.

When she reached her cabin, she yawned and pulled the door to the cabin open. What she saw before her made her stop in her tracks and the blood drain from her face.

It's...

It was Myrrha, former Potent First Class of the 28th Dark Knight Assault Squad.

"Hello, my whore!" she laughed. "How are things for you?"

Next Time: Just how many more people will Linkara piss off while the real plot is happening a thousand years away from him?

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Book 2, Chapter 3 - Speculation
(Or: Who dark-knights the Dark Knights?)



Things are heating up. Will Linkara's god pimp hand remaind strong and true for long enough to whip his new minions into fighting shape? And just how many metaphorical mustaces is Myrrha gonna twirl this time?!

RecapShow

In a rare - and likely accidental - display of realism and common sense, King Leonidas has grown sick and tired of Linkara's sped antics, and doesn't buy his time travel stories for one second.
Not wanting to let Linkara's penchant for violence go to waste though, the king declares him the official tard wrangler for what I'd like to call the KSDD (Kien Special Delinquent Detachment), a group of unruly soldiers whose lieutenant Jordahn (aka GGC aka Giantess Gyaru Casca) has made a sport out of killing the unit's captain whenever a new one is assigned to them.
Apparently this is perfectly normal behavior on Past Sin, which might explain why the Terafellas have been so successful.
Naturally, Linkara starts showboating and insulting his new minions, and promptly puts GGC into her place with a well-placed pimp slap (that probably should've given her at least a concussion but whatever).

(In case you're wondering about the current military state of things: The Terafellas have just crushed Ai for good. Everyone expects them to slow down and consolidate their conquest, but instead they're gonna Blitzkrieg into Terlough, wherever that is again.)

Back to the present, Lithmenar and his new warrior homies are reveling with 300 year old ale (which I assume to be even less digestible than rancid piss and vinegar that's been near the radiator for too long, but what do I know about Sinnian brewing techniques?), and Indow finally learns to stop worrying and love the booze.
Really, things are looking pretty cozy. The people of the newly liberated Jilad are having a go at democracy, and Indow has found a new lover and companion in the form of Mr. Alcohol.
And then a Myrrha popped out.

ChapterShow

Indow fell backwards with a scream, landing on the ground. She winced as pain shot through her back from the fall, but the adrenaline that raced through her body acted as a painkiller for much of it. Indow crawled backwards away from the cabin as Myrrha continued to laugh and stand in the doorway. Indow winced suddenly, realizing that her white dress was getting very dirty from the dust and soot upon the ground. However, her concerns about her fashion quickly dissipated from the fear of the Dark Knight that now blocked entrance to her temporary home.

"Oh, what is the matter, Priestess? Aren't you glad to see an old friend of yours?" Myrrha laughed.

"We are anything but friends, you disgusting creature!" Indow snapped back at her.

"Oh, such witty retorts, Priestess! For a moment I thought you might've actually developed a backbone on that miserable whore body of yours." Myrrha said.

Indow growled and tried to get back up, but Myrrha ran down and placed her foot down on Indow's chest. Myrrha smiled down at her as Indow struggled beneath her foot. Myrrha's smile curled into a sadistic grin, and she reached to her side to pull a sword from its sheath. Indow wiggled around, trying to push Myrrha's leg off, but the spiked heel digging into her breast was too strong for her. Myrrha brought her sword up, preparing to let the blade go down into Indow's face.

"A pity, really. I rather liked you, Priestess,” she said.

Indow's eyes widened. However, before Myrrha could strike, an arrow was suddenly shot out and embedded itself into Myrrha's leg. Myrrha yelped in pain and fell backwards from the impact, falling onto her back. She gritted her teeth as she grabbed her leg, feeling around where the arrow hit. She quickly pulled the arrow from her bleeding leg and threw it to the side. However, another arrow was launched and struck her hand, connecting it to the dead soil beneath her. She growled in pain from the arrow, looking over to who had assaulted her. White Raven stood not twenty feet away, wearing loose white leather and holding a bow with an arrow already pulled in and ready to be shot. White Raven slowly approached the two, her arrow aimed and steady, as Myrrha let out a happy giggle.

"Ah, Blood Raven! How good to see you again! The deserter of the weak Darkness has graced me with her presence. And her arrows, as well!" Myrrha laughed.

"Weak? Strange word for one who, up until recently, served that disgusting blob of excrement. Or did you defect when you tried to kill the King of Ai, grishna?" White Raven asked as she continued to approach.

Myrrha laughed once again and sighed, pulling the arrow out of her hand and the ground. She continued to laugh and chuckle as she kept her bleeding hand to her stomach to try to apply pressure. Myrrha closed her eyes as she sighed once more. She opened her eyes quickly and looked up at White Raven, who continued to keep an arrow pointed at her.

"Give me one good reason why I should not launch this arrow and splatter your blood across this dead city." White Raven said.

Myrrha winked at White Raven. "Tell me, Blood Raven, how's the Linkara?"

White's Raven's eyes widened, then narrowed as she growled down at Myrrha and released the arrow. However, Myrrha moved faster than the arrow, getting her head to the side of it. She grabbed onto White Raven's arm with her good hand and pulled herself up quickly. White Raven tried to punch her, but Myrrha leapt into the air and kicked White Raven across the face. White Raven fell to the ground and winced, trying to get up. Before Myrrha could kick White Raven back down again, Indow jumped into the fray.

"CHAINS OF SIN!" she yelled, aiming her glowing hands at Myrrha.

Indow's eyes and hands were glowing a bright green, and vines suddenly blasted out of the soil and enveloped Myrrha in strong, tight plant life. Myrrha struggled against the vines, but her efforts proved to be fruitless as they wrapped around her arms and legs, keeping her from moving. Indow sighed, releasing herself from casting the spell, seeing as it was finished. She walked over to White Raven and offered her hand to help her up. White Raven looked at it for a moment, then took it, getting up with Indow's assistance.

"Are you all right?" she asked Indow.

"I believe so. You?"

"Fine. Get General J'Vok. He'll want to see this..."

*

"You're leaving your right side exposed. An Arbiter could just as easily use a dagger to cut into your intestines. However, you've got a nice form with your axe. Keep that up." Louis said to one of the soldiers.

Louis smiled and continued on as he examined each of the soldiers. It was a few hours since he had first met the group, and had immediately brought the group out into the desert for some training sessions. Although he wanted to see their fighting abilities, he hadn't anticipated that the heat would have such a great effect on him. He was operating in a desert environment, and the previous months of fighting had been more of a comfortable forest. The blazing sun was not having a positive effect on Louis' health or his eyes, which were constantly squinting to avoid the glare of the light.

Each of the troops was swinging their weapon at a wooden log planted upright into the sand. Louis hid his discomfort to hide any weakness in front of the troops and merely walked back and forth, examining each of them thoroughly.

"This bagradek is anything but normal, Jordahn. He bested you, of all people, in personal combat!" one of the soldiers whispered to Jordahn.

"There is a rumor going around that this boy believes that he is the Linkara." another soldier whispered.

"The what?" one last soldier asked.

"You must learn to study other cultures for a change, Erenoth! The Linkara is a prophesized figure who is supposed to come one day to defeat a great darkness while using a strange armor that has been imbued by angels,” a soldier stated.

"It is nonsense!" Jordahn exclaimed in whisper. "The prophecies are the work of a madman, and this boy is no Linkara. That gauntlet he wears is merely... a device. Perhaps it is of demonic origin. However, it is no symbol that those fools in the Linkaran religion are correct."

"I'm not so sure, Jordahn. I've never seen a mere device exhibit so much power."

"I once saw a friend of mine, a scientist from Jilad, develop a kind of explosive arrow. I thought he had created magic, but it turned out that he had merely mixed in a strange powder that he had discovered while cracking open rocks in search of gems. No, this boy's abilities are artificial. And if not that, he has allied himself with a darker force to gain this power. There is no way he could be the Linkara." Jordahn growled.

"Are you sure this isn't just a challenge to your faith, Jordahn? His existence might just disprove the New Blood Order."

Jordahn rolled her eyes. "Nonsense. If you take away that gauntlet he wears, you take away his power."

"Captain!"

Everyone stopped what they were doing, seeing someone on horseback quickly approaching the group. He wore on his arm a piece of cloth with a picture sewn into it. The picture was that of a bird carrying a piece of paper. This signified him as a worker of the Kien Messenger Service. Louis approached the man and his horse after they stopped. The man took out a folded piece of paper and handed it to Louis. Louis unfolded the message and raised an eyebrow in curiosity as he read it. He then placed the note in his pocket and nodded to the man, indicating that he could leave. After the man was a good distance away, Louis turned back towards the troops.

"Pack up your gear, maggots! We're moving out!" he announced.

*

"Her name is Myrrha. Up until a few weeks ago, she was a First Class Potent of the 28th Dark Knight Assault Squad. In recognition of her... past services to it, the Darkness appointed her as one of its elite guard known as the Horsemen of the Armageddon. Each of the Horsemen was sent out to assassinate a king or leading member of a land. The kings of Ünaré and Terlough were easily slain after the Horsemen... well, transformed into demonic snake-like creatures. Also, Jeremis' predecessor for the possible leadership of a united Jilad was slain by one of these Horsemen. After our encounter with her, we presumed that she had continued on to Ai to complete her goal of killing the King. It would appear that after the Darkness fell, she abandoned that quest." White Raven explained.

One of the old Linkaran churches in Soyah had been converted into a temporary command center for the Third Ai Division. Despite it's dusty and decimated interior, the building had served well as a base of operations for coordinating the military activity in and around the city. Of course, because of the constant celebration that still wasn’t dying down, there wasn't much activity to be coordinated except for listing up where each unit was sleeping. General J'Vok, after hearing about the attack on Indow, had immediately called her and White Raven in to discuss the situation. The first question he had asked was who was the woman who had attacked her. White Raven had now explained the situation without the more sordid details of their previous encounter.

On their last encounter with Myrrha, she had kidnapped Indow, tortured and raped her for three days, then escaped as Louis, Lithmenar, and White Raven had arrived to rescue her. Indow, although making a speedy recovery to the ordeal, still had some scars from the events, both mentally and physically. She still was not ready to talk to anyone about it, and seeing Myrrha here probably did not improve her emotional situation at the moment.

"All right, that all makes sense. However, it does not explain what could possibly motivate her to come here." J'Vok stated.

"It could be that she wants revenge against the Linkara for defeating the Darkness." Indow suggested.

J'Vok shook his head. "Word of the Linkara's death has spread far and wide throughout the five lands. She must be a great fool if she does not know of his death."

"Not to mention the fact that she said that she no longer believes that the Darkness was as godlike as she first thought it to be. She does not want revenge for its death." White Raven said.

"Regardless of her past with you all, it makes no sense to show up at Soyah! The area is crawling with soldiers of not just Ai but Terlough, Kien, and Ünaré as well! To be a Dark Knight in a place like this is suicide!" J'Vok stated.

White Raven leaned against a wall in the command center, shifting her eyes towards the ground. The rotting wood of the floor was broken in several places, allowing for insects to crawl in. White Raven stared at the ants as they traveled across the ground, attempting to steal any pieces of sweet food they could detect. White Raven thought of how the ant structure worked. She thought of how the ant queen directed the thousands if not millions of ant soldiers. She thought of stomping the ant queen beneath her heel and watch what would happen to the ants under her command as she died.

"A thought has occurred to me." White Raven said.

"What?" J'Vok inquired.

"Well, the Darkness maintained control over all the Dark Knights throughout the five lands." White Raven stated.

"Yes, that is quite correct." Indow replied.

"Well, now that the Darkness is dead, who is maintaining control over the Dark Knights?" White Raven asked.

*

"To sneak into our Captain's tent... This is a horrible breach of protocol, Jordahn!" one of the troops said.

Jordahn rolled her eyes. It was now the middle of the night in the Kien desert. Having marched several miles before it had gotten dark, Louis had ordered the Unit to set up camp for the night and to rest up before they moved out again. He still had told no one what had been on the piece of paper he had received or what they were going to be doing when they reached their location. Jordahn and two soldiers stood outside of Louis' tent, Jordahn herself holding a small woven sack.

"This is the only time when that bagradek is vulnerable. During the day, he can protect himself with that gauntlet of his. But now, at night, while he sleeps, we can take the thing that gives him power over us and use it to regain control of our Unit. I fear this madman may even be using his demonic tricks to control great Leaonedis!" Jordahn whispered.

"But if you are caught..." the other soldier began.

"If I am caught, then I shall be expelled from this Unit. If I am free of this Unit, I am free from the chain of command and therefore fully able to kill that boy in his sleep without anyone knowing it was me. Now, after I have obtained the gauntlet, you must go into the desert and bury it deep in the soil. I apologize for taking away time from our sleeping, but it shall be a small price to pay if it means stopping the boy." Jordahn stated.

Jordahn's associates nodded and Jordahn slowly peeled back the opening to Louis' tent. She tiptoed inside, making sure not to make any noise as she moved across the cool sand. Louis was in his bed, lying down. He appeared to be asleep, and Jordahn already saw that Louis had not removed the gauntlet from his arm. She winced, realizing that stealing the gauntlet would be more difficult than she thought. However, she had confidence in her abilities, so she crept her way over to the right side of Louis' bed. She held the sack open with one hand and reached down to the gauntlet to pull on it.

However, the instant that she touched the gauntlet, an electrical surge slammed into her hand, the blast slamming her back several feet. Jordahn winced, trying to not make any sound as she clutched her hand to her stomach, feeling it slightly burned. Jordahn then slowly opened her eyes, seeing Louis standing in front of her with his arms crossed and a look of annoyance on his face.

RiffingShow

She winced as pain shot through her back from the fall...

I see everyone's favorite verb's making a stunning return. It will show up three more times in this chapter alone, btw.

Indow winced suddenly, realizing that her white dress was getting very dirty from the dust and soot upon the ground.

My God. Myrrha has gone too far this time!

"We are anything but friends, you disgusting creature!" Indow snapped back at her.

"Oh, such witty retorts, Priestess! For a moment I thought you might've actually developed a backbone on that miserable whore body of yours." Myrrha said.

She just folds instantly when you call her a slut or whore, which you do all the time.

Myrrha brought her sword up, preparing to let the blade go down into Indow's face.

"A pity, really. I rather liked you, Priestess,” she said.

What was even the point of your little chit-chat when you were just gonna stab her, anyways? This just increases the risk of Indow getting away and/or help arriving.

However, before Myrrha could strike, an arrow was suddenly shot out and embedded itself into Myrrha's leg.

Called it.

another arrow was launched and struck her hand, connecting it to the dead soil beneath her.

So the floor of this cabin is just dirt?

"Ah, Blood Raven! How good to see you again! The deserter of the weak Darkness has graced me with her presence. And her arrows, as well!" Myrrha laughed.

How cute. Raven's coming for the rescue :3
And hang on a sec, there's something ominous about this sentence...

"Weak? Strange word for one who, up until recently, served that disgusting blob of excrement. Or did you defect when you tried to kill the King of Ai, grishna?" White Raven asked as she continued to approach.

"I know serve a stronger master. His name is... MechaLouis!"

(I hope not, but who knows at this point...)

"Give me one good reason why I should not launch this arrow and splatter your blood across this dead city." White Raven said.

Just kill her. It's not like you guys ever had extended discussions with the nameless Dark Knights.

Myrrha winked at White Raven. "Tell me, Blood Raven, how's the Linkara?"

White's Raven's eyes widened, then narrowed as she growled down at Myrrha and released the arrow. However, Myrrha moved faster than the arrow, getting her head to the side of it.

#RavenShotFirst.

Indow's eyes and hands were glowing a bright green, and vines suddenly blasted out of the soil and enveloped Myrrha in strong, tight plant life.

Kinky.

*

"You're leaving your right side exposed. An Arbiter could just as easily use a dagger to cut into your intestines. However, you've got a nice form with your axe. Keep that up." Louis said to one of the soldiers.

Linkara.
The guy whose response to being slightly outnumbered was "Guess I'm gonna die now".
Giving what I assume to be somewhat seasoned veterans basic-bitch advice.

It was a few hours since he had first met the group, and had immediately brought the group out into the desert for some training sessions. Although he wanted to see their fighting abilities, he hadn't anticipated that the heat would have such a great effect on him.

"Boy, it sure is hot in the desert!"

Each of the troops was swinging their weapon at a wooden log planted upright into the sand.

Don't they already have shit like that back at their barracks or something?
Also shouldn't they be sparring or something?

"This bagradek is anything but normal, Jordahn. He bested you, of all people, in personal combat!" one of the soldiers whispered to Jordahn.

Thanks, Mr. Exposition. I almost forgot.

"It is nonsense!" Jordahn exclaimed in whisper. "The prophecies are the work of a madman, and this boy is no Linkara. That gauntlet he wears is merely... a device. Perhaps it is of demonic origin. However, it is no symbol that those fools in the Linkaran religion are correct."

"I'm not so sure, Jordahn. I've never seen a mere device exhibit so much power."

After all, everyone knows the maximum powers and capabilities of a "device".

"Are you sure this isn't just a challenge to your faith, Jordahn? His existence might just disprove the New Blood Order."

In case you have forgotten, the New Blood Order - or "Order of the New Blood", as they were called last book - is a bunch of vegetarians who bathe in animal blood.

Jordahn rolled her eyes. "Nonsense. If you take away that gauntlet he wears, you take away his power."

Of course we know trying to take away the gauntlet will just zap her.
Of course she should know that being in a position where she'd be able to take away the gauntlet would also be a great opportunity to slit his throat.

*

"After our encounter with her, we presumed that she had continued on to Ai to complete her goal of killing the King. It would appear that after the Darkness fell, she abandoned that quest." White Raven explained.

"Also we've captured her alive for some reason. I am sure this will not come back to bite us in the rear end."

On their last encounter with Myrrha, she had kidnapped Indow, tortured and raped her for three days, then escaped as Louis, Lithmenar, and White Raven had arrived to rescue her.

Phew, I was worried our dear author was trying to make us forget this most stimulating chapter.

"All right, that all makes sense. However, it does not explain what could possibly motivate her to come here." J'Vok stated.

It's not like she has anything better to do...

"It could be that she wants revenge against the Linkara for defeating the Darkness." Indow suggested.

J'Vok shook his head. "Word of the Linkara's death has spread far and wide throughout the five lands. She must be a great fool if she does not know of his death."

Guess she just wanted her favorite power bottom, then.

"Regardless of her past with you all, it makes no sense to show up at Soyah! The area is crawling with soldiers of not just Ai but Terlough, Kien, and Ünaré as well! To be a Dark Knight in a place like this is suicide!" J'Vok stated.

Probably not a good idea to point out how stupid last chapter's cliffhanger was.

"A thought has occurred to me." White Raven said.

"What?" J'Vok inquired.

"Well, the Darkness maintained control over all the Dark Knights throughout the five lands." White Raven stated.

"Yes, that is quite correct." Indow replied.

"Well, now that the Darkness is dead, who is maintaining control over the Dark Knights?" White Raven asked.

It must be the extradimensional conquerer Lord Vyrtue!

(I hope not, but who knows at this point...)

*

"To sneak into our Captain's tent... This is a horrible breach of protocol, Jordahn!" one of the troops said.

As opposed to charging at your superior with an axe and murderous intent?

He still had told no one what had been on the piece of paper he had received or what they were going to be doing when they reached their location.

Great leader material there, Linkara.

"During the day, he can protect himself with that gauntlet of his. But now, at night, while he sleeps, we can take the thing that gives him power over us and use it to regain control of our Unit."

Or you could just bash his head in. Or slit his throat. Or whatever other creative murder methods you prefer.

"But if you are caught..." the other soldier began.

"If I am caught, then I shall be expelled from this Unit. If I am free of this Unit, I am free from the chain of command and therefore fully able to kill that boy in his sleep without anyone knowing it was me."

How are you still in this unit to begin with?

He appeared to be asleep, and Jordahn already saw that Louis had not removed the gauntlet from his arm. She winced, realizing that stealing the gauntlet would be more difficult than she thought.

Easy solution:


What is it with people in these books going out of their way to keep Linkara alive when he's at their mercy?

However, the instant that she touched the gauntlet, an electrical surge slammed into her hand, the blast slamming her back several feet.

What a shocker.

Jordahn then slowly opened her eyes, seeing Louis standing in front of her with his arms crossed and a look of annoyance on his face.

Next Time: No idea. I just read next chapter's title and itsAllSoTiresome.gif.

EDIT: It occured to me that 5'9'' isn't actually that tall in sane metrics, so Giantess Gyaru Casca shall henceforth be downgraded to Gyaru Casca.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Book 2, Chapter 4 - What Would Brian Boitano Do?
(Or: The March of the Black Queen)



Didn't expect that rendition, eh?

So, what kind of struggle session has Linkara in mind for Gyaru Casca? And will his nakama in the present remember that they've captured Myrrha?

RecapShow

Past
So Linkara trains his merry Delinquent Detachment in the arts of fighting asshole with dragons - by having them whack wooden poles. In the desert.
Gyaru Gasca is involved in a Looney Toons heist plot of trying to steal - and then throw away - Linkara's fiendish gauntlet - which her nakama somehow think is going a step too far, despite the fact they had no issues with her earlier plan of murdering him in cold blood as soon as he shows up.
Of course the plan fails, leaving her at the mercy of a very smug Linkara. Why she didn't just nail him to his bed with a dagger through his neck, we will never know.
Wait, it's so the rest of the plot can happen.

Also his new unit is already heading out on some mission, but Linkara doesn't explain where they're going or what they're supposed to do - probably in an effort to piss off both the readers and his minions.

To top things off, Gyaru Casca is revealed to be part of those vegetarian cultists who bathe in animal blood. That explains everything!

Present
In a surprising turn of evens for this book series, the previous chapter's cliffhanger turns out to be a big nothingburger. Myrrha just gloats a bit and is taken out before she can do any actual damage.
Aside from providing a cheap cliffhanger, her main purpose appears to drop an oh-so subtle hint that the Dork Knights might now be serving a new master.

Also for some reason our heroes don't interrogate her, or alternatively kill her. Indow just puts her in magic plant bondage, and then she just stops being a thing for the rest of the chapter. It's a bit weird.

ChapterShow

"You don't like me, do you, Leftant [sic]?" Louis asked.

Louis continued to stand, arms crossed, in front of Jordahn. Jordahn had slowly risen to her feet in the few seconds of her attempt to steal Louis' gauntlet and the electrical shock that had sent her flying backwards. Her hand had been lightly burned due to her foolish attempt at thievery, although she was quickly ignoring whatever pain was coming through her. Then, Louis had spoken those last words, forcing her to now respond to her commanding officer. She grinned, realizing that no matter what she said, she would probably have her commission revoked and be expelled from the Kien military. However, at this point, she didn't care. She had been publicly and personally humiliated by Louis' victory over her in the challenge, and now her attempts at sneakiness and cunning had blown up in her face.

"Well, Captain, allow me to explain it in a simple way. You are Linkaran, whereas I belong to the New Blood Order. You refuse to allow the troops to engage in the activities that made them proud to be a member of the Kien Army and this Unit. You are pompous, arrogant, superior, and you think you're smarter than us. And if it appears at times that I don't like you, well that's just the reasons why." Jordahn stated.

Louis walked over to one of the support poles for his tents and leaned against it. He closed his eyes and smirked, quickly opening them and stared at her.

"You're what people on my planet call a 'Colossal Bitch.' You act as if you've got a shaft up your ass, you're lazy, sloppy, idiotic, and you think you know everything. You think it's unfair of me to push these soldiers to actually do their jobs and ready themselves for combat, which they've seen very little of so far, in my opinion. And if it appears at times as if I don't like you, well those are just some of the many reasons why."

Louis' smirk faded as he got in Jordahn's face, narrowing his eyes at her. "Let me be very clear, Jordahn: I don't honestly give a damn if you think I'm the Linkara or not. I don't give a flying fuck if you think I'm delusional. I could give a shit if you think I'm an elitist simply because I choose to act superior to my troops despite the fact that my rank gives me full authority TO be an asshole to them. All I care about, Jordahn, is saving lives. And thanks to the little time travel adventure I'm taking, I'll have the opportunity to do just that."

Jordahn raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? And how exactly do you plan to do that?"

Louis turned from Jordahn and walked over to the table that had been set up in his tent. He reached over to a worn-out book that sat upon the end of the table and threw it to her from the other side of the tent. She caught it, and Jordahn recognized the writing on the cover to be Ünaran, although she was becoming too tired to read it.

"With this." he responded, tossing the book over to her.

Jordahn caught the book and examined it quickly. She slowly opened it, trying to find something she recognized. Surprisingly enough, she saw pictures within the book. Books during this time period were rare enough as it was, but to see images within them was something totally new to Jordahn. She continued flipping through it until she saw a crude painting of King Leaonedis. She looked up at Louis, who was examining the piece of paper he had received from a messenger during the day.

"What is it?" Jordahn asked, closing the book.

It's a history book. It contains information on all major events happening over the past 1250 years." Louis stated.

"That is impossible. Known history only extends back to 956 Joufis Dolaris. No one is sure of what happened before that point." Jordahn said.

"Further proof that I am from the future. You know, it's funny. I never thought it would be so difficult to convince people that I was from the future. I would think that my knowledge of events that haven't happened yet and the armor I had would be sufficient enough proof to the point. However, the more and more time I spend in this backwards little country the more I realize how stubborn and arrogant everyone here, including me, is. According to that history book, in the year 040 Fenric Dolaris, the Terafell Arbiters will take their first step in escalating the war to it's peak by invading and conquering Terlough in a matter of days. That note I received was a general message of information to all Units in Kien that the Terlough royal family has escaped to Col. Read the book and give it back to me when you're done, Jordahn. In the meantime, get some sleep. I'll inform everyone of our destination soon enough." Louis stated.

*

"Have you ever taken the time to kill someone, General?"

General J'Vok narrowed his eyes at Myrrha, who sat inside of a barred cell. The local militia building had an entire underground dungeon devoted to the keeping of prisoners. The hundreds of cells located in the dungeon served as the perfect place to hold Myrrha. Most of the cells were empty, thanks to the prisoners having died off due to malnutrition when the Darkness killed all the citizens of Soyah, leaving no one to continue feeding the prisoners. Myrrha sat on the farthest wall from J'Vok, one of her legs folded up against her body while the other extended out from the bench where she sat. She grinned, closing her eyes and imagining the things she was telling J'Vok.

"Have you ever just taken a prisoner of war and taken the time to slowly kill them? I have. There was one in particular: a farm boy from Ünaré. During the Dark Knights' rampage across the land, I had slain his parents when we took their house and food stores. The boy had seen me and, a few days later, attempted to take his revenge for his fallen loved ones. However, the boy's skills with a sword were limited and pathetic. I imprisoned the boy in his own home and slowly began my torture. I first cut off his fingers, one day at a time while only feeding him life giver. Then I sliced off his toes. I proceeded then to nail his fingerless hands to a wall with rusted nails. I then cut off his legs and scrotum in a period of one hour. By the time I was done, he was dead and drenched in his own blood. Although I took no pleasure at the time of it due to my lack of emotions, I took pride in my ability to keep such a young boy alive for so long despite all the things I was doing to him. You should've been there, General. Do you realize how much a person bleeds when you cut off their-"

"Silence!" J'Vok exclaimed.

J'Vok winced, realizing that he was very disgusted by this woman and the stories she had continually told while he had attempted to speak to her calmly and reasonably. He took in a deep breath and clenched his fists. J'Vok moved in closer to Myrrha, right outside of the bars that held Myrrha in.

"Listen to me very carefully, Myrrha: I am not here to threaten you or to tell you of any charges that will be brought up for your crimes during the war. I am here to offer you a chance for redemption!" J'Vok stated.

Myrrha grinned and began to lightly giggle at J'Vok's statement.

"We know that many members of the Dark Knights were coerced into joining, or joined only in search of a better life. We can offer you a second chance at life!" J'Vok continued.

Myrrha began to laugh hysterically at J'Vok, holding her head in her hands from the noise she emitted. J'Vok stopped speaking and glared at her. Myrrha slowly calmed down and opened her piercing brown eyes, letting them fall directly at J'Vok. She moved faster than the General could see, allowing her to move directly up to the bars and into his face.

"Redemption, General? Redemption?! You are seriously so deluded that you believe that the promise of forgiveness from you creatures has any power in my heart? I do not seek redemption, you foolish animal! You and the others are of an inferior race, General. You are actually so senile that you think that humans and dwarves are the dominant species of this planet? HA! Welcome to the new age, General! This is the time of the Dark Knights! Oh, wait, I'm sorry, we do not refer to ourselves as Dark Knights any longer. I believe I should reintroduce myself to you, General: I am Myrrha, Queen of the Eclipsed Legion!"

General J'Vok raised an eyebrow, trying to understand what she was talking about. All of a sudden, J'Vok felt something slam against the back of his head. The impact sent him to the ground, his armor protecting him, for the most part, from the fall. J'Vok quickly scurried away from where he fell and got back up. He drew his sword at what stood in front of him: two Dark Knights with large black swords in their hands. J'Vok considered calling forth the guards, but realized that if these Dark Knights had gotten down here, then the guards were probably already dead. J'Vok roared and charged forward with his broadsword, hoping to catch the Dark Knights by surprise. However, the Dark Knights quickly separated from one another and got on either side of J'Vok, immediately slicing at him. J'Vok managed to block their initial advances, but the Dark Knight in front of him managed to slam the flat side of his blade against his face. J'Vok tried to remain conscious, but the impact was too much for him as he collapsed to the ground.

"Should we kill him, my Queen?" one of the Dark Knights asked.

"No. Despite his senility, he is more useful to us as a prisoner than as a dead man. Place him in this cell. We have work to do." Myrrha replied.

*

"And what sort of 'special training' did you have in mind, Captain?! Going without food or drink for a few days? Jumping off a high cliff on Mt. Viell?" one of the soldiers asked.

Jordahn looked around the area they had stopped in and raised an eyebrow, wondering why Louis had brought them here. Over the past few days, Louis had been pushing them harder than ever, making them take many hours in their training while ignoring a few meals on some occasions. Jordahn had slowly begun to accept these training methods, but was anxious to know what exactly the Unit was doing. They had moved across the deserts of Kien for several days, and the area they had just stopped in was an open desert region very close to the Ai/Kien border. Jordahn had been here only once during a skirmish with two Terafell Arbiters. Only she and two other members of her Unit then escaped the battle.

That was what truly made the Sand Warriors of Kien flinch when thinking about the extension of the current war with the Arbiters. During the first war with the Arbiters, the Arbiters attempted an invasion of Kien as a counterattack to Kien and Jilad's own armies pushing against them. The Arbiters had failed miserably, not used to the intense swampy marshes of Jilad or the sweltering heat of Kien. After the resistance forces and the armies of Jilad and Kien began to press down on them, the Arbiters quickly retreated into the land of Ilkjem and were thought to be contained.

Those who believed they were contained were wrong. Ten years later, the Arbiters tried a light invasion to see how the other lands would respond. The response was minimal, but enough to repel the few forces they sent out. For another twelve years, the Arbiters prepared themselves further, readying for a war to end all wars. The instant that they began swarming out into other lands, organized resistance began to crumble. Ünaré was conquered within a few years, and several years after that, Ai fell to the Arbiters. The remaining three lands Terlough, Kien, and Jilad attempted a coordinated invasion of Ai and Ünaré, but only Kien's invasion was in any way successful. They took back several miles of land and extended their border considerably. However, Terlough and Jilad only managed to defeat a good number of troops before their armies were defeated and retreated.

"Actually," Louis said, "I have something else in mind."

And with that, Louis reached down into the bag he was carrying and lifted out a glass bottle filled with a bluish liquid within it. This was surprising to the troops, who all recognized it as Geest, a rare and very tasty alcoholic liquid used in celebrations. The troops exchanged glances, trying to understand what Louis was getting at. Louis just grinned and held the bottle in his arms.

"You all know that I believe that I come from the future. It's understandable if you don't believe me, it does seem like a pretty far-fetched tale. However, what was assuredly true was the fact that when I arrived, I knew nothing of the military traditions of your people. So one of the things I looked up while we were in Col were some of the traditions. I located one in particular. This tradition speaks of the fact that when a nearly impossible mission is about to be undertaken, the Captain of a Unit would share a bottle of Geest with his troops and tell them of the mission. The Unit would sing songs and tell tales of battle and hardship with one another in the night before they set out! I know you don't think I'm from the future, but I ask you to let me be your Captain and give you the chance for glory!" Louis pronounced.

The troops looked at one another for a moment, and then at Jordahn. She smiled at them and nodded. Louis smiled and nodded to Jordahn. Louis stepped up, handing the Geest to Jordahn.

"As you know from my briefing this morning, Terlough has been invaded and conquered by the Terafell Arbiters. It's royal family escaped into Col, where they have set up a government in exile. A similar thing happened with Ai's royal family after Ai was conquered by the Arbiters. However, not all of Ai's royal family escaped into Col after the invasion of Walsz. It was believed widespread that Prince Algaren was killed by the Arbiter Purification Squads when he didn't leave with his family. That belief is false." Louis began.

The troops looked up at Louis, listening intently to each word he spoke. The bottle of Geest was being passed around one by one and drunk by each person it was given to.

"I was given a note from King Leaonedis himself about the invasion of Terlough, but he included much more for me on that note. He included the information that I am now telling you. Algaren has been alive all this time and working undercover for the royal family of Ai. Since he began, he has sent intelligence information and spy reports to us that have proven invaluable to the war effort. Unfortunately, he has noticed that things are changing. Over the past few weeks, the Arbiters that he works with have begun to give him less and less information that have been critical war information. He hears of secret meetings that he is never invited to attend, and the Arbiters he works with have been acting suspicious towards him. Because of this, he feels that his position as a spy to us is about to be compromised, so he wishes to be rescued. King Leaonedis has ordered us to rescue him from Walsz." Louis explained.

The Unit stopped drinking Geest and stared at Louis in disbelief. Louis just continued to smile and stand looking at them all. They all then exchanged glances and pumped their fists high into the air in celebration as Louis just laughed. The Unit then began to mingle with each other as Louis walked over to Jordahn, who was the only one who hadn't leapt into the celebration.

"What's the matter, Jordahn? Don't think we can get the job done?" Louis inquired.

Jordahn smiled and shook her head. "You're really something, you know that?"

"What do you mean?" Louis asked.

"There was nothing on that note about the Prince. The note was merely to inform you of the fact that Terlough had been conquered. However, I've been reading that history book you gave me. Algaren was indeed living in Ai as a spy for Kien, but he was found out a few weeks after Terlough was conquered and executed publicly." Jordahn stated.

Louis smiled and led Jordahn away from the others. "You'd also note that the book says that he had information about a weakness in the Arbiters' defenses. A weakness that remained open for five years until the Arbiters finally saw the problem themselves and fixed it, and by then it was too late for a possible fight to take back Ai, Terlough, and Ünaré. However, if we can get Algaren back to Leaonedis, we can show him the weakness and win the war sixty years ahead of when it's supposed to."

Jordahn smiled. "You are indeed a cunning one, my Captain. Perhaps I have misjudged you. The history book has been... interesting reading."

"How far have you gotten?" Louis asked, sitting down on a nearby rock.

Jordahn sat next to him. "To about thirty years from now, when a mutated form of the Silent Death strikes the livestock and cattle of Kien, giving the Arbiters the ability to advance further and retake their place in the war. It is... disconcerting."

"What, the fact that this war's going to take another eighty years to be over unless we can end it here?" Louis inquired.

Jordahn nodded. "Although disconcerting, it is not entirely surprising..."

Jordahn turned away from Louis, a frown covering her face as she looked out at the setting sun. Louis raised an eyebrow, becoming concerned with this expression that he'd never seen the stern, rigid Jordahn show before.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"Just remembering..." she replied.

Louis thought about this for a moment. "You've run into them before." Jordahn nodded.

"Are you frightened of them?"

Jordahn did a brief sarcastic laugh. "A few years ago, while I was a simple Pertit under my Unit, we were on a patrol near the border of Ai and Kien. We encountered two Terafell Arbiters who had become separated from their patrol group. We believed that we could easily crush them because there were twenty of us and only two of them. We all engaged them in battle, one by one running at the two of them with our swords, axes, and gelmets. I was only knocked to the ground, a minor wound to my side. My Captain whom I admired beyond measure fell beside me, his face cut and covered with his own blood. The Arbiters did not have a scratch on them. Realizing we were defeated, two others besides myself pretended to be dead before the Arbiters walked on. Besides for the three of us, my entire Unit had been slaughtered by two Terafell Arbiters with nothing more than Executioners' axes."

Jordahn turned and faced Louis again. "So no, my Captain. I am not frightened of the Arbiters. I am totally and utterly terrified of them beyond my wildest nightmares."

Louis put his hand on her shoulder, rubbing it encouragingly. "It is a horrible thing to see a person you cared about fall. You constantly ask yourself if you could've done more, should you have done more. In the end, it's only self-defeating. You couldn't have saved her."

"Her?" Jordahn asked.

"Her name was Rain Vendre. You know, it's funny. Ever since I arrived here, I keep thinking of this little song from my world." Louis stated.

"Well, it is tradition to sing songs on an occasion as this. Allow me to please hear this song of yours."

"What would Brian Boitano do if he were here right now? He'd make a plan and he'd follow through, that's what Brian Boitano'd do!"

Jordahn blinked. "Who's 'Brian Boitano?'"

Louis smirked. However, before he could answer, the sound of a battle charge suddenly filled the area where the two were sitting. They heard metal clanking against more metal, indicating a heavy armor being worn. There was a small light glare reflecting from the curved weapon that was held in the hands of the newcomers approaching the Unit.

The Arbiters were attacking.

RiffingShow

"You don't like me, do you, Leftant [sic]?" Louis asked.

Personally, I think she's just very tsundere for you.

She grinned, realizing that no matter what she said, she would probably have her commission revoked and be expelled from the Kien military. However, at this point, she didn't care. She had been publicly and personally humiliated by Louis' victory over her in the challenge, and now her attempts at sneakiness and cunning had blown up in her face.

So she murders each and every captain she comes across in hopes of getting promoted, but as soon as one of them actually wins she just gives up or something?

"You refuse to allow the troops to engage in the activities that made them proud to be a member of the Kien Army and this Unit."

When did that happen? What are these "activities"? Are you just making shit up because "I wanted to kill you before I even met you" would make you sound like a psychopath?

You are pompous, arrogant, superior, and you think you're smarter than us.

Man, those Kienians really see right through him.

"You're what people on my planet call a 'Colossal Bitch.' You act as if you've got a shaft up your ass, you're lazy, sloppy, idiotic, and you think you know everything."

Linkara's going full profiler again.

"You think it's unfair of me to push these soldiers to actually do their jobs and ready themselves for combat, which they've seen very little of so far, in my opinion."

How experienced is this unit, anyways? Aside from killing their captain, of course.

"I could give a shit if you think I'm an elitist simply because I choose to act superior to my troops despite the fact that my rank gives me full authority TO be an asshole to them."

"I'm allowed to be an asshole, for I am a captain!"

Surprisingly enough, she saw pictures within the book. Books during this time period were rare enough as it was, but to see images within them was something totally new to Jordahn.

How is that a new concept? Those books are still handwritten in both time periods. Of course the writer can draw some shit in whenever he feels like it.

"What is it?" Jordahn asked, closing the book.

It's a history book. It contains information on all major events happening over the past 1250 years." Louis stated.

"That is impossible. Known history only extends back to 956 Joufis Dolaris. No one is sure of what happened before that point." Jordahn said.

What the fuck happened in 955 Joufis Dolaris? Did the Silent Death or some other plague wipe out all the adults? Why do you have a calendar whose year 0 is wholly unkown?
Also the Terafellas had their start in 982 Joufis Dolaris, and if that Linkaran man really popped up 40 years ago the current year is 1040 (since he popped up in the year 1000 which was later reset to the new year 0 by the Linkarans; they call their fork Fenric Dolaris I think).

Your entire known history stretches back less than a century.

You know, it's funny. I never thought it would be so difficult to convince people that I was from the future. I would think that my knowledge of events that haven't happened yet and the armor I had would be sufficient enough proof to the point.

"I'm from the future! Just look at my cool armor and the crazy nonsense I'm spouting!"


Can't imagine how that could ever fail.

That note I received was a general message of information to all Units in Kien that the Terlough royal family has escaped to Col.

Why do you send this to every unit? Just inform the generals and other actually high-ranking officers. The more people hear about this, the sooner it will reach the Terafellas' ears.

*

"Have you ever taken the time to kill someone, General?"

The hundreds of cells located in the dungeon served as the perfect place to hold Myrrha. Most of the cells were empty, thanks to the prisoners having died off due to malnutrition when the Darkness killed all the citizens of Soyah, leaving no one to continue feeding the prisoners.

I guess it could be implied that they would starve. Also it would be really weird if some of them would still be alive and kicking after 300 years.

"I first cut off his fingers, one day at a time while only feeding him life giver. Then I sliced off his toes. I proceeded then to nail his fingerless hands to a wall with rusted nails. I then cut off his legs and scrotum in a period of one hour."

I guess she's a slasher villain now?

"Listen to me very carefully, Myrrha: I am not here to threaten you or to tell you of any charges that will be brought up for your crimes during the war. I am here to offer you a chance for redemption!" J'Vok stated.

Just fucking kill her, mate. You've killed plenty of Dark Knights already. So what is one more on the pile?

"We know that many members of the Dark Knights were coerced into joining, or joined only in search of a better life. We can offer you a second chance at life!" J'Vok continued.

Has the spoilt ale gotten to your head or something? I thought the Dark Knights are pure evil, and she's most certainly one of the worst.

Myrrha began to laugh hysterically at J'Vok, holding her head in her hands from the noise she emitted.

(This is her canon look now.)

"You are actually so senile that you think that humans and dwarves are the dominant species of this planet? HA! Welcome to the new age, General! This is the time of the Dark Knights! Oh, wait, I'm sorry, we do not refer to ourselves as Dark Knights any longer. I believe I should reintroduce myself to you, General: I am Myrrha, Queen of the Eclipsed Legion!"

And here I thought "Dark Knight" was lame. Doesn't "eclipsed legion" mean something like "the overshadowed legion"?
Also what a shocker. The Dark Knights are now under the leadership of their only recurring member.


It's also really quite convenient that the good guys didn't kill her like every other Dark Knight.

"Should we kill him, my Queen?" one of the Dark Knights asked.

"No. Despite his senility, he is more useful to us as a prisoner than as a dead man. Place him in this cell. We have work to do." Myrrha replied.

Why?
Every noticed that named characters don't really die in this series? Rain is really the only one, and Linkara (the author and character) is milking it for all its worth any chance he gets.
I guess there were also those two kings, but they both died off-screen, and we never actually met one of them.

(And how is J'Vok senile? He's still long enough to have color in his hair.)

*

Over the past few days, Louis had been pushing them harder than ever, making them take many hours in their training while ignoring a few meals on some occasions.

Sure, don't give your troops food. That never ends up in a disaster or anything.
And why does he care so much about grinding the fuck out of his minions? His ability to summon a suit of celestial super-armor at will is making their axe-swinging skills a bit redundant, isn't it?


Plus they're just 19. They're never gonna change the course of history on their own against a bunch of people riding fucking dragons, if that's what Linkara is trying to accomplish here.

They had moved across the deserts of Kien for several days, and the area they had just stopped in was an open desert region very close to the Ai/Kien border.

Very close to the border? Does the desert just stop at the border, or does Ai have a desert as well? Is there a mountain range separating the desolate wastes from the lush forests?

Jordahn had been here only once during a skirmish with two Terafell Arbiters. Only she and two other members of her Unit then escaped the battle.

If only Linkara had been there to tell you to look out for their daggers...

During the first war with the Arbiters, the Arbiters attempted an invasion of Kien as a counterattack to Kien and Jilad's own armies pushing against them. The Arbiters had failed miserably, not used to the intense swampy marshes of Jilad or the sweltering heat of Kien.

They have dragons.

Those who believed they were contained were wrong. Ten years later, the Arbiters tried a light invasion to see how the other lands would respond. The response was minimal, but enough to repel the few forces they sent out. For another twelve years, the Arbiters prepared themselves further, readying for a war to end all wars.

Just in case you've forgotten the multiple history lessons about the Terafellas last book.

So one of the things I looked up while we were in Col were some of the traditions. I located one in particular. This tradition speaks of the fact that when a nearly impossible mission is about to be undertaken, the Captain of a Unit would share a bottle of Geest with his troops and tell them of the mission. The Unit would sing songs and tell tales of battle and hardship with one another in the night before they set out!

A bit late to tell them you've sent them on a suicide mission.

The troops looked at one another for a moment, and then at Jordahn. She smiled at them and nodded.

"I tried to kill him, but he has researched our traditions!"

Stupid fucking bitch.

"Terlough has been invaded and conquered by the Terafell Arbiters. It's royal family escaped into Col, where they have set up a government in exile."

They're just refugees, really. Governments in exile are even more worthless in the Middle Ages when your fastest way of delivering messages involves a fucking horse.

"Algaren has been alive all this time and working undercover for the royal family of Ai. Since he began, he has sent intelligence information and spy reports to us that have proven invaluable to the war effort."

What a swell guy. Why can't this book be about him?

"Over the past few weeks, the Arbiters that he works with have begun to give him less and less information that have been critical war information."

What?

He hears of secret meetings that he is never invited to attend, and the Arbiters he works with have been acting suspicious towards him.

Oh, you think the bad guys are suspicious of the native who keeps asking them questions regarding important military intel?

"Because of this, he feels that his position as a spy to us is about to be compromised..."

Hard to imagine. His cover was so perfect.

"... so he wishes to be rescued. King Leaonedis has ordered us to rescue him from Walsz."

Hahahaha nigga just walk away from Ai haha.
You think the Terafellas will not notice the almost two dozen desert grishnas trying to sneak around?

"There was nothing on that note about the Prince. The note was merely to inform you of the fact that Terlough had been conquered. However, I've been reading that history book you gave me. Algaren was indeed living in Ai as a spy for Kien, but he was found out a few weeks after Terlough was conquered and executed publicly." Jordahn stated.

You know, maybe Linkara would've had more success if he'd told everyone he was just a spy instead of a super hero from the future.

Louis smiled and led Jordahn away from the others. "You'd also note that the book says that he had information about a weakness in the Arbiters' defenses. A weakness that remained open for five years until the Arbiters finally saw the problem themselves and fixed it."

Did they have regular tea time?


And so historians know he had an awesome secret that would've ended the war decades earlier, and that the Terafellas patched it out eventually - but not what it was? How did they find out about the latter part, anyways? Was a Terafella boasting in a tavern about some unspecified weakness that would've totally kicked their asses?

"However, if we can get Algaren back to Leaonedis, we can show him the weakness and win the war sixty years ahead of when it's supposed to."

His survival isn't actually important. What is important is that he tells you the weakness.

Jordahn smiled. "You are indeed a cunning one, my Captain. Perhaps I have misjudged you. The history book has been... interesting reading."

And thus Linkara defeats his greatest opposition.
I could say it feels earned, but that would be a lie.

"What, the fact that this war's going to take another eighty years to be over unless we can end it here?" Louis inquired.

Jordahn nodded. "Although disconcerting, it is not entirely surprising..."

Not entirely surprising? That's about as long as your entire known history.

Jordahn turned away from Louis, a frown covering her face as she looked out at the setting sun. Louis raised an eyebrow, becoming concerned with this expression that he'd never seen the stern, rigid Jordahn show before.

Great. Now that she's become a female nakama of Linkara, she immediately turns into a pussy. You're like a completely different character now.

ouis thought about this for a moment. "You've run into them before." Jordahn nodded.

Don't see much else they could've fought in the past years.

"A few years ago, while I was a simple Pertit under my Unit, we were on a patrol near the border of Ai and Kien."

Ah, back then your unit actually got shit to do because you didn't kill every captain.

"We all engaged them in battle, one by one running at the two of them with our swords, axes, and gelmets."

Oh no, not the gelmets!

"Besides for the three of us, my entire Unit had been slaughtered by two Terafell Arbiters with nothing more than Executioners' axes."

Oh, so they're as badass as the Darkness thought its Dark Knights were.
They won't actually turn out to be that tough, will they? I don't have faith in our author's fight choreography.
I mean, the bad guys usually just charge at Linkara (while roaring, of course), while Linkara does his sick flips and jumps.

Louis put his hand on her shoulder, rubbing it encouragingly. "It is a horrible thing to see a person you cared about fall. You constantly ask yourself if you could've done more, should you have done more. In the end, it's only self-defeating. You couldn't have saved her."

"Her?" Jordahn asked.

"Her name was Rain Vendre."

Friendly reminder that Rain primarily died because you had waking wet dreams about Slayers instead of watching her back like he himself planned to.

"You know, it's funny. Ever since I arrived here, I keep thinking of this little song from my world." Louis stated.

"Well, it is tradition to sing songs on an occasion as this. Allow me to please hear this song of yours."

"What would Brian Boitano do if he were here right now? He'd make a plan and he'd follow through, that's what Brian Boitano'd do!"

You know, if you have to sing a South Park movie song, at least pick the kids' portion of La Resistance. At least that one is somewhat fitting.

Louis smirked. However, before he could answer, the sound of a battle charge suddenly filled the area where the two were sitting. They heard metal clanking against more metal, indicating a heavy armor being worn. There was a small light glare reflecting from the curved weapon that was held in the hands of the newcomers approaching the Unit.

The Arbiters were attacking.

Can't wait for them to get their asses handed to them, with no casualties for the Kien Special Delinquent Detachment.

Next Time: More feminine mustache-twirling I guess, and just how much of a threat are those Terafellas, anyways?