The Angel Armor Saga by Lewis "The Lightbringer" Lovhaug

[Le Redditeur]

If the CP is underage, the the Lightbringer must engage!

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Book 4, Chapter 1 - Home
(Or: Pizza Time)



Rejoice, everyone! The dark days of juvenile slop are behind us! Linkara (the author) has evolved into a big college boy now, more embiggened and sophisticated than ever before!
Ready your eyes to feast upon literary delights never thought possible. Let's gooooooo~

(I'm pretty sure we're just gonna get lame "comedy" based on hilarious misunderstandings of Earth culture, customs and technology. That shit's so obvious I didn't even bother to file it as a prediction. I mean, what the fuck else are we gonna waste time with before the bad guys show up? It can't all be about Indow complaining about Sailor Moon being unrealistic.
At least I hope so...)

And always remember: The Great Linkara refuses to accept Buddhism.

RecapShow

After waiting and faffing about for a bit too long, our heroes finally get the Stargate ritual going and step through, to be shat out into the antique shop from where Linkara got originally isekai'd from.
Of course, before they got shat out they got grabbed by Stupid Surprise Magic Space Gods, who mostly just mumbled some mystery box bullshit that will maybe become tangentially relevant in about 10+ chapters or so. Who knows.

Also Linkara's lucious hair got restored, because heaven forbid he looks different from when he got isekai'd.

ChapterShow

Louis Williamson ran towards the door of the antique shop...

...and promptly tripped over his own feet. He yelped and fell backwards right on top of Lithmenar, who, in turn, fell on top of White Raven. Indow and Jordahn just stood off to the side and laughed.

“Ow! Get off of me, kid!”

Louis chuckled and rolled off of Lithmenar, closing his eyes and simply laughing into the air. Lithmenar stood up and brushed himself off once more, staring down at Louis with a perplexed look on his face. White Raven similarly followed, getting back on her feet and raising an eyebrow in curiosity at Louis’ behavior.

“Just what is so terribly amusing, kid?” he asked.

“All of this! I can’t believe it, Lithie, I’m really home!” Louis giggled in response before slowly standing up once more.

As soon as Louis was on his feet, he almost tripped over again. Indow moved to catch him, but he reached for a nearby shelf and held on, breathing slowly and closing his eyes as a bead of sweat ran down his forehead.

“Are you all right?” White Raven asked.

“Just a bit dizzy... Does anyone else feel that?” Louis responded.

“I believe it is an after effect of the journey through the vortex, my love. Netersao described similar symptoms when he landed on Earth. I admit, my head is spinning from all of the excitement,” Indow explained.

“Ugh... I’ve got to say, it’s more than that... It feels like my whole body is off-balance...” Louis replied, steadying himself on his feet. “I’m heavier than I was before. You know how I feel? I feel like I did right when I arrived on Sin.”

Indow stepped closer and held onto Louis to help him stand up. “Well, I just had a thought...”

“Enlighten me,” Louis requested, regaining his senses.

“Well, you noticed how your hair is back, right?” Indow asked.

Louis nodded and grinned, running his hand through the hair that had been burned off while on Sin, but, for some reason, had been fully restored upon returning to Earth.

“I do not believe that you left Earth entirely. Somehow, your body was copied... or maybe your spirit was transferred, I’m not sure of the details, but essentially the body that you had on Sin is not the same body you had on Earth. You’ve grown accustomed to a more agile and strengthened body on Sin. When we first found you at the church, Louis... well, you weren’t exactly in the best shape. Your body on earth has not been as strengthened through battle as it was on Sin.”

Muttering to himself, Louis said, “Oh, great, I make a grand homecoming, do a little speech, and then throw up all over myself, that’s just-”

“Where am I?!”

Everyone looked towards the door of the antique shop, but saw nothing. Thinking that someone was screaming from the outside, the group immediately made their way outside, Louis limping behind them a little as he recovered from his nausea. However, as soon as he reached the door, a brief revelation came to him. He looked over at the purchasing counter, where an elderly man was calmly sitting on a stool and flipping through a magazine that Louis couldn’t identify. He had a pair of glasses sitting on the edge of his face. He didn’t seem to have a care in the world, particularly not for the fact that only person had entered his store but now five were leaving.

“Hey, listen, I’ll be right back to pay for the gauntlet, I just need to-”

“Consider it a gift, Linkara.” The man interrupted. “I’ve got a feeling you’ll need it.”

Louis stood awestruck in the doorway. He opened his mouth, about to ask how on heaven or Earth he knew about the Linkara, but Indow cried out for him to get outside quickly. Louis bit his lower lip and forgot about the old man for a moment, running out the door. Although he knew it was a bad idea to let his attention stray from him again, Louis’ eyes widened as he looked around himself at the world that, several months ago, he had left and almost thought he would never see again. It looked exactly as it had when he first left, the sky a bright blue with enough clouds in the sky to give it a textured look. The sun was shining, but half-hidden behind the clouds so that it didn’t seem to beat harshly down on the skin of the people below. It was the beginning of spring, with a comfortable seventy degree temperature.

“Who are you people?!”

Louis snapped back to reality and looked down to where the others were standing. The four kept their distance away from the single figure lying in the grass, but were close enough to be easily noticed by the frightened individual who was slowly starting to sit up. She appeared to be in her early twenties, but around five feet tall in height. She had short blonde hair covered by a red helmet, as well as matching red armor on the rest of her body. There were two rather distinctive features about her, however, that caught everyone’s attention right away. The first was the long, fresh scar that had been carved into her face from one corner to the opposite. It didn’t appear to be bleeding, but it was quite menacing and appeared to be something that had happened to her recently. The scar was only part of her injury, since the blade indentation in her armor indicated that someone had swiped down from her face and through her chest – a killing stroke.

The second odd thing about her was the fact that her entire body appeared to be partially transparent. They could see the grass under her.

“Just stay calm! We’re not going to hurt you!” Lithmenar said.

“I... The Priest attacked me...” the woman stuttered, obviously confused.

Suddenly, she clutched her stomach, yelping in pain. The phasing around her body began to distort slightly, portions becoming more opaque. Indow reached down to try to help her, but White Raven quickly grabbed her wrist, keeping her from touching the fading woman. Within a minute, the screams subsided as the woman seemed to pass out, the injuries on her face and chest disappearing along with her transparency. Her body was completely solid then, but whatever had pushed her into full visibility had knocked the woman out.

White Raven released Indow’s wrist and let her go down. The Priestess felt around the woman’s neck for a pulse, keeping her fingers on the spot for a moment before she looked back up at Louis.

“She’s alive, at least. We should get her someplace more comfortable.” Indow stated.

“We’ll bring her back to my house.” Louis suggested, preparing to pick up the unconscious woman.

“It would be better if I carried her. We don’t know how being back on your world has affected your strength.” Jordahn said, going down and easily hefting the girl up over her shoulder.

Louis nodded, realizing that all the movement had definitely made him a little queasy. As he recovered, he looked to the Antique Shop’s door, seeing that the sign had been changed to read Closed. His gaze wandered to the side of the door as he smiled, seeing that his bike was still there. He ran over to it and picked it up, wheeling it down the street and leading his friends back to his home.

*

John and Erica Williamson slowly looked from Indow to Louis and then back to Indow again. They both sat down on the couch of their living room in front of Louis, whose armor encompassed his body. Indow stood beside him smiling and holding a Lighting Spell in her hand, the small orb illuminating everything in the room.

“So, what do you think?” Louis inquired, winking at his parents.

Both sat with mouths agape at what they had seen and what they had been told. After arriving back at his home, Louis waited for his parents to return and promptly explained about the people who were now in their house and why there was a woman unconscious in the guest room. He had left out a significant number of the details to his angered parents, who were in the middle of chastising Louis for letting people in their house while they weren’t home when he suddenly brought out his gauntlet and allowed his armor to form around him. Needing a bit more convincing, Indow had been happy enough to show the stunned adults her ears and some of her magicks. They were still in awe of the revelation that their son had been on another world for several months, hadn’t aged a day from the experience, and the fact that he was the figurehead of that world’s largest religion.

“This is... a lot to take in, Louis.” Erica stated.

“Of course. Take all the time you need. However, I hate to say this, but everyone in the group needs accommodations while I figure out how long they’ll be here. We do intend on going back to Sin, we’re just not sure when...” Louis pointed out, looking over at Lithmenar and Jordahn.

The two in question were amazed with the refrigerator and the fact that it seemed to generate cold air without any magicks.

Louis’ father raised an eyebrow and looked up at Louis. “You didn’t think about how long they’d be staying before you brought them here?”

Louis shrugged and replied, “We kind of got swept up in the excitement of getting back here. Think of this like taking on a foreign exchange student! Well, a few exchange students...”

White Raven entered the room, rubbing her eyes as she sat down at the kitchen table to relax. “Well, the woman’s still unconscious, but she doesn’t seem to have anything wrong with her. The injuries we saw on her seem to have healed. Could she be a Sorceress?”

“Possibly. I did sense magic coming from her, but she has nothing to indicate such a status.” Indow stated as she let the Lighting Spell dissipate.

Lithmenar took a bite out of an apple he had found in the refrigerator.

“Could she be a witch?” he asked, albeit slightly muffled.

Indow glared at Lithmenar. “Don’t be so hasty to make such an accusation!”

“I presume that calling someone a witch is a much bigger accusation on Sin than it is on Earth?” Louis inquired as he walked over to the kitchen table, sitting down at it.

“A witch is someone who trains in magic outside of the consent of the Sovereign, without undergoing trials or proper training.” Indow stated with a sneer as she sat down beside Louis.

“Why not take her to a hospital?” Louis’ father suggested, standing up and walking over to the refrigerator to get something to drink.

“Normally that’d be a good idea, except if my experiences on Sin are any indication, she’s not going to register entirely as human and we don’t know what kind of effects medication will have on her if they were to try anything.” Louis explained.

“Yes, your ‘experiences’ on Sin... Care to tell us exactly what exactly the whole story is?” Erica questioned of her son, getting up to sit at the kitchen table with the rest of the assembled travelers.

Louis smiled and leaned back a little in his chair. “Have a seat. The rest of my friends here can fill in any of the blanks that I forget. It all began about eleven months ago... or, I suppose, only this afternoon in terms of earth time, wouldn’t it? Anyway, as soon as I got home today, I heard a peculiar voice echo around me and tell me to go to this antique shop...”

*

Indow sat down on the steps of the front walkway into Louis’ home, taking in slow, deep breathes. She looked up into the bright blue sky and smiled, loving how Louis’ world looked to her. Sure, it was certainly different from Sin in minor details when it came to nature, but the same basic structures were there. The bark on the trees of Sin was teal and smooth, almost like painted glass, whereas on Earth they were brown, rough, and broke up into various patterns. The grass retained the same basic structure, but the color was different, a dark green on earth whereas Sin’s had a blue-green color to it.

Indow lay back slightly and sighed up at the sky, closing her eyes and soaking up the light of the sun. Her ears twitched slightly and her tail swung a little beneath her as she relaxed. Louis’ parents had finally been content with a more detailed explanation of events, albeit still having a difficult time accepting that their son hadn’t been gone an hour and yet had experienced eleven months of life on another world that considered him Godlike in all aspects. Louis had just been happy to see them again and had taken every opportunity to hug and kiss them as he could. After the reunion and story, the three members of the Williamson family got to work on preparing accommodations for the guests. The guest room’s daybed was still in use by the unconscious woman, so that, sadly, had been taken. Jordahn had asked only for small accommodations like sheets, something she could use for slight comfort. Lithmenar and White Raven wanted slightly better accommodations, so each were assigned a futon located in the basement. Indow had been given a couch, much to her own joy. She did, frankly, miss sleeping in a bed, and hadn’t done so for at least a week or two by Sin’s time.

“How are you doing, Indow?” Louis asked, leaning against the front door as he looked down at his love.

Indow practically purred in her response.

“I am enjoying this very lovely world of yours. I feel so at ease, so comfortable and carefree here! My magicks almost feel... amplified.”

Louis looked up at the sky, where Indow’s eyes were still gazing off into. He looked back down at her and winked.

“Want to fly for a bit?” he queried.

She smiled and leapt up onto her feet. Indow held out her hand to Louis, who gladly took it. Louis’ armor began spreading over his body as Indow closed her eyes, the wind around her picking up in intensity. As Louis’ wings began forming, Indow was already floating off the ground. However, the two kept their hands together as they went up until the span of Louis’ golden wings prevented him from keeping hold of her. However, in less than a minute, both were up in the air and rising above it all. Louis spread his arms out as his wings did all the work, easily fighting gravity. He closed his eyes as he felt the wind whipping around him. He took deep breaths as he got higher, stopping when he was about fifty feet off the ground. He briefly considered what he might look like to the people below him, but as he opened his eyes, he stopped caring about people on the ground.

Indow hovered several feet away from him, her hands behind her back as she looked at her love. She grinned at him, giving him a ‘come hither’ look. Louis flew over to her and Indow playfully floated away from him just outside of his reach. He grinned and tried once more, but she dodged it again. She giggled and extended her arms, flying down away from Louis like a mischievous pixie. Louis, in turn, pursued her, descending towards the girl he loved as she went past a row of houses and towards a small forest (if one could call a long assortment of trees along the side of a road a forest). Indow flew up and down into the forest, teasing Louis into finding her before she popped back up again.

After five minutes of the game, Louis finally caught Indow and held her in his arms. The two embraced and kissed, flying back hand- in-hand to Louis’ home for dinner.

*

“This, my good friends, is pizza. Eat heartily, but try not to take too much.” Louis said as he opened the Pizza Hut box top up and revealed to them his first example of Earth cuisine.

Indow reached for one first, while the others were more reluctant in going for pieces of the food. Jordahn, in particular, was examining the pizza with a skeptical look, making sure that she didn’t spot any pieces of meat mixed in with the cheese. After Indow grabbed onto a slice of pizza, she pulled it away and onto her plate where she could get a better look at it before she began eating. She leaned in and sniffed at the dish, raising an eyebrow as she looked over at Louis.

“It’s quite... greasy,” she commented.

Louis rolled his eyes. “Yes, it’s supposed to be. Eat up or it’ll get cold.”

Indow shrugged and raised the triangle-shaped slice to her lips, biting off a piece quickly. She chewed for a few moments and swallowed, proceeding then to quickly gobble down the one slice and start reaching for another. While Lithmenar poked at his slice with a fork, Jordahn and White Raven ate as calmly as Louis’ parents and his brother, George, who was still trying to wrap his head around the revelation that Louis had been gone for a year without anyone noticing it or that any time had passed at all. Needless to say, he was more than a little perplexed by the whole thing.

“So, let me see if I get this straight: I leave you alone for two hours and you manage to not only save a planet, but get a girlfriend and a whole heap of other people to stay at our house. That’s just typical, you know that, dork?” George commented.

“Kindly do not refer to my love as ‘dork.’” Indow said between finishing one pizza slice and starting on another.

“You know, I just thought of something: if your friends are going to be staying here, Louis, we’re going to go through a lot of food really quickly.” Erica pointed out.

“Not to mention the bed situation is already a nightmare...” John also stated, referring to the lack of appropriate sleeping space in the house.

“Sleeping arrangements aren’t that big a problem. You’re right about the food, though, so we already have made a decision about that.” Louis explained, taking on another slice of pizza to his plate.

“We shall remain on here for ten days and then return to Sin. It is a small time, I admit, but it should provide adequate time to enjoy some of the fruits of Earth and see if there are, indeed, any peculiarities in time when we travel from one world to another.” Indow said between gulping down pieces of her food.

“And are you going with them, honey?” Louis’ mother inquired, looking over at him.

Louis sat, swallowing the bite of pizza in his mouth and biting his lower lip. He opened his mouth to respond to her, but then stood up from his chair when he saw who was standing at the entranceway to the kitchen. The woman whom they had found right after landing on Earth was leaning against the door, her blonde hair in a mess as she gripped onto the frame of the doorway. The rest of the group looked to her and stood up, White Raven and Indow even going up to help her. Her general disposition seemed to be worn out and tired, her red armor having been removed earlier when White Raven had been assessing her injuries.

The former Dark Knight and the Anako Sorceress lead the woman back to a chair, sitting her down a bit. She took in long, deep breathes before she looked over at Louis and licked her lips in order to speak a bit more clearly.

Her voice was dry and cracked, but Louis understood what she said: “Life giver, please.”

Louis nodded and darted over to the kitchen sink (the kitchen and dining room were adjoined), reached up for a clean glass, and poured a glass of water to the stranger. He then brought it back to the woman, who quickly downed the entire glass in one gulp. She looked from one person to another, not recognizing a single one among them nor understanding her peculiar surroundings.

“Who might you be, young lady?” John inquired.

The woman still seemed to be in a daze, but she turned to him and replied, “My name is Thesia... and I hope there’s no one here named Deiji...”

*

“Give me some, damn it!”

“Fuck you, I did all the work!”

The two muggers argued continuously in a back alley of downtown St. Paul. With the night came the way the two had to make ends meat: thievery. Both had knives in their hands, ready to stab one another over the wallet and purse they had just stolen off of a couple that had been walking home. However, just before their argument could escalate any further, the alleyway was suddenly encased in light. The two hoodlums, in shock over the bright yellow illumination that had filled their alley without any visible source, covered their eyes and dropped the pilfered items. They readied their weapons, as well, wondering if the police had actually managed to track them down or if they had been lured there by the shouting.

The light faded shortly afterwards, returning to its previous ambiance. The two uncovered their eyes and looked down the alley corridor, seeing a man crouching on the ground, his body encased in black armor as smoke drifted off of him as if he had been on fire a few seconds before. The crouching man’s body quivered in the darkness, his eyes closed as the two muggers slowly stepped closer to him. Forgoing normal sense in such a situation, curiosity overtook the two muggers as they walked up within reaching distance of the crouching man.

“Holy mother of-” one began to exclaim.

However, before he could finish his sentence, the crouching man’s arm quickly lashed out and grabbed his leg, pulling tightly to the side and sending the law-breaker into a nearby brick wall. The other mugger, in shock over how his companion had been flung away like a rag doll, proceeded to turn around and start running down the alley. Unfortunately for him, the crouching man rose and reached over to grasp the sword hanging on his side. He charged after the mugger and unsheathed his weapon, swiping it across his back. The mugger fell forward, yelping in pain. The crouching man brought his foot down on the mugger’s back and kept him pinned down.

“The Linkara,” he whispered, “where is he?”

RiffingShow

Louis Williamson ran towards the door of the antique shop...

...and promptly tripped over his own feet. He yelped and fell backwards right on top of Lithmenar, who, in turn, fell on top of White Raven. Indow and Jordahn just stood off to the side and laughed.

• Why were you running?
• Unless you slipped on a banana peel, shouldn't you have fallen forward?
• Why was half of your fellowship directly behind you, while the other half just stood there on the sidelines?

This is off to a great start.

Louis chuckled and rolled off of Lithmenar, closing his eyes and simply laughing into the air. Lithmenar stood up and brushed himself off once more, staring down at Louis with a perplexed look on his face. White Raven similarly followed, getting back on her feet and raising an eyebrow in curiosity at Louis’ behavior.

I think he's lost it.

“Just what is so terribly amusing, kid?” he asked.

“All of this! I can’t believe it, Lithie, I’m really home!” Louis giggled in response before slowly standing up once more.

Did he hit his head when the Stargate shat him out?

As soon as Louis was on his feet, he almost tripped over again. Indow moved to catch him, but he reached for a nearby shelf and held on, breathing slowly and closing his eyes as a bead of sweat ran down his forehead.

"Screw you, woman! My fall shall not be caught by one of the fairer sex!"

“Are you all right?” White Raven asked.

“Just a bit dizzy... Does anyone else feel that?” Louis responded.

“I believe it is an after effect of the journey through the vortex, my love. Netersao described similar symptoms when he landed on Earth. I admit, my head is spinning from all of the excitement,” Indow explained.

Naturally, only Linkara appears to be noticeably affected by this. Is this about muh Earth DNA again?

“Ugh... I’ve got to say, it’s more than that... It feels like my whole body is off-balance...” Louis replied, steadying himself on his feet. “I’m heavier than I was before. You know how I feel? I feel like I did right when I arrived on Sin.”

Dude, that was like a year ago. There's no way you can remember this specific feeling.
Also it's a retcon, anyways? Your trip to Sin was so fast and smooth it happened in the literal blink of an eye. The only reason you started feeling like shit is because you were freaking the fuck out.

Indow stepped closer and held onto Louis to help him stand up. “Well, I just had a thought...”

“Enlighten me,” Louis requested, regaining his senses.

This is gonna hurt, isn't it?

“I do not believe that you left Earth entirely. Somehow, your body was copied... or maybe your spirit was transferred, I’m not sure of the details, but essentially the body that you had on Sin is not the same body you had on Earth. You’ve grown accustomed to a more agile and strengthened body on Sin. When we first found you at the church, Louis... well, you weren’t exactly in the best shape. Your body on earth has not been as strengthened through battle as it was on Sin.”

Oh boy. Someone sure wanted to ensure that nothing about Linkara's looks could've possibly changed between when he left Earth, and when he returned.
It's still the same day as when he left, isn't it?

Muttering to himself, Louis said, “Oh, great, I make a grand homecoming, do a little speech, and then throw up all over myself, that’s just-”

What the fuck are you talking about?

“Where am I?!”

Everyone looked towards the door of the antique shop, but saw nothing. Thinking that someone was screaming from the outside, the group immediately made their way outside, Louis limping behind them a little as he recovered from his nausea. However, as soon as he reached the door, a brief revelation came to him. He looked over at the purchasing counter, where an elderly man was calmly sitting on a stool and flipping through a magazine that Louis couldn’t identify. He had a pair of glasses sitting on the edge of his face. He didn’t seem to have a care in the world, particularly not for the fact that only person had entered his store but now five were leaving.

This better be a situation where only Linkara can see this old geezer. 'Cause I can't imagine his entire entourage failing their Spot checks that badly.

“Hey, listen, I’ll be right back to pay for the gauntlet, I just need to-”

“Consider it a gift, Linkara.” The man interrupted. “I’ve got a feeling you’ll need it.”

Louis stood awestruck in the doorway. He opened his mouth, about to ask how on heaven or Earth he knew about the Linkara...

I feel like Mr. Genre Savvy over here should be more familiar with mysterious old men in mysterious antique shops being a bit too mysterious for their own good.

... but Indow cried out for him to get outside quickly. Louis bit his lower lip and forgot about the old man for a moment, running out the door.

10bux that the old guy and/or his entire shop will have vanished by the time Linkara decides to ask the guy some questions.

It looked exactly as it had when he first left, the sky a bright blue with enough clouds in the sky to give it a textured look. The sun was shining, but half-hidden behind the clouds so that it didn’t seem to beat harshly down on the skin of the people below.

His mom might be a code poet, but he's certainly not a word poet.

“Who are you people?!”

Louis snapped back to reality and looked down to where the others were standing. The four kept their distance away from the single figure lying in the grass, but were close enough to be easily noticed by the frightened individual who was slowly starting to sit up.

I think that means they're at most 50 feet away from him, which should make noticing them a Spot check with Difficulty Class 5 or even lower.

She appeared to be in her early twenties, but around five feet tall in height. She had short blonde hair covered by a red helmet, as well as matching red armor on the rest of her body.

Hey, look. Another blonde character.
And is this fucking Thesia or something? She also had red armor when she pretended to be a ghost for some reason. Though her hair is usually longer. So maybe it's Tomboy Thesia?

(I assume this is about that time Thesia hung out with Varek somewhere in the background of Book 2 and got supposedly "killed". No fucking idea how this all fits chronologically, though.)

The first was the long, fresh scar that had been carved into her face from one corner to the opposite. It didn’t appear to be bleeding, but it was quite menacing and appeared to be something that had happened to her recently. The scar was only part of her injury, since the blade indentation in her armor indicated that someone had swiped down from her face and through her chest – a killing stroke.

I take it the helmet is a bit useless.

The second odd thing about her was the fact that her entire body appeared to be partially transparent. They could see the grass under her.

You'd think that would be the first thing to mention when describing this waifu.

“Just stay calm! We’re not going to hurt you!” Lithmenar said.

“I... The Priest attacked me...” the woman stuttered, obviously confused.

What are the odds of rape being once again involved, I wonder...

Suddenly, she clutched her stomach, yelping in pain. The phasing around her body began to distort slightly, portions becoming more opaque. Indow reached down to try to help her, but White Raven quickly grabbed her wrist, keeping her from touching the fading woman. Within a minute, the screams subsided as the woman seemed to pass out, the injuries on her face and chest disappearing along with her transparency. Her body was completely solid then, but whatever had pushed her into full visibility had knocked the woman out.

I'm sure we will get a logical explanation for this that will leave me completely satisfied.

“She’s alive, at least. We should get her someplace more comfortable.” Indow stated.

“We’ll bring her back to my house.” Louis suggested, preparing to pick up the unconscious woman.

How about a hospital?

“It would be better if I carried her. We don’t know how being back on your world has affected your strength.” Jordahn said, going down and easily hefting the girl up over her shoulder.

He's gonna be even more useless than last book, isn't he?

Louis nodded, realizing that all the movement had definitely made him a little queasy. As he recovered, he looked to the Antique Shop’s door, seeing that the sign had been changed to read Closed.

Usually these mysterious shops just disappear, leaving whatever shop is actually supposed to be there. But I guess a "Closed" sign is enough to stop Linkara from pursuing this any further.

His gaze wandered to the side of the door as he smiled, seeing that his bike was still there. He ran over to it and picked it up, wheeling it down the street and leading his friends back to his home.

I bet not a single hour has passed on Earth.

*

John and Erica Williamson slowly looked from Indow to Louis and then back to Indow again. They both sat down on the couch of their living room in front of Louis, whose armor encompassed his body. Indow stood beside him smiling and holding a Lighting Spell in her hand, the small orb illuminating everything in the room.

“So, what do you think?” Louis inquired, winking at his parents.

"I am disappointed in you, son. This isn't even a real catgirl!"

Both sat with mouths agape at what they had seen and what they had been told.

That works too, I guess.

After arriving back at his home, Louis waited for his parents to return and promptly explained about the people who were now in their house and why there was a woman unconscious in the guest room. He had left out a significant number of the details to his angered parents, who were in the middle of chastising Louis for letting people in their house while they weren’t home when he suddenly brought out his gauntlet and allowed his armor to form around him. Needing a bit more convincing, Indow had been happy enough to show the stunned adults her ears and some of her magicks.

Would've been nice actually reading about this, and not just getting this summary.
Also judging by the parents' reaction, it seems he was never really "missing" from their point of view.

They were still in awe of the revelation that their son had been on another world for several months, hadn’t aged a day from the experience, and the fact that he was the figurehead of that world’s largest religion.

It almost sounds like a bunch of bullshit, but hey, he has a fancy armor and some weird furry elf chick that's supposedly a catgirl, so who are they to judge?

“Of course. Take all the time you need. However, I hate to say this, but everyone in the group needs accommodations while I figure out how long they’ll be here. We do intend on going back to Sin, we’re just not sure when...” Louis pointed out, looking over at Lithmenar and Jordahn.

"Mom, dad? Can my friends stay here for a while?" is for losers. Real alpha chads like Linkara go "So my loyal minions are gonna freeload this place for a while until we decide to fuck off again, and you will like it."

The two in question were amazed with the refrigerator and the fact that it seemed to generate cold air without any magicks.

"OMG! I don't think it uses magick !"

I feel like a fridge is a weird thing to lose your mind over when you're from a high fantasy world that has convenient off-screen teleport networks.

Louis’ father raised an eyebrow and looked up at Louis. “You didn’t think about how long they’d be staying before you brought them here?”

Louis shrugged and replied, “We kind of got swept up in the excitement of getting back here. Think of this like taking on a foreign exchange student! Well, a few exchange students...”

"I am the Great Linkara, father, therefore I call the shots in this household now!"

White Raven entered the room, rubbing her eyes as she sat down at the kitchen table to relax. “Well, the woman’s still unconscious, but she doesn’t seem to have anything wrong with her. The injuries we saw on her seem to have healed. Could she be a Sorceress?”

“Possibly. I did sense magic coming from her, but she has nothing to indicate such a status.” Indow stated as she let the Lighting Spell dissipate.

What would indicate such a status?

Lithmenar took a bite out of an apple he had found in the refrigerator.

Pretty daring considering apples aren't really a thing on Sin. Except for those apples that are actually oranges inside afaik.
And who puts apples in a fridge? Does fruit spoil too quickly in the tropical climate of Minnesota?

“Could she be a witch?” he asked, albeit slightly muffled.

Indow glared at Lithmenar. “Don’t be so hasty to make such an accusation!”

Just look at her character sheet.

“I presume that calling someone a witch is a much bigger accusation on Sin than it is on Earth?” Louis inquired as he walked over to the kitchen table, sitting down at it.

Oh yeah. "Witch" has always been a sign of affection on Earth.

“A witch is someone who trains in magic outside of the consent of the Sovereign, without undergoing trials or proper training.” Indow stated with a sneer as she sat down beside Louis.

Oh, so that's why Myrrha got called a witch like twice in Book 2. She doesn't have a loicense.
And is this Sovereign associated with the Linkaran church? Probably not, considering the last pages of the last book just had to introduce a new wizard religion to wreck the Linkaran Church's monopoly on spellcasters.

“Why not take her to a hospital?” Louis’ father suggested, standing up and walking over to the refrigerator to get something to drink.

"Oh, foolish father. Let me tell you how wrong you are!"

“Normally that’d be a good idea, except if my experiences on Sin are any indication, she’s not going to register entirely as human and we don’t know what kind of effects medication will have on her if they were to try anything.” Louis explained.

It sure is convenient how this differing DNA subplot is a perfect excuse to keep the proper authorities out of the plot.
And how's the hospital staff gonna find out about her dark secret? They don't really do routine DNA checks, and unless her inner organs are noticeably different they will probably just assume she has allergies or incompatibilities something.

Also what are the odds of your beloved fellowship getting offed by the flu in about two weeks?

“Yes, your ‘experiences’ on Sin... Care to tell us exactly what exactly the whole story is?” Erica questioned of her son, getting up to sit at the kitchen table with the rest of the assembled travelers.

"With pleasure, mother. I am certain you will be positively delighted by all the rape!"

Louis smiled and leaned back a little in his chair. “Have a seat. The rest of my friends here can fill in any of the blanks that I forget. It all began about eleven months ago... or, I suppose, only this afternoon in terms of earth time, wouldn’t it? Anyway, as soon as I got home today, I heard a peculiar voice echo around me and tell me to go to this antique shop...”

I fucking knew it. Even after he claimed last book that time on both worlds passes at the same speed. I knew it in my heart of hearts.

Though what does happen when they return to Sin? Will time also not have passed much there? Is everyone's real body just calmly sleeping in that cave?

*

Indow sat down on the steps of the front walkway into Louis’ home, taking in slow, deep breathes. She looked up into the bright blue sky and smiled, loving how Louis’ world looked to her. Sure, it was certainly different from Sin in minor details when it came to nature, but the same basic structures were there.

Remember that one scene early on in Book 1 when Sinnian trees where green and teal?
And "the same basic structures were there"? A modern city looks nothing like your medieval shithole ghettos. The only thing that would look even remotely familiar to you were churches (mostly because every stone building on Sin apparently looks like a cathedral).

The bark on the trees of Sin was teal and smooth, almost like painted glass, whereas on Earth they were brown, rough, and broke up into various patterns. The grass retained the same basic structure, but the color was different, a dark green on earth whereas Sin’s had a blue-green color to it.

I just said that. And you call that "minor details"?

Louis’ parents had finally been content with a more detailed explanation of events, albeit still having a difficult time accepting that their son hadn’t been gone an hour and yet had experienced eleven months of life on another world that considered him Godlike in all aspects.

It is a bit far out.
And did he have to bring up that he's Fantasy Jesus? Dude's just flexing at this point.

Louis had just been happy to see them again and had taken every opportunity to hug and kiss them as he could.

Are we ever gonna get an actual scene for this heartfelt family reunion, or will we have to make do with the CliffsNotes version because Linkara (the author) so obviously doesn't want to focus on the lesser Williamsons any more than he absolutely has to?

After the reunion and story, the three members of the Williamson family got to work on preparing accommodations for the guests.

Speaking of the Williamsons: where's his older brother?

The guest room’s daybed was still in use by the unconscious woman, so that, sadly, had been taken.

Well, it's not every day that you have to deal with five surprise freeloaders, so get fucked, fellowship.

Jordahn had asked only for small accommodations like sheets, something she could use for slight comfort.

She'll fashion a pillow out of her axes.

Lithmenar and White Raven wanted slightly better accommodations...

Spoiled little divas.

... so each were assigned a futon located in the basement.

Why do they have futons?

Indow had been given a couch, much to her own joy.

Only the best for Linkara's cum dumpster.

(Except there won't be any cum dumping, because fantasy girls are icky and might give him fantasy syphilis.)

“How are you doing, Indow?” Louis asked, leaning against the front door as he looked down at his love.

Indow practically purred in her response.

“I am enjoying this very lovely world of yours. I feel so at ease, so comfortable and carefree here! My magicks almost feel... amplified.”

Does that mean she will get to solo encounters even harder than before?

Louis looked up at the sky, where Indow’s eyes were still gazing off into. He looked back down at her and winked.

“Want to fly for a bit?” he queried.

That's a weird euphemism for sex.
And wouldn't this attract unwanted attention for no reason?

As Louis’ wings began forming, Indow was already floating off the ground. However, the two kept their hands together as they went up until the span of Louis’ golden wings prevented him from keeping hold of her.

This kinda implies Indow carried him up a couple feet, since they can't hold hands when his hands are actually doing shit.

He took deep breaths as he got higher, stopping when he was about fifty feet off the ground.

That's barely a fifth of your precious Notre-Dame. I am disappoint.

He briefly considered what he might look like to the people below him, but as he opened his eyes, he stopped caring about people on the ground.

When did you ever care about other people? Or the consequences of your actions, for that matter?

Indow hovered several feet away from him, her hands behind her back as she looked at her love.

An uncommon flight pose, but I appreciate it.

She grinned at him, giving him a ‘come hither’ look.

Bitch you know he doesn't want to have sex with you.

(Though he might like to watch you getting it on with his dad.)

Louis flew over to her and Indow playfully floated away from him just outside of his reach. He grinned and tried once more, but she dodged it again. She giggled and extended her arms, flying down away from Louis like a mischievous pixie.

Anyone else getting rock fucking hard at this foreplay?

Louis, in turn, pursued her, descending towards the girl he loved as she went past a row of houses and towards a small forest (if one could call a long assortment of trees along the side of a road a forest).

I think the words you're looking for are "tree-lined street".

Indow flew up and down into the forest, teasing Louis into finding her before she popped back up again.

It's a line of trees. What are you gonna do, hide in the treetop?

After five minutes of the game, Louis finally caught Indow and held her in his arms. The two embraced and kissed, flying back hand- in-hand to Louis’ home for dinner.

Oh, so this foreplay was for the pizza. I get it.

*

“This, my good friends, is pizza. Eat heartily, but try not to take too much.” Louis said as he opened the Pizza Hut box top up and revealed to them his first example of Earth cuisine.

Pizza Hut? Really? That's the fine Terran cuisine whose absence has caused you existential nigthmares this past year?

Indow reached for one first, while the others were more reluctant in going for pieces of the food.

Even Lithmenar, who casually ate a strange alien fruit like he didn't give a fuck?

Jordahn, in particular, was examining the pizza with a skeptical look, making sure that she didn’t spot any pieces of meat mixed in with the cheese.

It might help knowing what kind of pizza this is.
Personally, I'd say Linkara's a massive dick if he apparently only orders one pizza and knows he has someone in the party who is at least vegetarian.

After Indow grabbed onto a slice of pizza, she pulled it away and onto her plate where she could get a better look at it before she began eating. She leaned in and sniffed at the dish, raising an eyebrow as she looked over at Louis.

“It’s quite... greasy,” she commented.

Louis rolled his eyes. “Yes, it’s supposed to be. Eat up or it’ll get cold.”

[Linkara will remember this.]

Indow shrugged and raised the triangle-shaped slice to her lips, biting off a piece quickly. She chewed for a few moments and swallowed, proceeding then to quickly gobble down the one slice and start reaching for another.

It seems the mystery pizza with ingredients unkown to us mere readers is up to her high standards

While Lithmenar poked at his slice with a fork, Jordahn and White Raven ate as calmly as Louis’ parents and his brother, George, who was still trying to wrap his head around the revelation that Louis had been gone for a year without anyone noticing it or that any time had passed at all.

Oh hi, Linkara's big brother. Is that really how you're introduced back into the plot? You're just suddenly there?

“So, let me see if I get this straight: I leave you alone for two hours and you manage to not only save a planet, but get a girlfriend and a whole heap of other people to stay at our house. That’s just typical, you know that, dork?” George commented.

Linkara's gonna be like

“Kindly do not refer to my love as ‘dork.’” Indow said between finishing one pizza slice and starting on another.

The Great Linkara has no need to defend himself against his lesser kin.

(Also how many slices of pizza are there?)

“You know, I just thought of something: if your friends are going to be staying here, Louis, we’re going to go through a lot of food really quickly.” Erica pointed out.

That's what makes them freeloaders, ma'am.
That and the fact they will obviously not compensate you for your troubles.

“Not to mention the bed situation is already a nightmare...” John also stated, referring to the lack of appropriate sleeping space in the house.

Now what ingenious idea is Linkara gonna whip out to make all of this a non-issue and continue to stop reality from getting in the way of his power fantasy?

“Sleeping arrangements aren’t that big a problem.”

You've certainly slept worse this past year, for the people of Sin apparently do not believe in tents.

“You’re right about the food, though, so we already have made a decision about that.” Louis explained, taking on another slice of pizza to his plate.

Please enlighten us, oh Chosen One.

“We shall remain on here for ten days and then return to Sin. It is a small time, I admit, but it should provide adequate time to enjoy some of the fruits of Earth and see if there are, indeed, any peculiarities in time when we travel from one world to another.” Indow said between gulping down pieces of her food.

"You have heard it, mother and father. I hereby order you to fetch us enough Pizza Hut to let us feast like kings for ten days!"

And if I've paid enough attention, the current time exchange rate appears to be 11 months on Sin for every hour on Earth. I don't think you want to wait for ten days to confirm this.

(Some quick eyeballing tells me we might be looking at 220 years in Sin time.)

“And are you going with them, honey?” Louis’ mother inquired, looking over at him.

"Of course, mother. If it weren't for Pizza Hut, I would've never returned to this shithole planet in the first place!"

Louis sat, swallowing the bite of pizza in his mouth and biting his lower lip. He opened his mouth to respond to her, but then stood up from his chair when he saw who was standing at the entranceway to the kitchen.

Convenient timing.

The woman whom they had found right after landing on Earth was leaning against the door, her blonde hair in a mess as she gripped onto the frame of the doorway.

Messy? Isn't her hair short?

The rest of the group looked to her and stood up, White Raven and Indow even going up to help her. Her general disposition seemed to be worn out and tired, her red armor having been removed earlier when White Raven had been assessing her injuries.

What's she wearing under the armor?
And will no one ever bring up how red armor is pretty darn Terafell-y?

Her voice was dry and cracked, but Louis understood what she said: “Life giver, please.”

I still think this has way too many syllables to be a got replacement for "water".

Louis nodded and darted over to the kitchen sink (the kitchen and dining room were adjoined)

Why do you think the layout of this house is more important than the pizza toppings?

She looked from one person to another, not recognizing a single one among them nor understanding her peculiar surroundings.

It would be pretty weird if you did recognize anyone.

“Who might you be, young lady?” John inquired.

The woman still seemed to be in a daze, but she turned to him and replied, “My name is Thesia... and I hope there’s no one here named Deiji...”

Ah ha! I knew it. This is all part of her grand keikaku. Probably. Maybe she's pretending to be nice, or maybe this is from before she became evil. Because non-linear time bullshit. Who knows.

And yes, Deiji. Got mentioned twice last book, and I have no idea who he is.

(I think he like spared Varek once, and somehow knew that Linkara and gang have made it to Earth.)

*

“Give me some, damn it!”

“Fuck you, I did all the work!”

Must be some vile Terran hoodlums, 'cause only Linkara dropped F-bombs in the previous books.

The two muggers argued continuously in a back alley of downtown St. Paul. With the night came the way the two had to make ends meat: thievery.

Can they also pull off sick parkour tricks like Lithmenar?

Both had knives in their hands, ready to stab one another over the wallet and purse they had just stolen off of a couple that had been walking home.

Do you two do this every time?

However, just before their argument could escalate any further, the alleyway was suddenly encased in light. The two hoodlums, in shock over the bright yellow illumination that had filled their alley without any visible source, covered their eyes and dropped the pilfered items.

Now it's fucking on.

They readied their weapons, as well, wondering if the police had actually managed to track them down or if they had been lured there by the shouting.

If you're paranoid about attracting cops you might want to avoid shouting in the first place.
Also if they are cops they likely have guns, and whipping out your knives is just gonna make them more likely to use them.

The light faded shortly afterwards, returning to its previous ambiance. The two uncovered their eyes and looked down the alley corridor, seeing a man crouching on the ground, his body encased in black armor as smoke drifted off of him as if he had been on fire a few seconds before.

Oh hi, Varek.
You're gonna get your teeth kicked in.

Forgoing normal sense in such a situation, curiosity overtook the two muggers as they walked up within reaching distance of the crouching man.

“Holy mother of-” one began to exclaim.

"It's a bloody cosplayer !"

However, before he could finish his sentence, the crouching man’s arm quickly lashed out and grabbed his leg, pulling tightly to the side and sending the law-breaker into a nearby brick wall.

Since when do you have super-strength? Did Linkara (the author) watch too much animu again?

The other mugger, in shock over how his companion had been flung away like a rag doll, proceeded to turn around and start running down the alley. Unfortunately for him, the crouching man rose and reached over to grasp the sword hanging on his side. He charged after the mugger and unsheathed his weapon, swiping it across his back. The mugger fell forward, yelping in pain.

That doesn't appear to be the kind of injury you can still be yelping about.

The crouching man brought his foot down on the mugger’s back and kept him pinned down.

“The Linkara,” he whispered, “where is he?”

This is used as the chapter's cliffhanger so Linkara (the author) doesn't have to write about the awkwardness and embarrassment that is bound to follow when it dawns upon Varek that nobody has any idea WTF he's talking about.

Next Time: Just how much has Varek been buffed? And will we ever find out what toppings are on the pizza? All that - and more - may or may not be answered next time!

(Srsly WTF was on that pizza? Inquiring minds need to know!)

[wulfenlord]

Rejoice, everyone!

Ready your eyes to feast upon