The Angel Armor Saga by Lewis "The Lightbringer" Lovhaug

[wulfenlord]

Methinks one of his discord or streaming mods from before the coof was a degenerate tranny as well (shocking, I know). It's not like the title card drama has shocked him, rather he was annoyed that one of his buddies got caught.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

He's certainly annoyed that he has to replace a good chunk of his merch.

[BenComicGraphics]

He's certainly annoyed that he has to replace a good chunk of his merch.

The service he uses for his merch is print on demand.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

The service he uses for his merch is print on demand.

But he still has to pay a different artist to draw new art.
Plus he has print-on-demanded enough of his merch that he could hold a charity event where he sold all of it and donated the money to some charity.

[BenComicGraphics]

The service he uses for his merch is print on demand.

But he still has to pay a different artist to draw new art.
Plus he has print-on-demanded enough of his merch that he could hold a charity event where he sold all of it and donated the money to some charity.

I think this statement requires copius 'clarifing quotation marks'.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

The entire reason why he is "in trouble" because of his former artist being a sex pest is that it makes all of his merch containing that guy's art haram. So he has to commission an artist whose dirty deeds have yet to be uncovered to make halal art that will replace the haram ones.

Then there is probably merch he has stockpiled, like his DVDs (whose covers he has to replace). So he decided to make this charity thing where he gets rid of all the haram stuff he has lying around in his garage.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Book 1, Chapter 11 - Dark Raven
(Or: Linkara Titans Go)

'Tis a Christmas miracle! We're almost at the halfway point.
Of book one of four.
Fuck my life.

The RecapShow

Last time on Angel Armor:
>mfw my grand plan of taking the most visible route to Not-Mordor turns out to be a bad idea


For a "genre savvy" protagonist familiar with LotR, he really learned nothing from the story. It's like if the Fellowship strolled down the most obvious route to the Black Gate, all because Aragorn had the unwarranted idea tha the could kick Sauron's ass no problem.
Apparently what little passes for Linkara's strategy involved banking on Indow's magic to protect their asses, and just kinda defeating the bad guys one random battle at a time.
Too bad a low-level spellcaster is no match for a team of dark wizards.

But a piss poor judgement of the fighting strength of an entire army was not the only thing going on. We had two male characters waltzing into Indow's room without knocking, as well as many deep, philosophical arguments about religion and ethics - which Linkara won each time by going "Shut up, bitch, I'm right".
Linkara's infatuation with his pet thief also went so far that he compared Indow's dislike for actual criminals with antisemitism and the Holocaust which, uh, I ain't gonna touch with a 10-foot pole.

Now our heroes(?) are at the mercy of the Darkness. Just what migth happen?
A) The logical outcome: Everyone gets shanked right where they've fallen. The Darkness wins.

B) My fanfic: Only the thief Lithmenar gets shanked because he's just some guy of no worth. Linkara gets "disarmed" in a more literal than usual sense so he is powerless as he has to watch Indow getting cumflated by orcs for hours on end.

C) What will likely happen: Linkara wakes up in a relatively comfy dungeon cell and managed to escape (aka he probably gets help from someone). The only one I'm somewhat concerned about is Indow, for being Indow is suffering.
Also pretty sure Linkara will still have his Power Gloves, unless the Darkness knows of a way to remove them without getting burned.

The ChapterShow

Louis was awakened by the sounds of the Dark Knights and Dark Sorcerers talking. He kept his eyelids low, trying to maintain the illusion of unconsciousness as he felt around. He winced from feeling something rough and sandy against his wrists. To make matters worse, he had a splitting headache. However, he did notice that his gauntlets were still on, the feeling of soft skin against one of them indicated that Indow was right next to him. He opened his eyes a little more and saw the shadows of the Dark Knights on a couple of trees about twenty feet away.

Louis turned his head from the left to the right and back again. Lithmenar and Indow were beginning to stir, so Louis whispered to them to keep their voices down. In the meantime, despite the moans of pain coming from his companions, Louis could hear arguing coming from the Dark Knights.

"We should kill them now and be done with it!"

"The Great Darkness believes that killing him will accomplish nothing. He would be better suited joining our side."

"And how exactly do you propose we convince our enemy to join our side?!"

"We do not intend to convince him, the Darkness shall force him itself! Now, we must bring them to the Zlad Delta immediately. Well, actually, only the boy. The Priestess and the Thief shall die here."

Louis tried to think fast, wanting to think of a way to get out of this situation. He lightly struggled against the ropes, but winced as they dug into his skin harder. The others were still not conscious enough to really focus in on the Dark Knights, and Louis saw that if he activated his blades, they'd slice right into Indow's hands. Louis could hear the Dark Knights approaching, so he winced lightly, and waited for one to be right near Indow. He heard the metal slide out of its sheath, and with that, Louis roared loudly and shot his leg into the general direction of the Knight. He missed his crotch and instead hit his right thigh. The Dark Knight moved slightly but shrugged off the pain. Louis growled and tried to struggle once more, but the other Dark Knights held him down.

"You sons of bitches, I kill you! I'll kill all of you! You hear me?! I'll kill you!" he exclaimed.

The Knights ignored his yells and prepared to make the killing blow to Indow. However, just as the sword was about to strike down upon her, there was a flash, as if something were moving very quickly, and the Dark Knight's hands were missing, along with the sword. The Knight screamed in pain and fell upon the ground, cradling the stumps of his arms against his chest. The other Knights stopped restraining Louis and got up, pulling their swords and looked around, seeing the Knight's hands and sword lying nearby with an arrow next to them.

Two more arrows in succession hit another Knight in the head, making him fall to the ground. The Dark Sorcerers suddenly appeared from the shadows of the bushes and pointed their hands at the Dark Knights. A black bubble briefly appeared around the Knights and then disappeared. However, another arrow shot out at one of the Sorcerers, hitting him in the head. The other Sorcerer turned to see his comrade fall to the ground, dead. This broke the Sorcerer's concentration on protecting the Dark Knights, two more arrows were shot out, both hitting a Dark Knight. The other Sorcerer realized this and created another bubble around the Knights. However, for his own protection, another bubble formed around him.

The Sorcerer came close to smiling, realizing that he had now protected himself and his Knights. However, the arrow this time did not go towards the Knights or the Sorcerer, but at the bindings on the tree. The arrow pierced it straight through, and Louis immediately stood up and made his blades extend. The remaining Dark Knights faced two different directions now, one towards Louis and the other towards the forest from which the arrows had sprung. Louis grinned as he aimed his blade at the remaining Knight before him.

"Bring it on, asshole!" Louis shouted.

The Dark Knight roared and ran towards Louis, preparing to strike upwards at Louis. Louis smiled as he saw that the Knight had left the protection of the energy shield. He jumped into the air and kicked the Knight in the head. The sudden flight of acrobatics sent Louis sprawling to the ground, but it also knocked the Dark Knight there, as well. Louis immediately sprung up when he felt an odd tingling around his feet. Just like before when a new gauntlet had been formed, his feet were glowing and they suddenly felt rather cold. Beams of light came out from the skin and wrapped around the Chuck Taylor Converses that Louis had worn the entire time he had been on Sin, and solidified into golden boots.

"Oh, COOL!" Louis exclaimed exuberantly.

The Dark Knight began to get up, but Louis ran over to him and kicked him in the face. The Knight cried out in pain while Louis stood over him victoriously.

"That was for trying to trick me into killing the King!" he explained.

Louis sent another sharp kick to the Knight's face, proclaiming, "This is for killing Rain!"

The Linkara then moved a few steps back, grinning. "And this is for all the people you've hurt or tried to hurt!"

And with that statement, Louis sent his foot straight between the Knight's legs. The being howled in ultimate pain before Louis finally sent his blade down through the Knight's chest, muffling the being's screams with it's own blood. It looked at Louis in a pitiful manner, but Louis responded only with disdain.

"Shut up, you coward. You deserve worse." Louis stated.

The remaining Knight, realizing his predicament, tried to make a run for it. That proved to be the wrong strategy, because not only had he left the safety of his energy bubble, but also Lithmenar and Indow had fully awoken. Lithmenar grinned and pulled another knife from his belt, and threw it straight at the Knight's head. The blade pierced the Knight's skull, killing him instantly. The Dark Sorcerer gasped as he realized he was the only one remaining. He strengthened his own shield as he began to search his own mind for some type of Teleportation spell. However, his attentions soon returned to maintaining his energy shield, because Indow was chanting something in an ancient language, and glowing a bright green.

The Sorcerer didn't have enough time to counter Indow's magic jamming. The energy shield the Sorcerer had placed around himself vanished and he was defenseless. All of a sudden, a woman leapt down from the heights of the trees and landing before the Sorcerer in a crouching position. The woman came up holding a metallic bow and arrow, both of which were aiming at the Sorcerer. Louis examined this new woman with great care. She didn't appear to be that much older than Lithmenar, probably around seventeen or eighteen. She wore white armor that gleamed in the sunlight with a bright intensity. Her hair was short and white.

Although the entrance of this new woman impressed Lithmenar and Louis, the Sorcerer merely chuckled, although he did so without smiling, standing in front of the woman. He extended his arms out and closed his eyes.

"I recognized you immediately, traitor! Do not attempt to fool me with your new choice of armor. You will not kill the defenseless! And that is what I am now: defenseless." the Sorcerer balked.

The woman narrowed her eyes at the Sorcerer, who was continuing to laugh. However, that ended abruptly when Lithmenar reached around him and placed a knife against his throat.

"Care to put a wager on me, magician? I have no qualms for killing one who attacked me." Lithmenar stated.

"We won't kill him." Louis said.

The Sorcerer nodded, expecting to be let go. However, Louis instead put himself between the Sorcerer and the woman and grabbed onto the Sorcerer's throat.

"Know this, evil one: I spare your life because you are to be a messenger. You will return to your leaders and masters and tell them that death is coming for them. Tell your boss that THE LINKARA IS COMING." Louis shouted in his face.

Louis then slammed his fist into the Sorcerer's face. The combination of the impact and the electrical shock sent enough pain through the Sorcerer to knock him unconscious within seconds. Louis grinned and stood up, now facing the woman who was standing not five feet away from him. She stood, staring at him and Louis back at her. After about thirty or more seconds or so of that, Louis decided to take initiative.

He stuck his tongue out at her.

Although Louis found it funny at the time, none of the others seems to understand what he had done. However, it didn't take long for the mood to change, for Indow finally recognized the woman. She gasped and growled, chanting a spell silently as she began to glow.

"Indow! What the hell are you doing?!" Louis shouted.

"It is she! My lord, it is White Raven!" Indow shouted back.

"Okay, please try to remember that the guy from the other world here doesn't know what you're talking about." Louis stated.

The woman, now identified as White Raven, merely looked over at Indow with eyes filled not with anger or mistrust, but self-pity and sorrow.

Indow explained, "A hundred years ago-"

Louis interrupted, "Hey! You said years! I guess my new boots are translating more and more of your language into English."

"My lord, PLEASE! A hundred years ago, a woman joined the Darkness. No one is certain why she did, but all we know is that when she did, she became one of the most feared servants of the Darkness. She became known as Blood Raven for her habit of drinking the blood of her victims. She's the Butcher of Vahn, the title given to her after she massacred a village called Vahn, killing five hundred innocent people and drinking their blood!" Indow shouted.

"And if that's the case, then why did she just save me?" Louis asked.

"Because I smiled." White Raven said.

Louis was particularly captivated by the voice. She had just been told that the woman standing before him was a living vampire who had murdered hundreds of people, yet her voice was soft and innocent, with a touch of regret in it.

"Excuse me?" Louis asked.

"She smiled. No Dark Knight except for her in the three hundred years that the Darkness has been upon Sin has ever smiled. The second it happened, she was banished from the Dark Knights, proclaimed a traitor, and sentenced to an eternal life of exile. She can be harmed by magic and fighting, but she will never age. There have been stories of her doing evil things recently. There's also the occasional story of her doing something on the side of light, but I don't believe it." Indow explained.

"I do fight on the side of light! Ever since the exile I have attempted to redeem myself for the crimes I suffered because of the Darkness." White Raven said, kneeling before Louis.

"Linkara, I pledge my life to stand beside you and destroy the Darkness! However, I also allow you to play judge of my fate. If you say I should die for my sins, I shall not fight your will or your judgment." she stated.

Indow smiled and prepared to strike White Raven, but Louis grabbed her arm.

"That's enough, Indow! No matter her crimes, I will not kill her while she remains on our side of the fight. The Darkness is our enemy, not her." Louis commanded.

"But she served the Darkness-" Indow pleaded.

"Exactly. Past tense. 'Served.' As in she no longer serves them now. And right now, in a war like this, anyone who sides against us is our enemy. Anyone who sides with us in battle is our ally. We need all the help we can get, Indow! What's past is past." Louis said.

Indow winced, glaring at Louis and coming close to yelling at him, but she just clenched her fists, closed her eyes, and turned away. Louis sighed and turned back towards White Raven, who was still kneeling before the group.

"White Raven, do you promise not to kill, torture, or do any harm to those on the side of light or be a pain in the ass to me?" he asked.

"I swear my life to that promise." she responded.

"Then get up off the damn ground and find us some horses, we've got work to do!"

*

Night fell quickly for the group. By the time it had completely darkened, they had prepared a fire and set up camp for the night. They had made excellent time after recovering the horses that had belonged to the Dark Knights, therefore allowing them to once again continue their journey towards the border between Ai and Ünaré.

The group ate a hardy meal that Lithmenar prepared for them. However, Indow kept her distance from the others, particularly Louis. Any time she looked up at him and saw him calmly conversing with Lithmenar, she shuddered. Chills ran down her spine at the sight of White Raven. Even the thought that she was within twenty feet of the Butcher of Vahn removed her appetite and made her feel queasy. Yet, somehow, she was not what she had expected. Indow had always thought of Blood Raven to be a mad woman, moving from town to town, seducing the men and slaughtering the women and children as she laughed maniacally at their screams of suffering.

But White Raven didn't seem to fit any of those descriptions. She merely sat down in a fetal position, staring at the fire with eyes filled with regret and sorrow. What made this situation for Indow even worse was the fact that she was even beginning to feel pity for the 'soulless monster.' She shuddered at the thought of actually wanting to help her.

The company that the Linkara keeps is very strange... First a thief, and now an admitted murderer? Could we have been wrong the whole time, and this being is not actually the Linkara, but an imposter?! He could be a Sorcerer using an Infinite Power spell. But that's unlikely, since Infinite Power spells only last an hour at most, and are very draining. Maybe I'm just overreacting... Indow thought to herself.

Indow then stood up. "I believe I shall retire for this evening, my lord. I am weary from all of the day's activity."

Lithmenar also stood. "Yes, I think I'll head to sleep as well. There's much profit to be made tomorrow!"

Louis smiled and nodded. "Sleep lightly, guys. We don't know if there are any Orcs or Dark Knights patrolling the area."

The two nodded in compliance and went into their respective tents, leaving Louis and White Raven alone. Louis stood up and walked over to her.

"You going to hit the hay, too?" he asked.

"I require less sleep than most humans. I shall remain here a while longer." she responded.

Louis sat down beside her, smiling. "You know, for someone who was exiled from the Darkness for smirking, you certainly don't do much of it. Hell, I haven't seen you so much as curl your lips since you've been with us."

"I don't take pride in my current existence." White Raven stated.

"Oh? You'd prefer to be back with the oh-so happy dark blob?" Louis inquired happily.

"Of course not... But I'm wondering why you didn't kill me. I killed people. I murdered my own family!" White Raven exclaimed.

"I get pissed off at my family sometimes. I never went as far as killing them, but it's not like it's the end of the world or anything."

"I slaughtered innocents..."

"I hit people in the back of the head when they're stupid."

"I drank their blood!"

"I sometimes think my own blood's taste is actually pretty sweet."

"I desecrated their corpses and tortured them for hours and days!"

"I play Boccherini’s Minuet in Orchestra every day as a warm up. Since I always play it, it annoys the hell out of my classmates."

"HOW CAN YOU EVEN LOOK AT ME?!"

White Raven stood up, almost ranting at Louis. "I am a cold-blooded killer! I massacred and butchered hundreds if not thousands! I drank their blood and I enjoyed every second of their screams! How could you even look at me after what I've done?!"

And at that moment, Louis stood up and slapped his hand across White Raven's face. She pulled off to the side briefly before going back up and seeing Louis glaring at her.

"Get a hold of yourself, woman! For fucking crying out loud, you were a different person! Just because you slaughtered thousands of people doesn't mean you're going to do it now! Jeez... You angsty characters are all alike. 'Oh, my life was so horrible!' and 'Oh, why can't I just die?' You want to die? FINE. Go kill yourself, then! Slit your damn wrists, hang yourself, fall off a cliff, I DON'T CARE. But if you do, you better be ready to SURRENDER. To face the fact that you're not strong enough to overcome the mistakes of the past! To accept that you're just a murderer without any feelings, which is bullshit, and therefore it doesn't matter if you live or die! However, if you do decide to stay alive, you had better drop the damn depression and 'Oh, I'm so terrible' act, because I will get myself killed during my battle with the Darkness, and I will come back and haunt you for the rest of your life, singing as many Gilbert and Sullivan songs that I know into your ear over and over again! Do you get me?!"

White Raven was in shock. So far, all she had seen of Louis was a smiling, happy, (and in her opinion, naive) child who was attempting to wage a war. But now, he seemed ten feet tall, and wiser than his years. And then, just as quickly as he had turned into a ranting, angry man, he returned to the sweet 14 year-old.

"Now, White Raven: there's a war going on. You've proven yourself to be honorable and a good person. We need your help."

"But I served the Darkness..." White Raven stated.

"And you broke away from it!" Louis exclaimed. "That's got to be a Guinness World Record right there: the first and only person to ever smile and break away from the Darkness."

White Raven blinked. She had never thought of it like that, but Louis was beginning to truly open her eyes. She had been so busy worrying about all her failures and everything horrible that she had done that she had forgotten to review the good things. She looked up into Louis' eyes and smiled, taking him in an embrace.

"Thank you... my lord." she said.

"Aw, shucks mam. It was nothin'. Now, let's get some sleep. The Darkness awaits!" Louis said.

The RiffingShow

However, he did notice that his gauntlets were still on

Called it. Just hack of his arms, you stupid knights.
Maybe they're all tied up, but who knows with this quality writing.

the feeling of soft skin against one of them indicated that Indow was right next to him.

Pretty sure you ain't feelin' shit through fucking metal gauntlets aside from maybe vague resistance.

"We should kill them now and be done with it!"

"The Great Darkness believes that killing him will accomplish nothing. He would be better suited joining our side."

The reason why our heroes aren't dead already. Turns out the Darkness is just as dumb as Linkara.

Now, we must bring them to the Zlad Delta immediately. Well, actually, only the boy. The Priestess and the Thief shall die here."

At least something that makes sense, I guess.

He heard the metal slide out of its sheath, and with that, Louis roared loudly and shot his leg into the general direction of the Knight. He missed his crotch and instead hit his right thigh. The Dark Knight moved slightly but shrugged off the pain.

Dude really is useless if he can't get a good shot at groins.

The Knights ignored his yells and prepared to make the killing blow to Indow.

Just deck him in the face again. Shut him up for a couple minutes last time just fine.

However, just as the sword was about to strike down upon her, there was a flash, as if something were moving very quickly, and the Dark Knight's hands were missing, along with the sword.

I think he's being saved by Vergil?

The other Knights stopped restraining Louis and got up, pulling their swords and looked around, seeing the Knight's hands and sword lying nearby with an arrow next to them.

Oh, it's just Green Arrow with fance hand-cutting arrowheads which are apparently not worth describing.
Or it was a regular arrow, and Linkara (the author) stole from Princess Mononoke.

The Dark Sorcerers suddenly appeared from the shadows of the bushes and pointed their hands at the Dark Knights. A black bubble briefly appeared around the Knights and then disappeared. However, another arrow shot out at one of the Sorcerers, hitting him in the head.

It takes one dead sorceror before the remaining one realized he should maybe protect himself, too.

Just like before when a new gauntlet had been formed, his feet were glowing and they suddenly felt rather cold. Beams of light came out from the skin and wrapped around the Chuck Taylor Converses that Louis had worn the entire time he had been on Sin, and solidified into golden boots.

So he is once again blessed with another piece of the Linkara Cloth. But why? I would've understood it if this happened when Indow was about to get her throat slit, but now the situation has de-escalated into a standard-issue Dark Knight duel he usually insta-wins with a groin kick.
There was no challenge to overcome. No test of character. Dude just randomly leveled up mid-fight and unlocked the Boots of Groin-Kicking +5.

"That was for trying to trick me into killing the King!" he explained.

How about "trying to kill Indow"? That was something this particular knight actually tried.

Louis sent another sharp kick to the Knight's face, proclaiming, "This is for killing Rain!"

She was a necessary sacrifice for the king's keikaku, remember?

And with that statement, Louis sent his foot straight between the Knight's legs. The being howled in ultimate pain before Louis finally sent his blade down through the Knight's chest, muffling the being's screams with it's own blood. It looked at Louis in a pitiful manner, but Louis responded only with disdain.

"Shut up, you coward. You deserve worse." Louis stated.

This is the same boy who thinks that not trusting a pick-pocket makes you a literal Nazi.

All of a sudden, a woman leapt down from the heights of the trees and landing before the Sorcerer in a crouching position. The woman came up holding a metallic bow and arrow, both of which were aiming at the Sorcerer.

Turns out their mysterious savior is an archer lady.

"I recognized you immediately, traitor! Do not attempt to fool me with your new choice of armor. You will not kill the defenseless! And that is what I am now: defenseless." the Sorcerer balked.

I wouldn't feel so save considering Linkara has screamed "I WILL KILL YOU ALL!!" just a few moments before.

"Care to put a wager on me, magician? I have no qualms for killing one who attacked me." Lithmenar stated.

"We won't kill him." Louis said.

Either Linkara's bloodlust has been sated for the time being, or he just wants to assert his dominance of Lithmenar.

"Know this, evil one: I spare your life because you are to be a messenger. You will return to your leaders and masters and tell them that death is coming for them. Tell your boss that THE LINKARA IS COMING." Louis shouted in his face.

Secrecy is for pussies, apparently.

Louis grinned and stood up, now facing the woman who was standing not five feet away from him. She stood, staring at him and Louis back at her. After about thirty or more seconds or so of that, Louis decided to take initiative.

He stuck his tongue out at her.

Although Louis found it funny at the time, none of the others seems to understand what he had done.

What a charming fellow.

However, it didn't take long for the mood to change, for Indow finally recognized the woman. She gasped and growled, chanting a spell silently as she began to glow.

Indow is having none of this and goes for a Dragon Slave.

"Indow! What the hell are you doing?!" Louis shouted.

"It is she! My lord, it is White Raven!" Indow shouted back.

I'm pretty sure "It is her!" would be more "correct" faux-medieval speak.
And just in case you're keeping track of this at home: "chicken" are unkown on Sin, but "ravens" are common knowledge.

Indow explained, "A hundred years ago-"

Louis interrupted, "Hey! You said years! I guess my new boots are translating more and more of your language into English."

It's nice that you've realized using your stupid fantasy words was a bad idea, but why didn't you just revise the previous chapters?
Also shouldn't this have already happened? Why is "kiros" kept untranslated if you know that it means "years"?

"She's the Butcher of Vahn, the title given to her after she massacred a village called Vahn, killing five hundred innocent people and drinking their blood!" Indow shouted.

Thanks for the info, Indow. I could've never imagined what "the Butcher of Vahn" could possibly allude to.
Though her actual name at this time was "Blood Raven", which just so happens to be the name of a certain evil archer lady from Diablo II.
White Raven is the Rogue from Diablo in reverse. Though since the title of this chapter is "Dark Raven", I assume she's also like the Raven from Teen Titans in that she keeps turning evil every now and then.

"And if that's the case, then why did she just save me?" Louis asked.

"Because I smiled." White Raven said.

This is what this whole smiling nonsense was building up to, isn't it?

"She smiled. No Dark Knight except for her in the three hundred years that the Darkness has been upon Sin has ever smiled. The second it happened, she was banished from the Dark Knights, proclaimed a traitor, and sentenced to an eternal life of exile.

Why? This just makes her a Knight/Spy multi-class character.

"There have been stories of her doing evil things recently. There's also the occasional story of her doing something on the side of light, but I don't believe it." Indow explained.

It's nice that Indow knows her entire backstory and recent events and rumors. Heaven forbid we have to deal with an actually mysterious character.

"I do fight on the side of light! Ever since the exile I have attempted to redeem myself for the crimes I suffered because of the Darkness." White Raven said, kneeling before Louis.

"The Darkness made me do it!"

This is gonna be another case where Linkara calls Indow a Nazi for daring to mistrust the mass-murdering vampire, isn't it?

Indow smiled and prepared to strike White Raven, but Louis grabbed her arm.

With what did she try to strike Raven? Does she even have a weapon? I don't even know if she has a fucking staff or not.

"But she served the Darkness-" Indow pleaded.

"Exactly. Past tense. 'Served.' As in she no longer serves them now. And right now, in a war like this, anyone who sides against us is our enemy. Anyone who sides with us in battle is our ally. We need all the help we can get, Indow! What's past is past." Louis said.

This guy is just asking to get backstabbed.
Also note he did this speech after brutalizing a defeated opponent for crimes he didn't even commit. He really can't make up his mind whether or not he's a bloodthirsty killer or fucking Jesus.
Must be the name. Linkara will spare you if you have an actual name.

"Then get up off the damn ground and find us some horses, we've got work to do!"

I take it this is the medieval version of "Go and make me a sandwich!"

*

Yet, somehow, she was not what she had expected. Indow had always thought of Blood Raven to be a mad woman, moving from town to town, seducing the men and slaughtering the women and children as she laughed maniacally at their screams of suffering.

Do you have to make everything horny, Indow?

He could be a Sorcerer using an Infinite Power spell. But that's unlikely, since Infinite Power spells only last an hour at most, and are very draining. Maybe I'm just overreacting... Indow thought to herself.

Doesn't sound very "infinite" to me, honestly.
Reminds me of the early Dragon Ball joke about the Immortal Phoenix who, ironically enough, died.

Lithmenar also stood. "Yes, I think I'll head to sleep as well. There's much profit to be made tomorrow!"

Do the Dark Knights carry bags of gold with them or something? You should've stayed in the capital where you can pick everyone's pockets.

Louis sat down beside her, smiling. "You know, for someone who was exiled from the Darkness for smirking, you certainly don't do much of it. Hell, I haven't seen you so much as curl your lips since you've been with us."

She's in her tortured lone wolf phase, dummy. Just because she can smile doesn't mean she has to do it every day.

"Of course not... But I'm wondering why you didn't kill me. I killed people. I murdered my own family!" White Raven exclaimed.

"I get pissed off at my family sometimes. I never went as far as killing them, but it's not like it's the end of the world or anything."

"I slaughtered innocents..."

"I hit people in the back of the head when they're stupid."

"I drank their blood!"

"I sometimes think my own blood's taste is actually pretty sweet."

"I desecrated their corpses and tortured them for hours and days!"

"I play Boccherini’s Minuet in Orchestra every day as a warm up. Since I always play it, it annoys the hell out of my classmates."

"I killed Rain."
"I didn't like her all that much, anyways. I just pretend so I have some semblance of a tragic past."
"I think thieves should be rounded up and killed."
"Oh, I'm cool with that. I just like fucking with Indow for fun."

Are we getting another "It's all in the past" speech from him? Whe just had that.

And at that moment, Louis stood up and slapped his hand across White Raven's face.

"Get a hold of yourself, woman!"

Get ready for another test run for the "... face of an ANGRY GOD!" speech.

Jeez... You angsty characters are all alike. 'Oh, my life was so horrible!' and 'Oh, why can't I just die?' You want to die? FINE. Go kill yourself, then! Slit your damn wrists, hang yourself, fall off a cliff, I DON'T CARE.

"I have to live the rest of my immortal life with the sins and crimes I have committed in my pa-"
"Oh Just KILL YOURSELF, you angsty bitch!"

Dude, she already pledged her loyalty and everything. Then you poked her PTSD until she snaped so you could make this grand "I DON'T CARE, BITCH!" speech. Do you enjoy putting females in a struggle session?
This really brings me back to that time he went ballistic on that "attention-whoring" suicide jumper in that one Superman comic. Never change, Linkara. Never change.

However, if you do decide to stay alive, you had better drop the damn depression and 'Oh, I'm so terrible' act...

"Just STOP being depressed, OKAY?! It's annoying."

... because I will get myself killed during my battle with the Darkness, and I will come back and haunt you for the rest of your life, singing as many Gilbert and Sullivan songs that I know into your ear over and over again! Do you get me?!

You keep your filthy tongue away from I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General.

White Raven was in shock. So far, all she had seen of Louis was a smiling, happy, (and in her opinion, naive) child who was attempting to wage a war. But now, he seemed ten feet tall, and wiser than his years.

"You think you had it tough, but I had to deal with the Pass Nazi!"

"That's got to be a Guinness World Record right there: the first and only person to ever smile and break away from the Darkness."

White Raven blinked. She had never thought of it like that, but Louis was beginning to truly open her eyes. She had been so busy worrying about all her failures and everything horrible that she had done that she had forgotten to review the good things.

"Show, don't tell" is for losers.

Next Time: Sweet merciful angels, it's one of the sequels to that chapter where Indow prostituted herself again and sold her soul to the Darkness. That can't be good.

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Inside the Mind of the Author - Stop stealing my Spotlight, you filthy Son of Bitch

We interrupt our regularly scheduled program (the schedule is not set, btw) for a little special. I originally planned to put this in the recap portion of the next main post, but I feel like it should deserve its own post, as it highlights a recurring pattern in the literary works of L. Lovhaug.

Linkara is a narcissistic little shit who hates it when other characters have more angst than his self-insert.

At4W: The Movie

This one doesn't need a lot of elaboration. I'm sure everyone knows the famous "ANGRY GOD" speech where Linkara (the character) berates his nakama and declares himself a grizzled veteran of the internet reviewer scene who has gone to hell and back and has overall suffered more than they could possibly imagine (because he's the only one with a stupid storyline involving Bootleg Terminators, Bootleg Power Rangers villains, and a fucking video game glitch).

At4W: The Series

One of my personal moments of his career. Enter Superman #701:


Featured in this issue (among other things) is Supes comforting a women in her midlife crisis who's had enough of her dead-end job and family members that keep dying.
Linkara went oddly ballistic against this woman, calling her an attention whore wasting precious Superman time.
Of course, considering the kind of mentally ill nutjobs still watching his stuff, he got enough flack to include this moment in one of his "Fuck-Up" episodes, where he admits to mistakes he has done in his videos (though more often than not it's him justifying himself, for he can usualy do no wrong). For this section he basically did a half-hearted "Mental health is serious buisness, okay?" PSA.
I feel like it tells a lot about him that he greenlit his original tirade against suicidal people.

The Lightbringer

Surely the scholars among you remember the scene early on in the comic when our hero spots a women about to get murder-raped, only to piss his pants and run away. The following panels are mostly about him feeling sorry about himself for being such a coward, with narry a thought about the poor woman that got murder-raped.

Angel Armor

Chapter 4 saw our hero blow a fuse because he didn't want to rest and wanted to get shit finally explained to him now, which was mostly about him being angsty about how he had a shitty week.

It goes a little something like this (paraphrased for comedic effect):

"I was BEATEN and BROKEN by an ORC (because I pissed it off), made only ONE friend (because only named characters matter) and within TWO DAYS of meeting her I had to BURY here (because I was too dumb to watch her back) and DRAG my way through ANOTHER FOREST for FIVE DAYS (beause I'm an idiot)".

Then someone dares to out-angst him in Chapter 11, and he's having none of it.

(Once again heavily paraphrased)

White Raven: "I figuratively have blood on my hands that I can never wash off. Every night I dream of the thousands of innocent women and children I raped to death with my blade, and how much I enjoyed it."

Linkara: "Boo-hoo. Look at me. I'm an angsty character. Listen to my angsty backstroy, boo-hoo-hoo."

White Raven: "Bb-bu-"

Linkara: "Either STOP being depressed, or just KILL YOURSELF, you dumb bitch. I DON'T CARE."

Does anyone else find this fucked up? No one is allowed to be as tortured of a character as himself. No other reviewer can ever understand his pain. Only his angst matters. And then he specifically made a reformed villain character with the most grimdark backstory he could think of, just to scream at her to "Get a hold of yourself, woman!"

(Not to mention Linkara once again "winning" an argument by going "SHUT UP, I'M RIGHT", but that's a much more general issue of his writing.)

[wulfenlord]

He sees other characters as inferior if they are women or female-presenting. Which also explains his choice of partners.

[Rushy]

Shades of that famous Linkara movie rant where he yells at Channel Awesome producers for not having endured fictional torment